


Teach Us Something Please

by katesofheaven



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben likes Muggle books, Blood, Blood and Violence, Chaptered, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gryffindor, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Muggle Appreciation, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Original Character(s), POV Poe Dameron, POV Rey (Star Wars), Quidditch, Resistance, Rey is the Transfiguration teacher, Slow Burn, Stormtrooper Culture, Teacher Rey (Star Wars), so many gryffindors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 57
Words: 86,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22142440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katesofheaven/pseuds/katesofheaven
Summary: Rey is the new Transfiguration professor at Hogwarts. She's excited to work with her friends, but she hears some strange things about the mysterious Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Ben Solo. Is Finn right not to trust him? What exactly did Ben get up to after graduation from Hogwarts?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 157
Kudos: 256





	1. Jedi is a Nonsense Word

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fic on this website so please alert me to any glaring errors. Also, please let me know if you're enjoying it! My tumblr username is the same as this one: katesofheaven. Most of my other work is posted there. Go check it out if you want!

_“Hogwarts, Hogwarts,  
Hoggy warty Hogwarts,  
Teach us something please!”_

Rey gazed out at the hundreds of caroling students before her and felt a swelling pride in her chest. It felt like only yesterday that she was in that crowd, pointed hat, wide smile, striped tie. The view from the faculty table was strange and foreign to her. From here, the Great Hall appeared rather smaller than it had when she was a student.

Nevertheless she found herself grinning just as wide as she used to and singing along loudly. Next to her, Poe Dameron, the Quidditch coach, was standing up and wildly conducting the students, bright orange robes billowing around him. Poe pointed to his right at the caretaker, a man the students lovingly referred to as Mr. Finn, and the students whooped and cheered as he executed a complicated yet silly dance, which Rey could tell he was making up on the spot.

Finn was the main reason Rey had taken the job here. Sure, she’d had fun at Hogwarts as a student, but who actually wants to go back to their school once they’ve graduated? She had voiced this sentiment to Finn over the summer when he had urged her to apply for the open Transfiguration position, but, as with most arguments she’d had with Finn, it had stretched on and on until she was simply tired of disagreeing, and she gave in with a sigh. After that, he wouldn’t leave her flat until she sent her CV by owl to Headmaster McGonagall. Finally, when he was convinced that she would try her hardest to get the job, they went back to their usual activity of white wine and Muggle soap operas.

Rey looked at the timid Gryffindor first years and remembered her terrifying first meal in this castle, when she still wasn’t convinced it was real and half-expected her foster father to come bursting through the Entrance Hall. She remembered watching Poe that night so long ago, a fourth year then and the same gregarious individual he was now, and wondering how anyone could be so confident… and, sitting down next to him, tall and lanky, black hair shielding his eyes, was…  
She searched down the faculty table and spotted him. Unlike everyone else in the Great Hall, he wasn’t singing or laughing. In fact, he looked rather bored. Like Poe, not much had changed since school. Rey wondered if she herself had changed in the eight years since she graduated—she certainly hoped she had.

As the laughing and singing died down, the gleaming dishes were magically filled with food, prompting Poe and Finn to plop down and dig in. Rey hadn’t had food as good as Hogwarts since… well, since Hogwarts.

“So, Rey,” Professor Longbottom said on her other side as he filled his plate with mashed potatoes and roast chicken. “What have you been up to since I saw you last?”

“Um,” She said through a mouth filled with buttered toast. She held up her finger as she swallowed. “I did some work for the Ministry for about a year out of school, then I took up wandmaking. I’ve been selling my own for about three years.” She watched the impressed look cross her former professor’s face and felt the familiar rush of approval she had come to crave when she was a student. “How’s your family, Professor Longbottom?”

“Oh, God, call me Neville,” he replied with a dismissive wave. “I’m not your professor anymore!” He took in a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “My family’s great! The wife’s happy and Gran’s still going strong—she’ll probably outlive Nicolas Flamel at this point. I think her Elixir of Life is hidden in her vulture hat.”

Rey laughed and felt a nudge in her side from Poe. She excused herself from Professor Longbottom—Neville—and turned away, only to come face to face with Finn.

“I switched places,” he explained with a grin. “So, how do you feel? Are you excited?”

“Nervous,” Rey replied. “Nervous and excited. And nervous.”

“You’re gonna be amazing, Plutt,” Poe interjected on Finn’s other side, reaching across Finn’s shoulders and patting Rey solidly on the back. She cringed.

“Poe, please don’t call me that, we’re not on the Quidditch team anymore,” she begged, and Poe chuckled as he turned back to his food.

“Speak for yourself,” he grinned.

The main course was soon replaced by dessert and Rey helped herself to some pudding as Poe flicked a wad of frosting in Finn’s face. The caretaker wiped it off with his thumb and ate it, shaking his head and smiling at the coach softly. Rey eyed the end of the table as Ben Solo ate a biscuit and delicately sipped some tea. This was so far from the image she had of him that she couldn’t help but stare, only to quickly turn away when he made eye contact with her. She felt a blush on her cheeks and busied herself with watching the students and shoveling pudding into her mouth. When she glanced back at Ben Solo, he was no longer looking at her.

Conversation was dying down and finally, Headmistress McGonagall stood up. The students immediately fell silent and Rey herself felt the need to sit completely still as the Headmistress spoke.

“Welcome back, everyone,” she said curtly. “Please welcome our new Transfiguration teacher, Professor Plutt,” Rey cringed again at the name as she received a light smattering of polite applause. Once it quickly died down, the Headmaster continued speaking. “Once again, I’d like to announce that the Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason. Any student caught entering it without permission will be given an immediate detention, pending expulsion. Furthermore, students are reminded that anyone caught wandering the halls after hours will also be given an immediate detention, pending expulsion. ”

The students stared. You could hear a pin drop.

Poe leaned over to Finn and murmured, “The key word is _caught._ ”

The Headmistress cleared her throat. “You all may go.”

***

Finn led Rey to a nondescript painting of a green, rocky island surrounded by crashing blue waves, not far from the Ravenclaw common room. He turned to her. “The default password is ‘Jedi.’”

“What the hell is that?”

“No idea. Nonsense.”

“I should change that.” Finn shrugged as the painting swung open to reveal a doorway. Rey saw her luggage had already been brought up for her, just like it had when she was a student. Her quarters was a small, airy room with a squashy bed and a faint scent of old books. As she looked at the blank stone walls, she made a silent plan to head down to Hogsmeade and pick out some decorations. 

Finn lingered by the door. “You’re gonna be great, you know.”

Rey turned to him, pulled from her musings. “What?”

“I said you’re going to be an amazing teacher. You’re brilliant, and the students are going to love you. I know you’re nervous, but you shouldn’t be. Just don’t lecture them to sleep like Binns does, and you’ll be fine.”

Rey smiled. She hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Finn.”

Finn hugged her back and rested his chin on her shoulder comfortably. They pulled away and he was about to leave when he paused. “And, just… stay away from Ben Solo. I don’t know if I trust him.”


	2. First Day of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Rey's first day of school as a professor! She really hates her surname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have work in 6 hours but I wanted to put this up. Enjoy! And say a prayer for Kate at work tomorrow.

Rey hurried into the bustling classroom five minutes late and the fifth years stared at her as she walked briskly down the aisle in between desks, cream-colored robes billowing behind her. She plopped down her bag at the desk at the head of the room and let out a breath, smiling wide for the teenagers.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone, there was a mishap with my… alarm,” She took out her wand, examining it closely. “I’ve been trying to develop a scheduled charm to wake me up each morning and I’m still working out the kinks.” She slipped the wand back in her pocket. “I’m Rey. Or Professor Rey. Do not call me Professor Plutt. Or Plutt. Anyone who does that will get five points taken from their House. Do you all understand?”

The students nodded their heads and one of them raised his hand, a plump boy in a yellow tie.

“Yes, Mr…”

“Macmillan, Professor… Rey. Bertie Macmillan.” Rey nodded, an invitation to continue. “Is your wand an Ollivander? It looks very… unique.”

Rey took out her wand again, a knotted and gnarled little number that tapered gracefully to a point. At the other end was a loop that fit around her little finger perfectly. The wand hummed and felt warm in her hand, like a tiny heartbeat.

“It’s not an Ollivander,” she said proudly, “I made it myself.” There was a murmur of intrigue throughout the class. “Holly and dragon heartstring.” Another student raised her hand.

“What did you do with your old one?”

“It broke,” Rey said simply. She decided to move on. “I figured today, we could all get to know each other—or, rather, I could get to know you.” A collective groan from the class. Rey laughed. “I know, I know, you all are sick of this after five years, but I want to know all of your names by the end of this lesson, so let’s get to it.”

***

At the end of the lesson Rey stood at the door as her students filed out, saying goodbye to each one and remembering each name. As the last student left he was replaced by a new student coming in, this one an overeager first year whom Rey could tell had sprinted from her last class to avoid being late. _Probably a Muggle-Born_ , she thought; she was exactly the same way when she first arrived at Hogwarts, convinced that for some reason she would be expelled on her first tardy. She greeted the young girl, a Ravenclaw, warmly, and decided to head back to her own desk while she waited for the rest of the class. It was silent for a few beats as the girl chose the seat closest to Rey’s desk.

“What’s your name?”

“Marnie,” the girl said, so quietly that Rey almost couldn’t hear. “Marnie Green.”

“I’m Rey.” Marnie waited for Rey to say the rest of her name. “Just call me Rey.” The girl nodded and smiled. “Tell me about yourself, Marnie Green.”

They spoke for a few minutes before Rey noticed that the room was still empty and looked down at her schedule. The small piece of parchment said that this hour was her free hour; she had no classes to teach. She looked at Marnie, who also seemed to have caught on that the room was conspicuously silent.

Marnie’s eyes widened. Her cheeks flushed and her breathing became shallow as she fumbled through her bag for her own schedule. “I memorized it, I swear I did—I memorized the whole thing—” She faltered as she examined her schedule. Rey watched as Marnie stared at the parchment.

“Where are you supposed to be, Marnie?” she asked gently.

“Defense Against the Dark Arts,” Marnie answered hollowly, still staring at her schedule.

“I’ll walk you down, okay? Let’s go.”

They walked together through the empty corridor, footsteps echoing, and Rey put a hand on Marnie’s shoulder to comfort her—Marnie flinched away instinctively. Rey’s heart sank. Marnie was even more like her than she thought.

“I’m sorry, Marnie. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Marnie avoided her eyes. “It’s okay, Rey.”

They arrived at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Rey walked in with Marnie in tow.

Ben Solo was at the head of the classroom, already deep into a lecture on the importance of shielding spells, when he saw Rey and Marnie. His eyes briefly passed over Rey and focused on the small girl behind her.

“Marnie Green?”

The first year nodded, looking down at her shoes.

“You’ve decided to join us? I’m honored. That’ll be five points from Ravenclaw.”

Rey saw tears in Marnie’s eyes and forced a smile at the professor. “I’m sorry, Professor Solo, I was just having Marnie help me with a few things. I’m sure that’s okay.”

“Oh, well, as long as you’re sure.” Solo glared at her. “My students have more important things to do than helping you with your little art projects.”

Rey felt her cheeks go red. “It won’t happen again, Professor Solo. But in the future, I’d appreciate it if you never spoke to me like that again.”

The class stirred. Solo pursed his lips.

Rey turned on her heel. “Good day, Professor Solo.”

***

When it was actually time for Marnie’s Transfiguration class, Rey sat at her desk as the first years shuffled in. She spotted Marnie in the crowd, head down, eyes trained on her schedule. Marnie took the same seat she had before, closest to Rey, and smiled weakly at her. Rey returned the smile and stood up to greet the class as the last few students made their way in.

“Welcome, first years! I’m excited to learn with you this year. I know the first day is scary, but you’re all doing great.” She grinned at them. “I’m Rey. Or Professor Rey. Do not call me Professor Plutt. Or Plutt. Anyone who does that will get five points taken from their House. Do you all understand?”

***

Rey slumped into bed after school that day, exhausted from the day’s work. She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling numbly and kicking off her shoes, before a knock at the door made her groan.

“Wanna get drunk at the Hog’s Head? Annual first-day-of-school tradition,” Finn said on the other side of the door.

_No. I want to sleep._

“Hell yes I do.”


	3. The Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's up with all the American wizards at Hogwarts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, yall! I hope you're all thriving. And thank you so much to everyone who's given feedback so far!

Rey and Finn stepped into the grungy pub and the familiar smell of goats greeted them as they sat down next to Poe and another woman Rey had never met who looked at her with curiosity.

“I’m Rose,” she said, holding out a hand. “I’m the assistant groundskeeper.”

“Rey.” Rey shook her hand warmly. “I teach Transfiguration.”

“Poe told me you used to play Quidditch together?”

“One year,” Rey replied, glaring at Poe. “I was a fourth year, they were seventh years. One year, and he still calls me Plutt.”

“They?” Rose asked.

“What?”

“You said ‘they.’ Poe and who?”

“Oh.” Rey frowned, confused as to why she had said that. “Um—”

“Me and Ben,” Poe answered, taking a swig of beer, Rey still frowning.

“What would you like?” the bartender, a young woman, asked them in a thick Northern accent.

“I’ll just have a lager, thanks,” Rey said.

“Firewhisky,” Finn said with a devilish grin.

“Finn, I’m not going to show up to the second day of school hung over,” Rey chided.

Finn balked. “You said you wanted to get drunk!”

“ _Tastefully_ drunk,” Rey clarified, holding up her little finger snootily.

“Sister, there’s nothin’ tasteful about it,” Poe said, clinking his glass to Finn’s when the bartender returned.

Rey shook her head exasperatedly but clinked her glass with Rose’s and took a long swig of her drink all the same. She was going to regret this.

***

After a few rounds, they were all chatting freely.

“So, Rose, where did you go to school?” Rey asked. “Were you a transfer like Poe and Solo and you just completely escaped my notice?”

“Ilvermorny,” Rose answered, and Rey paused mid-drink. “I was a year behind Finn.”

Finn took an extended drink of firewhisky, eyes wandering.

“Oh,” Rey stammered. “So you were—”

“Yep. Poe was in sanitation, I was a miner. There was a job for everyone.”

“Guys, this is a total downer,” Poe interjected, handsome face breaking into a grin. “Rose and Finn both escaped! They’re here! We should celebrate! Pause the pity party.”

Rose nodded. “I’ll drink to that.”

“Rey, I overheard from my Ravenclaws that you beat the shit out of Ben,” Poe mentioned, and Finn coughed into his drink, ogling Rey.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Merlin’s beard, things get so exaggerated. He was a dick to me so I told him never to talk to me like that again. End of story, not that exciting.”

“In front of students?” Finn asked.

“Well, yeah. First years.”

“They’re gonna fucking worship you now,” Poe said. “I love the guy, but anyone who can stand up to Ben is a hero, especially to his students.”

“That’s something I’ve never understood,” Rey said, “How are you friends with Solo? You’re so fun and confident and he’s so…”

“Dickish?” Poe supplied.

“Yes, dickish,” Rey agreed. “I didn’t think he even knew I existed when we played Quidditch, and now he seems to hate me.”

“Well, I have no idea if he hates you or not, but… I dunno, it’s complicated. He’s not as bad as he seems. We were the only two Americans, at least in Gryffindor, and we’ve just… always been together.” Poe took a contemplative sip of his beer. “Americans gotta stick together, I guess.”

“No, we don’t,” Rose and Finn said in unison, and they high-fived.

“I just don’t see what you see in him,” Rey admitted, and Poe shrugged.

“You just don’t know him, is all.”

“I know him well enough,” Finn said. “And I don’t like how he treats people.”

“He’s just—”

“And what about when he disappeared off the map after graduation? Where did he go? Does anyone know? Do _you_ know? I’ve heard some pretty interesting things—”

“Dude, maybe you don’t remember this, but when Ben left you were still a fucking _Stormtrooper._ You weren’t here yet. You have no idea what Ben’s been through or where he’s been. By the time you crawled onto the Hogwarts grounds, Ben was five times the wizard you were.”

Finn stared at Poe. He set down his drink and stood up. “I think I’ve had enough. I’m going back up to the castle.”

Poe’s eyes filled with regret and he stood up as well. Rey looked wide-eyed at them both. Rose stared soberly at the sticky table.

“Finn, wait—” Poe reached for Finn’s hand but Finn yanked it away.

“You think I _wanted_ to be a… to be one of those? You think _Rose_ wanted that? When we walked into Ilvermorny we were prisoners. They made us soldiers. We were fucking _kids_. Just because you and Solo had rich parents who could afford to send you away… do _not_ confuse that with being _better_ than me.” Finn faltered as if he was searching for something else to say, and then walked out the door.

Poe stared after him, cheeks red, a look of shame on his face. He looked at Rose and Rey. Then he ran out the door.

Rey and Rose stared at each other numbly. They rifled through their bags and left a few Sickles on the table before slowly walking out the door. Finn and Poe were both out of sight.

After walking silently for a few minutes, Rose cleared her throat.

“I wish I had rich parents who could send me to England for school.”

“Couldn’t your parents have… I dunno. Homeschooled you? I mean, Finn was in Muggle foster care like me, so he had no idea, but…”

“None of us knew,” Rose answered. “Nobody knew. Parents sent their kids off to school and just… never heard from them again. And no one could say anything. If you didn’t send your kid off, they would come and get them anyway. That’s what happened to me. My sister was already gone for two years and my parents tried not to send me; we tried to hide. They still got me.”

“Jesus, Rose, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. Anyway, not much we can do about it now. I’m happy to be here in Jolly Ol’ England.”

Rey chuckled but sobered immediately. “And… your sister? She’s in England too?”

Rose focused on the darkened gravel path in front of them. “She died. We tried to escape together and she… didn’t make it.” They walked for a few more minutes in silence before Rose spoke again. “Her name was Paige.”


	4. Alone Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's heading down to Hogsmeade alone to find some decorations. Maybe she'll find someone to hang out with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying it so far! Let me know what you think.

The rest of the week passed largely without consequence. Rey learned the name of every student, something the rest of the staff was very impressed with, and she made a concrete plan to go down to Hogsmeade on Saturday to buy some decorations for her room, which grew more conspicuously bare as time progressed. She was aching to make the stone walls her own.

She considered bringing someone along to shop with, but after a few moments of contemplation she felt an intense need to be alone for a few hours and decided to go by herself. She threw on a light Muggle jacket and jeans, not to go undercover but to stay cool. All of her wizard’s robes were heavy and hot and the remnants of summertime were still overpowering the fresh wisps of autumn. Maybe she’d buy something to wear as well.

As she was making her way through the Entrance Hall to leave she saw Finn out of the corner of her eye tending to a swamp that had cropped up near the Grand Staircase, and hurried out the door before he could spot her. She felt a little guilty for not helping, but she had rigid plans for today. And those plans were to be alone.

On the grounds a few students waved to her and she waved back pleasantly but picked up her pace, eager to leave the school and walk the secluded path to Hogsmeade. It was times like these when she missed Muggle technology; there was nothing better than listening to music and walking through nature.

She decided first to go to Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop, hoping to find some artwork to hang up, but came up empty-handed; they only carried plain parchment and fancy quills. She then realized that she did indeed need a few new grading quills, so she waited as the clerk, a hunched man with a worn face, packaged them up, and gave him a Galleon and a smile. Then she made her way over to Gladrags Wizardwear, and bought a sensible, red set of robes for warmer weather. She hadn’t realized how much she missed the feeling of being back in Hogsmeade; the excursion earlier in the week hadn’t been as jolly as she’d hoped. She thought about the fight between Finn and Poe and felt her heart clench with worry.

Robes and quills swinging from her wrist in bags, she walked leisurely down the main street and paused when she caught a sweet scent coming from Madam Puddifoot’s. The cafe appeared to be delightfully empty, so she ducked in and greeted the shop owner, ordering a cup of Earl Grey and a scone and spotting her old table in the corner near the window—only to find it occupied.

By Ben Solo.

She paused, bags still swinging from her wrist. He was reading a book and wore long black robes and boots. He brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, still staring at the words on the page. Just as he began to look up from his book, she quickly made her way to an empty table near the counter—the opposite side of the room.

She fumbled through her shopping bags to look busy and cursed herself for not bringing a book of her own. She could stare at her new quills all she liked, but there was nothing to do except drink and eat in silence while she felt the distinct presence of Solo, whom she could tell was no longer reading. She sat still while she received her order, staring intently at the lacy doily on her table and thanking the server politely. She took out the box in which her quills were encased and noticed that there was writing on it, so she busied herself with reading the short paragraph on the quill shop’s history over and over. Solo was still not reading his book and she could feel his eyes on her.

As she took a sip of tea she saw him stand up out of the corner of her eye. _Thank God, he’s going to the bathroom._

_He’s taking a weird route to get to the bathroom._

_He’s not going to the bathroom._

“Can I join you?”

She finally looked up at him. From the squashy pouf she was sitting on, he appeared to tower over her. Her plan to be alone was quickly going down the drain and she took another sip of tea, trying to think of an excuse, any reason to say no.

Her mind came up blank.

“Okay,” she said, gesturing to the pouf across from her.

He set his book on the doily and sat down on the cushion, knees nearly coming up to his chest. He appeared entirely too large for this whole building. She noticed his shoulders for the first time, so much broader than they’d been when he was a lanky teenager. A faint smell like cedar and pine met her nose.

It was silent for a few beats as she searched for something to say.

“You like… tea,” she floundered.

“Very much,” he answered with a thin smile.

“You don’t seem like the tea type.”

“Oh, I’m not,” he explained. “I just like tea.”

She took another sip of her drink and he cleared his throat.

“I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you on Monday,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I was a dick.”

“Yes, you were,” she replied without thinking.

“Marnie Green told me the truth.”

“Did she?”

“She said she went to your class on accident and neither of you noticed she wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“That’s true.”

“She said she wasn’t helping you with a few things.”

“She wasn’t.”

“She said you were really nice.”

“I am.”

She looked up from her tea to find him watching her. “I’m sorry,” he said.

He held her eyes and she couldn’t seem to look away.

“It’s okay,” she replied, forcing a casual shrug. “It’s in the past.”

He gathered up his book and tea and she couldn’t help the disappointment that stirred in her at the thought of him leaving. He stood up. Maybe she didn’t want to be alone today.

“Well, I don’t want to bother you. I just wanted to apologize.” He turned away.

“Wait,” she said, and he paused, looking back at her. She gestured at the pouf again. “Would you like to sit? You can read your book if you like.”

He looked at her shopping bags. “Do you have a book to read?”

“No, but… that’s…” She watched as he reached into his leather bag. “What are you doing?”

He took out a small paperback and handed it to her, sitting back down. As he took back out his own book, she read the title of the one in her hands.

_The Outsiders_ by S.E. Hinton.

“This is a Muggle book,” she said with confusion. “A young adult Muggle book.”

He looked up from his book absentmindedly. “I think wizards are bad at writing fiction,” he explained simply. “And I like to have something to talk about with the Muggle-Borns. Makes them feel more comfortable.”

She considered him for a moment, thoroughly surprised.

Then she cracked open the book and began to read. His eyes lowered to his own book, _The Grapes of Wrath._ They both took a sip of their tea.

They sat in comfortable silence, the sound of quietly turning pages signifying the passage of time, until the shop owner suddenly approached their quiet table.

“Sorry, dears, we’re about to close up,” she said gently, and Rey and Ben looked up from their books to the window facing the street.

It was nighttime.

Ben checked his watch. “Jesus, we missed dinner,” he said, and Rey gawked at him. She turned to the shop owner.

“Sorry, we’re just leaving,” she said, zipping up her jacket while Ben slung his robe over his shoulders.

“Night, loves,” the owner said, waving her wand in the direction of their table, making the poufs float up to avoid the self-sweeping broom.

Ben held the door open for her and it swung closed with a light jingle as they walked up the street. Rey wrapped her arms around herself, shivering slightly in the cold nighttime autumn breeze. She regretted her light Muggle jacket now. Ben noticed and shrugged off his robe, offering it to her. She considered it for a moment and nodded, taking it from him and securing it over her shoulders.

They walked in comfortable silence for a moment before Rey spoke. “So, why Defense Against the Dark Arts?”

He glanced at her and took out his wand. “ _Lumos._ ” The wand’s tip illuminated, making it easier to see the path in front of them. “I dunno. The position was open, and I’ve always been pretty good at it. And it’s fitting, considering who my parents are.”

Rey hadn’t thought of that—his mother was Leia Organa, President of MACUSA and former head of the U.S. Auror office. His father was Han Solo, one of the only Muggles known by wizards and witches all over the world. They were at the forefront of the Resistance when the Empire was in power and they were still prominent now, fighting the First Order, the source of the past turmoil in Finn’s and Rose’s lives.

“That makes sense,” Rey agreed.

“What about you? Why Transfiguration?”

Rey shrugged. “It was always my favorite subject,” she said. “And Finn forced me to apply.”

“You’re good friends with him, aren’t you?” he asked, and she smiled.

“Best friends.” She remembered what Finn had said the other night. “Do you know him?”

“I know Poe never shuts up about him,” he answered with a grimace, and she laughed.

“Those two are really something else,” she said. Then her expression became worried. “I hope they’re okay.”

He nodded. “Poe said they argued the other night. I don’t know what it was about, though.”

_It was about you_ , she thought, and he almost seemed to hear her.

“I get the feeling Finn doesn’t like me. I’ve never really spoken to him.”

“Why?”

He sighed. “I took too long to introduce myself, I think. I knew he used to be a Stormtrooper and I thought, with who my parents are, he might resent me or something. It was stupid. And by the time I realized it was stupid, I could tell it was too late.”

“I think it’s never too late,” Rey said. “Maybe if you convince Finn you’re not a Darksider he and Poe can make up.”

Ben stopped walking. “Finn thinks I’m a Dark wizard?”

Rey’s heart sank. She had no idea how she’d let that slip. “Um, I mean, I’m not sure,” she stammered. “He just—”

“No wonder they were arguing,” he admitted, face sliding back to a neutral expression as he began walking again. Rey thought she saw something pass in his eyes, but dismissed it as a trick of the wand light.

After a few more minutes of walking they arrived at the darkened castle. The doors opened for them and Rey’s stomach growled.

“Well, good night,” Ben said.

“Good night,” Rey replied with a nod, taking off his robe and handing it back to him.

They both made their way toward the staircase leading to the basement and paused, looking at each other. They carried on down the steps next to each other.

At the bottom of the staircase they both turned right, peering curiously at each other. Rey figured Ben’s quarters must be this way. What a coincidence that he was in the same direction as the kitchens.

Halfway down the corridor Rey and Ben both stopped at the painting of the fruit bowl, and realization dawned in their eyes as they looked at each other again. They both began to laugh.

“You goin’ to the kitchens?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” Rey chuckled, “You?”

“Yep,” Ben smiled. “I thought maybe your room was—”

“That’s what I thought!” she agreed.

He reached up and tickled the pear. They watched as it began to giggle and the portrait swung open. “Want to grab some dinner?”

***

“Jedi.”

Rey’s island painting swung open and she suddenly realized how tired she was. She kicked off her shoes with her eyes on the ground and stretched her arms behind her back.

“Where were you?”

She gasped and instinctively took out her wand, aiming it at the source of the voice, only to see Finn sitting on her bed. She lowered her wand with an exasperated sigh.

“Finn, what the hell are you doing in my room?”

“You didn’t change the password.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You weren’t at dinner.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

“Solo wasn’t at dinner.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Nothing gets past you.”

“Were you with him?”

She looked at him. His face was steady but his eyes were red with exhaustion. She probably looked the same.

“We happened across each other in Hogsmeade,” she said curtly. “We got to talking and time just got away from us, I guess.”

Finn stood up. “Rey, I don’t want you getting close to him.”

Anger flared all the way to Rey’s fingertips. “Who the _fuck_ are you to tell me who I can and can’t get close to?”

“I wasn’t saying that, I was just—”

“Since when do we do this? Since when do we control who each other talks to?”

“I don’t trust him, Rey, I told you that. I just don’t want you to put yourself in danger.”

“I think I can defend myself, thanks,” Rey clipped. “I’ve been doing that my whole life.”

“I know you have, and you don’t need to. You should let someone else look after you every once in a while.”

Rey was silent for a moment. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

Finn stepped toward her. “Rey—”

“Please leave.”

Finn stood, hands hanging at his sides, before sidestepping Rey and slipping out the door. Rey shut the door firmly behind him and was still for a few minutes, letting herself calm down in the silence of her room. After a while, she unzipped her jacket and changed into her pajamas, finally crawling into bed and turning the light off with a lazy wave of her wand. In the darkness, her mind reviewed the events of the day. She was glad no one could see her grin.


	5. Smells Like School Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quidditch tryouts today, byob (bring your own broomstick)

She awoke to the brisk Sunday morning light feeling surprisingly well rested. She stretched and swung her legs to the side of the bed, changing into the robes she always wore when she wanted to feel like she was still in her pajamas. Stretching once more, she slipped her feet into some moccasins and padded over to the Great Hall for breakfast.

The students seemed more tense and hyper than usual for a Sunday, and as if on cue Poe stopped her in her tracks on her way to the high table with a mischievous grin.

“Gryffindor Quidditch tryouts today.”

A jolt of excitement shot through her. “What time?”

“Eleven.”

“I’ll be there.” She stepped past him and resumed her walk to the faculty table, craving eggs on toast and hot coffee. A group of Gryffindors waved to her casually and she waved back as she took her seat, pretending not to see Finn two places down from her.

She could feel his eyes on her as she buttered her toast and poured cream in her coffee but she didn’t give in. He had to know that what he did last night had crossed a line.

On Rey’s other side, a few seats down, was Ben. He was in the middle of removing the tea bag from his mug, lightly jiggling it, when he noticed her eyes on him. He looked over at her and she smiled. He returned it briefly before setting down the tea bag on a saucer and tucking in to his breakfast of bacon and eggs.

The energy in the room picked up as the mail owls swooped in from the windows, flying low and dropping packages in front of students and teachers alike. Some of them landed in front of their target and held out their leg for money. In front of Rey dropped a newspaper, bundled into a roll. The owl that had delivered it landed on the table in front of her with a clumsy _thud_ and held out its leg proudly. She tucked a Knut into the tiny drawstring bag but the owl didn’t leave; it looked expectantly down at her food.

“You’re a spoiled one, aren’t you?” she said with a chuckle, and tore off a small piece of toast for the owl. It snatched it up in its beak and took off for the window.

The chair beside her shifted with a creak.

“I’m sorry.”

She sighed as she lifted her coffee mug to her lips. “No, you’re not,” she said, taking a sip. She glanced over at Ben to see if he might be listening. He was intently reading his Muggle book so she turned back to Finn.

“No. I’m not,” Finn admitted. “But I don’t want to be in two fights at once.”

“You’re still fighting with Poe?”

He looked across the room to where Poe was chatting with the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, a muscular young woman named Phoebe. “I don’t know,” he said. “We haven’t spoken since that night. I’m not even mad anymore, but if I talk to him first, that’s like apologizing. And I did nothing wrong.”

“You sure about that?”

He sighed miserably. “No,” he moaned, plopping his head on his arms. “I pushed too hard. I was a dick.”

“You were kind of a dick,” she agreed, taking a hefty bite of egg and toast. “He was kind of a dick too, though,” she said through a mouthful of food.

“Thank you!” He gestured with his arms. “He shouldn’t have said what he said. I’m not apologizing,” he said stubbornly.

“Are you sure?”

He flailed back in his seat, looking up at the ceiling desperately. “No.”

“I didn’t think you were.”

“I’m going to apologize. I’m just gonna get it over with. Like ripping off a Band Aid.”

“You mean a plaster?”

 _“You mean a plaster?”_ he mocked in an exaggerated British accent, taking a piece of her toast and stuffing it into his mouth. Rey laughed.

“You just started yourself another fight, Mr. Finn.”

He laughed along with her and snapped his fingers. “Dammit!” He stood up to go find Poe, but the Quidditch coach was nowhere to be found. Finn sat back down dejectedly.

“He’s probably already on the pitch,” Rey said.

“I’ll get him after the tryouts.”

“You coming down?”

“I got a castle to clean, peanut,” Finn quipped, and started off to do his job, taking his wand out of his pocket. He pointed it at muddy footprints as he went and they disappeared as if an invisible mop was gliding over them.

And just like that, with a sigh of defeat, she wasn’t mad at him anymore.

***

It was a warm day, the last breaths of summer still in the air, so Rey wore her new red robes, both for the practicality and to sport her team’s colors.

When she arrived at the top of the Quidditch bleachers, slightly out of breath from the dozens of winding stairs, she spotted Ben already sitting in the back row. She walked up a few more stairs to sit next to him. Across the rest of the stands, there were a few scattered Gryffindor students who had come out to support their friends who were trying out. Poe was already circling the pitch on his broom, high above the action where he could keep his eye on things and make sure there was no funny business.

“Wasn’t expecting you to be here,” Rey said, squinting her eyes in the sunlight.

Ben gestured around him. “And yet here I am.” His dark hair gleamed in the sun and he had a gold lion pin with ruby eyes fastened to his black robes, right over his heart. “I bleed scarlet and gold,” he deadpanned in his low voice.

She chuckled. “You weren’t so enthusiastic when we played together. You just showed up, played, and left. Always so focused.”

“I like winning.”

“How about this,” Rey began. “Wanna bet on who makes the team and who doesn’t?”

Ben looked around, scandalized. “Professor, are you suggesting that we judge the abilities of our students from looks alone and bet on them to fail?”

“Yep.”

“That’s not very teacherly.”

“Nope.”

“I got five Sickles that Garrity gets cut ten minutes in,” Ben said lowly. Rey spotted the student on the ground below them, tripping over his broom as he tried to take off. Ben held out his hand and Rey shook it firmly.

“I bet a Galleon Spencer makes Keeper.” She held out her hand. Ben shook it firmly.

“Two Galleons no first years make it.”

“Two Galleons _one_ first year makes it.”

They shook hands again.

***

“Damn!” Ben exclaimed as another student was cut. “How much did I bet on her?”

“I don’t remember. Three Sickles?” Rey’s eyes were trained on the students still in the air. One of the students who was just cut rushed his broom at Phoebe, the captain; she narrowly ducked out of the way. Above them, Poe was bellowing at the offending student to get off the pitch before Poe made him. “What about Harris? How much did we bet on him?”

Ben blew out his cheeks. “Did you bet on him to make it?”

“I think I bet on him to make it to the final round, but to get cut last minute.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “We made this way too complicated.”

“Agreed.”

“How about we just assume you won and I pay for dinner?”

Rey’s cheeks tinted but she recovered by holding out her hand. He shook it, much more gently this time. His fingers lingered on hers for a moment before they both turned back to the pitch. Phoebe was judging the students trying out for Beaters now. A row of students on broomsticks lined up in the air and began to swing wildly at the Bludgers with their bats. Poe yelled at them to practice some self-control as he narrowly avoided a Bludger to the face from a particularly unskilled fourth year.

“Nesbitt! If you’re going to perform like that I’m filing an expulsion request! Don’t make me fill out paperwork!”

Phoebe ducked and looped and swung around, cutting student after student until there were only two left, a sixth year girl and a third year boy. They high-fived each other as they touched back to the ground. Poe was now keeping an eye on the Keeper tryouts, hovering above the students.

“So where do you wanna go?” Ben asked as they watched the students.

Rey thought for a moment. “There’s a new Muggle-themed cafe off the main street in Hogsmeade.”

“There is?”

“Yeah, I read about it in the _Prophet_ this morning. I’m not sure if it’s Muggle-Born-owned or if it’s some Pure-Blood looking for a niche.”

“Want to find out?”

Before she could answer, she got a strange feeling in her stomach as she watched one of the Bludgers still flying around. Poe was yelling about proper broomstick grip at a second year who had almost fallen off his broom when the wind had picked up. Ben noticed where her attention was directed and stood up just as the violent Bludger slammed into the side of Poe’s face. Rey watched as Poe lost his grip on his broomstick and slumped off the side, rocketing to the ground. Without thinking, she held out her hand and felt a burst of invisible energy come from it. Just like that, Poe’s unconscious descent to the earth was stopped. He lay suspended in midair, head flopping back.

Next to her, Ben gawked at Rey’s hand, still held aloft. Every head in the air and in the stands swiveled around, looking for whoever was holding out their wand. Their eyes found Rey, wandless, keeping Poe in the air.

She reached out her other hand and focused on delivering Poe to the ground gently. As his body touched the earth, Rey found herself speaking quickly to Ben.

“Call Madam Pomfrey.”

***

“This is my fault.”

“Finn, how could this possibly be your fault?”

“I don’t know, but it is.”

Rey sighed and looked around the hospital wing. Four beds down, there was a sleeping seventh year with mysterious orange spikes coming out of his skin. The only other people were herself, Finn, Ben, and an unconscious Poe with bandages around his head. “If anything, it’s my fault,” she said. “I had a feeling something was going to happen and I didn’t say anything.”

“Rey, you _saved_ him,” Finn argued. “If anyone is not to blame, it’s you.” A sickened look overtook his face. “I was going to apologize to him.”

She patted him gently on the shoulder, mind far away as she remembered her wandless magic. She glanced over and caught Ben watching her with an unfamiliar look in his eye.

“Finn,” Poe mumbled, seemingly still asleep. “Finn…”

Finn’s eyes lit up with worry and he took Poe’s limp hand in his own. “I’m here.”

“Finn.”

Finn squeezed Poe’s hand. “I’m here, Poe.”

Poe’s eyelids fluttered. “‘M sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I shouldn’t’ve said… I didn’t mean…” Poe exhaled, eyes still closed. “You’re the…better’n me. You best.”

Finn smiled. “Thanks.”

Rey and Ben glanced at each other, thoroughly distracted from the earlier events of the day.

“Rey?”

“Yes, Poe, I’m here.”

“Tell Finn I love him.”

Finn’s eyes widened.

“Tell him.”

Rey cleared her throat. “Finn, Poe loves you.”

“Rey, did ‘e hear you?”

“I heard,” Finn said. “Rey, can you tell Poe I love him too?”

“Who, me?” Poe said with a groggy smile.

“Poe, Finn loves you,” Rey said.

Poe held up his free hand to Finn. “High fiiiiiive.” Finn laughed quietly and gave him a gentle high five. Poe then faced his hand to Rey and Ben, giving them both high fives.

“Alright, all of you out,” Madam Pomfrey said briskly as she came around with a steaming cup of potion for Poe to drink. “He needs to rest.”

As they were leaving, Rey could have sworn she heard Madam Pomfrey say, “I swear, these young teachers and their drama.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookie there! We got some new developments. Let me know if ya liked this one!


	6. Teaching a Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey teaches some first years how to Transfigure things.

Rey was drinking a cup of tea in the teachers’ lounge during her free period when a piece of paper was slapped down on the table in front of her.

“What’s this?” she asked.

Finn pulled out a chair and swung it around, sitting down on it backwards. “Read it.”

“I don’t want to, it’s my free period.”

“Fine, I’ll read it,” Finn said, pulling the paper towards him. He cleared his throat. _“Night Patrol Sign-Up.”_

“Do go on.”

“That’s it,” he said, pushing the paper towards her again.

“Riveting.”

“Rey.”

“Yes, Finn.”

“Sign up for night patrol.”

She groaned, lolling her head back and staring at the ceiling lamp. “Must I?”

“Are you a staff member of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?”

“I suppose so.”

“Then yes. Are you allowed to write your name during your free period?”

Rey thought for a moment. “I dunno, I have to check the teacher handbook.”

“Pick a night and write your name. That’s your night for the rest of the year.” Finn stood up, twirling his seat back around. “If you don’t sign up by dinner I’ll hex you.”

“You wouldn’t!” she called after him as he walked out the door.

She adjusted the sheet on the table, assessing it. It seemed that every staff member had signed up except for her. She looked down the list and saw only one slot left, next to Ben Solo on Wednesday nights. She scribbled down her name, a smile gracing her lips, and took another sip of tea. She took out her wand and was about to send the paper back to the cork bulletin board when she paused. She put her wand back in her pocket. She held out her hand and concentrated.

The paper floated up and over to the board, laying flat against it. Then Rey focused on one of the pins and stabbed the paper to the cork.

She was surprised how easy it was.

She felt a tingle on her neck and knew that someone was watching her from the door, but when she turned around she found herself alone.

***

“Eyes up here, everyone,” Rey called, and her first years quickly grew quiet. Now that they were a few weeks into the school year, the first years were already more confident and rowdy, and Rey could see that friendships were forming.

“We’re expanding on our previous lessons today. Everyone take out your matchboxes,” she said, and took out her own from her bag as an example.

She tapped her matchbox with her wand once and said the appropriate incantation loud enough for the class to hear, and the matchbox quivered and morphed into a small, simple jewelry box. The class looked impressed, and Rey thought for a moment how much she loved teaching first years. They were extremely easy to please.

“They key with this one is the wand motion,” she told them. “You must be firm and confident.”

One student raised his hand. Rey nodded. “Professor Rey, could you do that spell without a wand, like you did with Mr. Dameron?”

Rey faltered. “Not today, I’m afraid, Terry.” She glanced around at her students, curiosity written on their faces. She figured the entire student body probably knew about her little trick from yesterday. “Now pair up and practice! Let me know if you have any questions.”

She meandered around the desks as the students attempted the spell, pausing to give more instruction to those who needed it. Marnie Green seemed to need more instruction than most and Rey was happy to help, but Marnie’s work partner, Tzipora Fletcher, another Ravenclaw, seemed to have mastered it and was poking fun at the shorter girl.

“I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be smart,” Tzipora chided, and Marnie bent down further in concentration, tapping her wand timidly on her matchbox. The box remained stationary. Rey put on a smile and walked over to their table.

“Everything okay here, girls?”

“Yes, Professor Rey, we’re doing fine,” Tzipora said silkily. “I’m already really good at the spell so I don’t need any help. And I was just helping Marnie. Your robes are beautiful today,” she added.

“Thank you, Tzipora, but I’m going to have you switch places with Connor. Connor,” she called, and the tall Hufflepuff boy looked up from his own matchbox, which was halfway to being a jewelry box. “Please switch places with Tzipora.”

Connor glanced over at his friends, who looked disappointed that he was leaving. Connor himself didn’t look too happy either. “Permanently, Professor?”

“We’ll see,” Rey answered, and bent down next to Tzipora as she was gathering up her books. “Tzipora, see me after class,” she said quietly. Marnie looked at Rey, wide-eyed. Tzipora nodded sulkily and trudged back to Connor’s old seat. Connor plopped into his new seat next to Marnie and smiled politely at her, setting his box down on the table.

“Connor Lazlo,” he said, holding out his hand.

Marnie blushed. “Marnie Green.” She held out a hand bashfully.

“Nice to meet ya, Marnie.” Connor shook her hand firmly.

Rey began to walk around again, kneeling down to help students and adjusting their wand grips. “Remember! Confidence!”

Tzipora looked miserable around Connor’s unruly friends and she sat still in her seat as they talked and laughed around her. Her dark, curly hair looked frazzled.

“Tzipora, if you need something to do, you can try adding more detail to your jewelry box. There’s always room for improvement,” Rey said, and the girl rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, Zippy, c’mon, step it up,” one of Connor’s friends joked.

By the end of the lesson, most of the students had jewelry boxes, including Marnie, who was laughing and chatting with Connor Lazlo as she tucked her intricate little box into her book bag. They both waved to Rey as they left.

As the students filed out, Tzipora hung around, looking at the stone floor with her bag on her shoulder.

Rey sat down in a chair and gestured for the student to sit down as well.

“Is there something wrong today, Tzipora?”

The first year stared at her, confused. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? The way you spoke to Marnie makes me think otherwise.” Rey leaned forward in her seat.

Tzipora crossed her arms. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Rey waited to speak, letting the quiet work on the girl. It was silent for a few minutes.

Finally, Tzipora broke. “I don’t have any friends,” she wailed, tears brimming her eyes. “Everyone else has friends and I don’t, and now it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late,” Rey said, resting an elbow on the table. “And you won’t help your situation if you keep treating people the way you do. Don’t tell Professor McGonagall I said this, but no one wants to be friends with an asshole.”

Tzipora blinked, eyebrows knit.

“People want to be friends with someone who makes them feel comfortable. Makes them feel like they’re enough. Do you know what I mean?”

The girl nodded. “I guess I’m just not a nice person.”

“Not true. Everyone has kindness in them. It’s a lot easier to be kind than to be mean. So much less effort. That’s why I’m so nice; I’m just lazy.”

Tzipora chuckled and wiped her eye. “So I’m not in trouble?”

Rey shook her head. “You will be if this behavior continues. Alright?”

“Alright,” Tzipora nodded, standing up and beginning to leave. She paused. “Do you really think I can make friends?”

“I know you can,” Rey assured her. “What did I say?”

“It’s never too late,” Tzipora answered.

“It’s never too late.”


	7. Night Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are on the prowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for comments so let me know what you think and what you enjoy!

Rey bounced on the balls of her feet as she tucked deeper into her robes, looking around the darkened, quiet Entrance Hall. Her own breath seemed to be as loud as the wind, echoing off the blank stone walls. Even though she was supposed to be here, she still felt a sense of danger from being out after bedtime. Excitement sparked in her stomach at breaking the rules—even though she was enforcing the rules.

She heard heavy, brisk footsteps approaching and saw Ben’s tall shadow on the wall descending the Grand Staircase. His long, black robes rippled behind him.

“Ready?” she asked, bouncing again.

“Ready,” he agreed, and pulled out his wand. “Now, you’ve never done this before, so I’ll just go over the basics. Can you hand me your wand?”

She slipped her wand out of her pocket and handed it to him, and he touched the ends of the handles together. He muttered a complicated incantation, twisted the two handles slowly, and the tips of the wands glowed a soft golden color. He handed Rey’s wand back to her.

“Okay, so,” he began, holding his wand at his side, “these will act as a sort of communication device. If you see a student where they’re not supposed to be, speak into your wand and I’ll be able to hear you.”

“Like a walkie-talkie.”

“Exactly,” he agreed with a smile. “Like a walkie-talkie.” He walked across the room and muttered into his wand handle. From her own wand, his voice trickled forth. “Can you hear me?” her wand asked in his low voice.

She held her own wand up to her face. “Loud and clear, Captain Solo. Over.”

His quiet laugh echoed off the walls. “You don’t need to talk like that. Over.”

“Roger that. Over.”

He walked back over to her, shaking his head. “The charm should wear off in about eight hours. I’ll take the west half of the castle, you can take the east half. Sound good?”

She held out her hand. He shook it firmly. She saluted and marched away, toward her half of the castle. She listened to his exasperated sigh as she rounded the corner.

 _“Lumos,”_ she whispered, and carried on her way.

As she walked around the castle, she could feel her ears perk up at the slightest sound. She listened for footsteps and whispers as she took random lefts and rights, looking around the corner first before proceeding and finding nothing. After half an hour, she was quite bored of the whole thing. From the time on her watch, she had about six hours left to go.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Ben’s voice from her wand.

“So, about this dinner… Over.”

She smiled. “Which one again? Over.”

“Oh, right, I should specify. The dinner that you won with your concerning gambling addiction.”

“You mean the dinner that I won because you were too lazy to do math?”

“That’s the one.”

“I think I remember now.”

She rounded another corner and could almost see Ben rolling his eyes on the other side of the castle. “How about Saturday?” he asked.

“Saturday’s good.”

“Eight o’clock?”

“Eight o’clock. Over.”

“Over and out.”

She felt a flutter in her chest as she kept walking. She didn’t want to stop talking to him yet.

“So what’s the craziest thing you’ve seen on night patrol?” she asked.

“Three years ago I found Barry Doyle half-Transfigured into a banana slug in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.”

“Sixth year Barry Doyle? The quiet one?”

“He was a third year then. He used to be pretty wild. After The Incident, he got real quiet.”

“Who… How…?”

“We still don’t know,” Ben said. “Whoever did it to him, he never ratted them out.”

Rey blew out her cheeks. “What about Moaning Myrtle?”

“She never said either.”

“Who do _you_ think it was?”

“Eh,” Ben said dismissively. “I’d rather leave it a mystery.”

“So that’s why he’s called Barry Banana,” Rey muttered, and Ben laughed.

“It’s a very creative nickname.”

“He may never recover.” Rey looked around the darkened, empty hallway as she walked. “Did you have any nicknames when you were a student?”

“People mostly just called me Solo. Or ‘that tall American.’ I used to have a nickname for Poe, though.”

“What was it?”

“Doe Pameron.”

She laughed. “But _why?”_

“I was fifteen and I thought I was hilarious. Which, judging by your laughter, I was.”

“Trust me, you weren’t,” Rey said. “This is pity laughter.”

“Did you have a nickname?”

“I didn’t really have anyone to give me a nickname,” she said casually, but Ben was quiet on the other end. “At least not until Finn came in my last year. He calls me peanut.”

“That’s sweet,” Ben said, and paused before speaking again. “Were you two ever… involved?”

Rey barked out a laugh and the volume of it in the empty corridor made her jump. “Dear God, no,” she said, shaking her head even though Ben couldn’t see her. “He’s been in love with Poe since before they even met. After he got here he became completely obsessed with Quidditch, and the Chudley Cannons were his favorite. When Poe retired and took the coaching position here, Finn sent me a Howler.”

Ben laughed on the other end. “Sometimes I forget that idiot has actual fans.”

Just then, Rey bumped into something short and soft. The student squeaked and cowered and Rey put out a hand but the student flinched away.

“Marnie?” Rey said. “What are you doing out of bed?”

“Rey, I swear, I didn’t want to, they made me, I’ll just go back—”

“Marnie, stop,” Rey said firmly. “Slow down. Is anyone else up?”

Marnie shook her head quickly and Rey narrowed her eyes. She held her wand up to her mouth. “Professor Solo, I need you to come to the fifth floor, near the statue of Boris the Bewildered.”

“On my way.”

When Ben arrived, he was holding the collar of Connor Lazlo, who was wearing a defeated expression on his face. The four of them stood in silence for a few seconds.

“Well?” Ben said in his most intimidating voice. Marnie quivered.

“We were just exploring, Professor Solo,” she said in a small voice. “Connor wanted to find one of the secret exits.”

“Who else is up?” Ben demanded.

“Tzipora,” Connor answered quickly, glancing at Marnie.

“Where is she?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know,” Marnie said miserably. “We split up to find the exit.”

“Stay here,” Ben commanded the students. He then turned to Rey. “Professor, I need to speak to you over there.” They walked a few paces and Ben waved his wand in the students’ direction. _“Muffliato.”_ He looked down at her seriously. “She’s probably found the Gregory the Smarmy statue.”

Rey nodded. “It’s just down the corridor.”

“I’ll find her. Can you stay here with the kids?”

She nodded again. He turned on his heel and walked away; she walked back to the students and waved her wand, reversing the Muffliato spell.

Rey decided to remain silent, letting the students stew in their guilt. She was fond of both of them, but she couldn’t pretend that what they’d done was okay.

“Are we going to get expelled, Professor?” Marnie asked, tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “What you did tonight was stupid. There are dangerous things in this castle. There’s a curfew for a reason.”

Connor and Marnie looked at each other with wide eyes. She could tell that the threat of expulsion intimidated them far more than whatever ‘dangerous things’ lie in the darkness.

They heard footsteps and Ben briskly approached with Tzipora Fletcher in tow.

“That was quick,” Rey said, but Ben seemed not to hear her. “We should head down to Professor McGonagall.”

Ben nodded at that. The students glanced wildly at each other.

“McGonagall?” Tzipora said with wide eyes. “We… can’t we just go back to bed, Professors?”

“Unfortunately, Fletcher, the things you do have consequences,” Ben clipped, and he and Rey took off striding toward the Headmistress’s office, students keeping up gloomily behind them.

***

“I am an old woman,” McGonagall said harshly to the students when they were sitting in her office, Rey and Ben standing behind them. Her grey hair, usually in a tight top bun, was hanging around her face in a curtain. “I need my sleep.”

“We’re sorry, Professor,” Connor replied. “We were being stupid.”

“That,” the Headmistress said, “is an understatement, Lazlo.”

“Professor, we were just—”

_“No excuses, Fletcher.”_

Tzipora quickly closed her mouth. Next to her, Marnie remained silent. McGonagall noticed.

“And Green? What do you have to say for yourself?”

Marnie shook her head. “Nothing, Professor. I’ll go pack my bags.”

“Unfortunately for me, I will not be expelling the three of you tonight,” McGonagall said with a sigh. The students looked at each other, relieved. “You will be receiving a detention, however.” The students looked miserable again. “You will be catching up on schoolwork for three hours, no breaks. Supervised by Professors Solo and Plutt. Saturday evening at eight.”

Ben and Rey glanced at each other and Ben cleared his throat. “Um, Professor, would we be able to move the detention to—”

“What, Professor Solo, do you have an important date you need to get to?” Ben stayed silent. “Saturday at eight it is, then. Professors, please escort these students to their dormitories.”

Rey took the girls to Ravenclaw Tower and Ben took Connor to the Hufflepuff common room in the basement. They met again in the Entrance Hall, much more exhausted than they’d been at the beginning of the night, and Rey’s watch said they still had a few hours of patrolling left to do.

“Well, McGonagall ruined our dinner plans,” Ben said, resting his arm on the bannister of the Grand Staircase.

Rey leaned against the bannister and Ben leaned a little closer to her. She caught his woodsy scent again and looked up at him. “Don’t think you’re getting out of the date you owe me just because we have to watch some first years while they do their homework.”

Ben’s eyes twinkled at the word ‘date.’ “They wouldn’t have to catch up on their homework if you hadn’t caught them,” he argued, but there was no malice in his voice. If anything, his tone made Rey’s knees feel like jelly.

“So you’re blaming me for doing my job?” she asked, matching his tone.

He smiled, reaching up to tuck a stray hair behind Rey’s ear. “Yep.” His warm hand glided from her ear to her jaw and she felt her toes tingle in anticipation of what was to come as his face drew closer to hers. She could feel the heat of his breath on her lips when suddenly there was a deafening crash from the Grand Staircase and a wild cackle.

They looked up and yelled the same word at the same time.

“PEEVES!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you! Yeah you. Have a good freakin' day.


	8. Detention Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben have to look after those first years again. Luckily Ben brought some books.

During lunchtime later that week, Rey sat down at a table in the teachers’ lounge and tucked into her food. It was a simple vegetable stir-fry that she’d gotten from the kitchen the night before; she had entered planning on making her own meal but the house elves had insisted on cooking the meal for her. She had to admit that the food was about a hundred times better than if she’d made it herself.

The lounge was fairly crowded today, at least compared to how it usually was. Among most of the rest of the staff who were talking casually, Neville Longbottom was drinking tea and eating a sandwich while tending to a small, purple, undulating potted plant with bright green flowers. Tiny Professor Flitwick was sitting on three cushions stacked on top of a chair and chatting to Neville while he ate. Rose was sitting across from Rey and they were eating together in comfortable silence. Professor Binns, the ghost who taught History of Magic, was sleeping in the same chair he had during his life: a short, lumpy armchair with tufts of stuffing poking out. Amidst the activity, Poe slipped in through the door and slid into the chair next to Rey, looking theatrically this way and that to make sure no one was listening.

“Ben tells me you’re going on a date,” Poe whispered loudly.

“He told you that?”

“No,” Poe admitted. “He specifically _didn’t_ tell me. So I knew anyway. But I’m right, right?” Across from her, Rose perked up and listened to their conversation.

Rey sighed. “Yes, Poe.” She spooned some rice into her mouth and paused. “Well, actually, no. We _were_ going on a date. We had to cancel to supervise a detention.”

“Oooh, a _detention date,”_ Rose cooed, and Poe nodded.

“If you guys canceled for a detention, you’ll cancel for anything. This was not meant to last.” Poe looked around furtively again. “Do you want my advice?”

“Not particularly, no,” Rey said through a mouthful of rice and broccoli. “But you’re going to tell me anyway—”

“I’m going to tell you anyway,” he nodded. “Listen, Plutt, I’ve been studying this subject for a long time now—”

“Don’t call me Plutt—”

“—and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Ben Solo needs a woman who will tell him ‘no’ sometimes.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. Poe shook his head.

“Not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter, Plutt.”

“Don’t call me—”

“I’m talking about _life._ Ben Solo does things. He makes a decision and then he does the thing. There is no in between. What he needs,” Poe said, placing a hand on Rey’s shoulder, “is someone to _slow him down._ I need to know that you can slow down my boy, Rey.”

Rey looked at him.

“Can you slow down my boy, Rey?”

“Rey, can you slow down his boy?” Rose asked.

“I can slow down your boy,” Rey said, rolling her eyes and laughing. She glanced at the door. “Your other boy is coming, so we should change the subject.”

“Gotta go,” Poe chirped, standing back up. When he and Finn crossed paths they gave each other a peck. As Finn was sitting down in the chair previously occupied by Poe, Rey looked to see Poe mouthing silently.

_“Slow that boy down!”_

***

It was nearly eight o’clock on Saturday and Rey was waiting for Ben and the students to show up. She checked her watch; 7:58. She thought sullenly that she and Ben could be sitting in a café right now, making fun of the kitschy Muggle decor designed by someone who had never met a Muggle before.

The Entrance Hall was not as empty as it had been during their night shift on Wednesday. There were still a few students, mostly upperclassmen, roaming the halls for one reason or another, heavy bags swaying from their shoulders.

It was a strange feeling, but she could tell Ben was almost here. He would be coming down the Grand Staircase soon. She was wondering exactly how she knew that, considering the fact that she didn’t even know where his bedroom was, when he descended the Grand Staircase. His eyes immediately found her in the random smattering of students and he smiled.

“So, where is this happening?” Ben asked when he approached her, rifling through his bag.

“My classroom?”

Ben nodded, still looking through his bag. He reached an arm comically deep inside and Rey could tell he had put an Extension charm on the bag to fit more books. “Do you want _The Outsiders_ again, or do you want to read something else?”

“I’ll finish _The Outsiders._ I was almost done with it.”

He handed the book to her just as Marnie, Tzipora, and Connor walked up to them. Ben checked his watch. “You three are late.”

Tzipora checked her own watch. “Only by two min—”

“We’re sorry, Professor Solo, sir,” Connor interrupted.

“It won’t happen again, Professors,” Marnie assured them in her quiet voice.

“We’ll be in my classroom tonight,” Rey told them, and she started off, Ben beside her and the three students behind. When they were settled next to each other at their tables and Rey had pulled another chair up to her own desk for Ben, she started the clock for three hours.

“If you need help with your work, let me know,” Rey said.

“If you need help with your work, let her know,” Ben said.

The three students nodded and hunched over to start their work. Rey opened her book to find the page she’d been on, and Ben took out his own book next to her: _The Giver._ The sound of scribbling quills and turning pages lulled Rey into a state of relaxation. Her knee was noticeably close to Ben’s under the table and she felt warm where they were almost touching.

After forty-five minutes, she closed _The Outsiders_ , a tear rolling down her cheek at the ending. She tried to wipe it away without Ben noticing but he was already looking at her, smiling. He reached down for his bag and gave it to her; she dropped _The Outsiders_ into it and reached in to find something new; a thick book tucked itself into her hand and she pulled it out.

_The Book Thief._

She nodded to herself and gave Ben’s bag back to him, and he peered over to see what she was holding. Reading the title, he nodded and gave her a thumbs-up.

After another half an hour, Marnie looked up from the paper she was writing.

“Rey, could you help me with something?”

Ben looked between the both of them as Rey stood up to help. “You should call her Professor Plutt. Be respectful.”

Marnie looked at Ben and then Rey, confused, and Rey waved her hand. “Please just call me Rey.” She could feel Ben’s eyes on her as she bent down next to Marnie and talked through her problem; she was having trouble understanding the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane.

When Rey sat back down, she gave Ben a look that said, _I’d rather not talk about it._

Ben’s eyes lingered on her for a few more seconds but he turned back to his book. Once again, the classroom grew quiet.

After about an hour, Rey was startled from her book by Ben’s voice.

“Lazlo, why aren’t you doing your work?”

Rey looked up. Connor was sitting quietly, books and papers stacked in a neat pile.

“I’m finished, sir,” Connor explained.

“Do you need something to read?”

Connor blanched. “Um, I guess so, sir—”

“What would you like?” Ben asked in a bored tone.

“Oh. Um… do you have any—”

“I have Muggle books.”

“Do you have _The Giver?_ That one used to be my favorite.”

“That’s a good one.”

Rey expected Ben to reach into his bag and grab another copy of _The Giver_ for the first year; after all, who knew how many books he was hiding in there. But Ben stood up with the copy he’d been reading and placed it in front of Connor. The student smiled as he opened to the first page.

“Thank you, sir.”

Ben sat back down next to Rey and waved his hand dismissively. “Keep it.” He bent down and retrieved another book from his library.

“Wow, thanks—thank you, sir.”

Ben ignored the thanks and already seemed invested in his new book, _Brave New World._ Rey watched him read out of the corner of her eye, feeling something stirring in her chest at what she’d just seen. Ben glanced sideways at her and their eyes met for a few charged seconds before she pretended to turn her attention back to _The Book Thief._ But her eyes were no longer focusing on the words; she was thoroughly distracted by Ben’s presence next to her. She let her knee touch against his gently and felt a silly spark of electricity where they met. A tiny thing like that causing such giddiness made her feel like she was twelve years old again.

Ben shifted next to her and their knees pressed more firmly together. Rey’s heart fluttered and she cursed herself. This was so stupid. He probably didn’t even notice they were touching.

 _It’s a fucking knee, Rey,_ she thought. _Calm down._

She once again tried to force herself to read her book and ignore the feeling of Ben next to her but her mind wandered to what they might be doing if they weren’t here right now. It made her cheeks turn a remarkable shade of red.

She glanced at her watch and saw that they had thirty minutes left. She just had to get through thirty more minutes. She could do that. She had a good book to read and a quiet environment to concentrate.

She had read about four more words when Ben sat forward in his seat, deeply invested in his reading. His knee was no longer against hers and she immediately felt foolish for even thinking anything of their contact. Obviously Ben wouldn’t notice something like that. She was stupid to initiate it in the first place.

She leaned forward herself and looked at the page in front of her, dismissing her efforts to read as a lost cause. She decided to simply stare at the words until the timer went off.

Ben’s knee rested against hers again as he read. She glanced at him and found his eyes still on his book… but they weren’t moving from left to right. He stared at the same spot on the page, motionless.

Rey’s heart took off with excitement as she stared down at her book again. She rested her cheek against her open palm, eyes flitting between the clock and the page.

Twenty more minutes.

Ten more minutes.

Three more minutes.

When the alarm sounded, they all jumped—even Rey, who’d had her eyes trained on the clock for minutes already. The students began gathering up their things quickly, just as eager to be out of detention as Rey and Ben were.

Rey took the girls to the Ravenclaw common room, Ben took Connor to the Hufflepuff common room, and then the two professors met back in the darkened, empty Entrance Hall. It was quiet as they both searched for something to say. Ben cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Good job in detention tonight.”

“You too.”

“I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow.”

“Yes,” Rey said. “See you tomorrow.”

It was silent for another minute. Rey wanted to sink into the floor. Her silly train of thought in detention was mortifying to her now. She had overreacted. Ben probably wasn’t even interested in her. Their almost-kiss earlier in the week must have just been a one-time thing. Rey could feel her excitement from detention fading away as they both looked at their feet. 

“Well, good night, Professor,” Ben said with a nod, and Rey nodded as well, disappointment flooding her insides.

“Good night, Professor.” She held out her hand. He shook it gently. She turned to leave but he gripped her hand tightly in his own, pulling her back to him and crashing their lips together. She responded without hesitation and he slid one hand into her hair while his other hand desperately grasped at her waist, pulling her body closer to his own.

Ben pressed her back to the wall and she parted his soft lips with her tongue, hands snaking their way through his lush hair. The kiss deepened and everything in Rey’s body hummed with energy. Ben’s arms wrapped around her waist as though he was afraid of her slipping away and his lips found their way to her throat, eliciting a soft moan from her as he peppered searing kisses up along her jawline. Their lips met again and Rey’s arms wrapped around Ben’s broad shoulders. They stayed like that, for how long Rey wasn’t sure, before Ben broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. His hot breath mingled with her own and they breathed together for a few seconds, calming down. He pressed his lips to hers gently once more before resting their foreheads together again, eyes heavily lidded.

Rey’s fingers carded lazily through his hair and his arms were still settled around her waist. Ben cleared his throat again.

“So, about that date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love all the comments so far! They mean a lot to me. Hope you guys are havin a good day.


	9. Monday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat's out of the bag.

Rey sat at her desk on Monday morning as her fifth years filed in, reading _The Book Thief._ At breakfast earlier, Ben had said she could borrow it until she was finished. As she drank in the beautiful language of the novel, she couldn’t help but wish Ben were still beside her, tea and biscuit in hand, reading a book of his own.

“Morning, Professor,” one of her students, a Slytherin, said.

“Morning, Ennis, how was your weekend?”

“Not as good as yours,” he replied smugly. Rey knit her eyebrows. Her heart gave a hard _thump._

“What exactly are you talking about, Mr. Byrne?”

“I saw you and Solo… getting to know each other on Saturday night,” he said, and his friends chuckled.

_“You_ saw me and Professor Solo?”

Ennis nodded, a sly grin on his face.

“You saw me and Professor Solo after eleven on Saturday night?”

Realization dawned in his eyes and he began to shake his head. “Oh, it wasn’t Saturday night, it must have been—”

“You were out of bed after curfew on Saturday night and you just admitted that to a professor?”

Ennis’s friends laughed harder around him as his cheeks turned a deep shade of red. Ennis was no longer smiling.

“Go to Professor McGonagall’s office, Byrne.”

Ennis slumped his shoulders and stood up. His friends, along with the rest of the class, ‘ooohed’ as he trudged down the middle aisle. A few wads of paper were thrown in his direction.

Rey stood up as the door swung closed. “Now, if no one else has anything to confess, I’d like to get started.”

***

“So, no big deal,” Rey began when she found Ben in between classes, going over his lesson plans at his desk while his students shuffled in. He looked up and smiled at her before what she had said sunk in. His smile turned into a slight frown as he waited for her to continue. “But Ennis Byrne saw us on Saturday night.”

He knit his eyebrows. “He told you that?”

Rey nodded.

“He admitted to being out of bed after curfew? To a teacher?”

Rey rolled her eyes and nodded.

“What a dumbass.”

“No doubt,” she agreed. “I sent him to McGonagall’s office and he probably told her. So we should prepare for a lecture.”

He shook his head, straightening his lesson plans and setting them back down on his desk. “She won’t care. She’ll probably send a letter to my mom.”

Rey paused. “McGonagall knows your mum?”

He nodded. “They always see each other at Important Person conferences. She keeps her up to date on my personal life, not that there’s much to report on usually.”

“Huh.”

“Yep. We’ll be fine.” He stood up and gave her a quick, chaste kiss and his students whooped and hollered behind her. She blushed deeply. He shrugged and gave her a small smile. “Secret’s out anyway. Might as well.”

***

“Let me start by saying that I’m not concerned with either of your personal lives,” McGonagall said in a business-like voice as she sat at her desk later that day. They both nodded. “However, I’d prefer that you keep your personal lives personal. And away from the eyes of the students.”

They both nodded again.

McGonagall turned back to the paperwork in front of her. “You can leave.”

They glanced at each other, Rey with relief and Ben with an expression that said _I told you so._

“And, Solo, I’ll be sending a letter to your mother. She’ll be ecstatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a baby chapter! A lil guy. Stay breezy, folks


	10. Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween is on its way, and so is unresolved trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning for abuse, violence, and panic attacks.

Halloween was fast approaching, and Rey’s students were getting more restless with every homework assignment. Their essays were shorter and their handwriting grew larger to compensate for the required scroll length. Rey herself was getting restless as well; Halloween had been one of her favorite holidays ever since she started at Hogwarts. By the time she was a first year, Poe Dameron and the rest of the Americans (but mostly Poe Dameron) had changed the culture of the school quite a bit.

As well as the traditional Halloween Feast, it was now customary for teachers to hand out free snacks and sweets from their classrooms while students trick-or-treated in costumes around the school. Professor Longbottom always hid his treats inside or behind dangerous magical plants, which the students would have to use their Herbology knowledge to retrieve; by the time students made it out of the greenhouses, they (and their candy) were usually covered in slime or pus of some kind. To fix this problem, students jumped in the freezing Black Lake to wash off before coming back inside the castle, so Finn had to perform a drying and warming charm on everyone at the front doors. Despite having to do this unglamorous job, Finn was always one of the most enthusiastic members of the staff when it came to Halloween. In all the years he’d been employed there, Rey had never heard him complain.

Most of the teachers participated happily, with a couple exceptions: Professor Binns and Professor Ben Solo. Binns usually didn’t seem to be aware when any particular day rolled around, let alone Halloween, which Rey could understand; the days probably all blur together when you’re dead.

The case of Ben was a little harder to crack.

They had grown quite close over the last few weeks; they usually had dinner together in the Great Hall, sitting next to each other while they ate and making pleasant conversation. On Wednesday nights, they patrolled the halls, talking to each other across the castle with their wands. Rey had taken to redoing the walkie-talkie charm at the end of their shift so that they could keep talking to one another from their rooms before they went to bed, usually until one of them fell asleep; this led to even later nights and even groggier Thursday mornings, but Rey found herself awaking with a grin on her face despite how little sleep she got.

Despite both of them bringing it up quite regularly, they still had not gone on their date to Hogsmeade. As the school year progressed, they both found themselves drowning in work, grading essay after essay and test after test; it became normal for them to grade assignments together in the kitchens late at night, where they could have unlimited cups of tea.

This is where they found themselves at present. The kitchens were usually almost deserted at this time of night, with most of the house elves away cleaning the rest of the castle.

Rey had just finished grading a paper written by one of her sixth years on Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration when she took a sip of tea and eyed Ben, who was sitting across from her.

“What are you gonna be for Halloween?”

He looked up from the test he was grading, taking a second or two to process what she’d said. He shook his head, going back to his test. “Nothing.”

“Really? Nothing?” she probed. “Not even Poe? Just throw on some orange robes and you’re done.”

“Not even Poe,” he agreed. “I’m not the Halloween type.”

“You’re not even going to pass out treats?”

He shook his head again.

“But you’re American!”

He chuckled. “That’s an offensive stereotype.”

“Poe loves Halloween,” Rey defended, and Ben smiled.

“Poe is an offensive stereotype.”

“No, really,” Rey said sincerely. “Why don’t you like it?”

He shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t really have a good reason. I guess Halloween kinda sucks when your parents are divorced. I just never got into it.”

Rey grimaced and nodded. “I know what you mean. My foster father didn’t make things very fun on Halloween either.”

Ben set down his pen and looked at her. “I’ve never heard you talk about him.”

Rey shrugged. “There’s not much to talk about. He was a bad person. I got his surname. The only thing he ever gave me,” she joked, but Ben didn’t laugh.

“I just assumed you hated your last name because it was…”

“Ugly?”

“Well, yeah,” he admitted with a small smile.

“It’s hideous,” Rey agreed. “But it reminds me of him, so it’s hideous _and_ traumatic.”

“Can’t you… change it?”

Rey shook her head. “Well—yes, I could. But I don’t know what I would change it to. I’ve never—this is gonna sound so pathetic—I’ve never found a name… or a place… that I felt _belonged_ to me. Or that _I_ belonged to. I hate Plutt, but it’s the only name I have.” She met his eyes for a brief moment. “That’s stupid. It sounds stupid.”

“Rey, that’s not stupid.”

She looked at him and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. “So what are you gonna be for Halloween?”

He laughed and leaned back in his chair. “Wow, you don’t give up.”

Rey laughed with him and shook her head.

“What do _you_ think I should dress up as?”

She grinned fiendishly. “I’ll think of something.”

***

Rey dragged herself to her island painting after a long night of patrolling with Ben. Surprisingly, for the night before Halloween, they hadn’t found any students out of bed, something Rey found almost suspicious.

“Jedi.” The painting swung open and she nearly tumbled through the portrait hole from exhaustion.

“Weird that we didn’t see anyone tonight,” Ben’s voice said from her wand, echoing her thoughts.

“I know,” she said mid-yawn, feet aching. She kicked off her boots and slumped the robe off her shoulders, letting it lie crumpled on the ground for her to pick up tomorrow. “Not even a ghost.”

“I guess nights like this are nice every once in a while,” he said while she changed into her pajamas. She imagined he was probably changing his clothes as well, wherever he was broadcasting from.

“Boring is nice sometimes,” she agreed, crawling under the covers of her bed. She checked her watch before turning off her light with a wave of her hand. “Ben, y’know what day it is?”

Ben was quiet for a moment. Probably rolling his eyes.

“Tell me, Rey. What day is it.”

“It’s Halloween.”

“Is it?”

“Yep. Y’know what that means?”

“You’re gonna make me wear a costume?”

“I’m gonna make you wear a costume,” she agreed, nodding in the dark. “It’s time for you to embrace your American heritage.”

“What’s the costume?” he asked, sounding almost afraid to know the answer.

“You’ll find out tomorrow,” she said smugly, another yawn overtaking her.

“You sound tired.”

“I’m very tired,” she said, her eyes drifting closed.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Ben said gently.

“But I’m supposed to taunt you with your hatred of Halloween,” she argued sleepily.

“I know, believe me, I’m terrified,” he said with a chuckle. “Your work here is done.”

“I guess I can go to sleep now,” she whispered.

She heard the smile in his voice as he whispered, “Good night, Rey.”

***

“Rey?”

A familiar voice sounded far away as she looked at her foster father’s bloated, furious face. She tried to run from him but her small legs weren’t fast enough to escape before he pulled her back by her bun. She landed hard on the ground. When she yelled, she heard a child’s voice.

“Get away from me!”

“Is that how you speak to your father?” Plutt said darkly as he raised his fist.

“Please! _Please stop!”_

“Rey? Can you hear me?”

“You stupid, pathetic girl,” he spat, fist coming down hard. It made impact with her cheekbone and she felt the weight of the punch as she fought to stay conscious within the dream. As she faded into nothingness, her eyes snapped open in bed.

“Rey? Are you okay?”

She looked for the source of the voice, heart pounding, breath shallow. Her room was empty.

Ben’s voice was coming from her wand faintly.

“Rey?”

“Ben,” she breathed into her wand. Her voice still sounded so small. Her breath caught in her throat and she began to cry.

“Where’s your room? Where are you?”

Panicked tears made their way down her face as she tried to answer him.

“It’s the… It’s—” A sob wracked her whole body. She tried to take a deep breath but there was no room in her lungs. “Near Ravenclaw… It’s an—it’s a painting of an island.”

“I’m coming,” Ben said, voice growing ever fainter as their walkie-talkie spell wore off. “I’ll… soon, Rey.”

In the few minutes it took before he knocked on her door, Rey didn’t stop crying. Her heart didn’t stop racing.

She opened her door to find his tall form silhouetted in the darkness; she threw her arms around his shoulders and gripped him tightly, needing to feel something warm and real. He buried his face in her shoulder and hugged her tightly to him, guiding them into her room and closing the door.

His breathing was slow and steady and she felt as his chest went up and down, trying to match his rhythm. His hand traced a warm path between her shoulder blades. She felt her heart slow down as he held her. Tears still fell on the fabric of his loose sleep shirt, even as her breathing calmed.

“Rey… what happened?” he asked, so quietly she almost couldn’t hear him.

She buried her face deeper into the place where his neck met his shoulder. He didn’t say anything else, just let her stay like that until she was ready to talk.

“I just… had a bad dream,” Rey told him, voice muffled in the fabric of his shirt.

“That sounded like more than a bad dream,” he prompted gently, and her tears came harder. “Hey, no, Rey, sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay,” he said, running a hand through her loose hair. He leaned back and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, pressing a kiss to her forehead and resting his chin on her head while he wrapped his arms around her again.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” she said, shaking her head. “I haven’t seen him in so long. This shouldn’t still be happening.”

He said nothing, just ran a hand through her soft hair again.

“He just—” she sobbed— “He just hated me _so much,”_ she said. “I felt so helpless. He hit me and I couldn’t—I couldn’t do anything—”

Ben shushed her quietly, breathing deeply and deliberately so she could breathe with him.

“I could _feel_ it,” she whispered, swallowing. “I could feel him hurting me. You’re not supposed to feel pain in dreams. But it hurt.”

She walked backwards until they ended up on her bed. He tucked the covers around them and laid back on the pillow, and she rested her head on his chest. His heart was beating steadily.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I can stay.”


	11. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great costumes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, THANK YOU to everyone who's read this so far, and to everyone who's left a kudos or a comment. I read every comment and they make me extremely happy.

She woke up slowly the next morning, taking her time to get her bearings. Bright, dusty sunlight was streaming in from her window. The blankets were perfectly snuggled around her shoulders. Her head rose and fell lightly with Ben’s chest. His heartbeat was strong and slow in her ear. She reached over to her watch on the bedside table and checked the time.

She sprang out of bed.

Ben awoke with the sudden movement to find Rey already flinging pajamas around the room and finding robes for the day.

“Get up,” Rey said urgently, and Ben swung his legs over the side of the bed. He checked Rey’s watch.

He stood up immediately but looked around the room in sleepy confusion before realization dawned on him. “I don’t have any clothes.”

Rey, already changed into her purple pants with bats on them but still only wearing a bra, jumped over to her dresser and pulled out a large, lumpy sack of…something. She threw it at him unceremoniously. He plopped back on the bed.

“What’s this?”

“Your costume,” she answered, rifling through her shirts to find an appropriate one to put on. He stared at her.

“Y’know, if you hadn’t just thrown a projectile at me, I would find you very sexy right now.”

She looked at him with annoyance before taking out a shirt from her drawer and pulling it over her head. “Well, it takes two to tango, Solo, and I don’t find you the least bit sexy right now. You want to know what I find sexy?”

“Very much.”

“Punctuality.”

“Well, in that case,” Ben ceded, pulling out his Halloween costume. He stared at it. “Rey, no.”

“What?” she asked innocently.

“Dear God, Rey.”

“But you bleed scarlet and gold! You said it yourself.”

He looked around the room in a panic, searching for anything else that he could possibly wear today. There was nothing.

He sighed and stood back up. “You’re lucky I like you.”

Rey fastened her orange vest over her green shirt, both of them covered in bats like her pants. She slid a black robe over her shoulders, the bottom hem of which came to several points, mimicking bat wings. Behind her, Ben began changing into his costume. She turned and watched furtively as he took his shirt and pants off in a hurry and pulled on his costume over his boxers. He placed his arms in the sleeves and zipped up the front, pulling the hood over his head. He looked at her glumly.

She laughed as they stared at each other, taking in his appearance.

His tall form was now covered in a lion onesie, complete with realistic paws and claws over his hands and feet. His hood was covered in red and gold bits of fabric that formed a mane around his head. Around his face, bits of his own black hair poked out at odd angles.

“Do I look sexy?” he asked, a defeated smile on his face.

Rey snorted. She stepped closer, tucking his hair into his mane and smoothing down the fur on his shoulders. “You look ridiculous. It’s perfect.”

He looked down at himself. “I guess I can live with ridiculous.”

A sense of urgency overtook her again. She tugged on her boots and waved her wand so that the laces tied themselves; she grabbed her book bag and went to the door.

“Shit. I don’t have my bag,” Ben said, and Rey looked at him again.

“You won’t be getting through a lesson in that,” she said smugly, and they hopped out into the deserted hallway, taking an immediate right turn. They speed-walked down to their classrooms with little to say, but when they reached the corner where they would have to part ways, Ben gently took hold of her elbow.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern in his eyes. Rey smiled at him.

“I’m okay. I’m a bit embarrassed, actually. I feel a bit silly. I overreacted.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t overreact. Don’t ever feel silly for something like that.”

She nodded, looking at the floor. “Thank you for staying.”

“Hey,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “Don’t mention it.”

She glanced at him and found him looking down at her, eyes twinkling. He leaned down and kissed her softly, hands resting on her waist in their clunky, cloth paws. Her heart quivered and settled and she chased his lips when he pulled away, bringing him back down to her for a few more seconds. The fabric of his mane tickled her cheeks and she giggled.

He laughed with her. “I’ll never forgive you for this.”

***

Rey contented herself throughout the day with listening to her students talk about Professor Solo’s lion onesie. A few of them, even some first years, said that they would never be able to take him seriously again.

Rey knew it would all be back to normal come tomorrow when Ben showed up to class with his usual black robes and hard expression, but she relished in the jokes being made at his expense for today.

Come lunchtime, she was ravenous from having missed breakfast. She went to the Great Hall, which was less crowded than usual. The student body could tell that today was one of the last warm autumn days left, and most of them were eating their lunch outside. After a few minutes, Ben entered the Hall, still in his costume, and walked to the staff table, leaving a trail of giggling students in his wake. He sat down next to Rey and pulled his lion mane hood off his face to eat.

“The students love your costume,” she said casually. “You’re a hit.”

“I’m just glad I haven’t seen Poe yet,” he muttered as he poured some pumpkin juice into a glass. “He’s going to want a picture.”

“He probably looks even more ridiculous than you,” Rey told him. Poe was notorious for his outlandish Halloween costumes. Suddenly, there was a commotion in the Entrance Hall, on the other side of the doors. Rey and Ben looked up.

“WHERE IS HE?”

Poe burst through the doors, looking around wildly. He spotted Ben at the head table and Rey could see his eyes widen across the room. He ran to their table, camera swinging from his neck. Ben groaned.

Poe stopped a few feet away from them, admiring Ben’s costume.

“Stand up, Ben, give us a twirl.”

Ben rolled his eyes, taking a bite from his sandwich while trying not to get his paws dirty. “Fuck off, Poe,” he said, but there was mirth in his voice. Rey saw the corners of his eyes crinkle as he chewed.

“Rey, did you make this?” Poe asked, and Rey nodded proudly. “And he didn’t dump you?” She shook her head proudly. Poe blew out his cheeks. “You must be somethin’ special.” Rey grinned.

She looked at Poe’s costume, temporarily confused. He was wearing a brown leather jacket with a white linen shirt underneath and black pants. Finn’s clothes.

“You don’t look like a dumbass today,” Ben said next to her, also taking in Poe’s outfit.

“Not true, I’m Mr. Dumbass himself,” Poe chirped, and just then, the doors opened again and Finn walked in. He was wearing bright orange robes and a wide grin. Poe’s eyes lit up as he watched Finn walk over to them and Finn’s smile grew when he took in Poe’s appearance.

“Lookin’ good, Finn,” Finn said.

“Lookin’ good, Poe,” Poe replied. As Finn sat down next to Rey, Poe took his camera from around his neck. “Rey, I need to get a picture with Ben.”

“Please no,” Ben said dully, but he stood up anyway. Poe reached around and pulled Ben’s mane up around his head, Ben’s black hair once again sticking out at strange angles under the fabric. Poe handed Rey his camera.

Rey stood up and walked backwards until they were both fully in frame, squinting into the viewfinder and focusing the lens. “Okay, say, ‘Happy Halloween,’” she said.

“Happy Halloween!” Poe sang with a grin, but Ben kept quiet next to him, looking almost bored in his lion onesie. Rey laughed at the sight and took the picture.

“Okay, one more, and Ben, this time give us a roar.” She smirked while she pulled the film advance lever, and Ben shook his head at her disbelievingly.

Poe held up his own hand and made it into the shape of a claw, and he took Ben’s limp paw and held it up by the fabric. Poe wrinkled his nose and bared his teeth and Ben stared at him, most likely wondering how they ever became friends in the first place. Rey snapped the picture.

“That’ll be perfect,” she said, sitting back down next to Finn.

“Hold on, Rey, I’ll take a picture of you and Ben,” Poe said, taking back the camera. Rey stood back up with a blush and went next to Ben. He smiled at her softly and put his arm around her waist, and she rested her hand on his back. They both grinned as Poe took the picture. He pulled the advance lever with a mischievous smile.

“Alright, give us a kiss,” he teased, putting the viewfinder back up to his eye. Ben dipped Rey suddenly and smiled at her. She nodded and he gave her a quick kiss. Rey began to laugh as she heard the click of the shutter and Ben brought her back up with a chuckle.

Poe went to sit down on Finn’s other side but Rey paused. “Poe, I’ll take a picture of you and Finn,” she offered, and Poe and Finn both jumped up.

Rey ended lunch with a stomach just as empty as she’d started with, the film in Poe’s camera filled up.

***

She stood at the door to her classroom, feeling uncomfortably full after the Halloween Feast, with two large cauldrons next to her. One was filled with cauldron cakes and pumpkin pasties, and the other was filed with an assortment of licorice wands, Bertie Bott’s Beans, jelly slugs, chocolate frogs, and Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum. She looked out at the rambunctious students as they made their way from classroom to classroom, empty book bags filling more and more with candy as the night wore on. Most of the students were dressed up; there were quite a few Harry Potters—an easy, popular costume that hadn’t gone out of fashion in over twenty years. Barry Doyle was dressed in a large banana costume and Rey was glad to see he had embraced his nickname. One student, a tall seventh year, was dressed up as Hogwarts Castle, complete with turrets and gables. Her arms stuck straight out at her sides and she laughed with her friends merrily.

Rey greeted everyone with a pleasant ‘Happy Halloween’ and a smile as she told them to take whatever they liked. Some of the students still had slightly damp hair from the Black Lake, but they were smiling nonetheless as they shared how they got past Neville’s obstacles. She could hear Finn’s cheery voice as he had the newly wet students line up to be dried off, and she wished luck to the dry students who were heading out to the greenhouses.

“Trick or treat!” Rey saw in front of her Connor, who was dressed up like a skeleton, and Tzipora, wearing Harry Potter glasses with a red lightning bolt drawn on her forehead.

“Happy Halloween, you two! Where’s Marnie?”

They looked at each other with a slightly dazed expression. “Not sure,” Connor shrugged, taking a cauldron cake and stuffing it into his mouth.

“She missed the feast,” Tzipora added, taking two licorice wands. “She was probably embarrassed that she didn’t have a costume. I bet she’s hiding in the common room.”

Rey knit her eyebrows. “Well, can you two go get her? I’d hate for her to miss out on the fun.”

“Sure, Rey,” Connor said through a mouthful of cake, grabbing another one to drop in his bag. “We’ll go find her.”

They meandered down the corridor in the direction of Ravenclaw Tower, but still stopped leisurely at different classrooms to get candy along the way.

Rey looked down the corridor in the other direction to see the tall form of Ben coming toward her, still wearing his lion costume. She smiled at the sight of him, butterflies erupting in her stomach. As he came closer, she saw a frantic look in his eyes with a mask of calm on his face.

“I’m out of candy,” he said lowly. “They’re gonna eat me alive. In this costume, I’m powerless.”

She laughed. “Is anyone still in your classroom?”

He shook his head. “As soon as the candy was gone, I locked the door and ran.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you came here,” she said, gesturing to the enormous cauldrons next to her. He nodded, looking this way and that down the corridor.

“Can I just stay here and we can pretend we planned this?”

Rey and Ben faced each other from opposite sides of the door posts, sharing glances and smiles whenever a student said something funny or was wearing a particularly outlandish costume. Ben received numerous compliments on his own costume, and Rey beamed with pride for every awkward ‘thanks’ Ben doled out. During lulls between crowds of students, Ben would open a box of Bertie Bott’s and toss jelly beans to Rey, which she would try to catch in her mouth. She caught very few of them, which she blamed on Ben’s poor aim, and he blamed on her poor coordination.

Eventually, supply in Rey’s cauldrons dwindled, and the throngs of students were down to a few stragglers. By the time she spotted Tzipora and Connor again, she had completely forgotten about Marnie.

The two first years walked up to them with worried expressions. Ben stood up straight from his leaning position on the door post and Rey did the same.

“Professors, we can’t find Marnie,” Connor said.

“We thought she might be in the Ravenclaw common room but she’s not,” Tzipora finished.

“Did you check outside? The greenhouses?” Ben asked, and the students nodded.

“We checked everywhere. We don’t know where she is.” Tzipora looked at her feet ashamedly.

Connor swallowed hard.

“She’s gone.”


	12. Halloween Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise as the staff look for Marnie.

As the gargoyle stepped back into its place in the Headmistress’s stairwell behind them, the staff heard McGonagall’s voice echo throughout the building.

“All students are ordered to return to your dormitories immediately. Anyone caught wandering the halls will risk expulsion.”

“We should go in pairs to search,” Poe said to the rest of the staff. “We don’t know where she is or how much danger she’s in.” They all nodded and paired up, each group going their separate way.

Ben took Rey’s arm when they were apart from the rest of the staff and she stopped walking. He looked down at her. “I cannot wear this costume any longer.”

Despite the stressful situation, Rey cracked a smile. “Let’s go get you some robes.”

Ben’s room was near Gryffindor Tower, behind a painting of a desert landscape with two suns on the horizon. “Tatooine,” he said quickly, and Rey followed him through the portrait hole.

“What’s ‘Tatooine?’” she asked, looking around his room. It was simple, with a bed and a dresser, but it also had an entire wall of bookshelves, filled to the brim with titles. There was a gramophone in the corner with a row of records underneath it.

“No idea,” Ben answered, pulling out the first set of robes he could find. “It was the default password. I’ve never changed it.” As he quickly changed into his robes, Rey glanced at his books. Before she could get a good look at any, Ben was finished.

“Okay, let’s go,” Ben said, and Rey followed him out the door.

“Where should we start?” she asked.

“Gregory the Smarmy,” Ben answered. “Tzipora found it; she may have told Marnie where it is.”

She nodded and they made their way to the fifth floor of the east wing. When they arrived at the eyesore of a statue, Rey tapped it with her wand and it shifted out of the way, revealing a secret passage behind it. She ducked into the small doorway and Ben followed her.

 _“Lumos,”_ they said in unison. Rey led the way down the stony passage, bent over almost double, and Ben was almost crawling behind her.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Rey asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” he said hesitantly. “I’m still hoping this is some kind of prank.”

It was quiet for a minute as the tunnel took an unexpected incline. When it leveled off, Rey spoke again. “This would be a terrible prank.” She watched as a large spider skittered across the dusty floor in front of her.

Slowly, a symbol on the wall came into view under the light of their wands.

“Ben,” she said, heart dropping. They both stared at the hexagonal symbol painted onto the stone in a deep shade of red. “Ben.”

“The First Order,” he said quietly. There was a strange look in his eye, one that made Rey’s wand hum in her hand.

“This wasn’t in here when you found Tzipora, was it?”

“No.” He gripped his wand tighter. “It wasn’t.”

She raised her wand and kept moving forward slowly, heart beating faster. They trudged through the tunnel for what felt like hours, until they came to the outline of a door in the stone. Rey tapped her wand on it and it made a cold, grinding noise as it slid open. Behind it was moonlight-stained, dry, October grass, and the Forbidden Forest loomed about fifty feet away, swaying in the wind. Rey exited the tunnel and straightened up, massaging her sore back. Behind her, Ben did the same. They looked around as the doorway slid back into place. In the corner of her eye, Rey saw Ben pause, looking down at something.

“Rey.” Ben’s tone made her not want to turn around. Slowly, she faced him. He pointed at the small, stone doorway.

Written on it, in the same deep red as the First Order symbol, were the words, “Marnie Green has been recruited.”

***

“We need to drop everything,” Rose said, when the staff was gathered back in McGonagall’s office. “We need to find her.”

McGonagall sat at her desk, looking deep in thought.

Finn nodded at Rose’s words. “We can’t wait around for another student to be taken.”

Poe looked between them. “What makes you think another student will be taken?”

“In America, they didn’t take just one,” Rose grimaced. “They took all of us.”

“But where is she?” Rey asked. Beside her, Ben was stone-faced and silent. “Where are they hiding?”

McGonagall held up her hands and the staff went silent. “Wherever she is, we cannot look for her.”

Finn looked at the Headmistress like she was insane. “Why the hell not?”

“We have other students to protect,” Ben spoke up. “We need to keep them safe.”

Finn rounded on Ben, looking up at him due to their height difference. “You think so, Solo?”

Ben looked down at him cooly. “Yes. I do.”

“Well, we were supposed to keep that first year safe, and she’s gone,” Finn growled. “So I think we need to switch strategies.”

“Leaving hundreds of students unattended in a castle is not a strategy,” Ben said. “We need to stay here and alert the Ministry.”

“I haven’t heard good things about the Ministry lately,” Finn argued. “In fact, Solo, I’ve heard some rumors about you as well.”

Ben glared at Finn. Rey could feel a quiet anger radiating from him that made her take a step back. “Enlighten me.”

Finn didn’t back down. “I heard you worked for the First Order,” he said, voice dripping with venom. Rey’s eyes widened.

“That’s funny, I’ve heard the same thing about you,” Ben said coldly, brown eyes appearing almost black as he looked at Finn.

Finn stared at him and shook his head, not breaking eye contact with Ben. “I was forced. You volunteered.”

“That’s enough,” McGonagall said harshly, but neither Ben nor Finn seemed to hear her.

“Isn’t it convenient that Solo just happened to search down the right passageway—the _only_ passageway with the First Order symbol? And that he found the writing on the door?”

Poe put a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Finn—”

“Nobody heard from him after he left Hogwarts. How long was he gone, Poe?”

Poe stared at Finn, then at the ground. “Five years.”

“Five years.” Finn looked challengingly at Ben. “Five years is a long time to disappear.”

Ben’s jaw clenched. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Finn asked quietly. “Don’t I, Kylo Ren?”


	13. Oh No

Ben suddenly shoved Finn away from him. “No. You don’t.” He walked forward, rage emanating from him like heat from a fire. “If I were Kylo Ren, you would be dead.”

Finn took out his wand. Ben didn’t.

“I said, _that’s enough.”_ McGonagall stood up, taking out her wand and walking around her desk. Finn and Ben finally looked at her. “Both of you. I will not be having a duel in my office.”

“Professor, listen to me,” Finn said. “Before I escaped, I was—”

“Not now, Finn.” McGonagall glared at him.

“But—”

“The best way we can protect _all_ our students,” McGonagall pressed, “is to take action _within_ the castle. Solo is right. We can’t abandon the rest of the students to find Green. That will ensure their capture.”

“So you don’t believe me?” Finn asked her. His eyes narrowed.

“Every member of this staff has proven their worth,” the Headmistress replied. “Professor Solo is no exception.”

“Proven their _worth?”_ Finn said incredulously. “What about proving their _innocence?”_

“If you have a problem with the way I run this school, Finn, then I welcome your departure from the grounds.”

Finn stared at her with betrayal in his eyes. Then he looked at the ground and was silent.

McGonagall nodded curtly. “We will report Green’s disappearance to the Ministry. We will strengthen the Anti-Trespassing spells on the grounds. We will interrogate Green’s friends and anyone who saw or interacted with Green this week. We will seal every secret entrance to the castle and have professors standing watch throughout the grounds. Is that clear?” The staff nodded. “I’ll send an owl to the Ministry. I want you all to seal the passages and patrol the castle. Tomorrow’s classes will be canceled.”

The staff exited the Headmistress’s office. When they were in the corridor, they all paused. A few people were glancing at Ben nervously.

“Okay, people,” Poe said. “Finn and I will take the one-eyed witch—”

“I want Gregory the Smarmy,” Finn interrupted, glaring at Ben darkly. Ben looked stonily back at him.

Poe nodded quickly, sensing rising tension again. “Finn and I will take Gregory the Smarmy. Rose and Rey will take the one-eyed witch. Ben and Neville can take the Room of Requirement; Filius and—”

“You all go seal your entrances,” Flitwick squeaked. “I’ll direct the rest.”

Poe nodded and took Finn’s hand, giving it a squeeze as he led him down the corridor. Rey looked at Ben to find his eyes already on her; she stared back at him for a moment before letting Rose lead her away. When she looked over her shoulder, she saw the backs of Ben and Neville striding in the other direction.

As she and Rose were walking, she could feel Rose glancing at her nervously.

“What are you thinking about?” Rey asked, looking at the shorter woman.

Rose sighed. “I don’t know. I thought I was safe here. I thought I outran them.”

Rey nodded. “You must be scared.”

“I am,” Rose agreed. She paused, seeming hesitant to say something. She cleared her throat. “Finn seemed certain that Solo was… Kylo Ren,” she said timidly.

“He did.”

“What do you think?” Rose tried.

“I didn’t even think Kylo Ren was real,” Rey admitted. She’d heard the name before; it had surfaced after her fifth year at Hogwarts, but she had assumed it was a myth. A Dark wizard so powerful he could kill you with a wave of his hand? It had sounded like propaganda to intimidate the First Order’s enemies. 

“He’s real,” Rose said grimly. “He’s the one who killed my sister.”

Rey’s stomach dropped. She felt like she might throw up. “That can’t be Ben. There’s no way. Finn’s wrong.”

Rose watched her own feet as they walked. “I hope so.” She shook her head slightly. “I hope he’s wrong.”

“He _has_ to be wrong,” Rey insisted. She glanced at Rose. “Do you… Do you think he’s wrong?”

“I never saw Ren with his mask off. And he used a voice changer. So it’s hard to say,” Rose said. “I guess the timelines match up. I don’t know what happened to Ren after I escaped. The First Order doesn’t exactly have an alumni newsletter.”

“This is ridiculous,” Rey said. “McGonagall would know if Ben wasn’t who he said he was. She’s too smart to have let a Dark wizard work with her students for the last five years.”

“I was thinking the same thing. Solo is kind of a dick, but I don’t know if I would go so far as to say he’s gone to the Dark side.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Rey said, shaking her head gently. “He’s so kind. He’s so generous and sweet. He’s… He would never…” She felt a tear roll down her cheek and wiped it away frustratedly. “God. I’m pathetic. I’m sorry.” Rose squeezed her shoulder as they walked.

“Here we are,” Rose said as they approached the one-eyed witch. They pulled out their wands and went on either side of the statue.

“Hold on,” Rey said, tapping the witch’s hump with her wand and muttering, _“Dissendium.”_ The witch’s hump swung open and Rey climbed inside the tunnel, holding out her wand. _“Homenum Revelio.”_

Nothing happened.

Rey climbed back out of the statue. “No one in there. Let’s seal it up.”

***

When Rey got back to her room after standing guard, the sunlight of the new day was pouring in. She was too exhausted to even be thankful that class was canceled. Not bothering to take off her robes, she kicked off her shoes and fell into bed. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes suddenly—the pillow still smelled of Ben, that subtle scent of cedar and pine. It made her ache for yesterday morning, when she’d woken up so content on Ben’s chest… That seemed like years ago. She longed for the calm before the storm she now found herself in.

She sat up. She could feel him coming down the hall. She stared at the door, waiting for him to knock.

When he did, she opened the door wandlessly, still sitting on her bed. He seemed smaller than normal, even though his tall form still filled the door frame.

He stared at her, hesitant to come in.

“Ben… tell me what’s going on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!


	14. Ben Solo

He came into the room, closing the door behind him. It was deadly silent while Rey waited for him to say something, still sitting on her bed. They stared at each other.

Ben took a breath. “I’m not Kylo Ren.”

Relief flooded through her for a split second, until she noticed the look on his face. She waited for him to continue.

“After I left Hogwarts, I went back to America. I worked for the Resistance—for my mother.” He looked down in thought, figuring out what to say next. “I’m good at Defense Against the Dark Arts, so I mostly did some grunt work. Sabotaging known First Order establishments and hideouts. Battling Stormtroopers. Freeing prisoners of war. But the First Order was gaining power, and the Resistance was weakening. What I was doing wasn’t enough, and I knew it.”

Rey stayed silent. She looked at her hands as she listened.

“I approached my mother and volunteered to be an intelligence officer. She said no; the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo would never be able to spy on the First Order… I said the grandson of Darth Vader could. I told her, if anyone was going to betray the Resistance, it would be me.” His eyes clouded over.

Rey’s heart began beating faster. She watched him warily.

“I joined the First Order and… proved my worth,” he continued.

Rey’s eyebrows knit at the vague sentence. “What does that mean?”

“It means I did some things I’m not proud of,” he answered. “I gave the Supreme Leader intelligence about the Resistance. I had to gain his trust. I had to prove I was no longer Ben Solo.” He met her eyes for a long time, then he looked down again. His face was expressionless. “I became Kylo Ren.”

She stood up, taking out her wand. He looked at it. “You don’t need that. Why do you still use it?”

She faltered, lowering her wand indecisively.

“Rey, I need you to listen to me. Kylo Ren was an act.”

“An act?” she whispered. “You killed Rose’s sister.”

He stared at her, face still a mask of neutrality. “I was fighting a war.” She didn’t look convinced. “My mission was to gather intelligence for the Resistance. I had to stay undercover.” His neutral expression broke, only for a moment, revealing remorse underneath. “I wasn’t Ben Solo anymore. If Kylo Ren saw two Stormtroopers deserting, he would kill them.”

“You didn’t kill Rose.”

“She Stunned me.”

Rey gripped her wand. “So you _would_ have killed Rose.”

Ben looked frustrated. “I did what I had to do for my mission. I would have killed Rose a thousand times if it meant bringing down the First Order.”

Rey stared at him. “But you didn’t bring down the First Order. They’re here.”

“Rey—”

“They’re here, and you let them in.”

“I DIDN’T!” he yelled, fist coming down on the wall behind him, and Rey dropped her wand. She held up her hand. Ben stared at her fingers before meeting her gaze. “I told you the truth. I told Finn the truth. I am not Kylo Ren.”

“You weren’t Ben Solo,” Rey argued. “You said it yourself. If you weren’t Ben Solo, who were you?”

“Rey.” His eyes were pleading. “You know me.”

“How did you get out?”

He sighed. “I was second-in-command. At this point, most people in the Resistance didn’t even know who I was. They assumed Ben Solo was dead, and it was better that way. Better for me not to be connected to him—to me.” He frowned. “My correspondence with my contacts in the Resistance was rare. I still informed them of major First Order plots, but when I was with the Supreme Leader, I almost forgot who Ben Solo was. I was Kylo Ren. I…” He hesitated. He looked at her, and she saw something like fear in his eyes. “I killed traitors without hesitation.”

“You killed Resistance fighters.”

He swallowed and nodded. _“I_ was a traitor. I… I completely lost… whoever Ben Solo was. Whoever played Quidditch with you, he was gone. Replaced by this… monster.”

Rey still held her hand out, fingers extended. Waiting.

“After five years as Kylo Ren… the Supreme Leader said I was ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“Ready to assassinate Leia Organa. Ready to end the Resistance.”

The room was silent. Neither of them moved.

“I killed the Supreme Leader instead.”

Rey stared. “Then how is the First Order still around?”

“When a Supreme Leader dies, the second-in-command is the successor.”

“So you became the Supreme Leader.”

He nodded. “For a little while. I destroyed every piece of intelligence I could find—relating to myself, to Ben Solo, to the location of every Resistance base and the identity of every Resistance officer. I fought my way out and modified the memory every person I came across to think that the Supreme Leader killed me and then himself.”

“So the First Order thinks that Kylo Ren is their… fallen prince or something.”

“More or less.”

“And, so… what, they’ve found you now?”

“I don’t think so. When I was Kylo Ren, there was always some far-off plot to infiltrate Hogwarts. They might just be carrying it out now.”

“But why would they take Marnie? Of all people? Why wouldn’t they take McGonagall, or Longbottom… or even just a more skilled student?”

Ben looked at her. “Maybe they’ve found you.”


	15. The Same

Rey stared at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Ben turned his gaze pointedly to her outstretched hand. Rey glanced at her discarded wand on the floor. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Finally, Rey lowered her hand. “Does… Does McGonagall know about you?”

He nodded. “When I left the First Order, I Apparated to the nearest Resistance Base—or, just outside the nearest base. You can’t Apparate directly in. When the guards saw me, I was in pretty bad shape. I passed out right in front of them with my mask still on…. They brought me into the base and treated me, which was a stupid thing to do.” His eyes darkened. “It could have been a trap. I could’ve alerted the First Order of their whereabouts. I could’ve killed them. But they helped me.” He shook his head absently. “When I was well enough, they had a Legilimens ask me questions. I told her I was Ben Solo. She told the rest of them I was lying.” He grimaced. “She was right. Saying my own name felt like a lie at that point. And they all believed Ben Solo was dead, anyway.” He breathed out a laugh, hollow and void of humor. “I thought he might be, too.”

Rey watched him intensely, not saying a word.

“I asked them to let me see Organa and they laughed in my face. No fucking way were they putting her in the same room as Kylo Ren. I just… I started to beg. Just contact Organa. Just tell her I’m here. Please just tell her I’m alive.” His eyebrows knit for a moment and then he broke into a smile, for the first time since he’d been in Rey’s room. “And then I started to beg for Poe.”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh. “Poe?”

Ben nodded and chuckled. “I wanted to see Doe Pameron.” His smile faded slightly. “I barely remembered what he looked like. And by that time, he was a famous Quidditch player, so everyone already knew who he was, but he was also an ally for the Resistance. So they brought him in.”

“How did he react?”

“He thought I was dead, too. He was… furious, at first. But he was a lot quicker to believe me than the others.” Ben looked deep in thought. “I felt like, every day, I was losing a little more of Kylo Ren, and… and slowly getting back Ben Solo. And I think Poe helped a lot with that.” Ben exhaled. “And then my parents came.”

Rey waited for more.

“I don’t think…” Ben shook his head. “I don’t know if they’ve ever actually forgiven me.” He was quiet for a minute. “They were both… y’know, happy to see me. My mom gave me this hug that made me feel like a kid again and that feeling was so…” Rey saw glossy tears brim his eyes, fighting to escape. “It was such a relief that I was still—that maybe I was still me—” One of the tears slid down his cheek and he wiped it away with his hand. Another tear escaped down the other cheek and he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Keep going,” Rey said quietly.

“Nobody in the First Order—nobody still alive—really knew I was Kylo Ren. But I couldn’t work for the Resistance anymore. I couldn’t fight anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t trust myself,” Ben said. “I’m not Kylo Ren anymore… but I can still… feel him. Somewhere in there. It’s such a small part that I barely notice it. But if I go back into the Resistance, if I fight in this war anymore… I’m afraid that part will grow.”

Rey’s eyes fell from Ben to the floor.

Ben was silent for a moment. “I think my mom is afraid of the same thing. She didn’t want to send me back either. She and McGonagall arranged the job for me here, and Poe was hired at the same time. He says he was planning to retire from Quidditch anyway… but I think he’s as scared as I am. He lost me for five years.”

It was hushed between them for a few minutes. Rey didn’t know what to say. She felt Ben’s eyes on her and she sat back on her bed, crossing her arms. Ben shifted his weight from one foot to the other and she could almost feel his anxiety.

Ben opened and closed his mouth a few times before speaking. “Do you believe me?”

Rey looked up at him. She uncrossed her arms, resting her hands on the mattress with her elbows locked. “I believe you, Ben.”

She could feel relief soothe some of the tension in his chest, but he could feel her hesitation. “What are you thinking?”

She knit her eyebrows. “I’m thinking about yesterday. And how safe I felt with you.”

“I…” He searched for the right words. “I’m the same as I was yesterday.”

Rey gave a small nod. “I don’t think I am.”

Ben stared at her. He nodded; she saw a tint of red color his cheeks. “I should go.”

Tears suddenly appeared in Rey’s eyes. She looked down. “Yes. You should.”

When she looked up again, he was gone.


	16. Friends

Poe awoke to the sound of knocking on his door and groaned. Early morning sunlight was still streaming in his window and he checked his clock; he’d been asleep for less than an hour. He turned over and pulled his blankets up roughly, until they were half-covering his face. He closed his eyes again.

“Yavin,” a voice said outside his door, and the portrait swung open. Poe kept his eyes shut and remained motionless. Heavy footsteps entered his room and the door swung closed. It was quiet as Poe pretended to sleep, but he could tell he wasn’t very convincing. “Poe… I lost her.”

Poe sat up immediately, hearing the wavering tone in his friend’s voice. He took in Ben’s appearance. Eyebrows knit. Hair disheveled from running his hands through it. Mouth tightly closed. Eyes red and glossy.

Poe swung his legs to the side of his bed, making room for Ben to sit. “What do you mean?”

“Rey. I lost Rey.”

“What did you do?”

Ben looked at him. He waved his hand in the direction of the door and the room got quieter. “I told her.”

Poe stood up. “You _told_ her?”

Ben looked up at him. He nodded silently, face sinking into his hands.

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because she would have made me tell her anyway!” Ben said, voice muffled behind his hands. “I had to tell her the truth. She deserves the truth.”

Poe began to pace. “Okay. Sure. Plutt deserves the truth—”

“Don’t call her that.”

“—but I feel like I should remind you that what you did is—is— _top secret information.”_

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“She’s not even with the Resistance.”

“She’s not with the First Order.”

“Do we know that?” Poe pressed. “I like Rey. I think she’s great. But I don’t go around telling her confidential Resistance business.”

Ben looked offended. “Are you saying Rey is with the First Order?”

“No. I’m saying we haven’t seen her since our seventh year and we should be careful.”

“If we should be careful around anyone, it’s your idiot boyfriend.”

Poe stopped pacing. “My idiot boyfriend?”

Ben stood up. “Your idiot boyfriend who tried to duel me in the Headmistress’s office.”

There was a beat. “I noticed you didn’t pull your wand,” Poe said quietly. “You weren’t planning on dueling him.”

Ben stopped. He stepped back. His eyes flashed. “What the fuck are you accusing me of?”

Poe said nothing.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Poe?” Ben stepped toward him again. “You actually think I would fucking do that?”

Poe could only hold Ben’s gaze for a moment before he broke and looked down. “I’m sorry. No. I don’t. I don’t know why I said that.”

Ben stared at him. He sat back down on the bed, face burying itself again into his hands.

“She’s never going to trust me again.”

Poe sat next to him and patted his shoulder. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“It’s a lot to take in. You did… a lot of things when you were him. But you went into it for the right reasons.”

Ben lowered his hands into his lap and gazed at the floor. “That doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does matter. You crippled the First Order singlehandedly.”

“But I didn’t end it. And now her favorite student is… gone. Recruited. Maybe dead.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. It isn’t. You left the First Order five years ago. There’s no way you could have known.”

Ben looked at Poe. “I should have known. When she saved you from that fall. I should have known they would come after her.” He fidgeted with his hands before intertwining them tightly, staring straight ahead. “I didn’t even get to take her on a date.”

“Buddy.” Poe flicked Ben’s cheek lightly. Ben looked at him again. Poe pulled him into a hug. “You’re gonna be okay.”

Ben hugged him back tightly. “I stayed in her room the other night.”

“Nice.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Ben said, shaking his head against Poe’s shoulder before they pulled back from the hug. “She had this nightmare. I heard the whole thing because our wands were still connected from night patrol. I went to her room and we just… fell asleep together.”

Poe watched him. Ben rubbed his nose and inhaled deeply. He let out the breath slowly.

“It was the best I’ve slept in five years,” Ben said. “She makes me feel like… like nothing bad has ever happened to me. Or _could_ ever happen. She makes me feel like… Ben Solo. Just Ben Solo. No one else.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“It’s too late.”

“It’s never too late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Poe! Let me know what you thought! Thanks so much for reading this far, guys!


	17. The Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and McGonagall are asking the big questions

The delicate, whirring instruments left over from the days of Dumbledore still hummed in the background of McGonagall’s office. Poe stood quietly off to one side of the Headmistress’s desk with a quill and pad; on the other side was an Auror sent by the Ministry. A squat, balding man with a combover and slightly buggy eyes, self-writing quill quivering in anticipation next to him. They all stared at the student in front of them. She stared back.

“Am I in trouble?” Tzipora asked.

“No, Ms. Fletcher. We just need to ask you about what you saw on Halloween.” McGonagall adjusted her glasses. “When was the last time—“

“When was the last time you saw Marnie Green?” The Auror asked, quill already scribbling on the pad. McGonagall glanced sideways at him.

“Who are you?” Tzipora replied, distrust in her eyes.

The man smiled. He bent down to Tzipora’s eye level. “Augustus Lockwood. I work for the Auror office at the Ministry, in London. Do you know where that is?”

Tzipora looked nonplussed. “London? You’re asking me if I know where London is?” She gave McGonagall a look that said _Who’s this clown?_ Poe thought he saw the corners of McGonagall’s mouth turn up, but figured it must be a trick of the light. Tzipora looked back at the man. “If you’re an Auror, do you know Harry Potter?”

Lockwood’s smile stiffened; Poe wondered how many times a day he was asked that question. “Mr. Potter is a very busy man. He and I don’t get a chance to talk very often.”

Tzipora appeared bored by his answer. “I was Harry Potter for Halloween. He’s my hero.”

Lockwood nodded politely. “Speaking of Halloween,” he said, “tell us about the last time you saw your friend Mary.”

“Marnie.”

“Right, Marnie.”

“I don’t really remember,” Tzipora started. “I remember waking up, putting on my costume… I remember going to my classes. I remember Professor Solo’s costume.”

“Was Marnie with you during your classes?” Poe asked, glancing at Lockwood’s frantically scribbling quill.

Tzipora nodded. “Our last class of the day is Herbology, with the Gryffindors. Marnie was embarrassed all day because she didn’t have a costume to wear. Professor Longbottom let us out a few minutes early so he could set up for trick-or-treating. And then…” She faltered and knit her eyebrows. “After we got back to the castle, it’s blurry.”

“Do you remember seeing anyone after you entered the castle? Any faces?” McGonagall asked.

Tzipora thought hard. “We met Connor in the Entrance Hall. His last class is Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Solo walked past us and went up the Grand Staircase…. That’s it.”

“This Professor Solo,” Lockwood started, saying the name slowly, “What was he dressed as?”

Tzipora smirked. “He was wearing these lion pajamas, for most of the day anyway. I think Professor Rey made them for him.”

Poe frowned.

The Auror nodded. “And Professor Rey. Tell me about her.”

“She started this year. She teaches Transfiguration. She’s great.”

“Are you close with her?”

She nodded. “Me and Marnie and Connor like her a lot. She’s sort of the reason we became friends.”

“Did Marnie ever talk about leaving Hogwarts?”

Tzipora balked. “She was terrified of leaving this place. She was constantly talking about being expelled, for like, the dumbest things. She was actually talking about staying in the castle for Christmas.”

“Is there any reason you think she might have left?”

Tzipora shook her head. “She would never have left on her own.”

“Have you heard of the First Order, Ms. Fletcher?” Lockwood asked, and Poe and McGonagall swiveled around to stare at him.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Mr.—”

“Did Marnie ever talk about the First Order? Have you heard any other students bring it up? Any teachers? Perhaps Professor Rey?”

“Aren’t the First Order, like… wizard Nazis?”

“I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate,” Lockwood said, and Poe glowered at him.

“I’ve only heard of it from the American students,” Tzipora said. “Greg Marsden, Hannah Rodriguez, Darius Stanfield, they always talk about it. It’s kind of annoying, really.”

“Greg Marsden… Hannah Rodriguez… Darius Stanfield,” Lockwood muttered to his quill. He checked the pad to make sure it had written them down. “Actually, Professor McGonagall, I’d like a complete list of all of your American students and staff.”

“Why is that?” Poe said lowly. Lockwood smiled stiffly at him.

“Merely a formality,” he explained. “The First Order has American roots, so it would be helpful to rule out the most likely culprits.”

“The most likely culprits?” Poe asked. “You mean the refugees?”

Before Lockwood could respond, Tzipora piped up. “Hang on, is Marnie working for the Nazis?”

“They’re not Nazis,” Lockwood corrected, and Poe’s anger flared. “And at this point, Ms. Fletcher, we’re not ruling out any possibilities. There is evidence of First Order involvement.”

“Tzipora, they’re basically Nazis,” Poe assured her, with a pointed glare at Lockwood. “And Marnie is not working for them.”

“You seem awfully sure of that, Mr. Dameron,” Lockwood said, buggy eyes drifting to Poe. “What is your history with the First Order?”

“His history with the First Order is irrelevant to this interrogation,” McGonagall stated. “And I’m afraid it is also above your pay grade, Mr. Lockwood.” She turned back to Tzipora. “Fletcher, did Green seem afraid that day? Distraught?”

“She was freaking out about her costume, like I said. She didn’t have one. I wouldn’t say she was _afraid._ Just self-conscious.”

“Anyone around you acting strangely that day?”

“I mean, it was Halloween,” Tzipora replied, “so everyone was sort of antsy all day. Excited. The teachers all dressed up—I was surprised Professor Solo did.”

“Why’s that?” Lockwood asked.

“He never seemed like the type to dress up,” she explained. “I guess that’s why he changed back into his robes after class.”

Poe frowned again. “What was he wearing?” he asked.

“Just, like, his usual robes,” she said. “Must’ve changed when Rey wasn’t looking. Can’t blame the poor guy.”

Poe scribbled on his note pad. He felt McGonagall’s eyes on him for a moment before she turned back to the first year. “Is there anything else you can think of, Fletcher? Anything unusual?”

Tzipora thought. “Marnie seemed quieter than usual. That’s all I can think of.”

McGonagall nodded. “You may leave, Ms. Fletcher. Please send Mr. Lazlo in.”

***

Connor stared at them. “Are we in trouble?”

“No, Lazlo. Just answer a few questions for us and you can go.”

“Describe your relationship with Professor Rey,” Lockwood said.

Connor peered at him. He glanced at McGonagall.

“This is Mr. Lockwood with the Auror office,” she explained. Connor nodded.

“I bet people ask you about Harry Potter all the time,” he said. Lockwood nodded politely.

“Tell us about Professor Rey.”

“She’s… really nice,” Connor said. “I guess she’s my favorite teacher. Her and Professor Solo.” Lockwood was silent, so Connor carried on. “She started this year. She’s friends with Mr. Finn. And I think she’s dating Professor Solo.”

“Any talk of the First Order?” asked Lockwood.

Connor stared at him. He blushed. “I don’t know what that is.”

“You’ve never heard of it?”

“I’ve heard the Americans talk about it, but it seemed like something I should already know, so I was too afraid to ask.”

“Marnie never mentioned it? Professor Rey?”

Connor shook his head. “No.”

“Lazlo, tell us what you remember about Halloween,” McGonagall said.

“It’s kind of fuzzy,” he replied. “I wore my costume… I went to my classes… Professor Solo’s costume was funny.”

“Was he wearing it during your Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson?” Poe asked.

Connor nodded. “Why?”

“After Defense Against the Dark Arts, what did you do?”

“I went to the Entrance Hall to meet Marnie and Tzipora.”

“Did you see what Professor Solo did after class?”

Connor thought. “When I left class, he was erasing things off the blackboard.”

“What was he wearing?”

“His costume.” Connor knit his eyebrows. “Why is that so important?”

“Did you see him after class?”

He shook his head slightly while he thought. “I don’t remember. I don’t think so.”

“Was anyone else in the Entrance Hall with you three?” McGonagall pressed. “Try to remember.”

“I think… I saw Professor Rey?” Connor ran a hand through his hair. “On the Grand Staircase.”

Poe and McGonagall looked at each other, both faltering.

“You saw… Rey?” Poe asked. Connor nodded. “Well, what was…” Poe shook his head in confusion. “What was she wearing?”

Connor shrugged. “I dunno. Red robes, I think? I don’t remember.”

“What had she been wearing during your class that morning?” McGonagall asked.

“These weird bat robes. Like, purple and green.”

“All this talk of fashion is very interesting,” Lockwood droned. “But I must steer the conversation back toward relevant subject matter. Mr. Lazlo, did Marnie ever talk about leaving Hogwarts?”

As Lockwood rambled on, Poe and McGonagall shared a furtive glance.

***

Ben sat in front of them. His eyes lingered on Lockwood’s self-writing quill, scribbling away among the whirring of Dumbledore’s gadgets.

“How long have you worked at Hogwarts, Professor Solo?” Lockwood asked.

“Five years.”

Lockwood paused. Ben regarded him.

“I’m Augustus Lockwood, with the Auror office.”

Ben shrugged. “Okay.”

Lockwood waited. “I don’t know Harry Potter.”

“Cool.”

Lockwood shifted his weight. Next to him, the quill turned over a new page. “Has anything like Marnie’s disappearance ever happened in your career as a Hogwarts professor?”

“No.”

The Auror nodded. “Any ideas as to why it’s happened now?”

Ben shook his head. “No.”

“What is the nature of your relationship with Professor Rey?”

Ben knit his eyebrows. “Why does that matter?”

“Answer the question, Mr. Solo.”

Ben glanced at Poe, then shrugged again. “I have romantic feelings for Professor Rey.”

“Are these feelings reciprocated?”

Ben glared at the Auror. “Yes. They were.”

“They were? You mean they’re not now?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask her.”

“Oh, I’m planning on it,” Lockwood assured him. “Now, tell me what you know about the First Order.”

“Not much,” Ben shrugged. “I know they took over Ilvermorny a long time ago, but my parents sent me to Hogwarts for school. I’ve mostly lived in the UK ever since, so I’ve never really been affected by them.”

“When was the last time you saw Marnie Green on Halloween?”

Ben thought. “It would have been… during her class that day, I guess. Second period.”

“What was her demeanor like?”

“She’s always been quiet. She told me she liked my costume.”

“The costume Professor Rey made for you.”

“Yes.”

“Can you describe Professor Rey’s relationship with Marnie Green?”

Ben watched Lockwood carefully. “Rey was protective of Marnie.”

“So Marnie trusted her?”

“Marnie knows she can trust all of her professors, just like every Hogwarts student.”

“But Marnie’s relationship with Professor Rey was special, was it not?”

Ben glowered at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, on paper, they’re very similar,” Lockwood said. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a manila folder, rifling through it and finding a page. “Marnie Green suffered abuse at the hands of her Muggle family before her acceptance to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

Ben said nothing. Lockwood reached for another folder and found a page.

“Rey Plutt also suffered abuse as a child. Were you aware of this, Mr. Solo?”

“Tell me how this is relevant to this investigation.”

“Because this woman returned to Hogwarts after eight years to take up a teaching position, and a mere two months later, a student whom she was close to, with a very similar past, has turned up missing. And the First Order has taken credit for her disappearance.”

Ben stared at Lockwood, then glanced at Poe. “This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Mr. Solo, using that kind of language is—”

“You think Rey is responsible for Marnie’s disappearance.” Ben looked at Poe again. Poe said nothing.

“It is a compelling case,” Lockwood said.

“Bullshit.” Ben stood up. “There is no case. Rey didn’t do this.”

“You seem awfully sure about that. Do you have any ideas as to who is responsible?”

“Of course I fucking don’t,” Ben argued, and Lockwood turned to McGonagall.

“Has he always had this short a temper?”

“Fuck you.” Ben’s anger was rolling off of him in waves. Lockwood shrunk in his seat. Ben turned and strode toward the door, robes rippling behind him.

“This interview is not over, Mr. Solo, you cannot leave,” Lockwood warned, but Ben ignored him. He put his hand on the doorknob and Lockwood pulled out his wand. Thick ropes came forth from it and shot at Ben.

Ben held out his hand. The ropes halted in midair. They seemed to wait for his command.

Lockwood whimpered. With a twitch of Ben’s hand, the ropes attacked Lockwood instead, wrapping around him tightly and bringing him to the floor.

Poe stared, wide-eyed, at the Auror wheezing on the floor, and heard a _click_ on the other side of the room.

The door was shut, and Ben was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments so far! I love them all!


	18. Babysitter

Poe quickly began to unravel the ropes with his wand.

_“Get these off of me!”_

“That’s what I’m doing,” Poe argued. “You need to stay still.” The Auror wriggled in his binds and Poe rolled his eyes. “I’m starting to think the Ministry didn’t send their best guy,” he said to McGonagall.

McGonagall pursed her lips. Lockwood squeaked as the ropes fell off of him and he scrambled back to his feet. He rounded on the Headmistress.

“Is this how you run your school? You allow professors to attack Ministry officials?”

McGonagall glared at the man. She stood up. “If the ministry official in question poses a danger to my school, then yes.” Lockwood balked.

_“A danger to your school?_ Professor, you’ve got enough danger in your school without me in it.”

“Then I suggest you leave, Mr. Lockwood.”

Lockwood faltered. “Yes,” he breathed, eyes nearly popping out of his head, “I will leave.” He reached for his briefcase. “Expect a letter from the Ministry requesting Professor Solo’s resignation.”

“Then Harry Potter can expect a letter from Leia Organa, detailing how you used excessive force on her son,” Poe said. The look on the Auror’s face made him smirk. 

“Leia Organa?”

“You said Potter is a very busy man,” Poe murmured with mock concern. “I wonder how he would react if he found out you attacked the President’s son.” He turned to McGonagall. “Do you think Gus here would still be an Auror after that, Professor?”

“I was surprised he got the job in the first place, he was hopeless as a student,” McGonagall said briskly. “And I’ve heard from Potter that your job is on thin ice to begin with, Mr. Lockwood.”

Lockwood’s face turned a concerning shade of red. He gripped his briefcase tightly. “Perhaps Professor Solo will be allowed to retain his position here,” he hissed. “Notifying Mr. Potter is unnecessary. I would appreciate your discretion on this matter. Good day.”

After the door closed, Poe and McGonagall looked at each other tensely. They shared a sigh. Poe plopped down in the seat Ben had been sitting in minutes before and McGonagall rested her hands on her desk.

“Dameron, explain to me what the hell Solo was thinking,” she said lowly.

“Ma’am, I have no idea.” Poe shook his head. “He’s under a lot of stress. With the First Order business. You know.”

“Unfortunately, I do know,” McGonagall said. “But we arranged your position here for a reason. Solo needs someone to keep him grounded.”

“Yes, ma’am, I know.” Poe looked at his hands in his lap. He felt the Headmistress watching him for a few moments before he met her eyes. “Do you trust Rey?”

McGonagall considered. “I think Lockwood is a moron. But Rey was close with Green. She has also demonstrated the same unique abilities as Solo. And there was no evidence of First Order presence at this school until this year.”

Poe grimaced and nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.” His heart gave a rather pronounced _thump_ at the prospect of Plutt being a Darksider; he thought of how Finn would react if Poe voiced his concerns. How Ben would react.

“We’ll have to investigate this further,” McGonagall muttered, wiping her tired eyes and blinking. She looked at Poe. “Don’t tell Solo about this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Poe assured her.

***

“We think Plutt might be a Darksider.”

“Don’t call her— _what?”_ Ben ogled him as Poe paced Ben’s room. “You’re joking.”

“No. I’m not,” Poe said quickly, throwing a glance in Ben’s direction.

“Has everyone gone insane?” Ben asked in a high voice, an incredulous look on his face.

“Ben, think about it.” Poe stopped pacing. “We’ve never had any problems here. Not even when we first got the job. Not one hint of the First Order for five years. And now we have a student missing.”

“You sound like that dumbass Auror,” Ben said.

“Yeah, we’ll get to him later,” Poe said, running a hand through his hair. “Ben, you _have_ to see that it makes sense.”

“Poe. I trust her.” Ben looked at him gravely.

“But _why?”_ Poe begged. “You haven’t trusted anyone but me for half a decade and now this kid who was three years younger than us—who you never even spoke to in school—shows up and you just tell her your whole life story?”

Ben watched him. “Is that what this is?”

Poe faltered. “What?”

“I finally have someone to laugh with and get close to and—and—you get _jealous?”_

_“Jealous?”_ Poe laughed. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“You think that because Rey showed interest in me, she must be evil? That there must be something wrong with her?”

Poe looked at him. “You know that’s not true.”

“You think because I was Kylo fucking Ren there’s no hope for me now? You’re all I have, right?”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Ben,” Poe said quietly. “I can’t let that happen.”

“You’re not my fucking babysitter, Poe,” Ben argued.

“Actually, I kind of fucking am,” Poe spat, and Ben wavered. “I _mourned you._ You were _dead._ And then I get this letter that Kylo Ren wants to speak to me, come to America immediately, this is an order, all that shit, and I go and I see _you._ You wanna know what I thought?”

Ben stayed silent.

“I thought Kylo Ren was fucking with me. That he knew my best friend was dead and he was trying to get in my head. I thought he was trying to torture me.”

Ben couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. He looked down.

“I had made—I had made peace with the fact that you were dead. And now you were alive. And you’d been working for _them.”_ Poe shook his head as he thought. “And for a while there—to me, you were dead again.” Ben watched as Poe’s eyes filled with tears. Poe blinked them away. “But it’s—it’s my best friend, laying there in front of me on this hospital bed, crying.… And I could still—I could still see something. Something weird in your eyes. You weren’t the same. But you’d taken them down alone and you needed me. I took the job here, and I was happy to do it. But if you leave again, if you die again, I’ll fucking kill you. You got that, asshole?”

Ben stared at him for a long time. He nodded.

“I don’t trust Rey. And I don’t think you should either.”

Ben’s face was impassive. Poe sighed.

“And now. Lockwood.”

“Who?”

_“The Auror.”_

Ben nodded.

“McGonagall and I got rid of the problem, I think. But you can’t just go around Kylo Ren-ing people who talk shit about your girlfriend.”

Ben raised his hands defensively and Poe flinched. Ben put his hands down again. “Poe, if I was doing that, you’d be blasted through that brick wall right now.”

Poe glared at him for a second before snorting. “True.” He nodded, thinking. “He’s either gonna come back for more interrogations, or he’s scared shitless of you and they’re gonna send someone else. It’s probably the latter.”

Ben conceded with a shrug.

“Rey seems to be their prime suspect, but you need to be careful not to draw attention to yourself. Which you already failed at. Just… just avoid people from the Ministry altogether.”

“I’m not just gonna let them attack Rey like that. If she’s their prime suspect, I’m going to defend her.”

Poe glared at him. “If you’re going to defend her, you will help your case immensely by not attacking Aurors. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Does that sound like something you can do?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Good. Now I’m gonna go to Finn’s room.”

“Cool.”

“We’ll probably have sex.”

“Use protection.”

“What are you, my babysitter?”


	19. Almost the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all the feedback so far! I absolutely love and appreciate every comment. Thank you for sticking around!

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“How did it go today?”

Poe grimaced. He walked into Finn’s room and closed the door behind him. “It was long. And frustrating. But now I’m here, so everything’s okay.” He looked at Finn for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug, resting his hand on the back of Finn’s neck. Finn gripped him back.

“Poe, are you sure you’re okay?”

Poe nodded. With Finn’s arms around him, he could already feel himself starting to relax. He pressed a kiss to Finn’s temple and flopped down on the bed. Finn lay down next to him and they faced each other on the pillows. Poe’s hand crept up to caress Finn’s cheek and Finn closed his eyes. Watching him made Poe’s heart settle in his chest. “I love you.”

Finn opened his eyes slowly and smiled. “I love you, too.”

“Who, me?” Poe grinned, and leaned in to kiss him. It was firm and soft and warm. Finn’s hand found its way into Poe’s curly hair and the kiss deepened; Poe brushed Finn’s waist and belly with his fingertips and Finn smiled into the kiss.

Poe broke the kiss and pressed his lips gently along Finn’s jawline and down his neck, going slowly to make everything in this moment last longer. “I have a question,” Finn whispered.

“I have an answer,” Poe murmured against Finn’s skin, giving him goosebumps.

“Why—” Finn hissed as Poe swirled his tongue along his pulse point—“Why did McGonagall—” he groaned as Poe’s hand went under the fabric of his shirt and ghosted against his stomach muscles. The muscles twitched wherever Poe touched. He inhaled deeply, trying to concentrate. “Why did— _fuck,”_ he breathed, as Poe began to suck and swirl along his collarbone. “Poe, why—why did McGonagall ask you to do the interrogations?”

Poe’s lips hesitated on Finn’s skin. He leaned back, keeping his hand on Finn’s waist. His eyes were impassive. “She trusts me.”

“More than Longbottom and Flitwick? I mean, they were all in the Battle of Hogwarts together. They’ve known each other for decades.”

“I have certain qualifications…” Poe said vaguely, but then he shook his head. What was he doing? If Ben told Rey about his past after two months, surely he could tell Finn after knowing him for five years. He met his eyes seriously. Finn stilled. “I’m in the Resistance.”

Finn’s eyes widened. “How long?”

“Since before we met.”

“And you never… you never told me?” Finn looked confused rather than angry. Somehow, that was worse.

“Well, y’know, it’s not really something you’re supposed to advertise,” Poe said quietly, breaking eye contact. His thumb brushed along Finn’s waist absentmindedly. The room was filled only with the sound of their breathing.

“What are you doing at Hogwarts then?” Finn asked. “Instead of fighting the war?”

“They put me here to keep an eye on… things,” Poe said. “In case something goes wrong.”

“Something goes wrong, as in… the First Order coming to Hogwarts.”

Poe could tell where the conversation was going, and proceeded carefully. “Yeah, something like that.” He caressed Finn’s side again and didn’t feel like looking into his eyes, so his gaze settled on Finn’s full lips, which were set in a straight line.

“So I’m assuming you’re investigating Solo, then,” Finn said quietly.

“Finn…” Poe sighed. “Please don’t start that again.”

“Why not?” Finn asked, and Poe could feel him tense under his fingers. “Why don’t you believe me?” He sounded hurt. That broke Poe’s heart, but Finn wasn’t ready for the truth. At least, not the full truth.

“Ben was in the Resistance, too.”

Finn faltered. “What?”

Poe nodded. “Same as me.” He hesitated. “Actually, he’s done a lot more than me.”

Finn sat up, shaking his head. “No. That can’t be right.”

Poe followed him up, rubbing a hand on his back. “It’s true, buddy.”

Finn thought for a moment. “What do you mean, he _was_ in the Resistance?”

“He… He’s not involved anymore. There was a mission. He… it fucked him up pretty bad. He was discharged.”

“What was the mission?”

Poe shook his head. “I can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”

Finn looked at him for a long time before nodding. Poe watched him think. “But… his _voice…”_

“What do you mean?” Poe asked with a frown.

“It’s the same. It’s the same as _his.”_

“But Kylo Ren used a voice changer,” Poe said, and Finn nodded.

“It’s hard to explain. It’s the _way_ he talks. The way he moves. I was certain… Well, I thought he might be. I was never sure enough to say anything, until now. When he found the First Order vandalism, I was… I was _so sure.”_

“You worked with Kylo Ren?” Poe asked. Finn almost never discussed his time as a Stormtrooper.

Finn nodded. “He oversaw my battalion. I saw him every day.”

“What was… What was he like?” Poe prompted. He wanted to know. He didn’t want to know.

Finn looked at him steadily. “He was evil.”

Poe’s stomach dropped. He waited for Finn to say more, but he didn’t. Poe knew he never would.


	20. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's getting a little nervous

Someone knocked on her door gently. She glanced up from her work.

It wasn’t Ben.

“Come in.”

“Jedi.” The door swung open. Finn walked in with a wide grin. “Thanksgiving is fast approaching, peanut.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just knock down my door.”

Finn flopped down on her bed. “Maybe you didn’t hear me. I said, _Thanksgiving is coming.”_

Rey stared at him. “And?”

“And the President is visiting!”

“She is?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “McGonagall told us, like, three weeks ago.”

“Oh,” Rey said absently, thinking back to that staff meeting. She’d been a little distracted with the earth-shattering news that Ben was Kylo Ren and she may not have been paying attention. “Why do you care so much? You can’t stand Ben, I figured that would apply to his whole family.”

“Maybe I was wrong to hate Solo,” Finn admitted, and Rey’s jaw dropped. “And anyway, I need to talk to Organa. I want to help the Resistance.”

“You do?”

Finn nodded. “I’ve wanted to since before I escaped the First Order. So now’s my chance. I’m going to talk to her while she’s here.”

“How do you know she’ll take you?”

Finn gave her a sly look. “I have an in.”

“Poe?” she asked, and he stared at her.

“How did you know?”

She blanched. “Ben told me about him.”

Finn nodded sagely. “Poe told me about Solo.”

It was her turn to stare. “No fucking way.”

Finn nodded again. “He told me Solo was in the Resistance and got messed up. Had to be discharged.”

Rey hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. Messed up.”

Finn grinned again. “Isn’t this exciting? Organa won’t know what hit her. Next hero of the Resistance? This guy,” he said, pointing to himself.

Rey couldn’t help but smile herself. “You’re gonna be great, peanut.”

He stood up again and gave her a wink before leaving her room. She went back to grading papers.

***

Rey looked out at the Thanksgiving feast. The students were all eating happily; the Fat Friar was telling jokes at the Hufflepuff table and had quite an audience. She picked at her turkey leg and mashed potatoes idly, glancing nervously to her left at the guest of honor.

“So, Professor Plutt, tell me about yourself,” President Organa said.

The official statement was that Organa was visiting Hogwarts over Thanksgiving to spend time with her son, but Rey knew she was investigating the extent of the First Order’s influence within the castle. It was only logical. When the president had arrived, her eyes seemed to linger on Rey while they shook hands. It had made the knot in Rey’s chest tighten.

“Please, call me Rey, Madam President,” Rey replied, and Organa smiled.

“Well, in that case, just call me Leia.”

Rey nodded and smiled politely. “Well, I started teaching here in September,” she said.

“And what were you up to before that?”

_Oh god, is she investigating_ me?

“Wandmaking, mostly,” Rey answered. “Lots of traveling.”

“Traveling?”

_Shit. Not_ that _much traveling._

She nodded. “Croatia, Serbia, North Macedonia—that region, mostly.”

“Ever been to America?”

_She’s definitely investigating me._

“No, but I’ve always wanted to go. I’ve heard North American pine makes a great wand wood.” Rey took a bite of her food. “Have you been to Britain before?”

Leia nodded. “A few times. I try to visit my son when I can.”

Rey’s heart thumped at the thought of Ben and she took another bite of food. She wondered why Leia would choose to talk to her now instead of spending Thanksgiving with her son.

“I requested to sit next to you,” Leia said, as if she’d heard Rey’s thoughts. Rey looked at her questioningly. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Minerva.”

“Good things, I hope,” she joked nervously, and Leia’s eyes appeared to be X-raying her. Rey blushed.

Leia smiled. “I hope.”

***

Rey sat in the spindly chair, feeling rather exposed as Poe, McGonagall, and Leia observed her. It was quiet as they waited for her to speak first.

“I can see why you would be suspicious of me,” Rey started quickly. “I’m a new addition to the staff and I was close with Marnie. But I’ve done nothing wrong.”

They looked surprised.

“We’re just trying to straighten things out, Rey,” Leia said. “We need you to walk us through what you did on Halloween. The entire day.”

“The entire day?” Rey asked, and they all nodded. “Well—” she glanced at Leia— “Ben and I woke up late—he had stayed in my room because I had a nightmare—nothing happened.” Leia stayed silent. Rey cleared her throat. “I made him this lion costume—”

“And he wore it?” Leia asked. Rey nodded. Leia raised her eyebrows.

“I wore this bat costume. It was purple and green. Anyway, we were a little late for our first classes, but the rest of the day was pretty normal. We took some pictures during lunch of all our costumes.”

Rey glanced at Poe. His face was impassive.

“Was Marnie Green at lunch that day?” Leia asked.

Rey thought. “I don’t know. A lot of students ate outside for lunch that day. She might have been on the grounds.”

“So, when would you say you last saw Green?”

“During her class with me,” Rey said. “Fourth period.”

“Are you sure about that?” Poe asked, voice cold. Rey looked at him. She nodded.

“I’m sure.”

“Did you change out of your costume at all that day?” Poe questioned.

Rey furrowed her brow. “No, why?”

“We have an eyewitness who saw you walking up the Grand Staircase in red robes after school that day. You would have walked right past Marnie.”

“Who said that?” Rey asked, genuinely confused. The three people in front of her said nothing. She shook her head. “They were wrong. I was wearing my costume all day.”

“To your knowledge, did Professor Solo change out of his costume at all that day?” McGonagall probed.

“I don’t… I don’t think so,” Rey said. “I suppose I didn’t see him after lunch that day, until he came to my classroom during trick-or-treating. He could have.” She looked at her crossed knees. “But I don’t think he would have.”

“Why don’t you think so?” Leia asked.

Rey shrugged. “Because I think he was fond enough of me to keep it on. I could be wrong.” She could feel Poe’s eyes on her, but she didn’t look at him.

“Rey, what do you know about the First Order?” Leia asked, and the room went quiet. Rey looked at all of them.

“I know Ben Solo was Kylo Ren.” They stilled. “I know he murdered Rose Tico’s sister, and he would have murdered Rose. And I know that you hired him,” she said to McGonagall, “knowing full well what he’d done. You made Rose work next to her sister’s murderer for five years.” She glared at the Headmistress. “I’m not the one with explaining to do.”

McGonagall glared back silently.

“Rey,” Leia said quietly, “Minerva and I both arranged for Ben’s position here. Do you think I would have let my son out of my sight if I had even an inkling that he was still Kylo Ren? Do you think Minerva would have let him anywhere near her students?”

Rey said nothing. She looked at Poe.

“I’ve spent every day with him for the past five years,” Poe said. “He’s Ben. He’s nobody but Ben.”

“Solo is not the one under investigation here, Plutt,” McGonagall pressed.

Rey buried her face in her hands and huffed out a breath. She looked at them. “So what do you want me to do? You want me to resign? That won’t keep another student from being taken. You want me to join the Resistance? Spy on the First Order? You want me to take Veritaserum? Prove I’m not one of them?”

Poe raised his eyebrows. “I don’t think Veritaserum is a bad idea, Leia.”

“It’s heavily regulated. I would have to get a permit from MACUSA.”

“You’re the president. If anyone can get their hands on that potion, you can,” Poe said, but Leia shook her head.

“There’s a legal process that even I have to follow, Poe.” Poe rolled his eyes. “And I don’t need that attitude, Dameron.”

Rey looked at them. “Great. You have my consent. Get the permit, and I’ll do it. Are we done?” She stood up.

Leia looked at her with something like fondness in her eyes. “Yes, Rey. We’re done for now.”

Rey left the room, the door clicking closed behind her.

***

She quietly fumed as she made her way through the halls. How could they be so ready to defend Ben—a murderer—and investigate her? She had made a connection with a student—something she thought was a good thing—and now she was suffering for it. She stared at her feet as she walked, and when she looked up, she found herself face-to-face with Tzipora and Connor.

They looked at her, petrified, and she glanced around. The one-eyed witch statue sat before them all, unsealed.

“Rey, we swear, we didn’t—” Connor began

“Is someone here?” Rey asked urgently. The students looked at each other.

“We just got here and it was like this,” Tzipora said. “We don’t know.”

“Get behind me.” The first years huddled behind her and Rey held out her hand. She glanced around the empty corridor, trying to sense anybody’s presence, and she felt Ben approaching. Her heart began to pound.

When he rounded the corner, she shielded the kids with her body. He halted and looked at her outstretched wand hand.

“Did you do this?” Rey asked lowly.

“Do what?” he said, brows knit. Her head twitched to the statue and his gaze followed the gesture. His eyes widened and he glanced around the corridor, just as Rey had. He looked at her. “Rey, this wasn’t me.”

Something inside the one-eyed witch made a tapping noise. They trained their hands on it. The corridor was silent for a moment.

Then the whole world burst apart.


	21. The Suspects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful feedback so far! Let me know what you think!

The tremor of a distant explosion made Poe stop in his tracks. He began to run in the direction of the blast, pulling his wand out of his pocket. His feet pounded against the cold stone of the castle floor until a horde of students came running toward him, looking terrified. He slowed down.

“All of you, to your dormitories, NOW,” he bellowed. “Follow your Prefects. Go!”

The students scattered in the directions of their Common Rooms and Poe kept running. Different groups of students were still running away from the explosion and he had to stop numerous times to direct them. When he was almost to his destination, his path met with Finn’s and Neville’s.

“You guys know what happened?” Poe asked as they ran, and the other two shook their heads. They rounded a corner and the sight made them skid to a stop.

Complete devastation. The corridor was destroyed. Stones and bricks lay strewn about and dust filled the air. Poe covered his nose and mouth with his robes, and Neville and Finn did the same. As they stared, other staff members showed up and gave the same reaction.

Poe couldn’t even tell which corridor it was. He looked around for any identifying landmarks but everything was gone. Rose ran up next to him and gazed at the destruction. Her eyes fell to the ground and she caught sight of something.

She gasped.

Poe followed her line of sight and his stomach turned. Red writing was on one of the fallen sections of wall.

_Welcome new recruits._

“Who’s missing?” Finn asked, looking around. Most of the staff had arrived at the scene. “Where’s Rey?”

Leia and McGonagall rounded the corner and found the red writing that the rest of the staff was staring at. Leia’s eyes widened and she looked around.

“Where’s my son?”

“I want every Head of House to go to their Common Room and take roll call,” McGonagall said calmly. “The rest of you, search the grounds.”

Neville and the rest of the Heads of House left and Poe immediately turned to go search, but paused. He looked back at the wreckage. In the middle of the rubble, the head of the one-eyed witch lay almost unrecognizable. He looked at Rose.

“You and Plutt sealed this entrance on Halloween.”

Rose’s eyes widened.

“Did you check the tunnel before sealing it?”

“Rey did. She said there was no one down there.”

“You didn’t check yourself?”

“I—I just believed her,” Rose stammered, and Poe slammed the wall with his fist. Rose stared at him while Finn approached with concern in his eyes.

“Poe, what’s wrong?” Finn asked, touching his shoulder, but Poe shrugged it off.

He rested against the wall, face close to the stone, and breathed hard. _“Fuck, fuck, FUCK.”_ He punched the stone three more times and heard a sickening _snap_ inside his hand.

“Poe, Jesus—”

Throbbing, stabbing pain shot up his arm. He grimaced and took out his wand. _“Episkey.”_ The bone snapped back into place.

Finn looked ill. Poe turned back to Rose and found the rest of the staff staring at him. He locked eyes with McGonagall. “Rey is in the First Order.”

***

She woke up slowly, becoming more aware of the pain she was in with each breath. Every inhale wheezed and every exhale whistled. She tasted blood in her mouth and felt a dull, throbbing pain in her arm. She tried to open her eyes but one of them was swollen shut. The eye that opened squeezed shut immediately from the brightness.

Pure white. If she weren’t in so much pain, she would have thought she was dead.

She groaned and tried to sit up, but felt a shooting pain in her side. She fell back down.

She opened her eye again and tried to adjust to the light. After a long time, she looked around.

Light seemed to be emanating from the walls. The ground was cold and hard. There was a large pile of black robes in the opposite corner. She stared at them.

They appeared to be breathing.

“Ben?”

He didn’t respond. She struggled again to lift herself up and dragged herself across the floor to the huddled black mass. The closer she got, the more red she saw.

He was in even worse shape than she was. Blood covered most of his face and she couldn’t tell where it was coming from. His hair was matted and sticky and his leg was sticking out at an odd angle. She touched his shoulder.

“Ben?”

He flinched and groaned. Rey could tell he was trying to open his eyes, but they were both swollen shut. He opened his mouth and muttered something unintelligible.

“What?” she whispered.

He groaned again. “You… okay?”

“I think so,” she answered. “Better than you.”

“’S’ good,” he breathed.

All of a sudden, everything came flooding back to her. “Where are Tzipora and Connor?” She looked around, expecting to find two more huddled masses, but they were alone. “Where are they?”

Ben shook his head slightly. He let out a shallow breath and passed out.

Rey stared at him for a moment before the pain in her side became too much and she sagged to the ground next to him. She put her hand on her swollen eye and muttered, _“Episkey.”_

Nothing happened.

Rey frowned, which made her whole face throb with pain. She reached over and touched Ben’s puffed up eye. _“Episkey.”_

Nothing.

She reached into her wand pocket, but it was empty. Her hands searched up and down her robes. Her wand was gone.

She lay on her back, wheezing, staring at the ceiling, for what felt like days. Finally, she lost consciousness.

***

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Finn asked. Poe turned to him.

“Finn, I’ll explain later.”

“No, you’ll explain now,” Finn commanded. The rest of the staff watched the exchange.

“Rey has been a prime suspect in the disappearance of Marnie Green since the very beginning,” McGonagall said, and Finn’s expression changed. He stared at Poe.

“You didn’t tell me.”

“You wouldn’t have believed it,” Poe defended, and Finn scoffed.

“Of course I don’t believe it! She’s innocent!”

“Finn—”

“She’s been fucking kidnapped. And where’s Solo?” Finn gestured around. “He’s gone. Either he’s behind this, or they’ve both been taken.”

Poe looked at Leia. The expression on her face was impossible to read, but she wasn’t defending her son. She closed her eyes and Poe’s heart sank.

_No._

_There’s no way._

Neville returned from Gryffindor Tower. “No Gryffindors missing.” Behind him, the rest of the Heads approached.

“Slytherins are all accounted for.”

“Tzipora Fletcher is missing,” Flitwick squeaked.

“Connor Lazlo is gone, too.”

Poe turned his gaze to McGonagall. She sighed.

“Everyone search the castle and grounds. If you see either Plutt or Solo, approach them with caution.” She looked out over their tense faces and lingered on Poe and Finn. “It is possible that they are both extremely dangerous. And they are both wanted for questioning.”

***

When she came to, her pain was gone. She sat up quickly and looked around. Ben was sitting with his back against the wall, watching her. He was healed, but his hair was still slightly matted with old blood and his clothes were filthy. She probably looked the same.

“Where are Tzipora and Connor?”

“I don’t know,” he said, resting his head against the wall and looking around the room.

“Where are we?”

“Probably a First Order compound.”

Rey took a moment to look around again. On the opposite wall, she saw the outline of a door. She held out her hand and concentrated hard.

Nothing happened.

“No magic in here.” Ben closed his eyes. “I tried.”

“Who healed us?”

“I didn’t see. They came in while we were unconscious and left before we woke up.”

Rey huffed. “I would think they’d treat you a little better, being their Supreme Leader.”

Ben looked at her. He shook his head and said nothing.

“How long have we been in here?” she asked.

“No idea,” Ben said. “Hours. Days. Who knows.”

It was quiet for a long time. Rey heard the hum of a distant generator. She lay back down on the floor.

“They must have some plan for us,” Ben muttered. “They’re not just going to keep us in here forever.”

“I’d rather stay in here forever than be a part of their plan.”

Again, Ben didn’t respond. After another indeterminable stretch of silence, there was a soft sliding noise. A small sliver opened up in the bottom of the wall and two trays of food glided across the floor. Ben and Rey stared at them. Then, in one motion, they were both scarfing down their meager helpings of corn, stale bread, and a rubbery egg.

The door slid open and a man with red hair and black robes strolled in. He smiled coldly at them. Ben tensed.

“Welcome to the First Order, Rey. And welcome back, Supreme Leader.”


	22. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm eternally grateful that you are still reading this. Thank you!

Ben and Rey stood up. “Where are they?” Ben demanded.

The man feigned confusion. “Who?”

“Our students, Hux. Where are our students?” 

“Oh, you mean _our_ students. They’re in orientation.”

“They’re not _your_ students,” Rey spat, and the man—Hux—smirked.

“Oh, an Imperius Curse here, a Memory Charm there—they’re ours,” Hux said smugly. “For all intents and purposes, they’re ours.” He focused on Rey. “You will be, too.”

“You’re wrong,” she said quietly.

“Soon enough, you’ll be _begging_ to join,” Hux purred. “It’s only a matter of time.”

“Why are we here, Hux?” Ben glowered at him.

“Well, she’s here because she’s valuable to us,” Hux answered. “And you’re here for fun.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Fun? What, you’re gonna torture me?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Hux said.

“How about you get rid of whatever’s neutralizing our magic and we have that duel you always wanted?”

“No, thanks,” Hux said simply. Ben started towards him and Hux took out his wand. “I don’t think you want to do that, Supreme Leader.”

Ben clenched his fists. “I think I do.” He grabbed Hux by the neck and shoved him against the wall. Hux choked, but smiled and raised his wand. “I can handle torture,” Ben murmured, close to Hux’s face.

“Can you?” Hux wheezed, and locked eyes with Rey.

He pointed his wand at her.

***

Finn matched his urgent pace down the corridor. “Poe, where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” Poe fumed, turning a random corner. “I need to find Ben.” His tone made Finn slow down. Poe kept walking and Finn jogged to keep up.

“Okay, where do you think he is?”

“Finn, if I knew that, why would I be here?”

“Don’t be a dick, Poe, I’m trying to help.” Poe looked at him and slowed to a stop. “What’s the most logical place to start?”

Poe thought. “Their rooms.”

“Then let’s go to their rooms. I’ll go to Rey’s, you can go to Solo’s.”

Poe shook his head. “We’ll go together. If they’ve gone Dark, they’re too powerful to face alone.” Finn nodded and Poe began walking in the direction of Ben’s room. It was quiet between them; the sound of their footsteps echoed along the corridor. Poe’s stomach roiled at the thought of Ben betraying him—betraying all of them. If Ben had anything to do with this… Poe remembered the threat he’d made to Ben all those weeks ago. Right now, in this moment, he felt like following through. He clenched his fists; the freshly broken and healed one throbbed a little and he hissed.

Finn looked at him. “Is your hand okay?”

Poe examined it briefly. “It’s fine.”

They ascended the Grand Staircase. Poe could feel Finn’s eyes on him. “Poe, there’s… there’s no way Rey is with them. She’s a good person.”

“I hope you’re right, Finn.” At the top of the staircase, Poe walked straight. He could make the trek to Ben’s room blindfolded. “But it’s not looking good.”

“I’ve known her for eight years. She wouldn’t do this.”

Poe thought back to when he saw Ben in that hospital bed five years ago, instead of Kylo Ren. “You never really know what someone is capable of, Finn.”

“But I know her.”

“You sound just like Ben,” Poe retorted. “But he didn’t know her. Maybe you don’t either.”

“Speaking of Solo,” Finn started, “he’s just as absent as Rey is. But you’re not talking about him.”

“That’s because I don’t know what to say.” Poe stopped at Ben’s desert painting. “Tatooine.” The painting swung open.

The two men walked through the doorway and glanced around. The room was just as it had been the last time Poe had seen it. Lots of books. A gramophone. A hastily made bed.

“Anything out of the ordinary?” Finn asked, reading the titles on the book spines. Poe shook his head. _“Infinite Jest._ That fits perfectly with the record player,” Finn said, rolling his eyes. Poe went through Ben’s bedside drawer and Finn watched him. “You’re not defending him.”

Poe sighed and closed the drawer. “There’s nothing here. Let’s go to Rey’s room.”

***

It felt as though the blood in Rey’s body had turned to acid.

A guttural scream escaped from the depths of her lungs and she collapsed on the ground, writhing and twitching. She faintly heard Ben yelling but didn’t hear any specific words. The acid spread around her body and her screams worsened; her eyesight went black but the pain continued.

Her muscles spasmed and contracted and the bones of her spine felt like they were crumbling apart. She arched her back sharply, nearly bending in half.

Ben started screaming. Hux started laughing.

The pain stopped just as suddenly as it had begun.

Rey lay on her back on the white floor, catatonic. She stared at the ceiling unblinkingly. She heard Ben panting.

“I’m going to kill you,” he growled as Hux walked out the door. _“I’m gonna fucking kill you.”_

“You should have killed me when you had the chance.” The door slid closed.

The room was deadly silent.

“Rey?”

She said nothing. Her jaw was slack. Ben knelt next to her.

“Are you okay?” He touched her cheek. She flinched violently and backed away across the floor, only stopping when she hit the opposite wall. She sagged back to the ground. Ben stared at her, wide-eyed. He ran a hand through his matted hair and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked nauseous. “I’m so sorry. That was my fault. I didn’t know he was going to…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Rey gazed at the blinding white ceiling again. A tear escaped the corner of her eye and slid into her hair. “This is all your fault. All of it.”

***

Poe followed Finn’s lead now as they made their way to Rey’s room. Finn was still watching him.

“Poe, what was Solo’s mission? The one that got him discharged?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” Poe said flatly. His chest tightened.

“Why not?”

_Because you’d never forgive me._

“Because I’m under strict orders to keep that secret.” It wasn’t a lie.

“I’m joining the Resistance anyway. Solo is gone. Maybe that mission has something to do with his disappearance.” Finn stopped at Rey’s island painting. “Was he a spy? Jedi.”

The door opened. Poe said nothing.

They walked inside and Poe began to search Rey’s desk. “Was he spying on the First Order?”

“Finn, stop.” Poe rifled through a half-graded stack of papers. Finn picked up Rey’s book bag and started going through the pockets.

“It would make sense for him to be a spy. He’s Darth Vader’s grandson. The First Order would have eaten that shit up.”

Poe’s chest tightened further and he tried to ignore Finn, but Finn kept going.

“When was the mission?”

Poe opened the second drawer of the desk. Another stack of ungraded papers. “Rey’s behind on her work.”

“Solo’s worked here for five years, so it had to have been before that. You guys graduated eleven years ago, so it would have been within those six years after school.”

Poe opened the third drawer. It was empty but for an old, discarded wand, severed completely in half. A thin strand of frayed phoenix feather stuck out of both ends. He picked up the two halves and showed them to Finn questioningly.

He looked at them indifferently. “That’s her old wand.”

“What happened to it?”

Finn shrugged. “It broke. She made herself a new one.”

“Why would she keep the old one?”

“I dunno. Sentimentality?”

Poe examined the wand. “This is a pretty severe break. She didn’t tell you what happened?”

He shook his head. “No. I don’t think it’s that big a deal.” He sat on Rey’s bed and looked through another pocket of her bag. “If it got him fucked up enough to be discharged, it had to be a long mission—didn’t you say he was gone for five years?”

Poe let out an exasperated sigh. “Can you leave it, man?”

“I’m guessing he started here pretty soon after the mission. And I would think he was in the Resistance for—what, a year before he went?”

Poe’s mind was racing. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of anything to get Finn off this track. He opened another drawer. It was empty.

“So his mission would have started… about two years before I escaped. And that’s when Kylo Ren…” Finn went quiet.

Poe stood motionless over the desk. His heart was hammering in his chest.

“Poe,” Finn said faintly. Poe didn’t move. “Poe, look at me.”

Poe closed his eyes. His hand was still gripping the drawer handle. His knuckles were white.

“Poe, _look at me,”_ Finn commanded, his voice nothing more than a whisper. He stood up. Rey’s book bag fell to the floor and papers scattered across the stone.

Poe slowly turned to face him. His chest felt hollow.

He looked into Finn’s eyes. Poe had never seen him so angry. So betrayed.

“You lied to me.”


	23. Coming Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this and for all the wonderful feedback. I love every single comment and I appreciate you all

A boot pressed to Rey’s cheek and turned her face; she awoke with a start and sat up quickly. She squinted in the bright light at the person who had roused her.

A white mask with black slits over the eyes and a perpetual frown stared down at her. They were wearing a white robe and holding a white bag. Their wand was pointed at her forehead.

“Get up.” It was a man’s voice. She looked around the room; she was alone. She looked back at the Stormtrooper. “I said, get up,” The trooper spat, nudging her again with his foot.

“Where am I going?” she asked, still on the floor.

“You’re getting a shower. And some new clothes. You’re disgusting.”

Rey got up slowly, glaring at her captor. She followed him through the white corridors and into a large, open room with gleaming white tiles and dozens of shower heads. She paused, glancing at him.

“I’m not leaving,” he droned. “Make it quick.”

She went to one of the shower heads and began to take off her dirty robes. The trooper didn’t look away and her cheeks turned a deep red while she took the rest of her clothes off. She turned on the water and hissed immediately; the temperature was freezing. There was no handle to adjust it. She looked at the Stormtrooper again. He hadn’t moved.

“One temperature. Just get it over with.”

There was a white bar of soap in a nook in the wall. Rey took a deep breath and went under the water, trying not to gasp at the cold. She grabbed the soap and washed her body and hair as fast as she could, but by the time she was done, her teeth were chattering and her whole body was shivering. She turned off the water and took another deep breath, turning back to the Stormtrooper, who reached into the bag he’d been holding and tossed her the clothes inside. She missed them and they landed in a puddle on the floor; she quickly bent down and picked them up.

She dressed hastily. The clothes were similar to medical scrubs, and they were black—Rey was actually thankful to see something other than white in this place. The fabric was damp where they’d landed in the water.

When the door of their cell slid shut behind her, she was still shivering. Ben was sitting on the floor, wearing the same scrubs as her, with damp, clean hair. His lips looked slightly blue. They stared at each other for a moment.

Rey sat in the corner on the opposite side of the room from Ben, pulling her knees close to her chest and taking deep, steadying breaths to warm up. Ben reached beside him and slid a neatly folded, white canvas blanket her way. She looked at it hesitantly.

“They only gave us one. You can keep it.”

After about a minute, Rey unfolded the blanket and draped it over her huddled body. It was rough and it didn’t do much in the way of warmth, but it was better than nothing. After a few more minutes, she was no longer shivering. She glanced over at Ben, who was rubbing his hands over his arms and legs quietly. He noticed her watching and stopped. His lips were still the wrong color.

She took the blanket off and slid it to him.

“I don’t need it, Rey, keep it.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

He looked at her. He looked at the blanket. Then he pulled it up to his shoulders and closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

She shook her head. “Stop it.”

He knit his eyebrows. “What?”

“Stop acting like you used to.”

He was silent. She rested her elbows on her knees and let her chin drop to her chest.

Rey listened to the hum of the generator in the distance and ignored the sound of Ben’s breathing.

***

The door slid open and Hux walked in. Rey sat motionless, watching him, while Ben stood up immediately. He walked in front of her and stayed there.

“What do you want?” Ben said lowly. Rage crackled around him like electricity.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Cut the chivalry. I want her.”

Ben didn’t move. “You can’t have her.”

Hux leaned over and met Rey’s eyes; she couldn’t help but shrink slightly at the sight of him. “Are you going to let him speak for you like that?”

Ben looked back at her. She stood up. “Rey—”

“He said I’m valuable to them. They’re not going to kill me.”

“They can do a lot worse than kill you.”

She sidestepped him and Hux grinned. 

“Good girl, come on,” he chirped, and Rey’s blood boiled at his words. Ben touched her arm gently and she shrugged it off.

“Rey, don’t do this.”

She followed Hux out the door without looking back.

He led her down a different corridor than the one the Stormtrooper had… however long ago. Rey wasn’t sure. Maybe yesterday. The bright white walls gave way to inky black ones and they passed a few units of Stormtroopers marching in the other direction.

“Where are we going?” she asked, after they’d been walking for what seemed like miles.

Hux didn’t answer.

After they’d walked for so long that Rey thought they were surely going in circles, Hux stopped at a sleek, black door and waved his wand. The door seemed to melt away and he led Rey into a small room, similar to a surgical operation room. He motioned for Rey to sit down on the dentist-like chair in the center of the space. She hesitated.

“Do you need to be motivated?” he asked, taking out his wand delicately. She glared at him and sat down in the chair.

“What do you want with me?”

“I want you to tell me about yourself.”

Rey stared. Hux sat down leisurely in a chair facing her and waved his wand; leather straps tightened themselves around her wrists and ankles. She wriggled against them instinctively, but they didn’t budge. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Pretend there’s a gun to your head.”

She swallowed. “What do you want to know?”

“Start at the very beginning. Where were you born?”

“London.”

“Parents?”

“I don’t know. Nobody.”

“Who raised you?”

“My foster father.” Hux watched her facial expression change and he smiled.

“Tell me about him.”

“He…” She sighed. “Why does it matter?”

He said nothing.

She huffed again. “He beat the shit out of me. Is that what you want to hear?”

“That must have been terrible.”

“Yeah. It was.”

He waited for her to continue.

“I haven’t seen him since I started Hogwarts.”

Hux leaned back in his chair. “That’s a lie.”

She stared. “No, it’s not.”

“We can talk about it later, if you want.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said. He smiled again.

“Tell me about your time at Hogwarts.”

“I was in Gryffindor. I played Quidditch my last three years.”

“Position?”

“Seeker.”

“Friends?”

She shook her head. “Not really.”

He raised his eyebrows. “None at all?”

“In my last year I made a friend.”

“Tell me about this friend.”

“I don’t…” She couldn’t tell him about Finn, could she? If they found out where he was… “I can’t.”

He leaned forward, cold eyes gleaming. He pressed the tip of his wand deep into her cheek; it sizzled against the skin and she yelped, drawing back. He pressed harder.

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck you,” she hissed. She could feel her skin bubbling where the wand was touching it. She spat in Hux’s face.

He blinked as he wiped the spit away with his glove. He observed her for a moment. He withdrew his wand.

“We’ll come back to that.”

“What is the point of this?” she demanded, cheek still burning.

“Favorite subject in school?”

She stared at him for a long time. He looked back coolly. “Transfiguration.”

“How fitting,” he grinned. “I’m sure you enjoy your job, then.”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel that you belong?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Do you feel that you belong?” he said, slowing his words down as if she was hard of hearing.

“At my job?”

He didn’t answer.

“I suppose,” she said. “I think so.”

“But you’re not certain.”

“Is anyone certain of something like that?” she asked. Again, he didn’t answer.

“What about when you were in school?”

“I…” She shook her head. “I didn’t have any friends.”

“You said you made a friend in your last year.”

“I did.”

“But you still don’t belong?”

“I don’t…” she sighed exasperatedly. “I love my friends.”

“Do they love you?” he asked.

“Yes.” She paused. “I’m sure.”

“You’re sure.”

“I—I—yes, I’m sure."

“So you don’t have any issues with them.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” she said. “Everyone has secrets.”

“You keep secrets from your friends?”

“No,” she answered, her breath becoming shallow. “My friends know me.”

“Ah,” he said. “Do you know them?”

“Of course I do.”

“But you don’t belong with them.”

“No—I mean yes,” she hurried, “yes, I do.”

“Tell me, Rey,” Hux purred. “Where do you think you belong?”

“I—I don’t know,” she stammered.

“You don’t know.”

“No,” she breathed, a tear sliding down her burned cheek. “I don’t know.”

Hux nodded thoughtfully. He crossed his legs. He watched her cry.

“I think that’s enough for today, Rey.” He waved his wand and her wrists and ankles were freed. “Let’s get you back to your room.”


	24. What Day Is It

Ben stood up when she entered the cell. He scanned her and his eyes hovered over the burn on her cheek.

“What happened?”

She stood motionless, feeling more tears threatening to fall. He took a step closer. She took a step back. He stayed where he was.

“He asked me some questions.”

He was still staring at the burn. “About what?”

“Me.”

“What did he ask you?”

“He just… asked me about my life. Where I was born. My parents.” She looked down.

“Your foster father?”

She nodded.

“Rey… you need to be careful what you tell him.”

She pointed to her cheek. “This is what happened when I tried to be careful.”

His hand twitched at his side. He pursed his lips. “Does it hurt?”

She touched it gently. “It’ll be fine.”

He turned away and sat down against a wall, resting his elbows on his knees and staring into a middle distance. “What else did you talk about?”

She shrugged. “Hogwarts. Quidditch. My job.”

He looked up at her. She still hovered by the door, and she knew her eyes were still red. He ran a hand through his hair. “That doesn’t sound too serious.”

She hesitated before shaking her head. “No. It wasn’t.”

He watched her. She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Rey… you don’t have to tell me what else you talked about. But… it’s his job to wear you down. Make you feel alone. And I know I’m the last person you want to hear this from, but you’re…” He shook his head. “I’m here. If you want to talk.”

It was quiet for a few minutes. Then, she sat down a few feet away from him, back resting against the same wall. He stilled, looking sideways at her. She stared at her hands.

***

Rey felt the roots of her hair and grimaced. She had no idea how long it had been since her icy shower; it felt like only a few hours ago, but she was craving another. She watched Ben out of the corner of her eye; he was staring at the wall across from them.

“Ben.”

He looked at her with a start; they’d been silent for… Rey didn’t know how long.

“You know a lot about the First Order.”

He frowned. “Yes,” he admitted. He sounded ashamed.

“Where do you think the kids are?”

He thought. “They would have been transferred to Ilvermorny by now.”

“What do you think they’re doing?”

“They’re only first years. They would be in the reeducation unit.”

“Reeducation?”

“Muggles are scum. MACUSA is scum. Anyone who isn’t with the First Order deserves to be put down.” He glanced sideways at her. “That sort of thing.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think they’re… falling for it?”

He frowned. “They’re good kids. I hope not.”

“Me too.” She looked up at the ceiling. “Are they listening to us?”

He shook his head. “We have no magic, so we’re not a threat. And we’re not with the Resistance. We have no valuable information.”

“How do you know Hux isn’t running things differently?”

“Because Hux has never done a single original thing in his life.”

“But I think he considers you a threat. He might be listening.”

“I’m not a threat,” Ben said.

She frowned. “How could you not be a threat?”

“Because Kylo Ren is dead, and Hux wants to keep it that way. He knows no one would ever follow him willingly, so he probably uses Kylo Ren as a figurehead. Like a martyr. Keep the troops inspired.”

“But if people found out you were alive…”

“No one would care. I’m not important.”

“I mean Kylo Ren.”

He looked at her. “Oh, him.”

“If people found out Kylo Ren was alive, and Hux has been lying to them, wouldn’t they… I dunno, revolt?”

“They wouldn’t revolt.”

“How do you know?”

“You think if they find out they’ve been lied to, the First Order would just… end? Like that?” He shook his head. “These people are animals. They’re evil. They won’t stop being evil until they’re dead.”

“You were one of those people,” she said quietly.

“I know.” His expression was unreadable. She watched him intently.

“Finn was too. And Rose.”

“But they’re not evil.”

“And you are?”

He furrowed his brow. Looked down at his entwined fingers. “I’ve done evil things.” She waited for him to continue. He was quiet for a long time. Rey listened to the sound of her own slow heartbeat. “I think about them all the time. The people I…” His voice cracked slightly and he put a hand over his mouth absently. “They should be alive.” His hand rubbed gently across his lips. “I should have died a long time ago.”

“Ben…”

“If I were Leia… I would have put me down. Like a fucking dog.”

“But she didn’t. She loves you.”

“She shouldn’t.”

“But she does.” He said nothing. He closed his eyes. “She must’ve seen something in you worth keeping.” He looked at her, and his eyes took in every detail of her face. She looked down. “You’re alive for a reason.”

Just then, two trays of food slid through the sliver in the wall. They stared at them, disgusted, their empty stomachs aching.

Pieces of turkey, a shade of muddy green, filled the trays. Gobs of watery mashed potatoes mingled with thick chips of gravy the color of chocolate syrup.

A crumpled-up piece of paper tumbled in next. Ben reached out and straightened it. He stared at the words scribbled on it before showing it to Rey.

_Thanksgiving leftovers. Enjoy!_

She looked at the food again. “This is old.” The rancid smell of the meat was already lingering in her nose. “Like, more than a month old.” She glanced at Ben, only now noticing the thick stubble that had grown slowly on his angular face—the angles of which had sharpened considerably. Her mind reeled. “I thought we’d been here for…”

“A few days?” She nodded. “Me too.”

They both stared at the food. Rey’s stomach growled, but the thought of eating this made her nauseous. She swiped a finger across a glob of mashed potatoes and tried it hesitantly; it tasted like rotten milk. Her face twisted. There was no way she could keep that down, even if she tried to eat it. “I think I’d rather wait for the Christmas leftovers.”

He wrinkled his nose at the food and nodded. He pushed the trays back toward the hole they came out of, which was now sealed. He lay down on the cold floor, staring at the ceiling. “Rey, we need to get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading folks


	25. Vignettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of short scenes.

“Finn?”

No response. Poe knocked on Finn’s door gently. He heard shuffling from inside, but Finn said nothing.

“Finn, can we talk?” Poe’s voice was mostly breath by the end of the sentence. He cleared his throat. “I just, um. I miss you. I miss you so much,” he said, and a lump began to form. He tried to swallow it but it wouldn’t go away. He looked at the painting he knew Finn was behind, and he contemplated saying Finn’s password and entering without permission. But he didn’t.

He checked to make sure the corridor was empty. “I’m sorry, Finn—I’m so sorry. I was trying to protect my friend, I was—I was trying to do my job. Think about… what you would do for Rey. You would have done the same for her. Or maybe…” He sighed. “Maybe not. I don’t know.” Silence. “I lied to you. I’ve been protecting him for so long, I—I’ve been defending him this whole time. And now he’s gone. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven, Finn. He’s…” Anger flared inside him and his face twisted with rage. “He’s dead. Maybe he’s been dead the whole fucking time. I thought I got him back, but… he never came back. Maybe I was just… Maybe I just missed him. Maybe I was so ready to trust him because I missed him.” Tears started sliding down his cheeks. “God. _God._ I was such a fucking idiot. I trusted him over you and he’s gone. And you’re here. And I wasted it. And I—I’m sorry, Finn.”

He could feel Finn on the other side of the door and he didn’t want to leave yet, but he knew he had to. “Um… Okay. I’ll leave you alone. I just… wanted to say that. I have a Christmas present for you but I’ll just leave it out here. I love you.” Nothing but silence. Poe nodded slightly. “Okay.”

He set the small package on the floor and walked away. As he rounded the corner, he heard Finn’s door open and the rustle of paper as he picked up the present, and then the door closed quietly again.

***

“You think you could come back to this city and I wouldn’t find you?”

Her heart began to run its familiar race and her feet slowed on the pavement before breaking into a sprint. “Leave me alone!”

He ran after her, but she was faster than she used to be. She crossed the street, almost getting hit by a car, and he followed her. Her robes billowed behind her as she raced ahead of him. She heard the sound of his heavy footfalls catching up to her and she started to scream. There was no response. Somehow, nobody heard her. Or they all pretended they hadn’t. Her heart sank as she ran.

“Rey.”

She felt a hard tug on the hem of her robes and she staggered back. His hand grabbed her neck and slammed her on the ground.

“Rey, wake up.”

Her eyes snapped open. Ben was close to her face, and he was touching her arm.

She flinched and backed away, shaking her head. He watched her.

“Are you okay?”

She grabbed the canvas blanket and threw it over her body, burying her face in it. “I’m fine.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You were screaming.”

“Ben, I’m fine.”

He looked sad. He nodded slowly. “I’m here if you need me.”

“I don’t,” she said flatly, but her chest ached at her words. She wanted nothing more than to be held right now. She remembered how peaceful it had been to breathe with him that night, and she craved that feeling more than ever. She laid down on the floor and covered her face with the blanket, rejoicing in the darkness. She heard shuffling and peeked out of the fabric to see Ben laying down against the other wall, covering his eyes with his arm to block out the harsh light.

She didn’t know why, but the sight brought tears to her eyes.


	26. Kind of Nice

“Would you like some hot tea? Coffee?”

She eyed him. The thought of something hot to drink was intoxicating, but she hesitated.

Hux rolled his eyes. “If I was going to poison you, I would have done it a long time ago.”

She considered for a moment and lost her willpower. “Tea.”

He waved his wand and a mug of steaming tea appeared in front of her. She took it in her hands and breathed it in deeply. Her eyes fluttered at the smell and her chest seemed to uncoil a little.

“We’re going to pick up where we left off, Rey.” Hux smiled. “I want you to tell me about your favorite person.”

Two people popped into her head. She blew on her tea. “My favorite person is my friend.”

“The friend you made in your last year of school.” She nodded. “You still can’t share their name?”

She shook her head. 

“Tell me about them. How did you meet?”

She thought carefully. “He transferred to Hogwarts in our last year.”

“Why is he your favorite person?”

“He’s kind. And funny. And brave. And he’s… optimistic. He tries really hard to make his life a good one.”

“Has he had a hard life?”

She paused. “He had a rough childhood.”

“Like you.”

She shrugged. “I guess.”

He nodded. “What initially drew you to him?”

“I guess… he was lonely. And I was lonely. We just sort of… found each other.”

“This sounds like a very special relationship.”

She watched him, sipping her tea. “Why are you asking me about this?”

“I just want to get to know you, Rey,” he said gently. “See what makes you tick.”

She sipped her tea again.

“Tell me about the last time you felt completely at peace.”

Her mug paused at her lips. “That’s very personal.”

“The best way to get to know a person is to ask personal questions.”

“The last time?”

He nodded. “The last time.”

She didn’t want to say the thing that popped into her head. “It was… when I got the job at Hogwarts.”

He wrinkled his nose. “That’s a lie. I thought we were past the lying.”

She looked down. He watched her. She met his eyes.

“How about you tell me about yourself,” she requested. “When was the last time you felt at peace?”

He eyed her. “The last time I felt at peace was when my father died.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Is that true?”

His mouth was set in a straight line. “He was… a man with many expectations. He compared me to himself constantly. I never measured up. I tried to emulate him in everything I did, until I wasn’t emulating him anymore. When I was finally exactly like him, he hated me for it. I hated myself for it. When he died, I was relieved.”

“How did he die?” she asked, afraid to know the answer.

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t kill him, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He pursed his lips. “He was ill. For as long as I can remember. He just faded away.”

“I’m…” she shook her head. She was surprised he had been so honest. “I’m sorry, Hux.”

“Call me Armitage,” he said quietly. “And don’t be sorry.”

It was hushed for a long time. Rey sipped her tea, a conflict settling itself inside her.

“The last time I was completely at peace was Halloween morning,” she said. “I woke up next to Ben and I heard him breathing, and I felt his heartbeat. And I just never wanted it to end.”

He looked at her. “You care about him, don’t you.”

She knit her eyebrows and clutched her mug. She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

He nodded. “I’m glad we’re being honest with each other.” He looked almost afraid to meet her eyes. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

Her thumb rubbed absentmindedly over the handle of the mug. “Yes. It is.”

***

Before he opened the door to her room, he paused and turned to her. “Thank you for listening, Rey.”

Before she could reply, he waved his wand and the door slid open. She walked inside and came face to face with Ben as it slid shut.

He noticed their proximity and stepped back. “Sorry.” She didn’t say anything. He scanned her for injury. “Are you okay?”

She nodded with a frown. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“How did it go?”

“It went… well. We just talked. It was actually kind of nice.”

He furrowed his brow. He took in a breath to say something, but the hole in the wall opened and two blankets slid into the room. They were much softer and warmer than the first one they had received. The blankets were closely followed by two small pillows. Ben and Rey looked at each other.

Ben looked suspicious. “How nice are we talking here?”

She rolled her eyes, picking up one of the blankets and running the plush fabric over her fingers. “Why, are you jealous or something?”

“Jealous of Hux?” He laughed, but then he eyed her. “Do you want me to be jealous?”

She blushed deeply and looked away. She could feel his eyes on her and the tension was thick between them for just a moment.

“Because I can beat him up, if you want.” She chuckled, and he grinned. “I’m totally shredded.”

She laughed earnestly at that, and his eyes sparkled as he laughed with her. She sat down on the floor, tucking her blanket around her, and he hesitated before sitting down a couple feet away from her. Their laughter died down and was replaced by silence.

It was a nice silence, though.


	27. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, my spring semester has started (my school has an unusually long winter break) so I may not be posting as frequently- at least, not every day/every other day, like I was before. I apologize in advance for any delays, but I'm still in love with this story and have zero plans to give it up. So just bear with me!  
> Thank you so much for reading this far! I truly love every single one of ya's.

Rey woke up feeling warm. Her heart was beating slowly and her chest didn’t feel tight like it normally did nowadays. It was pleasantly dark when she opened her eyes, and it took a moment for her to realize that her face was nestled into Ben’s shirt. She stared into the fabric. Ben’s arm was draped over her side and his hand rested on her back, drawing her closer while he slept. She felt his breath rustle her hair softly and she breathed in and out, eyes fluttering closed again, quickly falling back asleep.

Some time later, Ben’s hand drifted slightly on her back and she nestled into his chest. His breathing changed as he woke up; after a few seconds, his arm quickly withdrew from her waist and he sat up, backing away.

“I’m sorry.”

She sat up as well, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “It’s okay, Ben.”

“I must have been cold or something and gotten closer to you without realizing—I shouldn’t have touched you like that.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Ben, it’s fine. I was probably cold, too.” She looked around the room. “They can give us nicer blankets, but they can’t turn up the thermostat.” She could feel him watching her and she trained her eyes on the small fibers of her blanket. “Did you sleep well?”

Before he could answer, the door to their cell slid open. Two Stormtroopers marched in, wands at the ready. “Get up.”

They both stayed where they were. “Where are we going?” Ben asked.

One of the troopers slouched. If Rey could see his face, he would probably be rolling his eyes. “The showers, dumbass. Get up.”

Rey and Ben exchanged a glance before standing up; Ben’s hand touched Rey’s elbow lightly while she gained her balance. They followed the Stormtroopers through the door.

Rey had the route memorized. It probably wouldn’t be helpful in the event of an escape, but she knew it by heart, kept it in her mind as if her life depended on it. When they arrived at a fork in the corridor, Ben followed his trooper to the left and she followed hers to the right. They both looked over their shoulder at the other as they parted ways.

Rey approached the same shower head she always used, taking off her top as she went. She had no qualms anymore about being naked in front of an onlooking Stormtrooper— _Jesus, I’ve been here awhile,_ she thought. As she pulled the fabric over her head, she walked into a curtain. She halted in her tracks and turned to look at her captor, eyebrows raised.

“For privacy,” he said in a bored voice. “So I don’t have to look at you anymore.”

Rey quickly moved to the other side of the curtain, suddenly craving solitude. She stared at the white fabric gratefully, taking a deep breath. When the rest of her clothes were off, she reached for the button to turn on the freezing water, already holding her breath in preparation for the temperature shock—but when she pushed the button, deliciously warm water enveloped her. Her sore muscles began to relax and she stayed in the stream for minutes, motionless, eyes closed in bliss.

When she turned the water off after she finally washed up, a fresh pair of scrubs draped over the curtain bar. She began to put them on, feeling the cleanest she had in a long time. She wondered exactly _how_ long.

When she was back in their cell, refreshed and warm, she saw Ben sitting on the floor, rubbing his hands vigorously on his skin. He scanned her and knit his eyebrows. She looked at him the same way.

“Didn’t they give you hot water?” she asked, and he shook his head incredulously.

“Of course not,” he answered. “You get hot water?”

“Yeah, this is—this is the first time. I stayed in the shower for way too long. It was heaven.”

He nodded, a shiver going up his spine. He pulled a blanket over himself and breathed into his hands. “Sounds like heaven,” he muttered.

She sat down next to him and tugged on his blanket. He looked at her for a moment. “Oh, by all means, take my only source of warmth away from me, you need it more than I do,” he said flatly, and she chuckled. He smiled gently at her.

“I was thinking we could share.”

He stilled, staring at her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded and tugged again. He moved the blanket so there was enough to cover both of them. They brought the fabric up to their shoulders and moved closer together, their arms brushing. Ben twitched away at first, but, with Rey showing no sign of discomfort, he let himself relax against her.

She hadn’t realized how starved she was. The feeling of touching another person was so welcome it made her shiver. She leaned her head against Ben’s shoulder and he draped his arm around her automatically, bringing her closer. His skin was still shivering slightly, so she rested her hand on his stomach and rubbed it softly. She nestled her face into his shirt and he took a deep breath. Rey glanced up at him through her lashes and saw that his eyes were closed.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No,” he said, eyes still closed. “Absolutely nothing.”

A smile crept onto her lips and she closed her eyes too, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. His finger traced gentle circles on her arm.

“Rey, can I tell you something?” He looked down at her.

She nodded, and she could hear his heart skip a beat. She waited for him to speak.

“I never slept through the night after—y’know. After.” He shook his head slightly. “Not once.” She nodded again. “Until that night I slept in your room. That was the first time I’ve felt… peace. Maybe since I was a kid.” He was silent for a long time. Rey let him think. “You make me feel… like maybe I can be happy.” His finger paused on her arm. “I know I can’t change what I’ve done. And I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done. And I’ve spent… a lot of nights wishing…” He knit his eyebrows and closed his eyes. “Wishing I was… dead.” He frowned. “But you make me feel like… like what I do matters. What I _will_ do. Like… my future matters as much as my past.”

She met his eyes warmly, unsure what to say. He smiled.

“I just need you to know that. Just in case.”

Her heart dropped. “In case of what?”

His smile remained, but his eyes were sad. He turned his head and looked at the opposite wall.

“I don’t think I’m gonna survive this.”


	28. The Throne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! I hope you're having a splendid day.

“Lemon Wedge.”

The gargoyle leapt to the side and Poe stepped onto the staircase as it twisted upwards, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He walked into the Headmistress’s office without knocking.

McGonagall was sitting at her desk, halfway through reading a comically large stack of papers. She glanced up at Poe before returning to her work. “What is it, Dameron?”

“Ma’am, I quit.”

She set down the page she was holding. “What?” Her voice was dangerous.

“I quit. I need to go back to the Resistance. I can recommend some replacements for the Quidditch coach position.”

“Hold on just a moment, Dameron. It’s barely February. You can’t leave before the school year is over.”

“Like I said, I can recommend some replacements. I have a lot of friends from my Quidditch days who would be happy to help.”

McGonagall observed him. He couldn’t meet her eyes. He bounced on his feet. “Sit down, Dameron.”

“Ma’am, I don’t think that’s—”

_“Sit down,_ Dameron.”

He paused before reluctantly taking the seat opposite the Headmistress. He stared at his hands clustered in his lap.

“I understand why you want to go.”

Poe looked at her with desperation in his eyes. He prayed she wouldn’t continue.

“In a way, I suppose you feel responsible for what Solo has done.” She adjusted her papers. “You want to find him.”

Poe nodded slowly.

“And I know things between you and Finn have been difficult.”

“I have a few resumés on hand of the people I think are best for the job,” Poe recited in a monotone. He reached into his bag.

“Dameron.”

He placed a small stack of papers on her desk. “The one on top is Holly Bagnall, she was a Chaser with me on the Cannons,” he said, pointing to her name at the top of the page.

“Dameron.”

“I think she’d be the best choice for the job, but everyone in there is qualified, and they’re all good people.”

“Poe,” she said gently.

He stopped. To his horror, tears welled up in his eyes. He blinked them away, meeting McGonagall’s gaze for just a moment before looking down.

“I can’t stay here,” he murmured. “Ben is gone. It’s my fault—I should have seen it coming. I should have stopped him.”

“We still don’t know where he is. Or Plutt.”

“They’re together. I know they are. I just need to figure out where. And if I go back to the Resistance, I can use their resources and intel to find them. They’ll get what they deserve.” McGonagall was watching him. He shifted uncomfortably. “I need to do this.”

“You think you need to do this, Poe. You don’t.”

Poe met her eyes. They looked at each other for a long time. “There’s nothing for me here, Minerva.”

“The students love you.”

“I know.”

“The staff love you.”

“I know.”

“You’re good at your job.”

“I know,” he groaned, burying his face in his hands. He shook his head. “I need to get away from him.” He sat up with a frown. “That didn’t sound right. I just… I need to… I need to leave. He’s not going to forgive me, and I need to go.”

McGonagall leaned back in her seat, adjusting her glasses with a sigh. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She shook her head. “I’ll arrange a portkey for the end of the week.” She reached for the stack of resumés Poe had laid on her desk, reading the name on top. “Holly Bagnall?”

“Holly Bagnall,” Poe agreed.

“I’ll send her an owl,” McGonagall said, taking her quill out of the inkwell. Poe stood up. She observed him over her glasses. “Dameron, I’m an old woman.”

He shifted. “Uh, yes, ma’am.”

“I’ve learned a lot and I’m very wise.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She looked at him softly. “There are very few things that are unforgivable. Protecting one’s friend is not one of them.”

Poe’s face twisted and sudden tears began to spill. He wiped his face with his sleeve and nodded, clearing his throat. He made his best attempt at a business-like expression. “Thank you, ma’am.”

McGonagall nodded, dipping her quill in the ink again as Poe walked out the door.

***

“Hux,” she began, taking a sip of her tea.

“Please, call me Armitage.”

“Armitage.” She met his eyes tiredly. “Why are we here?”

Hux smiled. “You know this, Rey. We’re getting to know each other.”

“No,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Why are _we_ here? Why are you keeping us here? What are you trying to accomplish?”

He leaned back in his seat. “Do you know how special you are, Rey?”

She rolled her eyes.

“I mean it. Do you know how rare it is to have your talents?” She said nothing. “You’re here because you are special. I’m sorry if no one’s ever told you that before, but I’ll be the first to say it. You are a wonder. I truly believe that you can accomplish everything you ever dreamed of, and I want to help you do it.”

She shifted uncomfortably. “Thank you,” she muttered.

“Of course.”

“But why is Ben here?”

“We can certainly take him out of the equation if you are tiring of him.”

“No,” Rey said quickly. “I just want to know why he’s here.”

Hux observed her. “What do you know about Kylo Ren, Rey?”

“Ben was Kylo Ren,” she said. He nodded. “He killed people.”

“What else do you know?” Hux asked. “What have you heard?”

“I remember hearing rumors about him when he was in power,” she said. “Like how he could kill you just by looking at you. But I never believed them.”

“They seem absurd, don’t they?”

She shrugged. “I suppose so.”

“They are absolutely true, Rey,” Hux said quietly. Rey watched him. “Can you imagine how stupid we would be if we took you and left him? Can you imagine what he would do?”

Rey was still. “He would kill you.”

“Correct. He would kill each and every one of us. Solo is a lost cause; he’s never going to return to the First Order. His talents are wasted. He’s better off in here, where he can’t hurt anybody. Your potential, on the other hand, is untapped and immense. As my right hand, you could achieve anything.”

“Your right hand.”

“Yes, Rey.” He had a strange look in his eye.

She furrowed her brow. “But why even have a right hand? Why not rule on your own?”

Hux took on a cold expression. Rey waited for him to speak. “Rey, if you take a staircase—not far from here—up two flights, do you know where you would be?”

Rey shook her head.

“The throne room.” Hux crossed his legs. “It is a glorious, cavernous room with high ceilings and sleek edges and a gleaming throne, right in the center. Do you think I’ve ever sat on it?”

Rey stared. She shook her head again.

“Correct. I have never sat on that throne. And it is not for lack of trying. After Snoke killed Kylo Ren and himself—” he snorted—“I assumed the role of Supreme Leader. I was prepared to take on the responsibility that was stolen from Kylo Ren—gone too soon—” Hux rolled his eyes— “And in the fallout, when the dust was settling, I approached that throne with determination and a heavy heart. Of course, I was ecstatic that Ren was dead, I never could stand him, but, you know. Appearances and all of that nonsense. I had to maintain some air of mourning. But when the throne room was empty, I tried to sit on that damn chair. Do you know what happened?” Rey said nothing. “I couldn’t. The throne is enchanted. Only the rightful Supreme Leader can sit on it.” Hux looked bitter. “I was next in line, and I couldn’t sit on it. That meant Ben Solo was still alive.” His face twisted. “That meant he killed the Supreme Leader and fled, like the coward I always knew him to be. But then, I had a revelation. Would you like to hear about it?”

Rey took a sip of her tea. Hux took that to mean a yes.

“I am not someone who has ever… commanded authority. Inspired followers. I have the intelligence to rule, I have the ambition, but I don’t have the charisma. Kylo Ren,” he said, voice dripping with venom, “he had the charisma. When he ‘died—’” Hux made air quotes around the word—“and I couldn’t assume the throne, I had to make up a reason why. I told my people that I could never, in good conscience, take the throne of someone so beloved, so tragically lost. I said, somehow, I would keep going in his honor. I commissioned murals to be dedicated to his memory. I found his mask in the rubble—that _stupid mask_ —and I created a shrine to him. For people to visit when they felt unsure of our mission. I started a veritable religion, Rey. These people,” he said quietly, leaning in, “they will do whatever I tell them to do. If I say it’s what Kylo Ren would have wanted, they would kill their own mothers. They would torture their best friend. They would walk into Fiendfyre.”

“So Kylo Ren’s death…”

“It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Then why do you need me?”

“We are at war. I want to win it. If you fought by my side, the war would end. Don’t you want to end this war, Rey?”

Rey knit her eyebrows. “What makes you think I would want fight by your side? I would never kill anyone.”

Hux smiled knowingly at her. “Rey, come now.”

She stared at him. “What?”

“We both know you already have.”


	29. Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back! Here's another chapter. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.

The room was deadly silent. Hux looked oddly pleased with himself; Rey gazed at him and set down her tea.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her voice was faint. Distantly, she heard the sound of her own slow heartbeat in her ears.

“Maybe I can jog your memory,” Hux said. “When was the last time you saw your foster father?”

“I haven’t seen him since I was eleven years old,” she said mechanically.

Hux’s eyes narrowed. “Rey.”

She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. “What?” she asked harshly.

“Don’t lie to me,” Hux said softly. His eyes were shards of ice. The sight of them made Rey shudder.

“I’m not lying,” she insisted.

“Rey, I am trying to provide a home for you. I’m trying to make you feel comfortable. I want you to be able to be truthful here. You could never tell your other friends things like this, but you can tell me. You’re safe with me.”

Hux fell silent, waiting for her to speak. She swallowed. The faint rushing sound of blood in her ears was still pulsing. Far away, a generator hummed metallically.

“I saw him in London. When I worked for the Ministry.”

“Keep going,” Hux whispered.

“I was walking home from work. He found me somehow, and he—” Rey flinched as her skin began to crawl. “He sneaked up behind me. And I ran and he chased me and I screamed and no one noticed. And he caught me.”

“And you killed him,” Hux said gently.

Rey’s eyes widened. “No, that’s not—”

“You killed your father.”

“He wasn’t my father.”

Hux smiled. “Were you angry with him?”

Rey stammered. “I-I don’t… I mean, he was never—”

“In that moment,” Hux purred, “when you were on the cold pavement, and his face was hovering above yours, and he was about to hurt you again, were you angry?”

“I was terrified.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Terrified. I see. You weren’t angry at all.”

“Well, I—I mean, I wouldn’t say that.”

“You were furious,” Hux agreed, and Rey stilled. She stared at him as he spoke. “That is something most people don’t realize about ending a life. They think it’s an emotionless act, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You know exactly what it feels like, Rey—the rage, the hatred. The _want._ The clarity of knowing _exactly_ what you want to do to that person…. It’s a wonderful feeling. The power of hearing your own heart pounding in your ears while theirs drags to a stop.”

Rey sat silently. Her heart was tapping an unfamiliar rhythm in her chest.

“People think the First Order are emotionless, Rey. We’re not. In fact, I think everyone feels the same way we do. They’re just too cowardly to act on it. But you weren’t.” He leaned forward. “You were brave enough to do what most people only fantasize about.”

Hux watched her face carefully. Her expression was unreadable.

“You’ve been searching for a family your whole life, Rey,” he said gently. “And now you can have one. You can finally belong somewhere. I know what you’ve done, and I accept you for who you are. No one else is going to do that. Nobody else will understand.” His expression softened. “Not even Ben.”

She blinked slowly, looking down at her limp hands in her lap.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” she breathed. “I didn’t mean for him to die.”

He sighed. “I’m getting tired of this, Rey.”

She looked at him. “Of what?”

“Of you trying so desperately to stay on this high horse of yours. Thinking of yourself as morally superior to the First Order, myself—even Solo. Pretending that you didn’t want to hurt your father, when you so obviously did.”

“He was not my father.”

“Then what was he, Rey?”

“He was nobody.”

“He deserved to die,” Hux agreed.

“Yes, I—I mean, no, he—”

“Do you think the world is better off without him?” Rey took a breath but Hux kept going. “Before you answer, I want you to think. I want you to tell me the truth.”

Rey let out the breath.

Hux waited patiently.

Her heartbeat rushed in her ears.

***

“Rose, can I talk to you?”

Rose glanced up from tending the shrubbery hugging the castle walls and went back to her work. “What’s up?”

Poe chewed his lip. Now that he was here, he had no idea what he was going to say. Rose looked up at him again.

“Are you okay, Poe?”

He nodded.

“Is it about Finn? I know you guys are going through a rough time.”

He sighed. “No, it’s not about him.”

Rose waited for him to speak, straightening up and wiping the sweat off her forehead with her dirty sleeve, leaving a smear of brown across her skin.

Poe shook his head. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go.”

He turned to leave, but Rose took his arm gently. “Poe, you can tell me.”

He bounced on his feet, avoiding her eyes.

She frowned. “Poe, just tell me. Please.”

“I’m quitting.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

He bounced some more. His breath came shallow and he clenched his fists a few times before meeting her gaze. “Rose, I think of you as a friend.” 

“Um. Thank you. Same,” Rose ventured, looking wary.

“I don’t want you to think I’ve been… deceiving you. Or lying to you. I like you.”

“I like you too,” she said slowly, eyes narrowing. “What do you mean by ‘deceiving’?”

“Ben is…” All of a sudden, his heart drowned out his voice and he couldn’t speak. He cleared his throat. “I’m in the Resistance.”

“You’re in the Resistance?” Rose looked awed. Poe felt sick.

“Yes. And I’m quitting in order to go back.”

“Does it have to do with those first years getting taken?”

Poe swallowed. “Yes,” he said uncertainly. He nodded, more to himself than Rose. “Yes.” He met her eyes and his stomach turned.

She tapped her foot on the ground. “Poe, tell me.”

His eyes widened. “Tell you what?”

“Whatever it is you’re not telling me,” she demanded.

Poe examined his shoes. “Fuck,” he whispered, more to himself than Rose. He looked into her eyes steadily. “I’m sorry, Rose. I’m sorry.”

“Poe, Jesus, you’re scaring me,” she laughed, but the strained smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Ben is Kylo Ren.” He heard himself say it from afar, as if without his consent. He watched as Rose’s face went from apprehensive to emotionless.

“What?” she said numbly, voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry, Rose.” He put a hand on her shoulder.

“No,” she said, shrugging his hand off absently. It fell limply to his side as he observed her. “No.”

“Rose, it’s true.”

“No.”

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop that,” she murmured. “Stop it. Stop apologizing.”

“I’m—” he paused, his words dying in his throat.

“Five years,” she said faintly. Her eyes widened and she went pale; she turned and vomited into the bushes she’d been trimming. Her shaking hand covered her mouth as she steadied herself. Poe stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. She faced him again, but she was far away. “How did I not realize?” She wiped her face roughly with her sleeve, smearing the dirt around. “How did I not know?”

“He fooled everyone. I thought he was Ben again. But he was just waiting to go back to them. He was just biding his time.”

“But you knew.”

Poe nodded. “Yeah. I knew.”

Rose was silent for a long time. “You were assigned to watch him.”

He nodded again.

“You weren’t allowed to tell anyone what he’d done.”

He shook his head.

“Of course you wouldn’t tell me.”

He wasn’t sure how to react to that. He remained still.

“That makes sense. It makes sense,” she said, nodding to herself. She looked at him. “I get it, Poe, I really do. You were doing your job.”

Poe’s mouth fell open. “You… you get it?”

She nodded again. “I would do the same thing.”

“But,” Poe stammered, “But I lied to you. I… for five years. He killed your sister, Rose.”

Her face grew slightly paler at that. “I know. But that’s not your fault.”

“But it’s—it’s my fault he’s gone,” Poe floundered. “It’s my fault. I should have stopped him. I should have seen it coming.”

“You couldn’t have seen it, Poe,” she said gently. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “If he didn’t want you to see something, you couldn’t have seen it.”

He shook his head vigorously. “No. I just didn’t want to see. And now those students are—-who knows where they are. It’s all my fault.”

“Poe—”

“It’s all my fault.”

“I don’t—”

“SAY IT!”

Rose faltered.

Poe was breathing heavily. “IT’S MY FAULT! FUCKING SAY IT!”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “I’m not going to say that, Poe.”

He looked at her desperately. Tears streamed down his face and he bent over double, muscles twisting as he sobbed. “Why can’t you just hate me? Just hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Poe,” Rose said softly. “I don’t even hate him.”

“I hate him,” Poe spat, straightening up. “I fucking hate Ben Solo.”

“You’re going to find him, aren’t you?”

“I told him I would kill him if he left. If he went back.”

“You’re going to kill him?” Rose asked, eyebrows raised.

Poe chewed his lip again. More tears escaped down his cheeks. He made no effort to wipe them off and they dripped from his chin. “I don’t know,” he said, voice breaking.

Rose shook her head. “Don’t do that, Poe.”

“He deserves it.” His voice faded into a whisper at the end of the sentence, as if his body was telling him not to say what he was saying. He inhaled sharply. He waited for Rose to answer.

“We don’t decide what he deserves. We can only decide how we treat him. Whether we forgive him or not.”

“It’s too late for that,” Poe whispered again, voice still escaping him.

Rose squeezed his shoulder. “It’s never too late.”


	30. Weight of the World

The door slid closed behind her and Ben stood up. He took a tentative step toward her and she stiffened. He stepped back.

She watched him silently.

He furrowed his brow. “Are you okay?”

She looked down. The room was still. She sat on the floor and stared at the opposite wall.

Ben looked worried. “Rey?”

After a moment, she looked up at him. The expression on her face made him sit down next to her. She shuffled closer and he fit his arm around her shoulders; she leaned in and rested a hand on his chest. It was quiet for a long time.

“Rey, what did he do?”

She said nothing, hiding in this moment for as long as she could. “When you were with the First Order, did you ever… believe that they were right?”

Ben tensed and peered down at her. She didn’t meet his eyes. “I knew they were wrong,” he said slowly, “but at a certain point I guess I didn’t care anymore. Rey, what happened with Hux?”

She looked at him desperately. “I don’t want to tell you.”

His expression changed to one of fear. “Why not? What did he do, did he hurt you?”

Tears surfaced in her eyes. “No.”

He caressed her cheek and she leaned into the touch. “Rey… what’s wrong?”

She closed her eyes. “I’m a hypocrite, Ben.”

He frowned. “What?”

“I was so convinced that I was better than them. I’m not.”

“Better than who? The First Order?” Ben laughed incredulously. “Believe me, you are.”

She shook her head. “Ben, I’ve done things.”

“That doesn’t matter. You’re a good person.”

“You don’t even know what I did,” she argued, looking at him.

“I don’t care what you did. I care about who you are now.” His other hand found its way to her cheek and he held her face gently in his palms.

“Ben, I’m no better than them, believe me.”

“Rey, you are,” he insisted. _“I’m_ the one who’s no better than them. They’re murderers. You could never…” He watched as her expression changed to shame. He knit his eyebrows. “Rey?”

Tears escaped down her cheeks and wet his fingers. “I killed…” She gasped quietly. “I killed Plutt. I killed Plutt.” She pulled away from his touch and his hands fell limply into his lap.

Ben stared. “What… how did it…”

“He found me in London and attacked me, pinned me to the ground. I could barely move. I pulled out my wand and he looked at it and he… he laughed. He took it out of my hand and said…” She shook her head, closing her eyes again. “He said, ‘Fancy stick. Did you make it yourself?’ And then he snapped it in two. And it…” She covered her mouth with her fist. “It was like a bomb went off. It was so _loud._ I was fine but he was just… gone. It looked like he had passed out or something, but he was dead. So I ran.”

“Rey, he killed himself,” Ben said gently.

She shook her head again. “Ben, I was so _angry.”_ Her voice quivered. “I was so mad that he could still do this to me. I _wanted_ him to die. I wanted it. I was going to do it myself and my wand did it for me. I was… I was _glad.”_ She stared at her hands. “Fuck,” she whispered. “I do belong here.”

Ben watched her carefully. “Rey, you’re nothing like these people.”

“How am I different from them?” she asked quietly. “I wanted him dead, Ben. I was so sick of being afraid of him. I don’t even regret it. You’re a better person than me. At least you feel remorse.”

He shook his head. “Rey, you were defending yourself. He might have killed you.”

She was silent for awhile. “Hux told me…” her voice faded.

“What did Hux tell you?”

She couldn’t meet his eyes. “He told me you wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t accept me.”

“Rey.” His tone made her glance up. Ben made no move toward her, but the look on his face made her heart beat faster. “I will accept you no matter what. No matter what. You deserve… everything good. Do you understand?”

She gazed at him, feeling something lift off her shoulders that had been there for years. Her body was so light she almost felt like she was floating, but seeing his face made her pause. “I’m sorry I blamed you for all this. None of this was your fault. You couldn’t have known this would happen. I’m sorry.”

He regarded her with such a soft expression that it made her want to cry. “Don’t apologize, Rey. Don’t apologize for that.”

Rey reached forward and pulled him to her by his shirt. His hands drifted to her waist and she pressed their foreheads together, hand firm on the back of his neck. Her fingers tangled in his shaggy hair and they sat like that for a moment, just breathing together, before she closed the distance between them. Her lips pressed against his gently and he froze before kissing tentatively back, fingers twitching on her waist. She moved a hand to his cheek and her thumb brushed his skin as their mouths moved slowly. She slid her tongue over his lips and he hesitated. He pulled away and her heart broke a little.

“Is something wrong?” she whispered.

He shook his head. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. And you actually want this.”

She smiled. “I’m more okay than I’ve been in a long time. I’m actually _good._ Are…. Are you okay?”

“I don’t want to take advantage of you, you’re… you’ve been through a lot,” he said before looking at her, registering what she’d asked. “I’m ecstatically happy right now. I just want you to be—”

She pulled him toward her again, bringing their lips together, and he responded with a quiet groan. He twisted them so that his back was against the wall and Rey was resting in his lap; she ran her tongue along his lips again and this time he opened his mouth, letting the kiss deepen as she tangled her fingers in his hair. She nibbled his lower lip and he moaned softly, hands drifting from her waist to her hips, thumbs dipping under the fabric of her shirt to feel the smooth skin there. Her breath hitched as goosebumps appeared where his thumbs touched.

His hands slowly moved back up to her waist underneath her shirt and her stomach muscles twitched at the light, tickling touch, making her giggle quietly against his mouth. He smiled, then took her lower lip between his and sucked gently, making her moan. The sound of it made his heart race.

The noise of the door sliding open made them break apart abruptly. Two Stormtroopers were standing in the doorway and smirking—or, Rey assumed they were behind their masks. It was probably pretty obvious what she and Ben had been doing.

“Showers,” one of the troopers, a woman, announced. “Get up.”

They looked at each other, breath still slightly labored, and stood up. Ben held her elbow as she steadied herself. Then they went on their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall, I just want to say thank you again for reading this far and commenting such sweet and kindly things. You guys make my day. You're all splendid


	31. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.

Poe trudged up the small, snow-dusted hill as the wind whipped his face, barraging his skin with tiny ice crystals. It was almost sundown, so any warmth the sun might have provided was fading quickly. His boot lost its purchase on the slick grass and he hit the ground hard, elbow taking the brunt of his weight; pain rang from the joint and he swore loudly. He drew himself up slowly and looked around for the portkey; it should be here somewhere.

He spotted an ancient beer bottle partially covered by the snow and checked his watch; Shit. Fifteen minutes early. He plopped his bag on the ground next to the bottle and brought out his wand, pointing it at himself and muttering the incantation for a warming charm, but he’d never been very good at those. His beige Muggle jacket briefly warmed up, as though he were standing by a weak fire, but the warmth seeped out of him quickly and he was left shivering in the wind. He burrowed his nose into the fabric of his scarf.

After a few minutes, a head popped up over the crest of the hill, hooded and bowed against the wind. Poe gripped his wand and observed as the figure drew closer, more of their form being revealed. When the figure finally crested the hill, they glanced up from the uneven ground and spotted him.

There was a beat. “What are you doing here?”

Poe’s eyes widened. “Finn?” Regardless of Finn’s tone, this was the first time he’d spoken to him in months. Poe couldn’t help but smile. Finn lowered his hood and glared at him, waiting for him to answer the question. “Oh,” Poe said, blinking, “I quit. I’m going back to the Resistance. I thought McGonagall might have told you.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “She must have forgotten to mention it.”

“Why are you here?” Poe asked, shivering as a particularly violent gust of wind barreled into him.

“I quit, too.”

“You’re going into the Resistance?”

“I talked to Organa about joining before she left.”

Poe looked hurt. “You didn’t tell me.”

“Why would I tell you?” Finn said harshly. “Because we always had such a trusting relationship?”

Poe stared at his own feet and shivered again. Across the grass, Finn took out his wand and performed a warming charm on himself before checking his watch. It was quiet between them as the freezing wind howled in the dusk. Poe could feel Finn’s eyes on him but kept examining his boots as Finn approached the portkey. They stood quietly for a few minutes, Poe’s teeth chattering, until Finn pointed his wand at him.

For one wild second, he thought Finn was going to attack him, but suddenly a deep warmth spread over his body, ceasing his shivering instantly and seeping deliciously into his bones. He gazed at Finn in wonder.

“Thank you.”

Finn ignored him.

With one minute to go, Poe cleared his throat. “We should probably—”

Finn was already picking up the old bottle. He offered half to Poe and they held the two ends until the portkey twisted violently in their hands and they were both sucked into the vortex. Poe felt the familiar tug behind his navel and the unpleasant tumbling sensation that accompanied this form of travel. He squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them, they were on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. The air was much warmer than it had been in Scotland, but it was still cold and dreary. The memorial was surprisingly crowded for the middle of winter, and no one even glanced in their direction when they appeared.

Finn was bent over next to him with labored breath, hands on his knees, leaning against the metal bannister of the steps. Poe reached instinctively to rub his back but stopped himself, hand falling to his side. “Are you okay?”

Finn straightened. He looked past Poe and started briskly in the direction of the Resistance base, Poe following close behind him.

After a few minutes of walking, a plump squirrel waddled up to Poe and stared at him; Poe smiled and took a small biscuit from a stash in his pocket, bending down and feeding it. The squirrel’s tiny paws gripped the biscuit and its claws scraped his finger gently. He chuckled.

“Poe, get up,” Finn berated, and Poe glanced up at him, his smile fading. He stood up, leaving the biscuit with the squirrel, and Finn rolled his eyes as he continued walking.

“They like people,” Poe explained, not that he expected Finn to reply. “They’re my favorite thing about this city.”

“They like food. They don’t care about you.” Finn was still slightly ahead of him, not looking back. Poe couldn’t help the wounded expression that overtook his face, and he was glad Finn wasn’t looking at him. He carried on silently behind him.

After another few minutes, two more spherical squirrels approached them. Poe smiled and Finn glared at the small animals. Poe’s eyes darted in Finn’s direction before he knelt down again, and he could feel Finn glowering at him as he fed them.

“You’re clearly in no hurry,” Finn said lowly, and this time, Poe ignored him. He glanced up at him and offered him a biscuit.

Finn stared at it before holding out his hand. Poe dropped it into his palm and Finn knelt down next to him, offering the biscuit to one of the squirrels. It gripped the snack in its paws and began to nibble away. Poe saw Finn crack a smile, but pretended he hadn’t. When they were finished, they both stood up and carried on their way.

They approached the Reflecting Pool at the Washington Monument, the water as grey as the sky above them. Muggles were milling about and taking pictures of the dreary site, and Finn and Poe went to a corner of the pool casually. They peered down into the water; Poe noticed Finn’s look of apprehension.

“You’ll be fine, Finn, it doesn’t feel cold,” he said, but Finn still stared into the pool.

“I know. I’m just…”

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

Finn glared at him. “I’m fine. Just go.”

Poe looked at him for a moment before nodding. He glanced around before stepping forward into the water and falling straight down. It didn’t feel wet or cold; in fact, Poe felt as if he were merely drifting through the air like a feather, and after a minute or so he landed gently on solid ground. He stepped to the side and a few seconds later, Finn landed next to him. Poe watched Finn’s expression turn to one of wonder as he looked at the base around him.

The ceilings were high above them and the walls were made of water-stained concrete from the Reflecting Pool above; however, lively fireplaces burned brightly enough to give the entire place a homey feel. Every so often, one of the fires would blaze green and a person would stride out of it and be on their way. People were bustling about, everyone on their way somewhere, but there were food vendors and clusters of armchairs sprinkled throughout the atrium. Poe waved to his favorite pizza vendor and the elderly man grinned toothlessly back at him. On one wall, large and vibrant, a painting of the Resistance seal was displayed proudly, and on another, moving portraits of Ben’s family—Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo—gazed down at them with confident smiles. Poe stared up at them impassively as he thought of what his friend might be doing now.

“Commander Dameron, President Organa is waiting for you in her quarters,” a short witch with blonde hair rolled into tight buns said, approaching them briskly. She glanced at Finn and held out her hand. “Kaydel Ko Connix.”

“Finn,” he said, shaking her hand.

“Finn…?” she prompted, and he shook his head.

“Just Finn.”

She looked at Poe. “He’s with me, Kay. Organa knows he’s here.”

She nodded and turned on her heel, striding in the direction of the elevators. Finn and Poe followed her. Poe felt Finn’s eyes on him again.

“Commander Dameron?” Finn said quietly.

Poe shrugged. They stepped into the elevator and Kaydel pressed the button for floor nine; the elevator spoke in a business-like woman’s voice. “Names.”

“Lieutenant Kaydel Ko Connix,” Kaydel said.

“Commander Poe Dameron,” Poe said.

Finn cleared his throat. “Finn,” he said uncertainly.

The elevator ground into motion, and Poe couldn’t help but notice the look of relief on Finn’s face as they went down to the bottommost floor.

There was a ding as the elevator door slid open, and the three of them stepped out. A sprawling, warmly lit office spread out in front of them, complete with fancy couches and fireplaces. A grand door was situated in the center of the back wall, sealed shut. Kaydel made her way to her desk and began to fill out a stack of paperwork. She nodded at them as they walked past her; Poe nodded back but Finn’s eyes were trained on the door.

Poe smiled at Finn reassuringly.

“You ready to join the Resistance?”


	32. Not at First Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! This chapter has smut, so if you're not into that, you can go ahead and bypass it. However, there is a pleasant conversation beforehand that is worth the read. I hope you enjoy.

Rey awoke to the feeling of Ben’s arms around her and she snuggled closer to him, gripping the hem of the blanket and pulling it over their heads. He stirred against her in the dark.

“It’s dark,” he muttered in a gravelly voice thick with sleep. He pressed his lips to her soft hair.

“That’s very astute of you, Ben.”

She felt him smile against her and he kissed the spot again. “It’s nice.” Her hand crept over his waist and she pulled him closer, burrowing her face into the warm fabric covering his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair slowly. “You have good hair.”

“Thank you,” she chuckled. “How did you sleep?”

“I slept perfectly. You?”

Rey nodded, breathing in the smell of him. “Any dreams?”

He thought for a moment. “I dreamt about Poe.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We were hanging out in my room, just listening to music. It was so real.”

“Do you miss him?”

He nodded slowly, then shook his head with a smile. “He’s such a dick. But I miss him.”

Rey remembered that night at the pub, all those months ago on the first day of school. “He called you a dick once.”

“He’s called me a dick countless times.”

She smiled. “I used to be so confused at your friendship.”

“Why?” he asked, harmless curiosity in his voice.

“Because,” she said, thinking, “in school, he was always so loud and confident. And you were so quiet and… I mean, you seemed to hate everybody.”

He twirled a lock of her hair in his fingers. She closed her eyes contentedly. “I kinda did hate everybody, I guess. Or maybe I just hated my parents. I don’t know.”

“Why did you hate them?”

He shrugged. “I was always sort of mad at them for sending me away. I knew things weren’t safe at home, but it always felt like they just wanted to get rid of me.”

“Ben, I’m sure they didn’t feel that way.”

“I know that now,” he agreed, thumb caressing her temple. “I was a very angsty kid.”

“Did you used to straighten your hair?”

His thumb paused on her skin. “Of course not.”

She grinned. “Are you sure about that?”

He laughed. “I tried once. It looked terrible. Poe took a picture. He probably still has it somewhere.”

She chuckled. “Why do you think you two became friends?”

“We met at the portkey to go to King’s Cross, first year. We were both terrified, I think, but we were acting all tough. Our parents were busy being heroes, and we wanted to be the same way. We sat next to each other on the train, and we were both Sorted into Gryffindor. And,” he added quietly, “I always loved how much fun he had. With everything. With life. I don’t know what he likes about me, but that’s what I like about him.”

She smiled as she listened to him speak, her hand drawing circles on his shoulder blade. She leaned up and took his lips in a soft, chaste kiss. He grinned at her.

“What was that for?”

“Just felt like it,” she shrugged, and returned to nuzzle his chest again. He began to scratch her back lightly while he thought.

“What about you and Finn? Why did you become friends?”

“I never really had any close friends at Hogwarts until he got there. He was just so… I knew he was a good egg. From the beginning. He’s so kind.”

“Not even on the Quidditch team?” he asked, and she had to think back to what she’d said.

“Not really,” she said with a shrug. “Nobody I was actually close to. In a meaningful way.”

“I should have been friends with you.”

She smiled. “Ben, it’s okay. You were a big tall seventh year. I would have cramped your style.”

He shook his head. “You were probably way cooler than I was.”

“Do you even remember playing together?”

He considered for a moment. “I remember you were very short.”

She laughed.

He grinned, patting her head like a dog. “You are still very short.” She pushed him gently and he chuckled. “Perfect Seeker size.”

“I am _average height,_ I’ll have you know. You’re a giraffe.”

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer to him. She closed her eyes again. “I remember Poe making fun of you. Calling you by your last name.”

She rolled her eyes. “He hasn’t changed much.”

“I remember talking to you one time.”

She looked up at him in the darkness. “We talked?”

He nodded. “You caught the Snitch against Hufflepuff one time after about thirty seconds. I said, ‘Good job.’ And you said, “Thanks.’ And then you shook my hand.” His eyes twinkled.

Rey laughed. “Love at first sight,” she joked, and blushed at her words. Ben stilled next to her.

“Not exactly,” he said quietly. “Not at first sight.”

There was a beat of silence, and then their lips met desperately, Ben’s hands roaming down her back and hiking up her shirt to touch her skin. She wound her hands in his hair and he slid his tongue along her lips, prompting her to open up to him. The kiss was all heat and frenzy and Rey’s heart felt like it would burst out of her chest.

Ben’s hand slid up her waist and along her ribs until his thumb was swiping along the underside of her breast; her breath hitched as he ran his thumb teasingly over her nipple, bringing it to attention.

“Ben, what if—” she hissed as he twirled his thumb around the hardened nub and she kissed him fiercely. “What if they come in—”

“We can stop,” Ben breathed against her mouth, hand running along her waist and leaving a trail of goosebumps. He nodded, taking his hand off of her skin. “We can stop.” Their breath came hard and fast as they looked into each other’s eyes, and then Rey pulled him closer to her again and the kiss continued as though it had never stopped.

Ben gripped her hips and turned them so that the blanket slipped off and she was straddling him, his hands sliding around to tease the small of her back, and she let out a few short, quiet breaths as her muscles twitched at his touch. She broke the kiss and swirled her tongue down along his pulse point and pressed searing kisses along his jawline, making him tighten his grip on her hips and moan her name.

The sound of it gave her a pulling sensation deep in her abdomen and she met his lips again urgently. His large, warm hands pushed up her shirt again and she took it the rest of the way off, pulling it over her head, looking down at him and finding him already staring at her through hooded eyes. She blushed under his gaze and he smiled. He sat up, taking her lips with his own firmly, and yet with such tenderness that Rey wanted to cry. The kiss lasted a long time and Rey’s heart swelled at the feeling Ben put into it. He wrapped his arm around her waist and laid her gently on the blanket, hovering above her and pressing another kiss to her eager lips. He settled between her thighs and she tugged at his shirt, prompting him to take it off. His hair fell messily around his face and she brought him back down to her, hand firm on the nape of his neck, giving him goosebumps. His tongue swirled around hers and then he focused his attention on the tender skin underneath her jaw, down her neck, along her collarbone, before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her breast. She stilled in anticipation and he glanced up at her, meeting her eyes as he took a nipple between his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed as his hand pinched and twirled the other nub at the same time that his tongue was teasing the first. Her hands found their way to his hair again as she moaned.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against her skin. He met her lips again as his finger tickled along the arch of her back. She keened, her breasts pushing against his chest, making his cock twitch. He ground their hips together and the friction of the fabric on his erection made his breath shudder. Rey’s hips met his eagerly and her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders while her legs wrapped around his waist. He ground against her again and she made a perfect sound.

“Fuck, Rey,” he whispered; his hand slid roughly down her stomach and paused at the waistband of her pants. She nodded and his fingers glided down, thumb quickly finding the small bundle of nerves at her apex and middle finger dipping into her entrance. It was already slick and she moaned again as he added another digit and began to work. Her lips met his sloppily, all tongue and teeth, and their hot breath mingled as her eyes squeezed shut at the feeling of fullness his fingers were giving her. He curled them and she let out a surprised yelp, which turned into a string of expletives as he continued the motion. His thumb reversed its pattern on her clit and she felt a calm wash over her body, everything going quiet, before her face contorted and her muscles sang.

She gave a loud, heady moan and her fingers gripped Ben’s hair as he kissed her neck and rode through her high with her, only stopping when he knew she was finished. She was breathing heavily, eyes lidded, and when he slid his fingers out, she almost whined at the empty feeling they left behind.

He kissed her fiercely and she returned it, still panting, before smiling at him. “Ben Solo, you’re very good at that.”

He looked bashful. Before he could answer, she flipped them over and situated herself between his long legs, reaching for his waistband and raising her eyebrows questioningly. He nodded and watched as she dragged down the fabric, painfully slow, over his erection, making him hiss loudly at the friction, before she finally let it spring free. The head was leaking and she pumped him a few times, spreading the slick precum over the length. His head fell back on the pillow blissfully and she took his pants the rest of the way off, tossing them somewhere off to the side. He sat up and worked to drag down the waistband of her pants as well; she helped him the rest of the way by taking them off herself.

There was a moment where they just looked at each other, admiring, memorizing the details, the sheen on his flushed, pale skin and the hair around her face curling with the moisture of sweat. One of Ben’s hands was behind him, still holding him up, and the other drifted up to her face to cradle her jaw and caress her cheek. They closed the distance between them with an achingly soft kiss, then Rey straddled his hips again and lined herself up with him. His hands rested below her shoulder blades to steady her and she looked into his eyes as she lowered herself down on him slowly. He groaned roughly and she squeezed her eyes shut as she adjusted to his size; his fingers were nothing compared to this and the fullness was intoxicating. When he was completely buried, she let out a sigh and brought his lips to hers again. His hands gripped her hips tightly as he fought the urge to thrust up; once again, he flipped them gently so that he was between Rey’s thighs. He pulled out ever so slowly, letting her adjust, before easing back in. He moaned at the tight feeling of her surrounding him and thrusted harder than he meant to, pausing when she hissed.

“Sorry,” he murmured quickly, “Sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay, keep going.”

He pulled back and thrusted, pulled back and thrusted, hot breath shuddering on Rey’s neck, and her fingernails scraped down his back as she began to keen beneath him.

“Fuck, Ben,” she whispered, and, emboldened, he picked up his pace and kissed Rey sloppily, moaning into her mouth. He changed his angle and she gave a cry at the new sensation. “Fuck, Ben,” she whined, biting down on the flesh of his shoulder. His pace was steady and he slid in and out easily, the warm feeling of being sheathed inside her occupying his every thought. He reached a hand down and began teasing one of her nipples between two fingers, and her breath came quicker.

His thrusts became more erratic and she wrapped her legs around his waist, helping him to thrust and keeping him steady. His hand went lower, down to her apex, and his thumb traced quick circles around the nub, eliciting a beautiful sound from deep inside her. Her second orgasm took over suddenly and the feeling of her tightening around him made him tumble over the edge with her, letting out a low groan and filling her up as they both rode out their high.

They laid there, entangled and breathing heavily, until he slowly separated them and lay down next to her. She draped her leg over his, resting her head on his chest. A comfortable silence filled the room.

When their breath had returned to normal, she held up her hand. He shook it firmly.


	33. Close Your Eyes

_“We have no idea where they are.”_

Poe glared down at his boots as he trudged through the slick mud. He hastily swiped a hand over his eyes in an effort to clear them of the rainwater streaming down his face. His curly hair was plastered to his forehead and his feet sloshed around in his boots; Finn’s footsteps weren’t far behind. Thick trees surrounded them, but the forest was eerily quiet. Poe hadn’t seen one animal in their entire trek.

_“What do you mean?”_

Finn slid a few inches in the mud and Poe held out his arm for him to catch. He steadied them both as Finn grabbed his arm roughly. Finn met his eyes and nodded curtly.

_“No reports of any new First Order officers.”_

Lightning split the sky above them and Poe jumped at the booming thunder that followed.

“How much farther?” Finn asked.

_“No one has seen them.”_

“About a mile,” Poe answered. Finn groaned behind him. “We’re almost there, bud.”

Finn said nothing.

_“That’s impossible. Someone has to know where they are.”_

After what seemed like ages, Poe slowed to a stop. He glanced around before nodding to Finn, and they both waved their wands. Their coats and hoods were replaced with white cloaks and frowning masks. Finn stared at him, motionless.

“I feel disgusting,” Finn said behind his mask.

Poe nodded. “We can dry off when we get closer to the base.”

Finn stared at him for a moment longer before shaking his head and continuing the muddy hike. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

_“Why would they hide them?”_

Poe followed close behind, realization dawning on him at Finn’s words. He nodded again, even though Finn couldn’t see. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Finn was quiet for a long time, focusing on the muddy ground. “I’m fine, Poe. I can do this.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Another lightning strike illuminated Poe’s face for a fraction of a second. “You don’t have to wear the uniform for long. We’ll be in and out.”

“I know.” Finn walked a few meters before speaking again. “Do you think we’ll find them?”

Poe grimaced. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t get my hopes up.” Despite his words, there was a tight feeling in his chest at the idea of seeing Ben’s face. A feeling that made him grip his wand rigidly and clench his jaw until it ached.

_“They must be planning something big.”_

They heard marching and stopped. Finn waved his wand over both of them and Poe breathed a sigh of relief as the water in his boots disappeared and the fabric of his clothes dried, no longer sticking to his skin. They carried on walking, shoulders straight, until they reached the gate.

“Stop.”

Poe’s first instinct was to look for the source of the voice, which seemed to be coming from every direction, but he remained still. Beside him, Finn stiffened.

“Name and unit.”

“Jack Reese, three seven,” Poe announced.

“Martin Thompson, three seven,” Finn said.

It was silent and Poe’s heart began to pound. He said a silent prayer that the Resistance hadn’t messed this up, that they had bewitched the rosters correctly, that he and Finn wouldn’t die surrounded by Stormtroopers.

“Enter.”

He let out a breath and marched in alongside Finn. They both took a sharp left and Poe tried to recall the map he’d memorized, but Finn knew where he was going. He ran his hand along the smooth white walls until he found what he was looking for and pushed; a small door in the wall opened and they slid inside.

***

“I want you to close your eyes, Rey.”

She knit her eyebrows. “Why?”

“You’re safe, Rey. Close your eyes.”

She stared at Hux for a moment before rolling her eyes and closing them.

“I want you to think of a time you felt powerless.”

She opened her eyes again. Hux’s face was a clean slate, totally unreadable. He took out his wand and rolled it smoothly between his fingers. She stared at it.

“Do it, Rey.”

She touched the old burn on her cheek, now a smooth, round scar the size of a Knut. Her eyes stayed on Hux’s wand. “I’m feeling pretty powerless right now.”

“You’re not powerless. In this room, you control everything that happens to you.” His thumb caressed the polished wood.

Her eyes flitted up to Hux for a moment before going back down to his wand. “What would happen if I took that?”

“The consequences would be… severe. So I wouldn’t, if I were you.”

“I thought we were friends,” Rey said silkily, and Hux laughed. It almost sounded warm.

“At this point, you know me better than anyone. I consider you a friend.”

“Then why don’t you give me my magic back?”

Hux watched her, eyes twinkling. He smiled and shook his head. “In due time, Rey. In due time.”

She looked at his wand again. “If we’re friends, you don’t need to use that.”

He twirled it in his fingers absently. “Perhaps you’re right.” He tucked it back in his pocket. “But you need to cooperate with me.”

She nodded slowly.

She closed her eyes.

“Think of a time you felt powerless.”

A meaty hand slamming into her face, making her lose her balance.

“Scared.”

Staying awake all night, eyes trained on the strip of light shining through the crack in the door.

“Unwanted.”

Being sent to other homes, staying on her best behavior, but unable to stop the strange things that seemed to happen around her. Being sent back to him.

“I want you to imagine what you would have done, had you been able to.”

Hit him back. Lock the door. Find a family.

Find a family.

Her eyes stung and a tear escaped.

“How would you have felt if you had done this?”

Loved.

“Why were you unable to do this?”

I was weak. I deserved it. No one wanted me.

I deserved it.

“Think again of what you would have done.”

Find a family.

No one wanted me.

I was weak.

I deserved it.

“Were you ever able to achieve this?”

Gryffindor.

I was weak.

No one wanted me.

She remembered reading in her four-poster bed, listening to the other girls laugh and chat freely. At the beginning, they tried to talk to her. But her foster father’s words were still too fresh in her mind. Useless. Pathetic. Stupid. They didn’t really want to be friends with her. They would realize the truth about her, and then they would be embarrassed to know her. By the time she was ready, they had stopped trying, just like Rey knew they would.

Quidditch.

Walking to the castle alone after practice while the others teased each other playfully. Disappearing to the library after a win while her teammates celebrated together.

Her job.

They said they wanted her and they didn’t. She was the prime suspect immediately after Marnie’s disappearance. They didn’t trust her. She didn’t belong.

“Rey, think of a time you felt completely at peace. Where were you?”

Here.

In the cell.

With Ben.

“Where were you, Rey?” he asked softly.

She opened her eyes. “Here,” she breathed, almost too quietly to hear.

“You belong here.”

“I belong—” she stopped. Her heart thumped. She swallowed thickly. “No.”

“You belong here, Rey,” he said gently.

“Stop it.”

“You don’t belong at Hogwarts. You don’t belong with those people. You belong here.”

“No—”

“You’re going to bring Hogwarts to the ground.”

“Please—”

“You’re going to end this war, Rey. Say it.”

“STOP!” She lunged her hand into Hux’s pocket and drew his wand, pointing it between his eyes. He was motionless. His mouth curled into a smile and he pressed up against the wand tip.

“Do it, Rey. Kill me.”

She breathed heavily, face contorting with rage. Hux watched her silently.

Her fingers gripped the wand tightly and she twisted it, muttering the words with conviction.

Nothing happened.

Hux broke into a laugh. He pulled away and stood up, snatching the wand out of her limp hand. He shook his head.

“Any delusions you’re keeping about not belonging in the First Order… Rey, they’re nonsense. You’re as cold a killer as any I’ve met. Get up.”

Rey looked up at him, eyes wide.

He pointed his wand at her with a bored expression and her muscles spasmed and cramped, making her body contort. She let out a scream as her insides squirmed and her skin began to melt. Hux let his wand fall to his side and the pain stopped.

Hux’s eyes were black holes rimmed with ice. “Get up.”

She stood up shakily and he walked out the door, robes whipping around the doorframe. She followed.

On the long walk back to the cell, terror filled her entire body. _“The consequences would be severe.”_ She cursed herself for doing something so reckless and idiotic. Hux stared straight ahead as he led her down gleaming white corridors and around dozens of corners.

He waved his wand and the door to their cell slid open. He strode inside and Ben rose to meet him, eyes dark.

Before Ben could say anything, Hux pointed his wand at him and twisted. Rey heard a sick _pop_ and Ben doubled over with a yelp, hand cradling his shoulder.

“Come with me.”

Rey glanced between them wildly. “Why? What are you going to do with him?”

Hux ignored her. He twisted his wand again and there was another _pop_ , Ben’s good arm falling limply to his side as he groaned. Rey reached numbly for Hux’s wand again and he dodged easily, looking at her coldly before slapping her, hard, across the face. She saw stars and her knees wobbled. He pointed his wand at her and thin cords shot from it, wrapping tightly from her toes to her shoulders. She landed on the ground with a thud.

When she looked up, Ben was floating unconscious behind Hux as he walked out the door.

“Ben!”

She was met with silence as the door slid shut.

_“BEN!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far!! Please let me know what you think, as always. I appreciate you all!


	34. Severe Consequences

The tiny door opened to a low, pitch black room. They had to hunch over double to fit. They pulled the stuffy helmets off of their heads and took a deep breath.

“How do you know about this place?” Poe asked, eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness.

“I built it,” Finn answered. “I hid in here when I escaped.”

“So no one else knows about it?” Poe breathed.

Poe heard a rustle, Finn shaking his head in the dark. “Just us.”

“Are you sure?” Poe asked. “It’s been almost a decade since you got out.”

“I’m the only one who can open it. Even if someone else knows, they wouldn’t be able to get in.”

Poe nodded. “Okay. Plan.”

“The officer’s chambers are deep underground. We need to get down there and try to find them. Stun them and bring them back to the Resistance.”

“If they’re here,” Poe corrected.

“If they’re here,” Finn agreed gravely.

“And if they don’t kill us first.”

Finn was quiet for a moment. “Do you really think she would?”

Poe’s chest tightened at Finn’s tone. “I don’t know, bud.” He reached into the blackness to rest a hand on Finn’s shoulder and ended up grazing his cheek. Finn twitched away. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s best if we split up,” Finn said mechanically. “Guards usually patrol alone. We don’t want to draw attention.”

Poe stared into the darkness before nodding silently.

“Got it?” Finn pressed.

Poe nodded again. “Got it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Finn, I was just—”

“Give me your wand.”

He handed it over and Finn touched the two handle ends together and turned them, murmuring an incantation which Poe recognized as the walkie-talkie charm. Finn handed his wand back to him.

“Let’s go.”

Poe heard a shuffling as Finn put his helmet back on and scanned through the wall for anyone on the other side. As Finn slipped out of the secret room, Poe put his helmet on numbly and scanned the hall himself. He saw the outline of Finn retreating to the left and around the corner; he was about to exit himself when another guard rounded the corner on the other end of the corridor. Poe’s hand paused on the door as he waited for the trooper to round the corner, heart pounding.

When the coast was clear, he stepped into the blinding white hall.

***

Rey struggled against the tight cords wrapped around her, to no avail. She let out a frustrated scream and her breath quickened at the thought of what they might do to Ben. If she would ever see him again. Hear his voice.

The cords seemed to tighten as she struggled, so she slowed to a stop. She let herself roll onto her back and stare at the ceiling, thinking back on all the times she’d done this before, with the knowledge that Ben was there, sitting only a few feet away. Her eyes ached from the brightness but she didn’t close them.

She thought about all the times Ben had been alone in this room without her while she was with Hux. Had he felt the same way she was feeling now? Had he felt the same panic and worry at the thought of her never returning? She felt suddenly guilty at having never considered the idea of Ben sitting in this cell without her.

She was familiar with fear. It was only when she arrived at Hogwarts (actually, many months into her first year), that she realized fear was not the default setting on every human being. Perennial tightness in her chest, constant glances over her shoulder to look for him, feeling a breeze on the back of her neck and whipping around, expecting to find his bloated face. In her young mind, every person felt this way.

There wasn’t a specific moment when she stopped feeling so afraid and started feeling other things. And even then, the fear never fully left her. But, over time, it became infused—and sometimes drowned out by—excitement at her good grades, the satisfaction of claiming the squashiest armchair in the Common Room for herself, the warm smell of earth in the greenhouses. The feeling of being safe and alive.

Now the fear was back, only it felt different this time. Deeper. Like she had more to lose than just herself. She thought of Marnie, Tzipora, and Connor. Poe and Finn. McGonagall and Longbottom.

Ben.

In the quiet, white room, tears streamed freely into her hair while she stared at the ceiling.

***

Poe marched through the vast labyrinth of corridors, unsure whether to nod to other guards as he passed them or just ignore them altogether. He went with the latter, figuring there weren’t many niceties in First Order culture. He couldn’t help but wish that guards patrolled in pairs.

He took a stairwell down whenever he found one, but the stairwells were scattered around randomly, probably so that anyone attempting to escape would get lost. He tried to keep a mental map of every floor and remember where each stairwell was located, but it was an endeavor he quickly abandoned as he descended deeper into the base. There were simply too many floors to keep track of.

After about twenty floors (Poe had lost count), he passed another patrolling guard. He tried to look aloof under his helmet, which he had assumed would be easy to accomplish, but the guard turned his head as Poe walked by.

“Stop.”

Poe halted, heart sinking. He turned around to face the other guard.

“Name.”

He let out a laugh which he hoped didn’t sound nervous. “What, we’re investigating our own now?” He gulped and before the guard could answer, he said, “Reese. Three seven.”

“What are you doing this far down, Reese? Do you have authorization to be here?”

Poe was thankful the guard couldn’t see his face, because he probably looked terrified. For a few seconds that felt like infinity, his mind raced as he contemplated what to say. He knew that Leia had given him and Finn a script of what to say if they were questioned, but he hadn’t been listening as closely as he should have been. He figured he would just go with his gut when the time came.

Right now, his gut was only saying one thing, so he decided to listen: “I’m new, sir. I need to see Ren.”

The guard seemed to relax. He nodded in understanding—or, as much understanding as Poe could interpret from his expressionless helmet. “Follow me.”

Poe let out a silent breath as he followed the guard through the winding corridors, down random staircases, until they arrived at an ornately carved metal door. His breath suddenly quickened as he thought about what he’d say to Ben; he’d pictured it so many times over the past months, but now that he was here, he had no idea what he would do. As he stared at the door, the intricate carvings seemed to shimmer and change, melting into different, dancing designs. The guard swiped his wand across the carvings and they swirled like storm clouds before parting; the door melted away.

The guard stood back. “I’ll let you go in on your own.” His tone was strange. Reverent.

Poe nodded and stepped inside; the door reappeared behind him. He glanced around, expecting to see his best friend on a throne of Muggle corpses, but the room was empty. Not empty, actually—there was a gleaming black table on a dais at the other end of the cavernous room. An altar. A melted, tattered helmet rested delicately on a deep red cloth. Bright spotlights from above shone down in a row to create a path to Kylo Ren’s destroyed mask.

Poe stared at it as though he was waiting for it to pounce. When it remained motionless, he approached it slowly, inching along the path until he was face to face with it. 

Its blank, black eyes stared into his own. He knew this mask was the last thing many people ever saw, and it gave him the creeps. He noticed there was a second shelf on the table, below the helmet, overflowing with clutter. Phoenix feathers and unicorn horns and earrings and teddy bears and Muggle wristwatches and dozens of wands. Poe somehow knew that the original owners of these wands, and of everything else for that matter, were long dead.

Offerings.

Stolen from victims.

His stomach roiled.

He’d been expecting to find Ben here. Instead, he’d found Ben’s legacy.

In that moment, Poe made up his mind.

Wherever Ben really was, no matter what he was doing, Poe was going to kill him.

***

After hours of silence, the sound of the door was deafening. The cords unraveled around her and she scrambled to her feet.

Ben was standing in front of her and she flung her arms around him; he hesitated before hugging her back.

She pulled away with a frown, examining Ben’s face. He looked exhausted, but there was something else in his eyes.

Defeat.

Her hand went to his cheek as she searched his face.

“Ben?”

He said nothing.

“What’s wrong? What did he do?”

He gazed at every detail of her face as if he were trying to memorize it for a test. It was then that Rey noticed Hux hovering by the door.

She looked back at Ben. “Are you okay?” He remained silent, still gazing at her. She shook him gently. “Ben?” she whispered. Her voice seemed to have failed her.

He stirred at the motion. “I love you.”

For some reason, her heart sank at his words. “Ben, what’s going on?”

“I need to go, Rey. I have to go.”

“Go… where?” she asked numbly. He gave her a tired smile.

“You’re better off without me. You deserve better.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m going to pay for what I did to those people. I’m getting what I deserve.”

“Ben,” she said, alarmed.

“I told you I wasn’t going to survive this.”

“Stop it,” she commanded. “Ben, stop.” She tried to think of an argument to get him to stay, anything at all, but her mind had short circuited. Numbly, distantly, she noticed that his shoulders were no longer injured. 

He kissed her gently. “He’s letting me say goodbye.”

“No,” Rey begged, “Ben, we can still get out of here. We can still escape. We just need to—”

He kissed her again. He pulled back. His thumbs swiped the tears off her cheeks and he pressed his lips to her forehead. She squeezed him tightly, remembering when he had come to her room after her nightmare. An eternity ago. She buried her face in his chest and breathed him in, hope suddenly draining from her body, leaving her exhausted.

“I love you,” she whispered. “Please, Ben.”

At the door, Hux cleared his throat. White hot rage bubbled inside her and she wanted to kill him. She wanted to watch the life flicker out of his eyes. She wanted to kill him with her bare hands.

But she didn’t.

“I have to go,” Ben said again. He pulled away. “I love you.”

“No,” Rey said weakly as he turned to follow Hux. Her arms swung at her sides. “Ben, stay,” she whispered. “Stay with me.”

He didn’t hear her.

The door slid closed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy. Thanks for reading. Lemme know what ya think


	35. Red

Poe stared at the mask, feeling a quiet rage overtake him. He felt the hot anger inside him spread all the way to his fingertips. When he heard the voice behind him, he jumped.

“You’re gonna have to finish that prayer another time, Reese,” the guard called. “We have an execution order.”

Poe followed the guard out of the shrine room mechanically. Halfway down a flight of stairs, he paused. “Execution order?”

The guard nodded. “Some prisoner. Pissed off Hux somehow; not that hard to do.”

“How often do people get killed around here?” Poe asked, and the guard hesitated. Poe realized his tone hadn’t been the right one. He cleared his throat. “I mean, how often do these animals need to be put down?” He put as much venom into his words as he could muster.

The guard kept walking. “Few times a day, give or take,” he said. “I don’t know why we even keep prisoners. If I were in charge, they’d be liquidated day one. Waste of food and resources.”

Liquidated.

Poe shuddered.

“So, Rebel scum? Mug—No-Maj? What are we dealing with here?” he asked.

The guard shrugged as he turned a corner. “Does it matter?”

“No,” Poe muttered, “I guess it doesn’t.” His stomach turned at the thought of murdering an innocent person. What if it was someone he knew in the Resistance? A friend? Even if it was a stranger, he felt sick at the prospect of helping the First Order. His mind raced through dozens of ways he could avoid being a part of this slaughter, but he didn’t know if he could defy this order and still carry out his mission.

The guard stopped at a heavy metal door and moved his wand in a circular motion, causing it to grind open. They stepped into a large, cold room with high ceilings, concrete walls, and grey tile floors. It almost reminded him of the Great Hall at Hogwarts, if the Great Hall had been redecorated by fascist murderers. Poe glanced around surreptitiously for their intended victim, but it appeared they were the first to arrive.

“Where did you say you were from?” the guard asked.

“Transfer from Trenton,” Poe replied casually.

“I mean originally.”

“Oh.” Poe frowned. He hadn’t anticipated being asked a personal question. “Florida.”

The guard nodded. “Washington,” he said, tapping his own chest. “What got you into it?”

Poe knit his eyebrows. It took him a second to register what the guard was asking. “I, uh. I grew up around No-Majs.” He paused. “Fucking cockroaches,” he added, heart thumping at the insult. He felt diseased. The guard nodded enthusiastically at his words. “I’m a Pure Blood. The only way to be. Always knew I wanted to get rid of those parasites. I was top of my class at Ilvermorny.”

“What year were you?” the guard asked.

Poe waved a hand. “Probably way before you, bud.” The guard waited for an answer. “Eleven years ago,” Poe said.

The guard stiffened. “Funny. I don’t remember you. What did you say your name was again?”

Poe’s pulse quickened. “Jack Reese.”

“Y’know, Jack Reese, I was top of _my_ class eleven years ago, too,” the guard said, straightening up.

Poe swallowed. “It was a big class,” he said with a nervous laugh. The guard started to approach him, but just then, the door behind them ground open.

Five more Stormtroopers marched in, led by a cold-looking man with red hair whom Poe guessed was Armitage Hux, based on the description in his debriefing. Poe searched for the prisoner he was meant to kill. His eyes landed on a tall man with long, dark hair shrouding most of his face, shoulders hunched in defeat. His black uniform hung loosely around his thin body. He had no cuffs or anything constraining him, so Poe assumed he was a Muggle.

The other guards lined up to face the prisoner, whose face was still covered by a curtain of long hair; Hux stood behind them, watching the scene with smug satisfaction. Poe trudged to one end of the line, making a silent plan to aim his wand at the wall behind the Muggle. The room fell into a stillness that made his hair stand up.

The prisoner looked up at his executioners.

Poe’s jaw fell open.

He watched as Ben closed his eyes, calmly waiting to be killed.

The other guards raised their wands.

Poe did the same.

Then he turned on the Stormtroopers and fired.

***

Blood beaded on Rey’s knuckles as she slammed on the door. Her voice was hoarse from shouting.

She stepped back and paced around the cell, willing her magic to come back. She closed her eyes and focused all her energy on busting that door open…. she opened them.

Nothing.

She huffed and rushed the door again, rage renewed.

She bellowed at the blank wall and her voice echoed around the room fruitlessly. Tears welled up in her eyes but she blinked them away. She was too angry to cry.

She panted as she looked helplessly around the gleaming white cell, her eyes landing on the small, dark smudges of blood on the door from her bruised, shaking hands.

She sank to the floor, suddenly exhausted.

“Help me,” she whispered to no one in particular, so quiet she almost couldn’t hear it. She looked at her throbbing hands.

Her head shot up as the door slid open. For one wild moment, she thought it might be Ben. But it wasn’t.

It was a Stormtrooper.

She groaned, her head rolling back. “Please just fuck off. Please. Or get me out of here. One of the two.”

The Stormtrooper stared down at her for so long that she rolled her eyes and glared up at them. She silently dared them to say something.

“Get up, Peanut.”

***

Poe’s breath ripped through his lungs as silence fell around him. He didn’t remember which curses he had bellowed, but six Stormtroopers lay before him, one of their helmets smoking; Hux was unconscious behind them. He stared at them as he tried to catch his breath.

A shuffling to his right made him jump; when he whipped his head around, he found Ben staring at him with wide, sunken eyes. His dark hair was shoulder length and he had unkempt scruff on his face, and he looked confused. And scared.

Poe removed his helmet.

Confusion slowly turned to joy. There was a beat as they stared at each other, then Ben rushed at him and hugged him tightly—Poe dropped his wand in surprise.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Ben said thickly, tightening his grip. “I missed you so much, buddy.”

Poe’s mind reeled. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. All he could manage was, “Ben?” His voice sounded small.

“I thought—I was ready to die, Poe, you—you saved my life,” Ben rushed. “You saved me.” He leaned back and beamed at Poe.

Poe stared. “Ben?” he said again. Tears welled up in his eyes and quickly overflowed. “You’re alive?”

Ben cocked his head, but before he could say anything, Poe flung his arms around him, clutching the fabric of Ben’s shirt tightly in his fist. Ben hugged him back.

His tears wet Ben’s shirt and he took in a shaky breath. “Ben, I’m—”

Suddenly Ben tensed and flung them both to the ground. A jet of green light flew past Poe’s ear as the room turned red and a thunderous alarm began to sound—he scrambled for his wand, immediately turning toward a wheezing Hux and firing a Stunning spell at him. Hux deflected it and sent another jet of green light toward him—Poe dove out of the way. He pointed his wand at Hux and flicked.

_“Expelliarmus!”_

Hux’s wand jerked out of his hand and skittered across the tiles. Poe fired another Stunning spell at him, and this time, it did its job. Hux slumped to the floor.

Ben and Poe exchanged a glance.

They needed to run.

***

She stood up numbly, gazing at the Stormtrooper, trying to douse the hope that lit up in her stomach. She swallowed, not daring to say a word.

The trooper’s hands slowly went up to grip his helmet. He slid it off.

Rey let out a small whimper and held her arms open. Finn rushed into them. The helmet bounced on the floor and rolled to the other side of the cell.

There were no words.

Her heart felt like it would burst. He felt exactly the same in her arms as he always had. It was as if she’d never left.

He squeezed her tightly. “Rey, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” she asked, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel concerned about much of anything right now.

Finn took a deep breath. He stepped back.

The white room turned red.

“I’ll tell you later. We have to move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you thought of this one!


	36. Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been awhile! I hope you're all distancing socially and quarantining if necessary. I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter, and I hope you enjoy! I appreciate all of your comments immensely.

Poe glanced both ways down the glowing red corridor, the blaring alarm making his ears ring. “I’m lost,” he admitted.

He looked over at Ben, but Ben was already halfway down the hall, skirting along the wall.

“Where are you going?” he hissed, quickly following in Ben’s footsteps.

“The mess hall is on this floor, so there are guards nearby,” Ben murmured. “We need to find Rey.”

Poe brought his wand up to his face. “Finn, can you hear me?” He spoke as quietly as he could over the alarm, annoyance flaring at the noise.

Finn’s voice was hard to hear. “I’m… found Rey.” Poe glanced at Ben, whose eyes widened. “Where…” the alarm drowned out the rest.

Hurried footsteps echoed through the halls. Poe and Ben looked at each other. They began to run away from the sound and Poe spoke quickly to Finn. “We’re near the mess hall,” he said.

“Meet us… floor,” Finn replied urgently.

“I can’t hear you,” Poe said.

“… attacked!” Finn yelled. “We need… meet us… No! Don’t hurt her!” Poe’s heart skipped at Finn’s sudden change in tone. He stopped running.

“Finn—Finn, can you hear me?” There was no reply.

Ben watched Poe’s wand with a wild look in his eye.

Poe growled in frustration. He wasn’t sure where to point his wand, so he pointed it at the ceiling.

_“Finite Incantatem!”_

The walls stopped glowing red but the alarm still sounded. Poe’s grip on his wand tightened and he concentrated with all his might on the spell. He bellowed the incantation again.

The alarm stopped.

The corridor went black.

Ben swayed and fell against the wall.

The sound of footsteps grew louder.

“Ben?” Poe rushed to his side in the dark and held his arm, steadying him on his feet. _“Lumos.”_ He shined the light in Ben’s face; maybe it was Poe’s imagination, but he looked… healthier. His eyes weren’t so sunken. His skin wasn’t so pale. “Are you—”

A flash of green zoomed past Poe’s ear and he whipped around, wand aloft, but it was too late. Twenty Stormtroopers all fired at once and Poe closed his eyes, expecting to be blown to smithereens, but nothing happened. He dared to open one eye, and what he saw made the other eye open as well.

Jets of light, every color of the rainbow, were shooting at them. But an invisible barrier between them and the Stormtroopers seemed to absorb every attack. Poe had never seen a protection spell this powerful before. Then, he noticed Ben beside him, hand held aloft and eyes trained on the barrier.

As he watched Ben’s face, he saw it change ever so slightly. In the rainbow light, Ben’s eyes darkened. A blank expression, like that of a shark, overtook his features. Then, as quickly as it had appeared, it was replaced by horror.

Ben’s hand twitched and he pushed outward—the barrier rushed away from them and toward the guards, sending them flying to the other end of the hall. They lay in a pile, dazed, and Ben turned away.

“They’ll be okay,” he murmured. Poe got the feeling Ben was talking more to himself than to anyone else.

***

“No! Don’t hurt her!”

Three Stormtroopers were pointing their wands at Rey and she flew back against the wall, struggling against an invisible force.

“Finn!”

Finn sprinted in their direction and fired a Stunning spell at the troopers, who blocked it easily but nevertheless turned to face him, wands at the ready. Behind them, Rey continued to struggle against her invisible bonds. Finn hurled curse after curse at them but the Stormtroopers deflected each of them with a lazy wave of their wands, firing back jets of light that Finn narrowly dodged. They all paused for a second when the walls turned from red to their normal white, then they quickly returned to their duel.

Rey screamed when one of the curses hit Finn and he collapsed on the floor, writhing in pain. “Stop! _Please stop!”_ She watched helplessly as Finn shrieked in agony. _“Leave him alone! PLEASE!”_ As the words came out of her mouth, her foster father’s bloated, hateful face seemed to loom before her.

Then, they were plunged into darkness.

The spell holding Rey against the wall disappeared and she landed on her feet, suddenly feeling dizzy. Her legs buckled beneath her and she was suddenly on her hands and knees, but something felt… strange. She felt strong. Stronger than she had in a long time.

She stood up.

She held out her hand.

All three guards slammed into the wall. Rey held up her other hand and a small orb of light appeared, illuminating the corridor. She knelt next to Finn.

“Finn? Are you okay?” she asked.

Finn was motionless, eyes closed as though he were sleeping. His mouth was open slightly and his chest rose and fell shallowly.

The guards struggled against their invisible bonds and white hot rage pooled in Rey’s gut as she approached them. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

She felt a sort of satisfaction as she watched them fight. A sudden thought struck her and she twisted her wrist. The Stormtroopers’ helmets slid off their heads and bounced on the floor. She stepped closer and looked at their faces.

Two were men around her age. One, a woman, looked a little younger. Their eyes were trained on her and their sweat shone in the white light coming from her hand. They looked at her with the hatred she’d always known had been behind their masks. But now, she saw something else.

Fear.

“How… how dare you?” she asked them quietly. The younger trooper’s eyes widened. “You torture, and murder, and hate… and you still fear for your own life. You shouldn’t,” she whispered. Something passed through the young trooper’s face. Relief. A sudden calm settled in Rey’s chest as she watched her. An ice cold clarity. “You shouldn’t fear the loss of something you shouldn’t have had in the first place.”

The trooper’s eyes filled with fear again.

Rey’s heartbeat pounded in her ears.

She closed her fist.

The Stormtroopers closed their eyes.


	37. Wet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is about to be back, but am I doing homework? Nope.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.

“Finn? Are you there?”

There was no reply.

“Shit,” Poe muttered under his breath, chest aching with worry for Finn. He’d said they were being attacked. He could be hurt. Or—

“We need to find them,” Ben said, walking briskly to the nearest stairwell. “They might be hurt. She might be—” Ben shook his head at the thought and pushed open the door, not even pausing to check for guards. The white lights of the hall flickered in and out a few times before turning on, illuminating Ben’s worried features. 

Poe hesitated. “Ben, wait. The plan was to meet back on the first floor if we lost contact.”

“I don’t care what the plan was,” Ben said, taking the stairs down two steps at a time.

“It’s gonna be hard enough sneaking around with the lights on. And if we go down, that gives them time to block the stairwells. We’ll be trapped.”

Ben looked up at him impatiently. “Finn’s in danger too,” he argued. “They both are.”

“I know that,” Poe groaned. “But our mission was to… get you two out of here. If we go down, none of us are getting out.”

“Your mission was to help us. She needs help.”

Guilt pooled in Poe’s stomach at Ben’s words. His chest was tight with the knowledge of what they’d really come here to do. “Ben… we weren’t—” Footsteps approached from behind him on the staircase. He whipped around and fired Stunning spells, one after the other, straight into three Stormtroopers’ chests. They collapsed onto the steps at odd angles.

They picked up the pace. Poe was expecting Ben to press him on what he’d been about to say, but he didn’t. He just charged down each hallway and stairwell, Stunning Stormtrooper after Stormtrooper.

“We’re almost there,” Ben murmured. “The cell block is five floors down from the execution chamber.”

Poe was about to ask how Ben knew that, and then he remembered that he probably frequented the execution chamber when he was Kylo Ren. Discomfort settled in his stomach at the thought but he pushed it out of his mind. That wasn’t important right now. Ben was alive. He was not Kylo Ren anymore; he was just Poe’s annoying best friend, who had never listened to a word Poe said. And, despite all the fear and stress over what Finn might be doing, and how they would escape, Poe was happy to have him back.

As they ran down more stairs, a cacophony of footsteps echoed from behind the door above them. Ben pointed at the door and it glowed faintly; Poe could tell that it wasn’t going to open easily.

“Cool, good job, Benjamin, now they’ll just be waiting on the other side when we come back up,” Poe deadpanned.

“We’ll deal with it later,” Ben replied. The stairwell came to a dead end and Ben pushed open the door, immediately firing several jets of red light from his hand. Poe heard a pronounced _thud_ as a group of Stormtroopers fell to the floor. “Right now, all I’m concerned about is—” he sputtered to a halt. Poe followed his line of sight but there was nobody there.

Ben began to sprint. “Rey?”

“Ben, she’s—what are you—”

“REY?” Ben’s voice echoed down the corridor.

“Jesus, do you want the entire First Order to know where we are?” Poe scolded, but Ben kept running.

Rey’s voice echoed back faintly. “Ben?”

Poe’s heart leapt. He began to sprint behind Ben. For some reason, his voice was no more than a whisper. “Finn?”

Despite the labyrinthine halls, Ben turned corners decisively. It was as if he knew exactly where Rey was. Poe had a feeling he did.

Ben made a sharp right turn around a corner and ran straight into Rey; he hugged her so enthusiastically that he lifted her off her feet.

“Ben, I thought you were—I thought they were going to—” she stuttered.

“I’m okay—I’m okay,” Ben said thickly. He leaned back to examine her. “Did they hurt you?”

Their voices faded out as Poe walked past them and spotted Finn leaning against the wall. He was facing away from him, staring down at three Stormtroopers who were knocked out on the floor.

“Finn? Are you okay?”

Finn jumped and turned to face him. Maybe it was just his hopeful imagination, but Poe thought Finn looked relieved to see him. He wanted nothing more than to hug him the way Ben and Rey were hugging, but he came to a halt a few feet away. “I’m fine,” Finn replied quietly. Finn met his eyes and Poe saw something strange there. Even stranger, Finn opened his arms for an embrace.

Poe looked at him for a moment before taking him into his arms tightly. Worry bubbled in his stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Poe asked quietly. Finn broke the hug but stayed close. From afar, Ben and Rey would assume this was a romantic exchange, but there was nothing romantic about it.

Finn leaned in closer. “They’re dead, Poe.”

Poe knit his eyebrows. “Who?”

Finn jerked his head to indicate the Stormtroopers on the floor behind him. “Rey… she…” His voice dropped to a whisper Poe could barely hear. “She killed them.”

“With an Unforgivable Curse?”

Finn shook his head. “They knocked me out for a minute, and when I woke up, she had them against the wall. There was no green light. She just… took their life. Like… like Ren used to do.” Finn glared behind Poe, and Poe knew he was looking at Ben.

“Well…” Poe thought, “Don’t they… I mean, don’t they deserve it?”

“What if they were like me? Or Rose?” Finn said in a small voice.

“They attacked you,” Poe said, and Finn hesitated before nodding.

“I just didn’t think she could… do that.” Finn met his eyes again, and this time he looked scared. “What if she’s changed?”

“Buddy… they’ve been imprisoned this entire time. Who knows what she’s been through over the past few months.”

Finn opened his mouth to reply, but Rey’s voice interrupted him.

“We should get going,” she said.

Poe and Finn exchanged a glance before following their friends down the corridor.

After turning a few corners, Ben hesitated. “I sealed that stairwell door. They’ll be waiting for us.”

Poe rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say “I told you so,” but Finn replied first.

“There’s another stairwell we can take,” he said, motioning for the group to follow him a different way.

“There’s only one stairwell on this floor,” Ben contradicted, and Finn glared at him.

“Actually, Supreme Leader, there’s a hidden one,” Finn said, and Ben’s nostrils flared at the title. “I built it when I escaped from you.”

There was a tense silence as Ben and Finn looked coldly at each other.

Poe cleared his throat. “Guys, we’re wasting—”

A distant yell made him stop. He looked around, as if in slow motion, and felt something wet soaking through his white robes and staining them red. He heard a muffled commotion and his hand drifted numbly to his neck. His neck felt weird. There were holes in it. He pulled his hand away and stared at it.

“Wet,” he murmured. Then his knees buckled and he fell asleep.


	38. Almost There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW for graphic descriptions of blood.*
> 
> I truly appreciate you all. Your comments mean the world to me! Thank you for reading so far.

Rey watched Poe collapse on the floor, blood soaking hopelessly through his robes, and immediately focused her attention on the Stormtrooper down the hall. All the fear and adrenaline and rage she felt rushed out of her and she saw it shoot toward the guard, visible and invisible, like heat rising off a road. She didn’t pause to watch what happened to him, but she knew he wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

She cast a quick protection spell on either side of them and knelt down next to Ben and Finn, who were trying desperately to close up the gaping holes in Poe’s flesh. Poe’s face was already chalk white and pools of blood spread rapidly across the floor like milk from an upended carton. 

“Poe, you’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be okay, this is nothing,” Ben said, voice wobbling.

Poe didn’t stir.

Finn glanced up at Ben quickly before returning to Poe’s thigh, which was pouring blood. He carried on muttering an incantation and the wound slowly shrank.

Rey focused on healing Poe’s neck, and the sight of it turned her stomach. The trenches were so deep she could see the layers of skin. His muscles. His trachea. She directed every ounce of energy to closing the wounds, and watched the flesh stitch itself back together under her fingertips. Soon, the gashes were replaced with new skin, shiny and pale, but Poe remained ashen and unconscious.

“He’s still losing blood, we need to turn him over,” Finn murmured, and Ben nodded. Together, they gently flipped Poe onto his stomach.

Rey set to work on his upper back. The wounds were just as deep, but they weren’t bleeding as much as his neck had been. She hoped that was because they’d missed the arteries, and not because Poe had run out of blood.

“We can’t let him die,” Finn whispered.

Ben shook his head. “We won’t. He’ll be alright, Finn.”

They met each other’s eyes and something passed between them. Then they went back to work.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Poe’s wounds were closed, but he remained just as pale and unconscious as ever. Ben felt Poe’s neck gently, face set with worry. “There’s a pulse. I can… I can barely feel it.” Rey, Finn, and Ben stood up.

Finn said what Rey was thinking. “What if he doesn’t wake up?”

She quickly composed herself. “He will, Finn,” she said firmly.

Ben waved his hand and Poe’s body floated upwards until it was hovering around waist height. “We just have to get him out of here.”

Rey glanced both ways down the hall and saw several Stormtroopers on either side of them, looking for a way to get through the barriers she’d conjured. “Where’s the stairwell?”

Finn motioned subtly with his head. “Behind me. That way.”

“We need to run,” Ben said, and Rey nodded.

She pushed her arms out and the barriers rushed away from them, sweeping up the Stormtroopers and pinning them against the walls. The three began to sprint past the guards, Poe’s deathly still form floating at Ben’s side.

After turning a few corners, Finn ground to a halt. “Here,” he muttered. “It’s here.”

Finn stared down at Poe’s colorless face for a moment before turning to the wall, searching with his hand before pressing what Rey thought was a random tile. The tile shuddered and grew until it was about shoulder height, but a dark red hand print remained in the center. Rey looked down at her own hands and found that they were shaking violently, stained and sticky with Poe’s blood. Her chin quivered.

Finn went through the tile door first, followed by Ben with Poe hovering behind him, and Rey went in last.

“How many floors will this take us?” Ben asked when Rey shut the door behind them, plunging them into darkness. They started ascending the narrow steps; Finn was quiet for a moment.

“Nine or ten,” he answered. “I could only build when I was assigned to specific units, so I had to build a couple. At the top of this one, we need to sneak back into the halls and take the regular stairs for two floors. I built another one near the barracks. _Lumos.”_

It was silent but for the sound of their quiet footsteps. Rey found herself already panting from the exercise after so many months of imprisonment, and she heard Ben’s labored breaths in front of her. It was strange to think that a mere hour before, she’d been locked in her cell, believing Ben to be dead.

She didn’t really want to think about the guards she’d killed, not because she felt guilty, but because it scared her how… _unguilty_ she felt. They’d tortured Finn. They deserved what they got. They didn’t deserve to live. Still… Finn had looked scared. Of her. That was a sickening feeling. As much as she hated Hux, his words rattled around in her brain.

_“You’re as cold a killer as any I’ve met.”_

Maybe… Maybe he was right. Rey wasn’t as good as she thought she was.

But that didn’t mean she had to join the dark side.

Right?

“We’re here,” Finn said, pausing at the top of the steps. He flicked his wand and the stairwell was pitch black again. “Get ready.”

He pushed on the door gently, opening it only a crack and listening hard. A sliver of light cut through the darkness and Rey blinked.

There was nothing. Total silence in the hall.

Finn pushed the door all the way open and glanced this way and that, wand at the ready, before stepping into the light.

“There’s nobody here,” he said, and Ben stepped out after him, Poe still hovering at his waist. Rey joined them in the bright corridor.

Finn was looking down at Poe’s face, which seemed even paler than it had before. He reached out and touched Poe’s sallow cheek gently; his other hand fiddled with something around his own neck. Rey saw the glint of a thin metal chain. Finn blinked and cleared his throat. “Stairs are this way.”

They carried on through the halls carefully, peeking around every corner before advancing, but the entire floor seemed deserted. The silence made Rey even more nervous.

The next floor was the same. Every cot in the barracks was empty. “Where is everyone?” Ben asked quietly, his tone mirroring Rey’s feelings.

Finn shook his head slightly. “This is weird. It’s never this empty.”

Something dawned on Rey. “Nobody knows about your stairwells, Finn. They all think we’re trapped in the cell block.”

Finn’s eyes widened. “They’re all gathered at the door that Solo…” He paused. “That Ben sealed.”

Ben blinked, regarding Finn for a moment, before carrying on. “We still need to hurry,” he said, “before they realize we’re not there.” He looked down at Poe. “We’ve got to get him to a healer.”

Finn stopped walking and found another tile, pressing until it grew into a door. He ducked inside and Ben followed with Poe in front of him. Rey closed the door.

_“Lumos._ We’ll come out on the first floor, near the entrance,” Finn said. “Once we’re there, we need to book it.”

Rey’s heart began to pound, and not just because of the exercise. She was almost there. She was almost free. She was about to see sunlight… or moonlight. She still didn’t know what time of day it was. She reached out and took Ben’s hand briefly, giving it a squeeze. He squeezed gently back.

After a few minutes, Finn came to a halt and the light of his wand disappeared. “You guys ready?”

They both nodded, even though Finn couldn’t see them.

He opened the door slowly.

Rey thought she heard something on the other side. “Finn, wait—”

Someone wrenched the door open and Rey gasped.

Armitage Hux’s cruel face smiled at them.

Behind him, hundreds of Stormtroopers readied their wands.


	39. Fair Trade

The silence seemed to stretch on for hours, although Rey knew it must have been only a few seconds.

“You must be Finn,” Hux said, fixing his cold gaze on him. “Welcome back.”

“How do you—”

“Next time you use a secret stairwell, get rid of the bloody handprint on the entrance,” Hux said, rolling his eyes. “The brazen stupidity of you Rebels is astounding. How we haven’t won this war yet is beyond me. Out,” he commanded, stepping back, and the Stormtroopers behind him tightened the grip on their wands. Slowly, Finn stepped into the hall. Ben glanced at Rey for just a moment before following Finn, but the look in his eyes terrified her.

He looked… scared. Uncertain.

Then she stepped into the hall, and what she saw made her face look the same.

She looked out over the crowd of Stormtroopers and her heart sank. There were simply too many of them. Even if she and Ben each attacked a hundred at once, the rest of them could still attack. They would kill them. They would kill Finn. They would kill Poe, who was already half-dead.

“Is that Poe Dameron?” Hux asked brightly. “Could I get his autograph?” He brought out his wand and Finn raised his own while Ben and Rey held out their hands. The Stormtroopers shifted in anticipation.

“Don’t fucking touch him,” Ben said lowly.

Hux grinned, eyes blazing. He stepped closer to Ben, smiling up at him. “What are you going to do, Solo? You got so close,” he whispered. Ben’s eyes darkened. “So close to freedom. Your Mudblood friends. Your pathetic Resistance. Your blood traitor cunt of a mother.”

Ben’s face twisted and his hand was halfway to Hux’s neck before he paused. The sea of Stormtroopers readied their wands and he glanced at them before lowering his hand again.

“You’re not escaping this time,” Hux murmured, glee lighting up his features. “Every single one of my Stormtroopers has their wand pointed at you and your friends. I’d like to see what Poe Dameron looks like after nine hundred Killing Curses.” Ben stared into his eyes for a long time, then he dropped his gaze, defeated.

Rey took his hand numbly. She was really going to die in here. She would never see sunlight again. She’d never see the Great Hall at Christmas time; she’d never watch another Quidditch match. Her mind drifted to that beautiful day at the beginning of September, betting with Ben on which students would make the Gryffindor team. It seemed like another life.

She’d never see her students again.

Marnie Green. Tzipora Fletcher. Connor Lazlo.

She couldn’t save them. They were being brainwashed at Ilvermorny and there was nothing she could do.

No. That wasn’t true. She could do something.

The feeling of Ben’s hand briefly squeezing her own brought her back to reality. She looked at him and his expression wasn’t defeated anymore. There was wild light mixed with desperate sadness in his eyes, and she knew exactly what he was about to do.

The words he’d said so many months ago came flooding back to her.

_“I’m not Kylo Ren anymore… but I can still… feel him. Somewhere in there. It’s such a small part that I barely notice it. But if I go back into the Resistance, if I fight in this war anymore… I’m afraid that part will grow.”_

She wasn’t going to let it.

He straightened up, looking cooly down at Hux. “Your Stormtroopers aren’t going to kill us, _Armitage.”_ His voice was loud enough to carry across the sea of helmets facing them.

Rey saw a glint of fear in Hux’s eyes before he recovered with a cold grin. “And why’s that?”

“Because they’re not your Stormtroopers,” Ben said loudly. “They’re m—”

“STOP!” Rey bellowed. Ben looked at her, stunned. Finn, Hux, and nine hundred Stormtroopers all stared at her. “Stop this, Hux. Let them go.”

Ben’s eyebrows knit at her phrasing. _Them?_

Hux looked at her with playful interest, like she’d just made a surprising move in a chess match.

“I don’t see any reason to do that, Rey,” he said.

“They’re no use to you. They don’t have any valuable information.”

Hux seemed to ponder that for a moment. He looked at Finn and then down at Poe’s pallid face. “Two Resistance fighters? I’d say they probably have some interesting things to tell me.”

Rey scoffed. Her confidence was slowly growing. She pointed at Finn. “This guy just joined the Resistance. He knows absolutely nothing.” Hux glanced between Rey and Finn, and his lips slowly turned up into a smile.

“Rey, could this be the friend I’ve heard so much about? The friend who turned up in your last year at Hogwarts?”

Finn looked at her, and she tried to ignore the betrayal in his face. She shook her head, meeting Finn’s eyes briefly. “I barely know this guy,” she said, her heart clenching, “but I can see he has no idea what he’s doing.” Before she could see Finn’s expression, she turned to Poe. “And this guy—if he’s not dead already, then he’s just as useless as him,” she said, pointing to Finn again. “He’s just a washed-up Quidditch player. The Resistance doesn’t tell him anything valuable. He’s too stupid to keep his mouth shut. We’re lucky he’s unconscious.”

Hux smiled at her, a knowing look in his eyes. “And what about this fellow?” he asked, gesturing to Ben, who was still watching her with a stunned expression.

“He’s been in a cell for five months. He’s even more useless than the others.”

Hux nodded. “If they’re so useless, I see no need to spare their lives,” he said casually, waving his hand. Three Stormtroopers stepped forward.

“No!” Rey yelled. Hux grinned. “I—I’m the one you want anyway, Hux,” she said. “I’m the reason this all started in the first place, right? Just—just let them go.”

Hux regarded her with an expression that made her heart shudder with fear. His eyes looked colder and happier than she’d ever seen.

“What use are you, Rey?” he asked. “Why waste food and resources on a worthless prisoner?”

“Rey, please don’t do this,” Ben whispered. “Please.”

“You need to come home, Rey,” Finn said.

She looked at them both. She hoped they could tell how much she loved them. Then she turned back to Hux. “Because I won’t be a prisoner.”

Hux appeared uninterested, but she knew him well enough to know when he was excited. She hated that she knew him at all.

He cleared his throat. “Three guards dead in the cell block, Rey…” he clicked his tongue. “That deserves a sentence.”

She felt Ben’s gaze on her, his surprise, his dread. “Rey?” he said quietly. She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“You can’t win this war without me, Hux. Let them go and I’ll join you. I’ll…” She blinked away tears. “I’ll join the First Order.”

“Rey, no!” Finn yelled.

Ben shook his head. “I’m not gonna let you do this.” He turned to the Stormtroopers. “Listen to me! I am Ky—”

Rey held out her hand. Ben faltered, going silent. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. There was a whisper among the hundreds of Stormtroopers.

Still keeping him silent, she turned to Hux. “Let them go,” she begged. “Please. I’ll join. I’ll do whatever you want. _Please.”_

He beamed at her, stepping close and leaning in. His mouth was next to her ear, and his breath was hot on her skin. It made her nauseous. He spoke so quietly, she almost couldn’t hear him. “I told you you’d be begging to join.” Then he stepped away and flicked his hand. “Let them go. They can walk out the front door for all I care.”

The Stormtroopers parted like the Red Sea, leaving a path to the exit.

“Go,” Rey urged, turning to Ben and Finn. “You need to go before he changes his mind.”

Ben touched her arm. “Rey—”

“Go!”

“We’re coming back for you, Rey.” Finn’s face was set and stubborn. “We’ll be back.”

Ben took both her arms in his hands and held them tight. He looked into her eyes more intensely than she’d ever thought possible.

“Rey, listen to me,” he said quietly. “It’s an act. Remember it’s an act. Don’t let it become the truth.”

She stared at him for a moment before nodding numbly. She blinked and cleared her throat. “You… you need to go. Now,” she added, when Ben opened his mouth to say more. “Poe needs help.”

That seemed to get through to him. He straightened up and nodded, following Finn through the crowd with Poe hovering at his side.

Ben looked back at her as the door to the outside world opened.

Crisp, early morning sunlight streamed into the corridor.

Before she knew it, the door had closed again. The sunlight disappeared.

Rey stood in a sea of nine hundred people.

Completely alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thank you for reading so far! You guys are truly amazing. Thank you for all the love, both kudos and comments. I hope you're doing well. Please do let me know what you thought of this one.


	40. Wake Up

His ears began to work before his eyes did.

He was in a large room; faint voices echoed off the high ceilings. The voices were gentle and pleasant. Healers with their patients. He felt relieved to hear them, although he wasn’t quite sure why. He knew he was safe. Safe from… what, exactly?

Finn was sitting next to him, breathing softly. He knew it was Finn because… he just knew. He tried to open his eyes but they felt heavy. Too heavy to move now. Maybe later.

He was in a bed. His neck felt stiff, but he didn’t remember why. He reached up to feel the skin there, but his arm wouldn’t move. Instead, a dull pain seeped all the way down to his bones, pulsing with the beat of his heart, and he let out a rattling groan.

“Poe?”

He couldn’t answer. All of his muscles were screaming, as if they’d been sliced clean through and sewn back together. He tried to open his eyes again and failed, and then his heart began to beat faster. What the hell was going on? What happened? Was he blind? Was he dead? If he was dead, why was he in so much pain? His chest rose and fell rapidly, and the pain increased tenfold.

“Poe.” Finn’s voice was gentle. He took Poe’s hand in his own. “You’re okay. You got hit. You’re safe now.”

I got hit?

Poe thought he’d said that out loud, and when Finn didn’t answer, he got scared.

“Finn?” His voice was a hoarse whisper.

“I’m here.” Finn squeezed his hand. It hurt. He must have made a noise, because Finn let his hand go. Poe whimpered and moved his fingers as hard as he could, which resulted in a pathetic twitch against his blanket. Finn must have noticed, because he took Poe’s hand softly again.

“I got…” He trailed off. He’d never thought it would take this much energy to talk. Finn’s thumb brushed gently over part of Poe’s wrist and Poe concentrated on the feeling. It felt… tight. Like a new scab.

And just like that, Poe remembered.

Finally, he opened his eyes.

“You saw… me? Dying?” His throat felt like it was on fire. He coughed dryly and winced.

Finn reached for a glass filled with bright orange liquid on the side table and offered it to Poe, holding it to his lips and tilting it slowly. Finn’s other hand cradled Poe’s neck. Poe’s face twisted; it tasted like stomach bile, but some of his pain disappeared, and his throat didn’t burn anymore.

“Is that better?” Finn asked. The hand cradling Poe’s neck lingered there, thumb tangling gently in the black curls. “I saw… well, I didn’t see it happen, exactly. I didn’t notice you’d been hit right away. And then you started bleeding. I’ve never…” Finn trailed off. “I’ve never seen that much blood.”

Poe pictured himself helpless on the floor, blood pouring out. He pictured his friends, watching him. Staring. Then bending down and saving his life. The idea filled him with an inexplicable shame.

His neck suddenly prickled at the feeling of Finn’s hand there. He leaned back on his pillow and Finn took his hand away.

“Where are we?” Poe asked. His voice sounded slightly stronger after the potion.

“Base in D.C.,” Finn answered, glancing around the room. “They wanted to take you to New York, but they didn’t think you could—y’know, Apparate, with—uh, with how you were.”

“You make it sound like I was dead or something,” Poe joked, and Finn’s face tightened. Poe’s smile vanished. “Was I… dead? Or something?”

Finn didn’t answer. Instead, he reached for a jug on the side table and poured a glass of water. He tilted it up to Poe’s lips and was about to cradle his neck again, but Poe reached for the glass and sat up slightly. He took a sip, paused, and then downed the entire thing. He reached for the jug at the same time Finn did.

“Finn, I’m fine,” he muttered. He grasped the jug and lifted. It didn’t budge. It weighed a million pounds.

Finn gently took the jug away from him and poured another glass. Poe begrudgingly downed it in one swallow.

“Where are Ben and Rey?”

“Ben’s with Organa. He’s giving her a debriefing.”

Finn didn’t say anything else. Poe waited. “And… Rey?” he prompted. “She’s with Ben and Leia?”

“How are you feeling?” Finn asked, leaning over and pressing the back of his hand to Poe’s forehead. Poe was about to say something along the lines of, “How stupid do you think I am? Why are you avoiding the question?” But then the glint of a thin chain around Finn’s neck caught his eye.

He reached for it without thinking, taking the chain in his fingers. It felt supple and light to the touch. Finn leaned closer and let him follow the chain until he found the pendant, in the shape of the Resistance symbol, warm from resting near Finn’s heart. He stared.

“I didn’t think you would even open the package,” he murmured, meeting Finn’s eyes and only now realizing how close they were. Finn’s face was mere inches away from his own.

“I opened it as soon as you left,” Finn admitted. “I wanted to hate it.”

“You like it?”

Finn looked almost sad. “I’ve worn it every day since Christmas.”

Poe was nonplussed. “Wh-You…” He shook his head slightly. Put some distance between them. “You hate me.”

“I never hated you, Poe,” Finn said quietly. “I was mad.”

“And now you’re not?” Poe said. Why was he so annoyed all of a sudden? Why wasn’t he happy?

Finn shook his head. “I never took it off. I didn’t… I didn’t know why I was wearing it. And then… when you got hurt, I knew.”

Poe’s voice was cold. “Knew what?”

Finn knit his eyebrows, examining Poe’s face. “I knew…” he shrugged. “I knew I couldn’t lose you.”

“So, I get sliced to pieces, and suddenly you’re not mad at me anymore.”

Confusion was written on Finn’s face. “Poe, are you okay?” He reached for Poe’s forehead again.

“You forgave me because I almost died.” Poe moved away from Finn’s hand.

“Well—I…” Finn shook his head. “I love you, Poe. I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”

_Stop it, Poe. Jesus, just hug him. He loves you._

“I don’t want your pity, Finn,” he said, trying to sit up. The muscles in his back suddenly screamed again and he fell back on his pillow with a yelp.

Finn reached for the orange potion.

“Just—stop!” Poe snapped. Finn stared at him. “I didn’t even… Fuck, Finn, I didn’t even _do_ anything! I didn’t save anybody! I just dropped to the fucking floor and bled out.”

“Poe, drink the potion,” Finn said calmly.

“I don’t need it. I’m fine. I’m not bleeding anymore, right? You can go back to being mad at me.”

Finn held the potion up to Poe’s lips. Poe glared at him. After a silent stand-off, Finn put the cup back on the table. “Where’s Rey?” Poe demanded, watching Finn’s face.

Finn closed his eyes. “She… um.” He opened them. Avoided Poe’s gaze. “She joined.”

Poe knit his eyebrows. “Joined who? The Resistance? Where is she?” 

“She… no.” Finn spoke quietly and glanced around surreptitiously. “She joined the First Order.”

_“WHAT?”_

Poe tried to sit up again and shouted in pain, laying back down. Around the room, Healers paused mid-conversation and stared. One of them approached with a gentle smile.

“Is everything okay, Commander Dameron?”

Poe barely registered her voice. He stared at Finn blankly.

Finn smiled wearily at the Healer. “We’re okay. Thank you.” The Healer nodded and plodded away.

Finn turned back to him. His face appeared calm, but below the surface, Poe could see he wasn’t taking Rey’s absence well. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. “We were surrounded. There were too many of them.” He noticed the look on Poe’s face and shook his head. “There was nothing you could have done, Poe. Even Rey and Ben… they looked terrified. That’s how I knew we were fucked.”

“But maybe if I hadn’t—”

“No. Poe, listen to me, this was not your fault.” Finn held his gaze until Poe looked down. Finn carried on. “Ben was about to tell them who he was. And then… Rey stopped him. Said something about her being the one Hux really wanted. She told him she’d join if they let us go.” Finn shrugged helplessly.

“Ben was going to tell them he was Kylo Ren?”

Finn nodded.

Poe frowned. “They would have done whatever he wanted. Why would she stop him?”

“I don’t know,” Finn whispered. His jaw clenched and he dropped his face to his hands. “I failed, Poe. She’s still in danger. Hux is still…” He shuddered. “Who knows what he’s doing to her. What if…” he looked up at Poe, eyes shining. “What if she wanted to stay?”

Poe lifted his arm up weakly, trying to put his hand on Finn’s shoulder, but Finn was too far away. He waggled his fingers and Finn looked at him sadly before inching closer. Poe rubbed his shoulder gently. “Rey is a good person, Finn. I’m sure she had a good reason to stay.”

Finn tried to scoff, but it came out as more of a sob. “That’s not what you used to think.”

Poe conceded. “I think I was wrong about her. People’s opinions can change, y’know.”

“So you’re allowed to change your opinion on Rey, but I’m not allowed to change my opinion about you?” Finn asked. Poe’s hand paused on his shoulder. Finn kept going, picking up steam. “I miss you, Poe. Even when I was mad, I couldn’t stand not having you around. I kept this necklace on because I love you. Even when I hate you, I love you. And seeing the person you love half-dead on the ground tends to clear things up. So I don’t care if you want me to be mad at you; I’m not. I love you. So… So you can go fuck yourself.”

Finn stared at him defiantly and Poe couldn’t help when the corners of his mouth twitched.

Loud footsteps echoed off the walls and Poe looked past Finn to see Ben approaching them. Poe furrowed his brow at Ben’s appearance; he’d shaved and someone had trimmed his hair, so he looked almost like he used to, although he was still too thin. The thing that surprised Poe was the blue-grey windbreaker and dark jeans with sneakers.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Poe asked as Ben drew closer. Ben seemed to ignore him until he pulled a chair up to his bed.

Ben shrugged. “I’m sick of wearing black.”

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Finn said, and Ben smiled.

“Neither did I,” he admitted. It was silent for a beat before he cleared his throat. “Uh, Finn, could I talk to Poe alone?”

Finn nodded, then paused. He leaned down and gave Poe a peck on the cheek. Poe blushed and watched him leave the room, but when he turned back to Ben, his eyes widened.

Ben had sagged in his chair like a deflated balloon. He looked twenty years older.

“Ben?” Poe ventured. “You okay, buddy?”

Ben leaned over rested his elbows on his knees, bent almost double. His head hung low and a sob wracked his body.

“Ben,” Poe said softly. “Is it Rey?”

Ben sat back in his chair, eyes empty. “Sorry,” he said thickly. He wiped his eyes roughly.

“Sorry?”

“I didn’t mean to…” He gestured to his puffy face. “I’m sorry.”

Poe stared. “You’re sorry for crying?”

Ben’s face twisted and more tears spilled. “I don’t know,” he said miserably. He fruitlessly wiped the tears off his cheeks and was silent for a long time. “I love her so much, Poe.”

Poe felt like crying just from watching him.

“I love her. And I let her…” He took a deep breath. “I let her stop me.”

“What do you mean, you let her?” Poe asked slowly.

“I was gonna… tell everyone I was Ren. I knew they’d listen to me if I did that. But I don’t think I really thought any further than that. I just jumped in, like I always do. But she stopped me. She volunteered to join.”

“Why would she do that?”

Ben looked into Poe’s eyes. He ran a hand through his hair. “Because she knew if I said I was Ren, I would have to stay. And she knows…” His lip wobbled. “Being him again is my worst fear. So she stopped me. And she saved me. And I let her. I’m such a fucking coward, Poe.” The tears flowed freely. “She’s the love of my life. I’m so fucking selfish.”

“Ben, she’ll be okay,” Poe tried. “She’s tough. She already killed those guards, right? And she’s not a prisoner anymore. They need her. They’re not going to kill her.”

Ben didn’t look any happier. He muttered something to himself. Poe blinked.

“What?”

Ben looked at him for a moment. “They can do a lot worse than kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if the spirit takes you. I hope you liked it.


	41. Fitting In

Rey followed Hux through the halls, not really knowing or caring where they were headed. All she could think about was the glimpse of sunlight she’d gotten when her friends walked out the door.

After awhile, Hux stopped at a door. A real door, not the hidden cell entrance she’d gotten used to over the past months. He waved his wand and the door swung open, revealing a bedroom on the other side. The walls were slate grey and there were several lights in the ceiling; it was nowhere near as bright as their cell had been. The bed was tucked into the corner, a modest mattress with black sheets. A squat wardrobe was on the opposite wall.

She gazed around numbly. She could feel Hux watching her. “This will be your quarters,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Do the lights turn off?”

“They do,” Hux answered.

“Is there a private shower?”

“Through that door,” he said, pointing.

“Do I still have to wear these clothes?”

“That wardrobe should have everything you need,” Hux said.

It was silent for a long time. Rey watched him. Hux looked steadily back. Finally, she said, “What am I now?”

Hux regarded her. “I told you, Rey, you are in control of everything that happens to you.” She said nothing. “You voluntarily joined this organization. That means you’ll be staying here a long time.” Hux leaned against the wall, hands in pockets. Rey had never seen him look so casual. “In terms of _what you are,”_ he said, glancing around the room, “You’re not a prisoner. You’re not a Stormtrooper. If you play your cards right, Rey, I could see you running this place. Not quite yet,” he amended. “You’ll forgive me if I have a spot of trouble trusting you after the stunt you pulled today.”

She looked down. “So what’s next?”

“Joining the First Order means pledging your undying loyalty to our Lord and Savior Kylo Ren, blah, blah, blah, it’s all very ritualistic.”

That didn’t sound pleasant. “Ritualistic?”

Hux chuckled. “I didn’t even come up with it. It’s astonishing how the religion you created can just… get away from you like that. They’re so much more enthusiastic than I ever needed them to be. It’s a bit annoying, actually.”

“What’s the ritual?”

Hux waved a hand dismissively. “It’s just a brand. Goes on your arm.” He tapped his bicep.

“Do you have one?”

Hux actually laughed. “Dear God, no,” he wheezed. He cleared his throat. “I’m not branding myself in the name of Kylo Ren. And everyone who receives that brand is, in effect, pledging their loyalty to me anyway. It would be redundant.”

“Does it hurt?”

Hux looked at her. “Not any worse than that, I’d imagine,” he said, pointing to the scar he’d put on Rey’s cheek. She felt the smooth skin absentmindedly. He waited for more questions, but she didn’t seem to have any. He nodded. “I’ll let you get settled. The ritual takes place tomorrow morning.” He strode toward the door but paused at the threshold. “I truly want to welcome you, Rey,” he said. He actually sounded sincere. It made her skin crawl. “I think you’ll find you fit in here better than you expected.”

He left Rey alone in her room, staring after him. She suddenly felt completely exhausted; every muscle in her body ached as though she’d run a marathon. She made her way to the wardrobe for fresh clothes, and finally noticed her hands when she opened the drawer. They were still dark red, almost brown now, with Poe’s dried blood. She looked down at her scrubs; the blood was harder to see, but it was everywhere. Dyeing the black fabric even darker, shining like ink stains. She gagged and ran into the bathroom, immediately peeling off her bloody clothes and getting into the shower.

Rey watched as brick red swirls mingled with the water and danced down the drain.

She scrubbed her hands raw, then worked on the rest of her body until the water ran clean.

Then she sat under the warm stream and let herself cry.

***

Much to his dismay, Poe was still lying in bed that night. He was still weak and his muscles were still healing, but the pain had subsided slightly.

“Isn’t this shit supposed to be faster?” he grumbled. Finn, who was nodding off in the chair next to Poe’s bed, looked up at him in the moonlight. “I mean, we’re fucking wizards, for Christ sake. This medical stuff should be, like… instantaneous.” He peered at Finn, who once again looked miserable and exhausted. Finn didn’t say anything, so Poe stayed quiet for awhile, watching him. Finally, Poe said, “I’m hungry.”

Finn’s hand drifted to the sad little tray on Poe’s table and he grabbed an underripe green apple, giving it sleepily to Poe.

Poe stared at the apple. “I’m not eating that.”

“Just eat the apple, Poe,” Finn yawned.

Poe shook his head. “Poisoned.”

Finn rolled his eyes. He took a large bite out of the fruit and grimaced at the bitter taste, but forced himself to swallow. “See? Not poisoned.”

“Now it has your germs on it,” Poe argued, and Finn cracked a smile. Poe smiled back.

“Well, what do you want to eat?”

“I want pizza.”

“I can ask the Healer if she can—”

“Nope. I want Mario’s.”

“That’s like, all the way across the base,” Finn sighed, and Poe nodded. Finn watched him for a second and the corners of his mouth turned up again.

Poe sat up carefully and swung his legs gingerly over the side of the bed. Finn stood up quickly, as though waiting for him to fall.

“I’m fine. I can walk,” Poe mumbled, already beginning to feel dizzy even though he hadn’t stood up yet. His muscles were waking up and they weren’t happy; tendrils of pain began to twirl down his arms and back.

“Poe, this base is huge. It’s okay if you can’t—”

Poe stood up. Swayed for a few seconds. Steadied himself. “See?”

Finn watched him tensely.

Poe’s knees buckled and he began to drop to the floor, but Finn caught him. The tray on the side table clattered to the floor.

A Healer heard the commotion and hurried over. “Commander Dameron, it’s not a good idea to stand in your condition.”

“Do you have a wheelchair we can use?” Finn asked, and the Healer nodded, hurrying away.

“I don’t want a wheelchair, Finn,” Poe muttered as Finn helped him steady himself. “Some people here actually need them. I’d be faking. I’m not that hurt.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Poe, you can’t walk.”

“I can,” he insisted, taking a tentative step forward. He hissed in pain. He screwed up his eyes and concentrated hard, taking another step, leaning heavily on Finn. He swore as his calf muscle spasmed and gave out. Finn’s arm wrapped tightly around his waist and he held him up. The Healer approached, pushing a wheelchair in front of him.

“Here you go, Commander,” he said. “One of our staff can escort you wherever you need to go.”

“No,” Poe said quickly. “Finn can do it.”

The Healer nodded again and Finn helped Poe into the chair. Poe glared at his legs for being so useless while Finn gripped the handles and began to push.

It was quiet for a long time as they made their way through the endless, nearly deserted corridors of the base. Poe kept staring at his lap sullenly, fantasizing about standing up and walking. He almost chuckled to himself; months of loneliness, and now his greatest fantasy was walking. Walking with Finn. He imagined Finn’s surprised face. How proud Finn would be of him if he just fucking stood up and stopped faking. As if on cue, as if to prove him wrong, an almost-healed wound in the small of his back twinged, radiating pain through his body. He groaned as quietly as he could, hoping Finn wouldn’t notice.

Finn noticed. He slowed to a stop, his hand trailing through Poe’s hair and coming to a rest at his jaw. He pressed his lips to the top of Poe’s head. Goosebumps trickled down Poe’s skin and he closed his eyes.

“It’s okay, Poe.”

“I fucking hate this.”

“I know.” Finn began to push again. “We’re almost to Mario’s.”

“I’m not even hungry, Finn,” Poe admitted quietly. He cleared his throat. “I just—You looked sad and I wanted to cheer you up. I thought we could go on a walk, but I can’t even fucking walk. I was trying to help and I still just end up making everything about me.”

Finn was quiet for a while, and when Poe looked up, he found him smiling.

Poe stared. “What?”

Finn shook his head. “I just missed you.”

Poe’s chest tightened in the best way. He faced the front again. “Well… then, I’m starving.”

***

They were on their way back to the hospital wing, oversized pizza box warming Poe’s lap, when they paused. A faraway argument echoed down the hall. The words were impossible to make out, but the voices were unmistakable. Poe’s eyes widened.

“That’s Ben. And Leia.”

Finn sped up slightly as they followed the source of the sound. Soon, they could hear what the argument was about. Poe’s heart sank.

“—sent them to _capture us!_ After we were in that—that _fucking cell_ for—”

They rounded the corner and Ben spotted Poe. His eyes darkened. Finn gripped the handles of Poe’s wheelchair tightly and took a step back.

“Poe,” Ben said quietly. Somehow, the fact that he wasn’t yelling anymore made him more intimidating. “Remember when you were helping me escape? And you wanted to leave Rey behind?”

Poe swallowed.

“Remember, buddy? I said something like, ‘You’re here to help us.’ Do you remember that?“ Poe said nothing. Ben stepped closer. “What were you gonna say? Because I think you were about to say something like, ‘We weren’t sent here to help you.’ Is that right?” His eyes shone bright with anger.

Poe couldn’t hold his gaze.

Ben turned back to Leia. “Is that why we waited so long? You didn’t think we were worth saving?”

“Ben, we thought—”

“We were sitting in a cell for five months. We were starved. We were fucking _tortured._ You let us rot. Because the First Order painted on some walls?”

Leia looked heartbroken. “Ben... you have _no idea_ how terrible I feel. I’ll never forgive myself. I love you more than anything.”

“Mom, if you—” Ben buried his face in his hands and leaned back against a wall. “If you had just… just believed in me.” He glanced at Poe again with a pained look. “I would never… you _know_ I would never…”

Ben shook his head. He straightened up. Met his mother’s eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. Shook his head again. Then he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say that we are getting into the home stretch now! I don't know how many more chapters, but we're getting there. I'm not gonna be one of those people who drags out the story forever. There is an end and it is coming. When? You know as well as I.
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter! Leave a comment if you enjoyed it.


	42. You Owe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fellas, let me know if you like this one! Thanks for reading. I read and adore every comment.

Rey woke up expecting to feel Ben’s arms around her. She pulled up her covers roughly; now that he was gone, she realized how warm he had been. Like a human furnace. If she kept her eyes closed, she could almost feel him with her. She could almost imagine nuzzling his chest like she used to.

Almost.

She opened her eyes and was startled by the darkness. She could barely remember the last time she’d woken up in a room that wasn’t blinding white. She stared blankly at the ceiling, vaguely wondering what time it was, when a distant bell rang.

She figured that was probably the First Order’s morning bell, but she wasn’t officially in the First Order yet… maybe she could sleep a few more minutes.

She closed her eyes.

Someone knocked on her door and entered without waiting for a response, turning on the light and striding across the room.

“Get up,” Hux demanded.

Rey stayed where she was. “I’m not your prisoner anymore, Armitage.”

He tapped his foot. “I’m your leader. You do what I say.”

“I thought Kylo Ren was our leader.”

He rolled his eyes, then closed them. He put his hands together. “O, Supreme Leader,” he prayed loudly. “Please tell Rey that she has to go to her initiation ritual, so that she may serve you, Great One.” He opened his eyes and waited, then turned to Rey. “He says get up.”

She sat up, rubbing her eyes. “If he says so, I guess.”

Hux watched her with a calculating look on his face. Then he turned on his heel and walked toward the door. “Get dressed. You have five minutes.”

“Not a prisoner,” she reminded him loudly as the door closed. She glared after him, then she looked around the quiet, plain room and made her way to the wardrobe. Hanging up was a set of plain black robes. She took them down and changed, then went into the bathroom, observing herself in the mirror for the first time since she’d been taken.

Her eyes widened.

Her cheekbones stood out sharply. Her hair had lost its luster. Her eyes… they looked dull. Like her soul was gone. She blinked a few times, trying to get back some sort of light in them, to no avail. Her skin was pale white, and her robes had a high, tight collar that went halfway up her neck. She looked like a Muggle’s idea of a vampire.

A sharp knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts. She blinked again and opened the door to Hux; he held a wand at his side. She almost flinched when she saw it.

Then, he held it out to her; she stared at it and realized with a shock that it was her own wand that Hux had stolen when she’d first gotten here. She took it and turned it over in her fingers delicately.

“I thought you’d want that back,” he said, beginning the journey to wherever this ritual took place.

“Um. Thank you,” she said hesitantly. “I suppose I missed it.”

“I’d prefer that you use it when you perform any magic,” he said curtly.

“Why? I don’t need it.”

“I know,” he replied. She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.

She knit her eyebrows and tucked her wand into her robes, then a knowing expression took over her features. “Ah. I see.”

Again, Hux said nothing.

“Y’know, nine hundred of your Stormtroopers already saw me use wandless magic.”

Hux’s shoulders stiffened. Rey watched him carefully as she followed him. A squad of guards were marching in the opposite direction and stopped as Hux walked by, holding up their fist in a salute. Hux ignored them, but Rey could feel their eyes on her as she passed. Hux huffed when they had gone; Rey wondered if he could feel them watching her too.

“Do you usually escort new recruits to their initiation?”

Hux shook his head. “Consider it preferential treatment.”

Rey thought for a moment. “Or maybe, you didn’t want me interacting with any Stormtroopers.”

She could feel the anger and annoyance radiating off of him, but she kept going. “Maybe you’re scared they’ll start looking up to me.” His fists were clenched. She narrowed her eyes. “Maybe you’re scared that they think I’m the new Kylo Ren.”

It was like snapping a rubber band. Quicker than blinking, Hux took out his wand and Rey felt an invisible force shove her against the wall. Her feet dangled a foot from the ground and Hux approached slowly, a wild look in his eye. Rey regarded him steadily.

“You know,” he breathed, “you’re lucky to be alive. I could have killed you. I could have killed you at any point over the past five months. You don’t know how many times I wanted to.” He caressed her face with his wand, lingering over the old scar on her cheek. “You were weak when you arrived here. Without me, you never would have had the strength to kill those guards. Without me, you’d still be deluding yourself into thinking you’re a good person. I made you strong. I made you what you are. You owe everything to me, Rey.”

Rey stared at Hux, lowering herself to the floor. He blinked and glanced at his wand, tightening his grip and pointing it at her again. Nothing happened.

She waved her hand and his wand flew out of his fingers, rolling across the floor. His eyes widened. She waved her hand again and he began to choke, fingers grasping fruitlessly at his neck. He fell to his knees and she knelt down calmly to his level. He looked at her wildly, his face dark red.

“I have changed since I got here, Armitage, and I owe that to you. I never would have killed those guards when I first arrived. But I’m glad they’re dead. And I’m glad my foster father is dead. Some people deserve to die, Armitage. You helped me realize that.” Rey watched as Hux’s face slowly began to turn purple. “You can’t hurt me anymore,” she said quietly. “You can’t touch me. Do you understand?”

A vein in Hux’s forehead pulsed. He nodded.

“You couldn’t kill me even if you wanted to, Armitage, because you need me,” she said. “You kept me alive out of necessity. I’m keeping you alive out of generosity.” She leaned in closer. “I’m going to let you live today. And tomorrow. I want you to wake up every day and wonder if it will be your last. From now on, you owe every single day of your life to me. Because I’m the one who is going to kill you, Armitage. I just haven’t decided when.” Tiny red spots appeared on Hux’s eyelids as blood vessels began to burst. Rey’s voice dropped to a whisper as she spoke into his ear. “Think of a time you felt powerless.”

She stood up as she released him and he fell to the floor, sputtering and coughing. He took deep, rattling, whistling breaths. She watched him coldly.

“Get up,” she said. “We’re late for my initiation.”


	43. Discharged

“Poe.”

Poe turned over under the thin hospital sheets. He uttered something like a growl and pushed his face deeper into his pillow.

“Poe, wake up.”

Poe remained motionless, his breath steady. This trick had never worked before, but maybe it would now.

“Poe, you’re terrible at acting like you’re asleep,” Finn snapped. “Wake up. I have good news.”

“I’m all ears,” Poe muttered, eyes still firmly shut. Subconsciously, his hand found Finn’s on the bed and he took it gently.

“They’re discharging you.”

Poe’s eyes snapped open. “From duty?!” He made to get up but Finn’s firm hand pushed him back down.

“No—Poe, they’re discharging you from the hospital. You’re almost healed, and you’re done with that week of disgusting orange potion. They want to start physical therapy as soon as possible, but you can go back to living in your quarters.”

Poe relaxed slightly. “Oh.” He frowned. “Huh.”

Finn watched him. “Aren’t you happy?”

“Yeah—yes, Finn, that’s great,” he hurried, putting a smile on, but something in his voice betrayed him. Finn knit his eyebrows and squeezed his hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” he started, then shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Poe.” Finn’s eyes darkened. Poe dropped his gaze. “Just tell me,” he said, a hint of gentleness returning.

“I just… I don’t want… fuck,” Poe sighed. His head flopped back on his pillow. He cleared his throat. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

Finn looked stunned.

“I just, I know, y’know, I got hurt,” he stammered. “And you forgave me. And now I’m, y’know, I’m better. Almost. And I just, y’know, it’s like, what if you realize you don’t want me after all?”

Finn’s eyes widened.

“Which is fine,” Poe added hastily, “I, y’know, I understand. And you can do what you want. You don’t have to stay because you feel bad for me or something.” He cleared his throat. “If you want to leave, I—”

Finn cut him off with a kiss. Poe faltered, completely shocked, but after a second he kissed him back softly, his fingers snaking into Finn’s thick hair. A small sound came from the back of his throat as Finn’s full lips took command; goosebumps erupted on the back of his neck where Finn’s fingers rested.

After a moment, Finn pulled away and looked down at him. His thumb wiped Poe’s cheek gently, and Poe realized, to his own horror, that he was crying. He sat up slightly and wiped his face on his bedsheets.

“I don’t know why, um—” his voice was weak. He wiped his face again. Finn watched him.

“Poe, a lot of people love you.”

Poe looked up at him and gave an awkward laugh. “Thanks, uh. Yeah, I… I know.” He hesitated for a moment before reaching for his water glass on the table. Finn took hold of his wrist and stopped him. “Finn, you don’t have to do this,” he sighed.

“I love you, Poe. Ben does too. And Rey, and Rose, and Minerva, and Leia. All your students. Everyone.”

“Finn, stop.”

“You deserve it, Poe,” Finn said softly.

Poe tried to take back his wrist, but Finn held on. Poe huffed and looked him in the eye.

“You don’t need to earn it. You don’t need to earn anything.”

Poe’s breath hitched. “I know, Finn, I get it.” He tried to say it firmly, but he was barely making a sound. His throat was too tight.

“You deserve to be loved.”

“Finn, st…” His eyes stung as fresh tears began to fall. “Stop.” He yanked his wrist away but Finn wrapped him tightly in his arms. Poe took in a painful deep breath.

“You deserve to be loved, Poe.”

A sob wracked his body and he broke down against Finn’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Finn and pulled him closer, rocking slightly as his tears wet Finn’s shirt. His fingers buried themselves in Finn’s hair as Finn rubbed his back gently. Finn held him as he crumbled, murmuring soft words into his ear. He held him as his whole body shook with emotion. He held him until his sobs were replaced with deep, calming breaths and his tears had eventually faded from the red tracks on his cheeks.

After an eternity, they separated. It was silent between them for a long time; a deep, comforting silence.

Timidly, a young Healer approached them. “Commander Dameron, I’m sure your husband already told you, but we’re hoping to release you around noon.”

Poe blinked and looked between the Healer and Finn for a moment. Warmth spread from the middle of his chest to the rest of his body. “Thank you, I’ll be ready,” he said, and the Healer walked away. He stared at Finn questioningly, his mouth upturned in a smile.

Finn smiled shyly back. “It was the only way they’d let me stay with you,” he said quietly.

Poe grinned. He settled back on his pillow, a thoughtful look on his face. “Husband,” he said, as if testing to see how the word felt in his mouth. Finn’s hand drifted to Poe’s hair, carding his fingers through the curls. “Mr. Commander Finn Dameron,” he said wistfully, and Finn laughed.

“Is that what my name would be?”

“Has a nice ring to it,” Poe said smoothly, eyes twinkling as he looked at Finn.

Finn blushed. “I wouldn’t hate it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	44. Back to School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... it has been so long. First there was finals, and then there was summer, and I'm helping my brother write a book, and I just have so many things to do. I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long!
> 
> I'm actually a little nervous to post this chapter because I feel like I'm so out of practice.
> 
> So please let me know what you think, let me know if you enjoyed it. I'm really excited to be back at it! I truly appreciate you all.

Rey knocked on the intricate wooden door once before strolling in, black robes rippling in her wake. The man sitting behind the desk looked up at her from his work and she stared at his round, shiny face and beady eyes. Her first instinct was to hide from this man who looked so like the one who had raised her. Then, after a moment, hatred bubbled up in her guts and she stood taller than she had before.

“Who are you?” The man said. Rey strode to the armchair opposite him and sat down decisively. The man regarded her.

“Professor Lorch, I’m here to inspect the daily operations of the school and assess whether your quality of instruction aligns with the standards of the First Order.”

His small eyes narrowed. “We’ve already been assessed this year.”

“You’re being assessed again. I’ve heard word that your curriculum has been falling short.”

“Who told you that? Who are you?”

“I’m Rey.”

The Headmaster scoffed. “Pleased to meet you, _Rey._ What is your rank? Who gave you permission to question my teaching methods?”

She leaned forward in her seat. “Let’s just say that my rank is high enough that I don’t need permission. Or, better yet, let’s say that my permission comes from Kylo Ren himself.”

Lorch’s eyes widened.

“I’m particularly interested in the Reeducation Unit.”

“It’s…” Lorch began, searching for words. He cleared his throat. “The Reeducation Unit is the crown jewel of this institution. We’ve borrowed methods from—”

“I don’t want to hear about it. I want to see it.”

The professor floundered. “Of course, yes—”

“Show me.”

She followed the Headmaster through the halls of Ilvermorny, the week-old brand on her arm still stinging slightly. His heavy footfalls paused for a second and he pointed down a corridor.

“This is the History of Magic unit. Students learn of the oppression and slaughter of our people, despite our obvious superiority to those non-magic vermin; they learn about our current administration’s corrupt actions—but you know all about that, I’m sure.”

“Of course,” Rey agreed. “I’m glad you’re teaching our students the truth.”

Lorch nodded and began to stride down the main hall, more confident than he’d been before. “It’s our duty to provide our students with the best education in the Wizarding World, and we take that duty very seriously.”

“As you should.”

After a few more minutes, Lorch paused again. “This is the Warfare Unit,” he said proudly. “Students learn battle strategy and dueling, starting with their very first day on campus.”

“Students duel each other on the first day?” Her voice sounded bored and cold.

“Part of our new curriculum, implemented just last year. It’s how we sort out the weak,” Lorch explained, eyeing her face in search of approval.

“And what do you do with the weak?”

Lorch smiled. He carried on walking. “The weak are liquidated. We’ve found that eliminating nonessential students provides for a more concentrated, effective curriculum. Fewer students means more individualized education, and more room in the budget.”

Rey nodded. “Very good. But what if a student arrives later in the year?”

“It happens often,” Lorch said. “Some families are reluctant to provide their offspring with a quality education. Of course, they can’t stay hidden for long; generally, we eliminate the family and the child must prove themself by dueling an enrolled student.”

“Surely the enrolled student would win most of the time?”

Lorch’s face split into a toothy grin. “Correct.”

“What about international students?”

“The same procedure is followed. We’ve had a few international transfers this year, actually. From Hogwarts.” At the mention of the school, Lorch’s face pinched as though he had smelled something rotten.

Rey cleared her throat. “How did they fare? Were they—” She cleared her throat again. “Were they weak?”

“They did well, for Europeans. Two of them proved worthwhile.”

Rey swallowed. “And the third?”

“He refused to fight. He was quickly disposed of.”

“I see.” She kept her face neutral as she followed in the Headmaster’s wake. He carried on talking about a different curriculum unit but she wasn’t listening. It felt like her insides had disappeared. Her head pounded with every heartbeat and the voice in her mind was screaming but, miraculously, no tears escaped her eyes. She adjusted the tight collar of her robes as they approached the Reeducation corridor.

Connor.

Connor was dead.

***

Poe lay sideways on his cot, legs sticking straight up against the wall and head lolling off the mattress. He watched Finn upside down; he was sitting in a squashy armchair Poe had found at a Muggle garage sale years ago. He was reading a dusty broomstick catalogue that Poe had forgotten to throw away.

Finn glanced at him over the pages. “Poe, I’m trying to read about the brand-new 2013 Firebolt.”

“By all means,” Poe allowed, then continued to stare at his… boyfriend? Partner? Fiance? No, not fiance. He’d never actually proposed.

Finn stared back. He set down the catalogue. “Can I help you?”

Poe turned around so that he was sitting on the bed normally, feet on the ground. “We fucked up, Finn.”

Finn sagged. “I know. I know we did.”

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Imagine… what they went through. Ben—Ben said they were tortured. It’s my fault.”

“Poe, you need to—”

“You said… you kept saying Rey was innocent. You believed in her. I didn’t believe in Ben. I… He deserves so much better than me. He deserves you, y’know what I mean?”

Finn shook his head. “I wasn’t perfect. I… there were times when I doubted Rey. They were gone for so long, I started to think they really were there by choice. And I know Ben and I have been getting along lately, but I don’t think we’re on a path to best friendship.” He kept his eyes on Poe. “Poe, I know he was innocent in this. But…”

“Don’t.” Poe looked dangerous.

“I mean… I understand why you were so quick to believe he went Dark.”

Poe shook his head. “There’s no excuse for what I did. Stop it.”

“Poe, he was the Supreme Leader of the First Order. It’s not that much of a stretch to think he would go back.”

“But he didn’t.”

“I know,” Finn said calmly, placatingly. Poe said nothing. It was silent for a long time. Poe plopped back on the bed, feet still on the ground. His hands rested on his stomach as he stared at the ceiling. He heard Finn breathing across the small room. “I’m just trying to make you feel better.”

“I don’t need you to do that. If I wanna feel bad for betraying my best friend, then let me.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Poe sat up again. There was still a slight pain in his back and abdominal muscles from the closed-up wounds. “I’m scared, Finn. I know I was wrong and I’m scared to hear it. There’s nothing I can do except let him hate me.”

“You need to apologize.”

“I know.” There was a beat. Poe stood up. “I know.”

He walked to the door, attempting to cover up the slight limp he now walked with. He compensated for the gentle wobble in his right leg by standing up straighter and taking heavier steps. He'd tried to remember how he used to walk and just copy that, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t remember.

“Do you want me to come with?” Finn asked, and Poe shook his head.

“I’m fine. I’m just gonna do it.”

Poe opened the door and jumped, startled at the person on the other side. It was a young courier, no more than eighteen, with her fist held aloft like she was about to knock. She quickly dropped her hand. “Commander Dameron?”

“Yes,” Poe said, eyebrows knit.

“President Organa needs to see you.”

Poe sighed. He wanted to argue. He wanted to ask, ‘Can’t it wait?’ But he didn’t.

The courier leaned to look behind Poe. She checked the sheet of paper in her hand. “Finn—sorry, Private Finn?” she asked.

Finn stood up abruptly. “Um, yes?”

“The president would like to see you as well.”

“Yes—uh, yes, ma’am.”

The courier smiled at the honorific and saluted them both before hurrying away. Poe glanced over his shoulder and the two exchanged a wary glance.

***

They walked into an empty elevator and Poe pressed the button for the ninth floor.

“Names,” the elevator voice said.

“Commander Poe Dameron.”

“Private First Class Finn,” Finn said, and Poe saw a timid pride in Finn’s face. He reached out and squeezed his hand as the elevator descended to Leia’s office floor.

The elevator doors opened with a ding, and they paused.

Ben stood at the door to Leia’s office, bouncing on the balls of his feet. At the ding, his head whipped around and he spotted them, an unreadable expression overtaking his face as well as a tint of red appearing in his cheeks. His hand was resting on the doorknob. Poe could tell he had been mentally preparing himself to go in before they arrived. Poe opened his mouth to say something, he didn’t know quite what, but Ben gripped the knob and twisted before entering decisively.

Poe and Finn joined him in Leia’s office, which Leia was not in; Poe was still not used to seeing Ben in jeans and a jacket.

The three of them sat in the chairs facing Leia’s, Finn between Poe and Ben. They each stared at a different point on the wall before Finn cleared his throat.

“You ever find your wand?” he said, head turning in Ben’s direction but eyes still on the wall.

Ben stared. “No.”

Finn nodded. “Ah.”

“I don’t really need it.”

“Ah, yes, I’m aware,” Finn replied.

“I am the Supreme Leader after all, right, Poe?” Ben said darkly. “The embodiment of evil?”

Poe sighed. “Can I talk to you after this? In private?” He leaned forward to see Ben’s expression.

Ben was a blank slate. “Why would I want to talk to you?” His voice was little more than a murmur.

“I need to—”

“Why the…” Ben shook his head. “Why the _fuck_ do you think I would even want to look at you?”

Behind them, the door opened and Leia strode in. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, sitting down in her tall chair. Across from her, even Ben looked shrunken.

The three men remained silent. Leia glanced between them. “I can tell I’ve interrupted something, so I’ll hurry through this,” she said. “Minerva wants each of you back at Hogwarts.”

There was a beat. “No,” Ben said flatly.

Leia grimaced. “Let me rephrase that. _You are all going back to Hogwarts._ That’s an order. We think the First Order is planning an attack on the school. McGonagall needs all the help she can get.”

“I’m not a soldier. You don’t get to order me to do anything.”

“Ma’am, when are we going back?” Poe asked, and Leia turned to him with an almost relieved expression.

“Tomorrow, Commander.”

Beside him, Finn nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Ben stood up. “I don’t even know why I’m at this base. I’m leaving.”

“Ben.” He stopped. He looked at his mother. Her face was mournful. “I am sorry for what I did to you and Rey. I gave up on you.”

Ben pursed his lips. He didn’t move.

“It’s my fault you were in there for so long. I didn’t think… I didn’t think you wanted to be saved. It’s my fault.”

Ben said nothing for a long time. “I am not going to forgive you until Rey is safe. If— _when_ she is safe, then I will consider your apology. Does that sound reasonable?”

“Yes, honey. I understand.” Leia pressed her lips together. Poe fidgeted in his seat.

“Ben, Rey is most likely going to be involved in the attack on Hogwarts,” Poe said quietly.

Ben glared at him.

“Your best chance of seeing her again is to go back.”

“I can’t…” Ben sighed. He knit his eyebrows; he actually looked frightened. “I can’t fight. I can’t. If I fight, he’ll…”

“You fought at the First Order base,” Poe reminded him. Ben shook his head.

“You saw me. You saw _him,_ Poe. Just for a second, but he was there. When the corridor went dark. I almost…I—I almost killed those guards.” Ben glanced at his mother briefly before looking at Poe again. “I—wanted to. I wanted to. But I didn’t. If I fight anymore, he’ll come back. I know it. I can feel it. I can feel him.”

“You don’t have to fight, Ben, I promise. But…” Poe glanced at Finn. “Ben, you know more about the First Order than just about anyone. You _ran_ it. You know their battle strategies. You can coordinate our attacks. You can do that without fighting.” Poe looked at Leia.

She nodded. “Ben, I think Poe makes a good point.”

Ben’s face turned to stone. “You do not understand what you’re saying,” he said quietly, slowly. “When I was Kylo Ren… it wasn’t just killing people. It was… apathy. Toward every human life. I didn’t care whose side anyone was on. I just wanted to win.”

Poe took a breath. “But if you’re _removed_ from battle—”

“YOU DON’T FUCKING GET IT!” Ben bellowed. The volume of it made them all stop breathing for a moment. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! Any of you! I don’t _care!_ I don’t _care_ who dies. If you put me in charge, you are sacrificing the life of every soldier you have. The only person left will be me. Him,” Ben corrected. He shook his head slightly. “Him.”

Poe and Leia fell silent.

Finn finally spoke. “Ben is right. If he fights, we’ll all die.”

Ben gestured to him tiredly. “Thank you.”

“But I still think you have a duty to your students to teach them. Not fight, teach. You’re still the best man for the job.” Finn turned to Leia. “Who is the current DADA teacher at Hogwarts? Who is Ben’s replacement?”

She looked at her notes. “It says here… an Auror. Someone named Augustus Lockwood.”


	45. The Slightest Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days?? Dang!  
> I hope you enjoy this one.

The three men stepped out of the office, Ben in the lead. By the time Poe and Finn were out the door, Ben was already in the elevator and pressing the button to close it.

“Ben, hold on,” Poe tried, but the elevator dinged shut.

Finn’s hand was gentle on his shoulder.

It was silent as they waited for the elevator to return. When it did, they stepped inside.

“I didn’t know…” Poe sighed and shook his head. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Finn murmured.

“I don’t like to think about… about what he was like. I didn’t know Ren was… I didn’t know he was so _close,_ y’know? I just feel like such a dick. I shouldn’t have pushed him.”

“He’ll forgive you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” Poe met his eyes. “When you got hurt, all he cared about was saving you. He was terrified. We all were.”

Poe shuddered.

“You’re his best friend, Poe. You’ve been his best friend for—what, seventeen years?”

“Almost eighteen.” Poe wiped his nose roughly.

“Your friendship is almost allowed to vote!”

Poe chuckled reluctantly. Finn smiled as the elevator dinged and slid open.

“It’ll be fine. He’ll forgive you. It’s just gonna take time.”

As they stepped into the main hall, Poe sniffed the air. “We should get a pizza.”

“No. Poe, Jess said no junk food. You have to eat healthy or the PT is gonna be pointless.”

“Finn, smell the garlic. Smell it.”

“I smell it. My answer is still no.”

“If you wanna be my husband, you have to support my bad habits.”

Finn’s eyes twinkled before he hardened his face again. “Let’s go to the salad bar.”

Poe sagged. “Salad is not a food.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Poe.”

Poe’s smile faded slowly and he sighed as he picked up a salad bowl. Finn watched him. “I just… I was so wrong. I’m so wrong about Ben all the time. I feel like I don’t even know him.”

Finn nodded slowly. “He did a lot of things that he’ll never talk about.”

“I know. But I don’t even _want_ to talk about it with him. I don’t want to know. How shitty is that?” Poe began to ladle candied nuts and strawberries onto his plate, bypassing the lettuce and veggies.

Finn’s face was impassive. “I don’t think he should talk about it.”

Poe knit his eyebrows. Set down the ladle.

Finn shrugged. “I’ve… sort of started to get along with him. Ben Solo seems like a good enough guy. He loves you, so he can’t be that bad…. But Kylo Ren doesn’t deserve friends. He doesn’t need to…to ‘talk it out,’ or whatever you want to call it. Kylo Ren doesn’t need a therapist. He just needs to die. And Ben… he seems determined to let him die. So if that means never talking about what he did, never even saying that fucking name again, I’m all for it.”

Poe was quiet for awhile. “I just don’t want him to be alone.”

“Well, who knows what Rey’s up to with Hux right now,” Finn said harshly. “She and Ben will probably have a lot to talk about.”

“Jesus, Finn,” Poe said, searching Finn’s eyes. Tears were swimming in them. Finn blinked them away.

“Let’s just… Let’s just get some pizza.”

***

Lorch stopped just outside a classroom door.

“Here we are, the Reeducation Unit. This is where—”

“I’d like to—” _Shit._ Rey’s voice sounded reedy and weak. She cleared her throat. “I’d like to sit in on the class alone.” That was better.

Lorch eyed her. She steeled herself under his gaze and took on a cold expression. “Are you well, Rey? Would you like some water? You sound hoarse,” he said smoothly.

“No. I’d like to be left alone with this class.” Rey’s chest was tight but she looked at the Headmaster steadily. He scanned her face carefully.

“I’m not sure that’s—”

“Go back to your office. I don’t need you anymore.”

Lorch faltered. After a moment, he bowed deeply. Rey took a step back. As he straightened, he said, “I’m glad I could be of assistance. I’m looking forward to speaking with General Hux about your visit here today.”

“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear from you,” she droned, and watched as the professor stalked away. When he rounded the corner, she let out a breath and let herself lean against the rough stone wall. After a minute, she straightened and opened the door to a low-ceilinged stone room with only one window. A projector sat in the middle of the desks and was playing a grainy film. Her stomach turned at the man shown in the footage.

It was Hux, only he looked less tired than he did now. Rey could see a deep anger in his eyes that would be imperceptible to someone who didn’t know him, and she got the feeling that this was filmed shortly after Ben escaped. The light from the film illuminated the tops of the students’ heads like a corona. Rey leaned against the wall and nodded at the presiding professor, a middle-aged woman with impossibly blonde hair in a beehive updo and candy apple red lipstick that bled into her wrinkles.

Hux spoke into the camera in what Rey assumed was supposed to be a charming tone. “I know that each and every one of you earned your place in this organization. It is only with _your_ help that we rid this beautiful world of its…” Hux considered for a moment. “blemishes.” A few of the students nodded enthusiastically. Rey looked to her left and saw one boy mouthing Hux’s words along with him. “Always remember that our noble leader, Kylo Ren, perished for our cause. He believed—” Hux shook his head mournfully. “He _believes_ in each of us. He lives on through our good deeds. He lives in _you._ It is your duty to fight for him. It is your duty to defend this cause— _his_ cause—with your life. And it is your responsibility to tell your professors if you sense that someone may be doubting our mission. There is no room in the First Order for the unfaithful.” Hux held up his fist in a salute and smiled thinly for a moment too long before the film ended. The professor waved her wand to turn the lights on and each student stood up and mirrored the salute.

Rey saluted with them.

As the students sat down, her eyes wandered around the subterranean room. Hanging prominently on the wall was a stoic portrait of Kylo Ren, breathing slowly, calmly. A smaller portrait, hanging lower on the wall, contained a portrait of a smiling Hux. She looked at the back of the students’ heads and searched for Marnie and Tzipora. Her chest felt hollow again as she thought of Connor.

The professor walked to the blackboard, glancing at Rey briefly. Even across the room, Rey could see her piercing blue eyes.

“Hello there,” she greeted, voice surprisingly warm. Every student spun around to look at the unfamiliar face. Rey nodded cordially at the professor.

“I’m just here to observe. Pretend this is a normal lesson.” The professor nodded and called the class’s attention back to herself, but one student still stared.

Rey stared back.

“Tzipora, eyes up here.”

Curly hair bounced as the girl faced the front again. Rey continued to stare at the back of her head, heart pounding. The look on Tzipora’s face… had she even recognized her? Rey wasn’t so sure.

The professor began to write on the chalkboard: _Enemies of the First Order._ Then she turned back to the students. “Who is an enemy of the First Order?”

A blonde boy raised his hand. “Anyone who denounces the values of Kylo Ren.”

“And who would that be?”

Another boy raised his hand. “Rebels. No Maj’s. Organa.” The professor began to write the words on the board.

“Han Solo.”

“Luke Skywalker.”

The professor scribbled down the names.

Tzipora raised her hand. “Mudbloods.”

“Why Mudbloods, Tzipora?”

“They dilute what it means to be a witch or wizard. They steal the jobs and livelihood of hardworking pure-bloods. They’re uneducated in our ways and they contribute nothing to our culture.”

“Five points to Wampus. Where does the Mudblood belong?”

A ginger-haired girl spoke up. “The Mudblood belongs in the ground.”

Rey swallowed and nodded at the words. The professor’s eyes landed on her. “Would you like to say something, Ms…”

“Rey.”

“Ms. Rey. Do you have any stories you’d like to share about an experience with one of our enemies?” She motioned next to her and Rey walked slowly to the head of the class, scrambling for something to say.

_It’s an act. Remember it’s an act. Don’t let it become the truth._

A sea of children looked at her intently. She glanced at Tzipora again and cleared her throat. “I was raised by a Muggle.”

The class looked disgusted. Rey nodded. “He was a dangerous, hateful man. He was stronger than me, and he used his strength against me until I was sent off to school. Even when I was at school, I was afraid of him. I was afraid he’d burst through the door and drag me away.” She halted for a moment. She hadn’t expected to tell the truth today. “But he never did. I grew up. I became strong. And when he found me again…” She took a breath. She opened her mouth a few times but no words came out. Was she actually going to use her story this way? She wanted to stop. She didn’t want to stop. “When he found me again, I killed him.”

Awed smiles from the class.

_It’s an act._

_It’s an act._

“You know why? Because he was _weak._ He convinced me that I was the weak one, but I never was. His power over me was only in my head. And now he’s in the ground. He’s exactly where he belongs.”

The class nodded enthusiastically. Several raised their hands to ask questions.

_Tell me, Rey. Where do you think you belong?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! Comments are a treasure. Thank you for reading!


	46. Better Than Nothing

For the remainder of the lesson, Rey hovered at the back of the class.

She thought about nothing except the words she’d said, and about how much she had believed them. Plutt did belong in the ground. He did. She knew that, in the eyes of the Resistance, he should have been given a trial.

But she was the victim. She deserved to choose the punishment, didn’t she?

The professor—Professor Endres, Rey had learned—clapped for the class’s attention. Instant silence fell upon the room.

“We’re going to go into individual work time. Take out your Mudblood projects and work on them in silence.”

The students followed her orders and Rey approached the professor as she returned to her desk.

“I’d like to ask a few students about their experience with the curriculum.”

“Of course,” Endres said. She considered her students. “Violet, Sophia, follow Ms. Rey into the hall.”

“I’d like to speak to…” Rey pretended to think. “Tzipora? Is that her name?”

Endres knit her eyebrows. She lowered her voice, but the students closest to them could very obviously still hear her. “Violet and Sophia are the top of the class. Wouldn’t you like to speak to someone more impressive?”

Some of the students snickered. Rey saw Tzipora lower her head over her notebook.

“Tzipora is the only international student here. I’d like to hear her perspective.”

Endres nodded reluctantly. She snapped her fingers and Tzipora stood up abruptly, following Rey out of the room.

As soon as the door was closed, Rey performed the Muffliato charm. The air around them grew quieter. Rey knelt down so that she was eye level with her student.

“Tzipora, are you okay?”

Rey watched as tears flooded the girl’s eyes. “You remember me?”

“Of course I—” The breath was almost knocked out of her with the strength of Tzipora’s hug. She hugged tightly back. “Are you okay?” she asked again.

“Rey, they killed—they—they—Connor is—”

“I know,” Rey murmured gently. “I know.” Tzipora began to sob against her.

“I didn’t—I couldn’t say no,” she weeped. “I was so scared. I just did what they—what they said.” Her frizzy hair brushed against Rey’s face as she burrowed deeper into Rey’s shoulder. “Connor was so brave. I wish I could’ve—” the rest of her sentence unraveled into more sobs.

“It’s not your fault,” Rey soothed. Tzipora’s small hand grasped Rey’s bun and some strands came loose.

“You’re going to rescue me,” Tzipora said. Not a question, but a certainty. “You’re here to save me.”

Rey paused. “Tzipora, I… I wanted to make sure you’re safe. Where is Marnie?”

“Are you… You’re with them?” Tzipora slowly let go of her. Her eyes were wide with distrust.

“No,” Rey answered, a little too quickly. Tzipora’s face straightened out.

“Show me your arm.”

Rey stared. Slowly, she unbuttoned her sleeve and rolled it up as far as it would go until it was tight and rubbing against the still-healing brand on the inside of her bicep. She winced at the pain. “Tzipora, I’m on your side.”

Tzipora stared at the brand.

Rey shuffled the sleeve down again. “Tzipora, I promise you, this is only because—”

“Are you undercover or something? Are you a spy for the Resistance?”

There was a beat. “No. I’m not… I’m not undercover.” Tzipora crossed her arms. “When you and—and Connor were taken, so were Ben and I.”

“Professor Solo?”

Rey nodded. “Professor Solo. They held us prisoner for a long time. I only joined so they would let him go.”

After awhile, Tzipora nodded. “You were scared, so you did what they wanted.”

Rey blinked. “I…” She shrugged. “Yes. I suppose so.”

Disappointment spread across Tzipora’s features.

“Tzipora, where’s… where’s Marnie?”

“She’s with the other Mud—Muggleborns. They’re like slaves, I guess. We never see them.”

“They haven’t… she’s still alive?”

Tzipora nodded. “I guess they put them to use before they put them in the ground.” At her own words, she looked horrified. “Oh my god. That sounded so mean.” She was quiet for a moment, then her words rushed out. “Rey, that stuff I said in class, I was lying. I don’t really think all those things about Marnie.”

“I know, Tzipora.”

“I hate saying that stuff. I hate it. My grandad’s whole family was killed because of this stuff. These people are Nazis. I’m becoming a Nazi.”

“No you’re not, Tzipora. You’re not. It’s okay.” Rey took a deep breath, prompting her student to do the same. They breathed together for a few moments.

“I need to get out of here. Marnie does too.”

“I know. I’m going to get you out. I just—I can’t today. I need you to stay safe. Okay?” Tzipora’s face was impassive. Rey’s heart skipped a beat. “Tzipora. I know what you’re thinking of doing. You can’t escape this place. Even if you did, they would find you. Do you understand?”

The girl looked away.

“I need you to promise me you and Marnie will not try to escape. Promise me.”

Tzipora sighed. She clasped her hands behind her back. “I promise, Rey.”

“Show me your hands.”

Tzipora knit her eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because I used to be eleven years old and I know you’re crossing your fingers.”

She rolled her eyes and held up her hands. “I promise Marnie and I won’t try to escape.”

“You promise you’re not crossing your toes?”

At that, Tzipora let out a reluctant chuckle. “I promise.”

Rey smiled wearily. She held up her hands, mirroring her student. “I promise I will get you out of here. No crossies.”

***

“Boysenberry.”

The gargoyle moved aside and Poe, Finn, and Ben filed into the twisting spiral staircase.

The ride was conspicuously silent.

When they opened the door, they found McGonagall hovering over a stack of papers, peering closely at them over her glasses. A familiar scent of ancient books and sweet spice greeted Poe’s nose and made him smile despite himself. McGonagall glanced up at them and Poe swore he saw a small, brief smile on her lips as well. She focused on Ben.

She cleared her throat. “Welcome back, Solo.”

Ben’s eyes remained on the floor. He nodded.

She stood up slowly, drawing herself up to her full, formidable height. “I want to apologize for any words I said against you while you were imprisoned. It was foolish of me and I’m sorry.”

After a long stretch of silence, he nodded again.

She waved her wand and conjured two more chairs opposite her, then gestured for them to sit.

“We’ve been trying our best to prepare for the potential attack. Our protective enchantments have been increased tenfold and every member of staff has been fortifying the perimeter with each patrol. More Resistance fighters are standing by to provide reinforcements, should we need any.” She looked at Ben. “Solo, your knowledge of the First Order will be invaluable. You’ll be coordinating our defenses and attacks.”

Ben stared.

“Ma’am,” Poe interjected, “President Organa may not have had time to send you a message, but Ben won’t be participating in the attack.” 

McGonagall blinked. “But surely—”

“He’s returned to teach, and that’s it.”

Poe felt Ben’s gaze on him.

“Very well,” the Headmistress said. “I understand. Dameron, you and Finn will work together, then?” She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“That won’t be a problem, Professor,” Finn said, and McGonagall’s eyes twinkled.

“I’m glad.”

“Uh, ma’am, this may be out of the blue, but who’s leading in Quidditch?” Poe asked. He knew that the sport wasn’t a high priority right now, but he was looking forward to coaching again.

“Looks like Hufflepuff will win the Cup,” McGonagall answered. “Bagnall has proven very effective as a coach.”

“I’m sure she’ll be disappointed to leave so soon.”

The look on McGonagall’s face made Poe knit his eyebrows. “Well, Dameron, I’ve received word from your physical therapist that you’re not approved for any strenuous physical activity.”

“What does that mean?” Poe asked, alarmed. Ben stirred beside him.

McGonagall sighed. “You won’t be returning as Quidditch coach. At least, not this term.”

Poe blushed a deep red. “Ma’am, I’m almost healed. I’m fine. I’m good to go.”

Finn leaned over. “You should listen to Pava. You need to rest.”

Poe glared at him. “Finn, just—I’m fine.”

“You could reopen your wounds. You got hit with Dark magic, Poe, you still need time to heal.”

“I know what I got hit with, Finn,” Poe snapped. 

Ben took a breath. “He can coach from the stands.”

Poe swiveled. Ben didn’t meet his eyes, instead looking at McGonagall.

“If he uses an amplifying charm, the players can still hear him. The stands are high enough for him to see everything. He can still coach.”

McGonagall considered. “I suppose… if he isn’t putting too much strain on himself.”

Poe shook his head. “I won’t.”

She nodded. “I think the students will be glad to have you three—”

Just then, the door burst open. A short, bug-eyed man stumbled through, wheezing with rage.

McGonagall glared. “Lockwood, we agreed that you can no longer barrel into my office unannounced.”

Lockwood stared at the three men sitting opposite the Headmistress, a maniacal smile on his lips. His gaze landed on Ben, and Poe saw instant, annoyed recognition in Ben’s eyes.

“You! You’re back, are you?” Lockwood hissed.

Ben was surprisingly calm. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Professor Solo. I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.” Poe stared at Ben, trying his hardest not to laugh.

Lockwood faltered. “You—I—not anymore!” He looked to McGonagall for support. “That position has been filled!”

“Actually, it’s vacant again.” McGonagall looked rather pleased. Understanding dawned in Lockwood’s eyes.

“So that’s how it is? This spoiled layabout disappears for five months and when he returns he gets everything he wants?”

Ben smiled. “Yes, I took some time away for my health, but I feel ever so much better now. Thank you for filling in for me. What was your name again?”

Lockwood looked ready to pop. “My name is Augustus Lockwood.”

“Well, it’s been a pleasure, Mr. Cockwood. I wish you all the best.”

And with that, Lockwood stormed out.

Ben smiled faintly and Finn and Poe began to laugh. Poe even heard McGonagall give a small chuckle. “I think it’s time you all return to your quarters,” she said.

The three of them stood up and exited onto the staircase together. Silence hovered over them again. Poe scrambled for something to say, something to fill the space, but he came up short. At the bottom of the staircase, they stood awkwardly for a moment before Ben nodded curtly at them and turned to head in the direction of his room.

Finn placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder as they watched Ben walk away.

“A nod is better than nothing, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still sticking around. I really appreciate you all. Leave a comment if you want! Let me know what you think.


	47. Early Bird Breakfast

Poe’s arm was draped over Finn’s waist when he woke up the next morning. Absently, gently, he began to rub Finn’s belly until he started to stir.

“First day back,” Poe murmured.

Finn nodded. Groaning, he flipped onto his back under Poe’s arm and Poe’s fingers trailed along his side. Poe pressed a kiss to his shoulder and kept his lips there.

“Breakfast?” he said against Finn’s skin.

Finn squinted at Poe’s clock. “It’s still early.”

“We can get in and out before everyone else. Avoid the crowd.”

Finn looked at him. Poe’s eyes widened innocently.

“Who are we trying to avoid?” Finn asked.

“Nobody,” Poe hurried, “I just don’t feel like talking to people.”

Finn snorted. “That’s a first.”

Poe sat up. “Let’s just go, okay?”

Finn followed him, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He rubbed his eyes. “Sure. Let’s go.”

***

The halls were delightfully empty and Poe hurried as much as he could, still walking with a limp while Finn moved steadily beside him. Crisp, cold sunlight streamed in through the windows. They moved through the castle, encountering nobody but the Fat Friar, and when they got to the empty Great Hall, Poe breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, we just need to eat quick and go. Nobody else is—”

“Coach Dameron!”

Poe swore under his breath. He turned around with a strained smile. “Phoebe! How’ve you been?”

The Gryffindor Quidditch captain smiled widely. Poe noticed her eyes linger on his neck, which he knew was covered in ropes of pale, shiny scar tissue. He adjusted his collar. “Where have you guys been? Hi, Mr. Finn.”

Finn smiled. He glanced sideways at Poe. “We’ve been at a conference in America.”

Poe nodded. “A Quidditch and… caretaking conference.”

Phoebe frowned slightly but moved on swiftly. “You’re coming to practice, right, Coach? We’ve been working on a lot of cool techniques. You’ll be really impressed.”

Poe nodded again. “I’ll be there.”

Phoebe’s eyes glided down to his neck again before snapping back up to his eyes. “Um, Coach, what happened to your—”

“See you on the pitch, Phoebe.” Poe led Finn quickly through the heavy doors and in between the deserted House tables until they were at their old seats at the staff table. The plates around them filled with food and Poe began to wolf it down. He could feel Finn’s eyes on him. “Got somethin’ to say, Finny?”

Finn slowly shook his head. “Not if you don’t.”

“Nope.”

“Okay.”

Finn began to eat the stack of pancakes on his plate.

“Gotta go faster than that, bud.” Poe began to chug his coffee, ignoring the burn as it raced down his throat. “They’ll be coming soon.”

As if on cue, a few students filtered in, still yawning in their pajamas. They caught sight of the coach and the caretaker and waved.

“It’s Saturday, there’s not gonna be that many kids up this early,” Finn said, waving back.

“You’re jinxing it,” Poe muttered, waving and smiling.

“Poe, they’re happy to see us. There’s no pressure.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t look like you got blown up and glued back together, do you?”

Finn frowned. More students trudged through the doors and spotted them. They waved. Poe shoveled more food into his mouth.

“I’m almost done, are you done?” he said thickly.

Finn sighed. He cut his pancakes a little faster. “I’m almost done.”

“Good.” A steady stream of students were filing into the Great Hall now. “Jesus, when did these kids start waking up this early?”

Several other teachers took their seats at the staff table. Neville sat down on Poe’s right side.

“Poe, Finn! You alright? It hasn’t been the same without you guys around.”

“We’re glad to be back,” Finn said with a grin, and Poe smiled through a mouthful of coffee. Neville’s eyes flicked down to his neck almost imperceptibly.

“Well, it’s good to have you!” Neville tucked into his breakfast.

Poe swallowed and looked out over the yawning students, the din of conversation and clinking cutlery filling up the space. He took a last bite of his toast and paused mid-chew.

The Hall went totally silent. All heads swiveled in the direction of the doors.

Ben had walked in.

Head held high, face hard, still wearing a simple jacket and jeans, he made his way to the staff table. He sat down several seats away from them, poured himself a cup of tea, and took a biscuit from a stack on one of the plates, ignoring the hundreds of eyes trained on him.

Eventually, conversation resumed, slightly more hushed than before.

Poe leaned closer to Finn. “If we leave now, everyone will see.”

“They won’t care about us, not after who just came in,” Finn said gently. Poe frowned, straightening the butter knife beside his plate. Finn placed a hand on Poe’s knee, squeezing gently. “We’ll wait for the mail, then we’ll go while everyone’s distracted. Sound good?”

Poe hesitated, then nodded. Finn rubbed his knee before focusing his attention back on his food.

It was quiet between them as Finn ate; Poe placed a scone on his plate and picked at it halfheartedly with his fork, already full from everything he’d eaten. Just as Finn set down his fork, a ruffle of wings sounded from above and suddenly there was a flurry of owls swooping over the students and staff, dropping packages and letters on the tables.

Finn patted Poe’s leg. “Let’s go.”

Poe nodded. He didn’t get up.

Finn looked at him. “Poe, we should go now.”

“Yeah,” Poe agreed, staring at the sea of students in front of them. “Yeah.”

“We can stay if you want.”

“No, I want to go.”

“They’re just kids, Poe.”

Poe closed his eyes. “I know.”

He felt Finn’s gaze on him and opened his eyes again. “You’re gonna have to walk in front of everyone sooner or later,” Finn said gently.

Poe nodded and stood up. “Yeah, I… I know. Let’s go.”

It went faster than Poe had expected it to. He walked as tall as he could, Finn beside him. To his surprise, he felt Finn’s hand slide into his and squeeze. He squeezed back. For the most part, the students were preoccupied with their mail and their breakfast. Only a few eyes followed them as they made their way toward the doors.

Finn kept hold of his hand, even when they were alone in the corridor. He let Poe lead him a few meters before he brought them to a stop.

Poe turned to him, eyebrows knit.

Finn took a breath. “I—I don’t know how to make this easier for you. I wish I could just take everything you’re feeling away from you and—and—take it on myself, or throw it in the trash, or…” Finn shook his head. “I don’t want—like, I’m not saying I want to throw your injuries in the trash. I just don’t want you to… to avoid things because of them. Y’know what I mean? Because you’re still… you’re still you.”

Poe didn’t say anything. His mouth was set in a straight line.

“I just want to say,” Finn continued slowly, “that I’m proud of you. I’m proud that I get to walk beside you.” At that, something softened in Poe’s eyes and he swallowed hard. Finn kept going. “Um, and I’m just—I’m just… you know. I’m proud of you.”

Poe smiled, eyes crinkling. He bit his lip and ruffled a hand through Finn’s hair, making Finn chuckle. “Hey, Finn,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, Poe.”

Poe’s smile shrank slowly, but his eyes still twinkled. “You wanna get married?”

Finn stared. Poe looked steadily back. “Are you serious?”

Poe nodded. “I’m serious. You wanna marry me?”

“Yeah,” Finn let out, almost as if he didn’t realize he was speaking. He blinked. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Poe grinned and reached up, unclasping the thin chain around his own neck. He slid the ring off the necklace and it landed in his palm; he glanced up to find Finn staring at it.

“That’s your mom’s ring.”

“Yeah.” Poe reached down and brought up Finn’s hand, taking hold of his ring finger.

“Poe… are you sure you wanna give—”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life.” Poe nodded. He slid the ring on Finn’s finger, patting his hand once it was in place. He met Finn’s eyes and they both grinned.

“Mr. Commander Finn Dameron,” Finn mused.

“See, doesn’t that sound cool?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Thanks for still reading this. Let me know what you think in the comments.


	48. Big Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you folks are having a good summer (or winter, if you're on the lower half of the globe). Here's a shiny new chapter; I hope you enjoy.

Poe dressed that afternoon for Gryffindor Quidditch practice, heart still fluttering at the thought of being Finn’s husband. He knew he had a goofy smile on his face and he had to sit down on his bed and bury his face in his hands to contain his excitement; after about a minute, he stood back up and opened his wardrobe. He slid a beige linen shirt roughly off the hanger, leaving the hanger to swing on the pole.

He was almost out the door when he paused.

He took a brown scarf out of the wardrobe and wrapped it around his neck.

He made his way over the sloping grounds to the Quidditch pitch, feeling strange without his broomstick in his hand. Once he got close enough, he saw a few players already in the air; he also heard a few approaching behind him. He adjusted his scarf.

“Coach!”

He turned and smiled at them. “How’s it goin’, kiddos?”

They grinned and fell in step beside him, walking slightly slower than they normally would to accommodate for his limp. He picked up his pace, trying to keep his face neutral.

“We missed you!” one of the Beaters, a sixth year girl, said.

“I’m glad to be back, Natasha,” Poe smiled.

“Where were you?” The other Beater, a third year boy named Arif, asked.

“I was at a conference in America.”

“Phoebe said your neck is all messed up, is that true?”

_Gryffindors have absolutely no social graces._ “How was Coach Bagnall? You guys learn a lot?”

The group nodded. “She was okay,” Arif said. “She wasn’t very fun, though.”

“Where’s your broomstick, Coach?” the Keeper, a seventh year boy named Kaz, asked.

“I won’t be up in the air with you guys for awhile,” Poe answered, keeping his tone light.

Kaz frowned. “What happened to you?”

Poe stopped walking. The students stumbled to a halt and stared at him. He looked back steadily. “Y’know, guys, there are some things that don’t concern you. Some things are none of your business. Okay? You need to think before you ask about personal things.”

Most of the students nodded. Arif didn’t. Poe looked at him pointedly.

“Okay, Arif?”

Arif’s eyes were wide; he was bursting with something to say, although Poe couldn’t imagine what. Finally, all the words tumbled out at once. “Is it true Professor Solo did that to you?”

Poe stared, completely taken aback. “Who the _hell_ told you that?”

“Is it true?”

“No! Of course it isn’t f…” Poe pursed his lips. The students waited. “I don’t know where you heard that, but it isn’t true. I’m not going to tell any of you what happened,” he added, sensing them preparing the question, “so stop asking or I’ll take points from Gryffindor. Got it?”

Finally, grudgingly, they all nodded.

“Um, Coach?”

Poe sighed. He started walking again, and the students followed him. “What, Natasha?”

“Is it true you and Mr. Finn are, like, dating?”

At that, Poe’s mood lifted, but he kept his expression stern. “Yes, Natasha, that’s true.”

Natasha beamed. “Um, because Ross told Becca that Frankie saw a ring on Mr. Finn’s finger.”

Kaz gave an overdramatic gasp. “Is Coach getting married?!”

A reluctant grin crept onto Poe’s face. “Coach is getting married.”

The students began wolf-whistling and cheering, and Poe winced slightly as they all clapped him on the back. Thankfully, the students didn’t notice.

***

There was a knock on her door. She quickly closed her book and hid it under her covers.

“Come in.”

The door opened slowly and Hux stepped through. Rey studied his expression; it was a mix of fear and satisfaction. She knew she was the cause of the fear, but the satisfaction was a mystery. She knew it couldn’t be good.

Hux closed the door and stood still, watching her. She stared back.

“What do you want?”

Hux’s face peeled into a tight smile. “How was your visit to Ilvermorny?”

“It was fine.”

“Just fine?” he asked. “You were so concerned about their compliance to our standards. What did you find?”

Rey shifted. “Their curriculum was flawless.”

“Headmaster Lorch tells me you took a trip to the Reeducation Unit.”

She nodded. He reached into his robes and she readied herself to defend against an attack, but he only brought out a small notebook from his breast pocket. He flipped to the right page and studied it. “It says here that you sat in on a first year class. Section 2A.” He looked up questioningly, but she said nothing. He looked back down at the page. “Overseen by Professor Endres. And Professor Endres tells me…” He flipped to the next page. “You asked to speak to one student.”

Again, Rey said nothing.

“Which student was that?” Hux asked innocently.

Rey swallowed. “You can’t hurt her.”

“Hurt who?”

Rey stood up; her book fell to the floor. Hux’s eyes flicked to it before going back to her. “If you hurt Tzipora, I’ll kill you.”

“Who said anything about hurting… Tzipora, was it?”

“You know her fucking name.”

Hux waved a hand. “I’m just glad you two reconnected. How is she? How’s the Mudblood?” His eyes narrowed. “And how is Connor?”

She stilled. “Don’t say his name.”

A sympathetic look overtook his face, but his eyes were chips of ice. “He was a sweet boy.”

Her hands were shaking. “Stop it.”

“Or what, Rey?” he asked silkily. “You’ll kill me?”

She nodded.

“I believe you. I believe you will. I don’t think you will just yet, though.”

“Give me a reason not to.”

“Well…” He flipped through his book again. “I’m just looking for your exact words… Endres was ever so inspired by your speech… Here we are— _‘I killed him. Because he was weak… And now he’s in the ground. He’s exactly where he belongs.’”_ Hux looked back up at her and smiled. “Fundamentally, Rey, you and I are the same.”

“No. We’re not.”

“Oh, yeah? How are we different?”

“I’m…” Rey shook her head. “I’m not a bigot.”

“Yes, you kill indiscriminately, how brave. How heroic,” Hux said, rolling his eyes. He peered again at Rey’s book on the floor. “The literature you’re consuming says otherwise, by the way.”

She glanced at the book. “This is just so—so I can learn about the curriculum.”

Hux looked at her pathetically.

She cleared her throat. “I… I have people I love. People who love me.”

“Yes, your gallant friend, who left you here to rot so he could save that idiot Quidditch player.”

“You know that’s not what happened, Hux.”

“Your loving cellmate, who let you conceal his identity so he could run away from his past _again.”_ Hux shook his head in awe. “It’s astonishing, Rey.”

She glared. It was quiet for a moment before she asked. _“What’s_ astonishing, Armitage?”

“It is astonishing how often you are let down by the people you love, isn’t it?”

Rey stilled. Her eyes were like venom. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do, Rey, and that’s why you haven’t killed me yet.”


	49. The Promise

Rey opened her door, glancing this way and that. She didn’t know why she was sneaking around; she had a right to be here. She wasn’t a prisoner anymore. She was an official member of the First Order. She had the brand to prove it.

Still, she was relieved when no one was in the hallway. She adjusted her robes and swept down the corridor in search of the officers’ dining hall. She’d joined a month ago, and until now, Hux had her meals delivered in the form of a guard setting down a tray, knocking on her door, and hurrying away. She knew the Stormtroopers had strict orders not to interact with her.

But it was after midnight. She was hungry. And she wasn’t a prisoner.

If she’d been hoping for helpful signs to point her in the right direction, she was sorely disappointed. The base was filled with dead ends and trick doors, obviously designed to confuse anyone who didn’t know the layout by heart. Unfortunately, Rey was one of those people. After a few minutes, she was hopelessly lost. She wasn’t even sure she could find her way back to her room.

She turned back the way she’d come and ran headlong into a Stormtrooper; she quickly stepped back. Her first instinct was to apologize, but she stopped herself. She knew apologies weren’t welcome here.

She looked into the masked face and drew herself up. “I’m looking for the officers’ dining hall.”

The Stormtrooper didn’t reply. The blank black eyes stared at her.

She waited. “Do you know where it is?”

Again, the trooper stayed silent.

She rolled her eyes. “If you’re not going to help me, go back to your patrol.”

The trooper reached up and began to take their helmet off slowly. For one brief, wonderful moment, she thought it might be Finn, returned for her.

It wasn’t. Bitterness swelled in her stomach.

It was a young woman. Dark, braided hair twisted into a low bun and intense brown eyes stared at her. Rey stared coldly back.

“Removing your helmet while on duty is forbidden.”

“Yes, I know, I… You’re Rey, aren’t you?”

Rey knit her eyebrows. “Yes.”

The trooper’s eyes widened. “So it’s true?”

“What’s true?”

“People have been talking about you ever since I transferred here. I’ve heard you have the same gifts as Kylo Ren.”

“Oh. Yes. That’s true.”

The guard covered her mouth with her hand. “A friend in my unit said…”

Rey glanced around impatiently. “Said what?”

“He said he saw you kill a guard.”

“I’ve done that a few times, you’re going to have to be more specific.”

“The guard who cursed that Quidditch player.”

Honestly, Rey had forgotten about that. She’d been so preoccupied with saving Poe that she didn’t even know which curse she’d fired at the guard. “I didn’t stop to see what happened to him, but I’m not surprised he’s dead.”

The trooper glanced around. “My friend said, whatever curse you sent at him, it was the most powerful curse he’s ever seen.”

A morbid curiosity stirred in her chest. “What happened to him?”

“He said… the guy just disintegrated. Turned to ash. There was nothing left.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. An odd satisfaction overtook her and the corner of her mouth turned up.

“Some people have been saying you’re Kylo Ren. That he’s been resurrected.”

Rey shook her head. “They’re wrong. I’m not Kylo Ren.”

“Well, even if you’re not. I believe that Kylo Ren has blessed you with his gift.”

“I don’t need a blessing,” Rey said coldly. “I don’t need to draw my power from him. I’m just fine on my own.”

The guard hesitated, then nodded.

“I’d like you to show me to the dining hall.”

***

Poe knocked on the large desert painting on the wall. He heard shuffling behind it and it swung open to reveal Ben in a loose sleep shirt and sweatpants.

At the sight of him, Ben stilled. He pursed his lips and waited for Poe to say something.

Poe tried to chuckle. “I was expecting you to slam the door in my face.”

“What do you want?”

The trace of a smile on Poe’s face vanished. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me right now.”

He waited for a reply. Ben said nothing.

Poe took a breath. “But I haven’t talked to you in a long time, and I miss you, dude.”

“You went five months without me, and you didn’t seem to mind then.”

Poe sighed. “I don’t know if you heard, but I asked Finn to marry me.”

Ben paused. “You did?”

He smiled. “Yeah.”

Ben nodded. “That’s good. I’m happy for you.”

It was quiet between them. Poe’s chest tightened. “Um, you don’t have to reply right now… And I’m not expecting you to say yes. Uh, but I wanted to ask if you would be my best man.”

Ben’s face was impassive. Poe pressed on.

“You’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend since before my balls dropped. And I know I fucked up and I… kinda fucking ruined your life. I can’t even… I don’t even have the words for how fucking sorry I am. I just want you to know—”

“Why are we friends?”

Poe faltered. “What?”

“I asked you why we’re friends.” Ben’s expression was still totally unreadable.

“Look, dude, I—I know how angry you are with me, and—and I deserve it, but please don’t—” Poe’s breath quickened. “If you’re asking whether we should be friends, I absolutely think we should be, you can hate me for the rest of your life, but I’d like to still be friends—”

“Poe.”

Poe stopped.

“Why are you friends with me?”

“Why am I… friends with you?”

Ben nodded.

“We’ve always been friends. I’ve never really…” Poe shook his head slightly. “I… always liked that you don’t take any shit from me. I’m fucking annoying.”

A hint of a smile passed over Ben’s lips.

Poe took that as a good sign. “And you’re like the complete opposite of me. You don’t care what anyone thinks. You just live your fucking life, y’know? I could never do that. I’m so obsessed with what people think of me, it’s exhausting.”

“That’s not true.”

“Dude, it is. Sometimes I’m just so fucking sick of being me.”

“No, not…” Ben sighed. “I do care.”

Poe frowned.

“Rose talked to me the other day.”

“What?”

Ben nodded. “She just snuck up on me. I usually try to avoid her.”

“What happened?”

“She said…” Ben glanced down the hallway. He motioned Poe inside his room. Poe stepped in and waited by the door as Ben sat on his bed, bare feet sliding across the cold stone. Poe pointed his wand at the door and performed the muffling charm. Ben rubbed his hands on his knees. “She said she knew what I did.”

“I told her.”

“I know.” Ben swallowed. “I had no idea what to say. I panicked. I said… how terrible I feel. Like that would make things better. What the fuck does Rose care how I feel?”

Poe waited.

“She asked me… _fuck.”_ Ben closed his eyes. “She asked me if I ever think about her. If I ever think about Paige.” Tears threatened to spill. “I told her… every day. I told her I think about every single one of them. And nothing I could ever say would be good enough, because I can’t bring them back, and that’s the only thing that matters. And she forgave me.”

Poe sat down on the bed beside Ben.

“She forgave me.” Ben stared at the opposite wall. “And I didn’t really know how much I wanted to hear that until she said it. Because I know I can’t forgive myself. I’ll never be able to, because he’ll always be there.” Ben’s hands clasped tightly on his lap. “I think the reason I was so hurt by what you did is because on some level, you were right.”

“Ben, what are you talking about?”

“I’m so terrified of being him again. It always feels like this little corner of my brain is just… waiting to wake up. And when you and my mom just… gave up on me like that, it made me realize that you were just waiting for him to wake up, too.”

“I…” Poe shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry for making you feel that way.”

“I care what you think of me, Poe.”

Poe brought him in and hugged him tightly. “I love you, buddy.”

“I… yeah.”

Poe flicked the side of Ben’s head. Ben chuckled.

“I love you too.”

Poe patted his back and let him go. Ben wore a strange expression on his face.

“I need to ask you a favor.”

Poe nodded. “Anything you want, man.”

“Rose said she was afraid you were gonna kill me. Y’know, before.”

Poe’s stomach dropped. “Um. Yes. I—I wanted to. I was going to.”

“If I ever become Kylo Ren again, I want you to promise me that you will.”

Poe stood up numbly. “What?”

“Promise me, Poe.”

Poe laughed shrilly. “Fuck you, dude! I’m not gonna kill you!”

Ben stood up as well, towering over him. “If I become him again, I won’t be worth saving. I’ll already be gone. You need to kill me. Him.”

“No, you can go back. Like before. You can go back to being Ben.”

Ben shook his head. “I just… have a feeling. I know I won’t be able to.”

“Ben…”

“I’ll be your best man if you promise to kill me.”

“What the fuck! No!” Poe began to pace.

“If Kylo Ren comes back—you heard me before, Poe, there won’t be anything left. No Resistance. No First Order.”

“But…” Poe shook his head, staring at the floor. “Ben, I can’t. I can’t do it.”

“You have to.”

Poe said nothing.

“Poe… please.” He glanced up to find a desperate look in Ben’s eyes. “Please.”

Poe plopped back down on the bed, face in hands. It was silent for a long time; he felt Ben watching him. Finally, he met his eyes.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, fellas. Let me know what ya thought of this one. Thanks for reading!


	50. Sanitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it! Leave a comment if ya want. Stay cool

His feet took him down the Grand Staircase and to the right without him registering where he was going. In the shadows was a nondescript wood plank door and he knocked on it absently, leaning against the stone wall and waiting.

Nothing happened. Poe yawned and checked his watch. His eyes widened when he saw the time; there was no way Finn was awake. He yawned and pushed gently on the door, making his way through Finn’s messy office and through another door to his living quarters, which had always made Poe jealous.

For all intents and purposes, it was a studio apartment. There was a tiny kitchen nook (mostly unused, save for a pour-over coffee brewer), a tiny private bathroom, a tiny bookcase, a tiny bed, and a magically enlarged window of Finn’s own making. When Finn had moved in and taken over from the old caretaker, Filch (Poe shuddered at the thought of him), the window had been no more than a shrunken porthole. Now, it took up an entire wall of the room, so everything inside was bathed in soft moonlight. Poe paused at the door, eyes crinkling as he stared at Finn, buried in his plush bed covers. The softest snore emanated from the mountain of comforters and extra pillows. Poe sighed and felt his heart settle in his chest, stress from the conversation he’d just had melting away despite himself.

He opened the top drawer of Finn’s dresser and searched through the small pile of his own clothes, which had accumulated here over the years. Silently, he changed into a pair of shorts and a white tee shirt and padded over to Finn’s bed, taking the very edge of the sheets and sliding in. Finn stirred slightly at the motion.

Since Finn was using nearly every square inch of the sheets, half of Poe’s body was uncovered, and he let one of his legs swing from the side of the mattress, closing his eyes contentedly. Happy to forget about the promise he’d just made, even for a moment.

Finn turned over with a grunt and his hand landed on Poe’s chest as he settled. Still asleep, he patted the new surface curiously. Poe watched it happen with a smile. Slowly, Finn’s eyes fluttered and the hand on Poe’s chest snuck down to his side and pulled him closer with ease.

Sometimes Poe forgot how strong Finn was.

Finn’s hair tickled Poe’s chin as his head rested on his chest.

“Did you ask him?” Finn whispered, still half asleep.

Poe nodded.

“What did he say?”

“I’m not sure. I guess he said yes.”

“You guess?” Finn lifted his head slightly.

Poe’s heart stuttered. “Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?” Gently, he brought Finn’s lips up to his own. After a moment, Finn broke away and peppered soft kisses in a line from the corner of Poe’s mouth to just behind his ear, then settled back on the pillow, nose brushing against Poe’s ear.

“Morning? You sure you wanna wait?” Finn whispered. His breath was warm on Poe’s neck.

Poe nodded again. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

***

All too soon, blinding sunlight was barraging Poe’s closed eyes, making the world turn from black to red. The familiar scent of brewing coffee woke him up and he saw Finn pouring the hot water in a perfect spiral over the grounds, wearing a light green sweater filled with holes and a pair of boxers.

Poe sat up and stretched cautiously, scanning for any pain in his body, as he’d grown accustomed to doing since the curse. Except for a faint pain below his ribs, there was nothing. He smiled.

Finn was watching him. “How do you feel?”

Poe gave a thumbs-up and a yawn.

Finn jiggled the coffee filter to get the last few drops out, then poured a small amount of cream in before taking the mug to Poe and sitting down next to him on the mattress.

“The color of peanut butter,” Finn said, handing the coffee to him carefully, and Poe grinned.

“You know me well, Finny.”

Finn smiled. “So, what happened with Ben?”

Poe’s smile faded and he took a prolonged sip of his coffee. Finn waited patiently.

Poe studied the mug. It was made from a thick, uneven ceramic and covered in a gloppy purple glaze. “Who made this thing?”

“Neville went to one of those Muggle do-it-yourself pottery shops. He gave it to me for Christmas.”

“He should stick to Herbology,” Poe joked, and Finn smiled and shrugged.

It was quiet again as Poe drank more coffee. “You should open up a café,” he said. “I bet you’d be good at it.”

“Thank you.” Finn waited, then raised his eyebrows. “Poe.”

“Hm?”

“What happened?”

“With what?”

Finn gave him a look. “C’mon.”

Poe sighed, lowering the mug. “I think we made up.”

“You think?”

Poe nodded. “It seemed like it.”

“Well… that’s good, right?”

Poe nodded, sipping his coffee again. “Then he asked me to kill him.”

Finn stopped. “Um. Sorry?”

“Yep.” Poe crossed his legs.

Finn stared. “You’re gonna have to give me some backstory.”

“Well,” Poe began, “y’know, there was the typical bro stuff, confiding in each other and all that, and then he made me promise to kill him if he ever goes Dark again.”

“You actually promised to… kill him?”

Poe nodded. “In so many words,” he said. “But, y’know, if you think about it, I won’t even have to, because it’s not like he’ll ever actually—y’know. So it’s not a big deal.”

“Poe, you don’t know that.”

Poe shook his head. “Ben’s my best friend.”

Finn nodded slowly. “Yeah. I know.”

“Yeah. So it’ll be fine.” Poe sipped his coffee. “But, yeah, I think he’ll be my best man, so that’s good.”

“Poe…”

“Actually, we should start planning a little engagement party; the school year is almost done, so I bet a lot of the teachers would want to get together.”

Finn’s hand rested on Poe’s lower back, rubbing gently.

“And I was thinking, y’know, it’s been awhile since we’ve been down to the Hog’s Head for some drinks. Maybe we could invite Ben; you guys were getting along pretty well until he found out that I let him rot in prison for five months.”

Finn frowned. “Poe.”

“Oh! Also, I was thinking we could invite my old teammates from the Cannons. To the engagement party, I mean. I was voted ‘Least Likely to Settle Down,’ so a lot of them owe me money.”

“Poe.”

“Do you think Leia would come? She’s pretty busy, but she does love me. We should at least send her an invite. But Ben’s probably still mad at her… I’ll have to run that by him first. He’s my best man, after all.” Poe downed the rest of his coffee.

Finn took the mug away and set it on the floor. Poe stared at it.

“That is a really ugly mug.”

Poe felt Finn’s arms snake around his midsection and hug him from behind. Finn’s chin rested on his shoulder. His thumb rubbed Poe’s belly.

“Do you think I could actually do it?” Poe asked numbly.

“I think you’ll follow your instincts,” Finn said softly. “You always do.”

“What if my instinct says to kill him? What if I kill Ben?” His breath quickened. “What if I kill Ben?”

Finn’s grip around him loosened. It was quiet for a while. “Poe, I still have nightmares about him.”

Poe stilled.

“When you got hurt, he was so worried. And I saw how much he loves you, and I know he’s a good person now. Once I realized that, I thought the nightmares would go away. But I still have them.”

“What happens in them?”

Finn shook his head. “It’s just memories.”

Poe chose his words carefully. “You never talk about them.”

“You don’t need to hear about them.”

“Finn, I’m going to be your husband. It’s my job to listen to you. If… y’know. If you want to tell me.” Poe gently broke Finn’s hold on him and turned around so they were facing each other. Finn avoided his eyes. Poe took his hand. “Maybe if you told me, it would get better.”

Finn stared at their hands.

“It was just… constant fear. I never fell for all the shit they tried to teach me. And I felt so alone. I think that’s why people join in, y’know? So they aren’t alone anymore.” Poe’s thumb rubbed Finn’s hand encouragingly. “I had to say what everyone else was saying, because if I didn’t, they would kill me. The people who spoke up got killed. Sometimes there would be entire groups of people. Brave enough to voice their opinion and lucky enough to have friends who felt the same way. I never understood how they found each other, but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, because he killed them. Sometimes they were still holding hands.”

Poe knit his eyebrows.

“And when I’d see that, I’d think… at least they’re not alone, y’know? At least they found somebody to die with. I would have died to have somebody to die with.” Finn took a breath. “And at least they’re done. They don’t have to act anymore. They don’t have to lie. I was…” Finn glanced at him and then looked away. “I was sort of jealous of them, I guess.”

Poe rested his other hand on Finn’s knee, thumb caressing the bare skin.

“And I can still… Sometimes their eyes were still open. And you’d—you’d try to close them, but it was like they were stuck that way. Like they were still watching what was happening.”

“Finn… you handled their bodies?”

Finn nodded.

“But you only worked in sanitation,” Poe said gently, and Finn closed his eyes. Poe watched him.

“That’s what it was called. Sanitation.”


	51. Allegiances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: brief description of blood

Rey settled in the coziest chair she could find, stack of books in hand. This place didn’t have the same musty scent of old books and worn leather that the Hogwarts library had, but it would have to do. The lights were too bright, but she’d always found the stuffy, dim lights at Hogwarts to be distracting.

Maybe just because she had gone so long without reading any books at all, a familiar flicker of excitement danced in her stomach. She scolded herself for the reaction.

This was just research.

It was just research.

_It’s an act._

_Don’t let it become the truth._

She grimaced and put the heavy stack of books on the floor, picking up the one on top. _Witch Hunt: The Modern Muggle’s Plan to Eradicate the Magical Race._

She was about halfway done when a shadow blocked her light.

She looked up. Hux smiled down at her, then he eyed the stack of books.

“Doing some light reading?”

She rolled her eyes, closing the book decisively. “It’s just research.”

“Mm.” Hux nodded sagely. “Research. Of course.”

“What do you want?”

“When does one need a reason to talk to a friend?” Hux said sweetly.

Rey glared. Hux shrugged.

“I’m on my way to a meeting. I’d like you there.”

Rey blinked. “What kind of meeting?”

“A few friends and I are meeting for brunch and they’ve been asking after you,” Hux droned, plucking the book from Rey’s hands and tossing it on a table. He straightened. Glowered at her. “It’s a war meeting. I figure it’s time you served a purpose.”

***

The whole room seemed to be carved out of a sleek, dark pewter, thick walls creating an oppressive quiet that pressed in on Rey’s ears. She sat at the midway point of a long, gleaming table, surrounded by First Order officers, all of whom had no qualms with openly staring at her. Hux took out his wand, conjuring a stack of papers out of thin air. Papers slid off the pile and settled themselves in front of each person; Rey stared at hers, not taking in a word, grateful that she didn’t have to look at the other people in the room anymore.

The seat at the head of the table remained conspicuously vacant.

Suddenly, everyone stood. Rey followed. They faced toward the empty seat.

Rey knew what was coming; she’d learned this at her initiation. She spoke in unison with the rest of them.

“I pledge my allegiance to the First Order. I swear to render unconditional obedience to our Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. I swear to obey the orders of General Armitage Hux, and the orders of the officers appointed over me. I swear to defend the directive of the First Order against our enemies, magical and non-magical. I will be ready at any time to stake my life for this oath.”

They sat down. The brand on Rey’s arm tingled.

An officer, the only other woman in the room, cleared her throat. “Please introduce our guest, General.”

Hux nodded. “Of course, Unamo. This is Rey. You may have witnessed her escape attempt with Organa’s son.”

“I heard about that,” piped up a middle-aged man with coarse grey hair. He looked at Rey with disgust. She looked back stonily. “They both should have been dispatched six months ago. I don’t know why we kept this one and let the president’s son go free.”

“I agree with the colonel,” said a young officer with a heavy brow and red hair. “If she had to be forced to swear her allegiance to us, her allegiance means nothing.”

Rey snorted. They all stared.

“So the eleven-year-old children who are ripped from their families, you think they’re joining willingly?” There was a cold silence. Rey sat forward in her seat. “I pledged my allegiance to this organization of my own volition. I pledged my life to this mission. I renounced my old life, and everyone in it. I have the brand on my arm, just like the rest of you.”

Rey noticed Hux watching her. There was a strange look in his eye.

“Rey is absolutely correct. Her allegiance is as valid as any of yours. And I will not tolerate any mistreatment toward her. Her membership in this organization is worth ten of anyone else’s.”

Rey settled back in her chair slightly.

The youngest officer in the room, a man with a timid face and inky dark hair, spoke up. He gazed at Rey. “Is it true you have the gift of Kylo Ren?”

Rey took a breath to answer, but Hux beat her to it. “It is true, Mitaka. Rey has been gifted. She was always meant to join us, and she knows she can reach her full potential here. She will be invaluable in our final battle.”

“Final battle?” Unamo asked.

“Indeed. I intend to win the war when we attack Hogwarts School. And Rey…” He regarded her. “Rey is how we win.”

***

The morning sunlight streamed in the oversized window, illuminating Finn’s stoic features.

Poe stared. “I didn’t know…”

Finn shook his head. “I didn’t tell you.”

The silence stretched between them. “So… what else do you remember? What else do you have nightmares about?”

“Poe, this isn’t something you have to listen to. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Finn, _you_ have to worry about it,” Poe said. “And I want to listen. I want to.”

Finn nodded. “Um.” There was another long stretch of silence. “There was one time at Ilvermorny. They didn’t know my blood status, so they just put me in the Half-Blood class. There was this kid…” Finn blinked, frowned. “I don’t remember his name. _Wow,”_ he whispered, almost to himself rather than Poe. “Uh, his family was gone. Murdered. They tried to hide him from the First Order. So he came late, he came second year. I thought maybe he was going to be like me. But he seemed… mechanic, almost. There was just nothing there. He…” Poe watched as Finn’s eyes suddenly widened. “Johnathan! His name was Johnathan. _Fuck,_ thank God.”

Poe nodded, silently encouraging.

Finn took a breath. “I thought he was going to hate them. I thought maybe we could be friends, and we could tell each other how we really felt, and I could… we wouldn’t have to be alone.” Finn stared blankly at his bed sheets. “But he fit in so well. With them. And I was…” Finn looked at Poe timidly. “I was _so tired_ of being alone, Poe. I just wanted… I just wanted _somebody.”_

“It’s okay, Finn,” Poe murmured.

“I sat next to him in every class. I tried to act like him—say the same kinda stuff he was saying. About Muggle-borns and blood traitors and all that shit.… He would even talk about his own family that way. How they deserved what they got. It fucking _astonished_ me. How could you treat your family that way after they sacrificed their fucking lives for you?”

Poe said nothing, but Finn didn’t seem to notice. He just kept going.

“But he was the closest thing I had to a friend. And obviously I would never risk saying what I was really thinking, especially to this—this robot. He’d turn me in. I would be dead.” Finn nodded to himself. “I’d be dead.” He looked deep in thought. Poe waited patiently for him to continue the story. Finally, Finn sighed. “And then, third year, on Halloween… we were in History of Magic. Learning about the Salem Witch Trials. I felt like someone was watching me, so I turned… and Johnathan was staring at me with this… weird expression. He usually looked so cold. And I always thought he looked older than he was. But he was looking at me, and he looked like a kid. Not just—not just a thirteen-year-old kid. His eyes were all wide and scared and he looked… so _small._ And in my head, I’m like, ‘He’s like me, he’s like me. He’s just a good actor. I’m gonna tell him the truth tonight, and we can actually be friends.’”

Finn swallowed. An empty expression overtook his features. He sounded numb. “And then all of a sudden he stands up, he stops class, and he yells, ‘I’m done. I’m done. You killed my family. You fucking killed them.’ And the teacher just stares at him for a second. And Johnathan says, ‘I’m not doing this anymore. You can—’” Finn stopped abruptly.

Poe stared. “What else did he say?” he prompted.

Finn shook his head slowly. His face was still a blank slate. “The teacher killed him.”

Poe’s mouth fell open. “What?” he said quietly.

“The teacher killed him. Mid-sentence. He just fell to the floor like a rag doll. And then his forehead hit his chair on the way down and the cut was bleeding, but he was—he was dead. So it was just this slow, dark blood going across his face and into his hair.”

Poe cleared his throat. “What did… what happened after that?”

Finn frowned. “I don’t really remember. I remember wanting to scream, but I didn’t. I just stared at him. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything.”

“Finn, I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“I was about to tell him. We could have been real friends, y’know? He could have lived. But I was too scared.”

Poe shook his head. “You were trying to survive. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Sometimes I wonder if he did it on purpose. If he knew what the teacher would do. Like, maybe he wanted to tell me too, but he thought I was one of them because of all the shit I said, just like I thought he was. And he’d lost his entire family.… I bet he thought he would be alone forever.” Finn’s thumb fiddled with the engagement ring on his finger.

Poe watched him. “How did you… What kept you from doing what he did?”

Finn shrugged. “I don’t know. It wasn’t through some stupid bravery or perseverance. Like, I wanna say I never gave up hope, and I never gave up on love, and all that shit. But the truth is, I just put up with it until I couldn’t anymore. I was pretty certain I would never find love or friendship or anything, but I couldn’t stay there. And if I died trying to escape… y’know, whatever. I just had to do it.”

“What made you want to escape? What was the breaking point?”

There was a beat. “I got promoted.”

Poe blinked. “For what?”

“Outstanding leadership and exemplary adherence to First Order values.”

“First Order values?” Poe repeated slowly.

Finn grimaced. “I always thought I was an awful actor. But I guess I’m not. I guess I was pretty convincing.” When Poe didn’t say anything, he kept going. “I worked in sanitation. Disposing of the… the bodies. And I worked fast, because obviously I wanted to spend as little time with them as possible. And an officer came up to me one day and said… she’d noticed my hard work and great attitude.” Finn shuddered. “She said she was going to submit me for a promotion to firing squad leader.”

“Firing squad? Like… like the actual—like a _firing_ squad?” Poe remembered his brief time masquerading as a Stormtrooper, frantically thinking of ways he could get out of murdering an innocent prisoner.

Finn nodded. “I’d be working directly under Kylo Ren. Coordinating executions. She was like, ‘You won’t have to worry about getting rid of those carcasses anymore, you’ll be making them!’”

“Carcasses,” Poe repeated under his breath. The word choice made him nauseous.

“Yep. And I said, ‘Thank you, ma’am! I’m honored!’” Finn looked disgusted with himself. “I was such a fucking coward. I was a coward until the very last fucking day I was there.”

“Finn,” Poe tried to argue, but Finn pressed on.

“Anyway, I started building my escape routes right after that. I just couldn’t believe I was so good at it. At being like them. And it made me think of Johnathan again, how he was probably convinced that I was just as evil as the rest of them. Because—because if you do everything they do, and you say everything they say, then how are you any different from them? How are you any fucking better than them? How can you say you’re not evil if everything you do is evil?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still enjoying this story, because I'm really having a blast writing it. Let me know what you think! I'm glad you're still reading.


	52. Taking Risks

Poe limped through the open doors of the Entrance Hall, wiping mud off his face and feeling the grit in his hair with a grimace. He tucked his broomstick under his arm and bent over, shaking off like a wet dog.

“Poe!”

He straightened hastily. Ben was coming toward him, an exasperated look on his face.

“I’m gonna clean it up!” Poe defended, taking out his wand, but Ben’s eyes were on his broomstick.

“What are you doing with that?”

Poe flushed. “I was at Hufflepuff practice.”

“You were flying?” Ben’s voice was low. Threatening.

Poe pointed his wand at the dirt pile on the floor and swept it out the doors. He turned to his friend. “My physical therapist sent me an owl this morning. I’m okay to fly.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You are the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

“I’ve been doing the exercises!” Poe insisted. “I’m doing everything right. I can afford to fly _once.”_

“Yeah?” Ben pressed. “Why are you covered in mud?”

Poe faltered. “I—I fell. But that’s not—” He huffed. “That’s got nothing to do with my stupid injuries. I’m just out of practice. I lost control of the broom.”

Ben’s eyes fell to Poe’s midsection. “You’re bleeding.”

“What?” Poe looked down. He rolled his eyes at the sight of a small, round, red stain on his Quidditch robes, growing steadily larger. “It’s nothing. I’ll go to Madam Pomfrey.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Poe started walking. “Dude, I’m fine. Just go wherever you were going before. I don’t need a babysitter.”

Ben fell in step beside him. “I was going to see you, actually.”

Poe glanced at him. “Oh.”

“Yep.”

“What do you need?” Poe’s tone was apprehensive; Ben noticed.

“Relax. I just wanted to ask if you could switch night patrol shifts with me.”

“You’re switching _again?”_

“This is the first time I’ve asked you! I’ve cycled through everyone else I’m on speaking terms with. Can you do it?”

Poe gripped the banister of the Grand Staircase and began to take the steps slowly, a stab of pain ringing from the wound in his abdomen. “I don’t—” He paused on a step, taking a deep breath before continuing up the staircase. “I don’t get why you can’t just work the shift you have. Snap’s a good dude.”

“It would just be weird. He might ask about her.”

Poe glanced at him. Ben’s face was impassive. “He probably doesn’t even know who she is, bud.”

“But he’ll make small talk. Ask about the Transfiguration teacher before him. He knows I came back and…y’know. She didn’t.”

Poe stopped on a step again, taking a deep, halting breath to manage the pain. He pressed down on the wound with his fingers, testing, and hissed.

Ben took his arm and draped it over his shoulders, holding him up. “C’mon. Next one.”

Poe and Ben took the steps one at a time. At the top of the staircase, they ran into Arif, the Gryffindor Beater. His eyes were wide as he took in Poe’s appearance.

“Are you okay, Coach?”

“Fine, Arif,” Poe breathed, then nodded to Ben. Ben let his arm down gently.

Arif stared at Ben coldly. “Hi, Professor Solo.”

Ben nodded curtly. “Nazari.”

Slowly, Arif descended the staircase, sparing a few glances back at them. They carried on their way toward the Hospital Wing.

“He’s been acting weird,” Ben muttered. “He just stares at me all the time. Ever since I got back.”

“He thinks you tried to kill me,” Poe said, and Ben stared at him.

“Pardon?”

Poe nodded. “He asked if you did this to me,” he explained, gesturing to all of himself.

Ben was quiet for a moment. “Actually, all of the students have been weird around me. Like they’re scared of me.”

“They’ve always been scared of you.”

Ben gave him a look. Poe smiled briefly, then focused on the corridor ahead of them.

“I dunno, man, you were gone for five months. The rumors are probably flying. Especially with Rey still gone.”

Ben sagged slightly. Poe glanced over, immediate regret pooling in his stomach. “I’m… sorry, Ben. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s fine.” It was quiet between them for a few minutes as they drew closer to the Hospital Wing. Finally, Ben cleared his throat.

“So, can you switch shifts?”

***

“Do you need to sit right next to me?” Rey muttered, taking a bite of her salad.

“I just want to be easily accessible for whenever you decide to kill me,” Hux replied, straightening his butter knife.

Rey rolled her eyes. “How thoughtful of you.”

“I’m a thoughtful man,” Hux agreed.

“You can be thoughtful a few tables down, no?” Rey said through a mouthful of lettuce.

“You were sitting all alone. You looked like an outcast.”

“I like being alone.”

Hux snorted. “Sure, Rey.” He began to cut his sandwich into tiny, precise, bitesize pieces. “Even if you were telling the truth, you’re an officer of the First Order now. Being alone would not be advantageous for you.”

Rey paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hux shrugged. “Sitting apart from the group makes it seem like you don’t belong. Don’t,” Hux added as Rey took a breath to argue. “You gave an entire monologue the other day about how much you belong here. So just don’t.” Hux carefully stabbed a piece of sandwich with his fork and began to chew it slowly. “Giving the impression that you don’t belong will make people wonder _why_ you don’t belong. Perhaps you’re hiding something. Perhaps you’re a spy. Perhaps you don’t truly believe in our mission. Do you see where I’m going?”

Rey didn’t reply.

A pair of footsteps approached and the young, timid officer from the other day stood across from them. He saluted his general.

“At ease,” Hux droned.

“Permission to sit here, sir.”

Hux peered at him, a sudden dark glee in his eyes. “Sit, Mitaka.”

Rey watched Hux carefully.

“Rey and I were just talking about our philosophies, Lieutenant,” Hux said, glancing at Rey with a smile.

“Sounds interesting, sir,” Mitaka said politely.

“Oh, it is. In fact, Rey was about to tell me about her thoughts on—how did you phrase it, Rey? The single biggest threat to the modern wizard?”

Rey stared. Hux’s eyes were cold and smug. They flicked in Mitaka’s direction. Rey glanced at the lieutenant.

She cleared her throat. “Our biggest threat is obviously the non-magical race. They’re solely responsible for the decay of our planet. If we’re not careful, they’re going to be the death of us.”

“I completely agree,” Mitaka bubbled. “What do you think is the best course of action?”

Hux turned to her, enraptured.

She took a bite of her salad, chewing slowly. “The only solution is to destroy. We’ve tried to share our knowledge on countless occasions, but the Muggles have showed us time and again that they can’t be taught.”

“That’s a tall order, Rey, how should we go about it?” Hux grinned.

“Well, I don’t think we’ve been very effective thus far,” Rey noted, and Hux cocked his head. “We’ve been too aggressive.”

“How do you mean?” Mitaka asked, eyebrows knit.

“We’ve been killing them in droves, but there are too many of them. We haven’t even made a dent. I think we’ve underestimated their ability to kill each other.”

Hux stared.

“Wizards are obviously the superior race, but Muggles have already developed a way to destroy themselves completely. About eighty years ago, actually. I’m surprised we haven’t taken advantage of it yet.”

Rey took another bite of her food.

“But what about the Rebels? How do we get around them?” Mitaka asked.

Hux was still silent.

“Well, first of all, I think we need to stop thinking of them as an obstacle to get around. We know where they are, we know who they are. We just need to get rid of them.”

Hux stirred. “What did you say, Rey?”

She looked at him. “We need to get rid of them.”

He glanced at Mitaka before returning to her. “So if you met a Rebel today, what would you do to it?”

Her eyes flicked toward Mitaka. “I’d kill it,” she said. “No question.”

Hux’s face split into a grin. “I’m so glad you feel that way, Rey, because I have a job for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I absolutely adore every comment, so let me know what you thought!


	53. Mourning

She blinked. “What do you mean?”

Hux stood up. “We found two Rebel spies just this morning. It seems they’ve built up a tolerance for veritaserum, because no amount of the potion seems to loosen their tongues. They’ll need to be put down this afternoon.” He checked his watch. “They’re scheduled for execution in fifteen minutes, actually.”

Rey stared. “Fifteen minutes?”

“Yes, and we mustn’t be late. The liquidation of Rebel spies has become somewhat of an event, actually.” He winked knowingly at Mitaka. “People like to watch.”

Her heart was beating too slowly. Her breath sounded too loud. Distantly, she noticed Mitaka stand up, leaving his lunch mostly uneaten on the table. He folded his hands behind his back and waited for an order.

She met Hux’s eyes. They were filled with cruel glee as he watched her. “We should get going, Rey.”

She didn’t move.

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

Mitaka looked at her. She shook her head numbly.

“Good, then let’s go,” Hux chirped.

Rey stood up.

Her mouth was dry. Her stomach had disappeared. She followed Hux out of the dining hall and through the sleek corridors. 

_Oh my god._

_Oh my god._

_What the fuck was I even saying?_

_Oh my god._

She blinked away tears. Why was she crying? Who was she mourning?

Hux fell in step beside her, leaving Mitaka in the lead. He muttered the muffling spell under his breath, pointing his wand at the lieutenant, before looking at her.

“Rey, how do you think Solo would feel if he could see you right now?” he whispered.

Her heart sank. She didn’t reply.

“Killing Rebel spies. Advocating for a nuclear holocaust over lunch. And the other day,” he added lowly, glancing ahead at Mitaka, “at the war meeting. What you proposed…” he chuckled. “I know I was impressed. Do you think Solo would be?” He watched her carefully. “Then again, does the opinion of the man who left you here really matter?”

“Stop it,” she murmured. “Stop it.”

“And your friend… what was his name? Finn?”

She nodded slowly.

“He tried so hard to get you out of here. And look at you now. He escaped all those years ago… only to befriend one of us.”

“I’m not…” Rey’s throat closed up. Hux eyed her.

He let the silence hover over them. After a couple of minutes, Mitaka came to a stop in front of a heavy metal door. Behind it, Rey could hear the murmur of a sizable crowd. Mitaka turned his wand in a circular motion and the door ground open.

The murmur rose as they walked in. Rey glanced around, trying to take in everything at once: cold concrete walls, high ceilings, grey tile floors. A crowd of Stormtroopers yelling abuse, clamoring over each other to get a good view of the Rebels.

The Rebels.

They were a man and a woman. They were holding hands.

Rey couldn’t look away.

Next to her, Hux raised his hands. The noise died down.

“First, let us thank the Great Kylo Ren, forever our Supreme Leader, for allowing us to capture this Rebel scum today.” He closed his eyes dramatically.

The crowd bowed their heads for a moment. Rey still stared at the spies. They looked back at her, eyes wide. Pleading.

Her gaze fell to the floor. Her mind raced. 

Hux resumed his speech. “Today is a special day! Rey has spoken to me at length about serving justice to those who deserve it,” he said, giving her an easy smile. “And today, she finally gets to do just that. To these… _parasites,”_ he spat, looking at the spies with contempt. “No longer will they stand in the way of our mission. Our Supreme Leader’s mission.”

The crowd began to cheer. One particularly enthusiastic Stormtrooper removed her helmet and threw it at the spies. It hit the man in the face and a sickening _crack_ echoed off the high ceilings. He fell to his knees.

The woman followed him. She rubbed his back. A steady stream of blood fell from his nose to the floor.

Rey watched them silently. She wanted to scream.

She didn’t.

Hux grinned and took out his wand, pointing it at the spies. They began to writhe on the tiles; their shrieks flooded Rey’s ears. The crowd cheered louder.

Hux laughed.

Rey stared.

Suddenly, randomly, she remembered her date with Ben. At the Muggle-themed cafe. The date that had never happened, and now, never would. The noise of the crowd, the noise of the torture, faded away and all she could see was him.

She could see him as he walked out of their cell for the last time, defeated, ready to die.

Her mind drifted to the last time she’d walked out of that cell. Next to Finn. So excited to see him again.

She remembered Finn’s face after she’d killed the guards in the cell block.

The fear. The fear of her.

She remembered Ben’s dread when he found out. She could see his face. Hear his voice.

_It’s an act._

_Remember it’s an act._

_Don’t let it become the truth._

She could see them walking into the sunlight, leaving her here.

Had they already given up on her?

Was she even acting anymore?

Had she ever been acting?

The noise of the crowd slowly returned. She blinked. The spies were lying on the ground, breathing heavily.

Hux was speaking again. “Rey has proven her loyalty to me, and, by extension, to Kylo Ren. Every day, I’ve been impressed with her enthusiasm. Her obedience. Her ability to follow orders,” he said loudly. “With her help, we will win this war by the summer!”

The crowd went wild. More helmets were thrown at the prisoners. Hux tucked his wand in his pocket and looked at Rey. He stepped close. “Kill them,” he whispered. “That’s an order.”

She looked at them.

A man and a woman.

Slowly, they got to their feet. Their fingers intertwined.

She raised her hand. She felt like she was watching herself from far away.

The crowd cheered.

When she was done, she stared at them.

They stared back. As though they were still watching what was happening.

They were still holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this one. Thank you for reading.


	54. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been at this story for about six months (which is crazy to think about) and I've loved writing it. Thank you for sticking around this far in. Let me know what you think of this chapter! I read and appreciate every single comment.
> 
> I was also thinking about doing a little prequel series about Finn and Poe once this is done. Let me know whatcha think about that as well!

Final exams were underway, and the castle was chaos. Admittedly, this was the case every year, but with the imminent threat of the First Order on the horizon, and the added Resistance guards posted throughout the grounds, there was a tension in the air that Poe had never felt here before.

Ben was frantic.

Well, frantic wasn’t the right word. He was quiet, focused, short-tempered. To anyone else, he seemed normal. Outwardly, he complained of test writing and rowdy students. But Poe, who had been a self-proclaimed expert on him since they were eleven years old, saw what was really going on.

He was terrified.

News had spread among the Resistance that two spies had disappeared. They’d stopped corresponding with their commanding officer, and they were feared dead.

Poe was holding out hope that they were alive; after all, Ben had officially been dead for almost half a decade, and here he was. But somehow, Ben and Finn were both sure they had been killed.

Poe asked who might have killed them. They didn’t answer.

None of them had brought it up since that night.

He knew it wasn’t high on the priority list, but Poe was thankful to have Quidditch. Game attendance had never been higher; the stress of exams coupled with the constant fear of death made everyone want to watch a silly sport with broomsticks, and Poe was all too happy to provide them the escape.

In an end to the season which most people were satisfied with, even the losing teams, Hufflepuff won the Cup.

Every morning at breakfast, Poe watched as a letter from Leia, carried by a sleek barn owl, dropped in front of Ben. And every morning he watched as Ben ripped off a small piece of toast, fed the owl, watched it fly away, and left the letters unopened.

Finally, one morning, on the final day of exams, the owl wouldn’t leave. It seemed to be having a silent standoff with Ben, eating the pieces of toast he offered but refusing to fly away.

“I think he wants you to open it,” Poe said carefully, eyeing his friend.

“Too fucking bad,” Ben replied calmly. He offered the owl another bit of toast. The owl took it, maintaining eye contact with Ben the whole time. Ben huffed. “I’m not gonna read her bullshit, Han.”

Poe knit his eyebrows. “The owl’s name is Han?”

Ben shrugged. “It actually does what she says, so she named it after my dad as a joke.”

“Maybe you can… pretend to read it?”

“I know what it’s gonna say. I know she’s sorry. I’m not done being mad at her yet.”

“The owl can’t tell you’re not reading it, though.”

Ben sighed. He ripped open the envelope, taking a piece of the letter itself with it. He unfolded the paper and stared at it, glancing up at the owl.

Ben cleared his throat. “This is good stuff. Thanks, Han. Wow, great letter.”

The owl didn’t leave.

Poe stared at it. “Maybe he wants you to reply?”

Ben groaned. He reached into his bag, took out a piece of paper and scribbled a few words onto it, then tied it to Han’s leg. The owl finally took off.

“What did you write?”

“I told her to get a new owl.”

Finn, who’d been listening to this whole exchange, leaned forward on Poe’s other side to see Ben.

“Staying mad at somebody doesn’t accomplish anything, Ben.”

Ben glared at him. “Thank you, Finn, you’re very wise.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “He’s a delight, Poe, I can’t wait to have him in our wedding.”

***

Later that day, there was a soft knock on his door.

“Yup,” he called, picking his pants up off the ground and starting to pull them on as the door swung open. Finn stopped in the threshold and cocked his head, staring.

“What if I’d been someone else?”

“I knew it was you,” Poe explained absently, zipping up and grabbing a shirt from his wardrobe.

“How?” Finn asked, closing the door and sitting on his bed.

“I dunno. The way you knock.”

Finn chuckled. “The way I _knock?”_

Poe grinned. “It’s like you’re afraid to wake me up. You always knock so politely. Even in the middle of the afternoon.” He plopped down on the bed next to Finn and began to tie up his boots. He felt Finn’s eyes on him.

“You sleep a lot,” Finn replied, ruffling Poe’s hair as he bent down.

“I _nap_ a lot. It’s different.”

Finn laughed. His hand lingered in Poe’s hair, then drifted down to lightly trace the back of his neck. A smattering of goosebumps arose there. “Well, you’re not napping right now.”

“Gotta get ready,” Poe said, double knotting his laces. “Biggest party of the year tonight.”

“There’s a party tonight?” Finn asked with a grin.

Poe rolled his eyes as he sat up. “Ha ha.”

Finn was closer than before. His hand was still resting behind Poe’s head. There was a gentle look on his face that made Poe blush.

“The party’s not for an hour,” Finn murmured. His fingers tangled in Poe’s hair.

Poe’s heart gave an extra _thump._ “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well… we’re the hosts,” Poe said as Finn brought him closer. “We should help set up.”

“They don’t need us,” Finn said softly. Poe could feel his breath on his lips. “I’ve set up every staff party for the past nine years.”

“You’re very good at it,” Poe whispered, and Finn’s mouth twitched.

“Thank you.”

***

Poe rolled out of bed, still slightly out of breath. He ran a hand through his hair. “Where’re my… ah, my boxers?”

Finn stretched out and shrugged. “I think I tossed them over there somewhere,” he breathed, gesturing vaguely to Poe’s desk. Poe bent over to pick them up. When he began to straighten, Finn stopped him. “Hold up, no, stay like that for a second,” Finn said smoothly.

Poe laughed as he began to search for his shirt. “Stop objectifying me,” he quipped.

Finn sat up and grinned. “I promise, as long as we both shall live, I’ll never stop objectifying you.”

“How romantic,” Poe droned as he found his shirt and carried the clothes into his tiny bathroom. He laid them on the toilet seat and started the shower.

After a few minutes, Finn joined him under the warm water. Poe looked at him pointedly.

Finn raised his hands innocently. “No funny business, Commander. Just trying to get clean.”

Poe swallowed and handed him the soap. “I think I like it when you call me that.”

“Noted,” Finn said as he began to lather up.

Poe smiled as he watched him. After a moment, Finn noticed. “We’re going to be late for our own party, Commander.”

His face split into a grin. “Uh huh. Whose fault is that?”

“Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘It takes two to tango?’”

Poe laughed as he stepped out of the shower. “Sounds familiar.”

There was a single, pronounced knock on the door to Poe’s bedroom.

“Don’t—”

“Yavin.”

Ben burst through the door. Poe hastily wrapped a towel around his waist.

“Christ, man!”

Ben spun around and faced the other way. “You’re late to your engagement party.”

Poe huffed. “You could have waited for me to answer the door!”

“I thought you might be sleeping.”

Poe tried to slam the bathroom door, but the quarters were so cramped that it wasn’t as dramatic as he wanted it to be. He quickly dried off and dressed, then handed the towel to Finn as he got out of the shower.

He exited the bathroom. Ben turned around, hand covering his eyes.

“Is it safe?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Yes, Benjamin.”

Ben lowered his hand. He peered behind Poe. “Finn in there?”

Poe sighed. “Yes, Benjamin.”

“Isn’t that bad luck? To see each other beforehand?”

“That’s before the _wedding,_ not the engagement party.”

“Ah.” Ben nodded. He glanced around. Bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Are they all set up?”

“Yeah, almost. Flitwick is working on the lights.”

“Got your speech?”

Ben laughed, then looked at Poe. His smile vanished. “I’m supposed to make a speech?”

“Jesus, dude, have you ever seen a movie? Like, one movie? Ever?”

“I thought those speeches were only at the wedding!”

Poe shook his head exasperatedly. He spotted his pants draped over the lamp in the corner and pulled them on.

Ben eyed the lamp. “I’m glad you were doing something productive while I was planning your engagement party.”

“Planning is a strong word.”

Ben scoffed. “Okay, _Coach,_ sorry I’ve been busy making up for the five months of fucked-up education that Underwood guy gave my students.”

Poe raised his hands defensively. “I didn’t say nothin’.”

Finn came out of the bathroom wearing a pair of Poe’s sweatpants and a tee shirt. He nodded casually to Ben before flopping on the bed.

Ben stared at them both. “You are _late,”_ he articulated, “to your _own engagement party.”_

Finn shrugged. “I’m almost ready!”

Poe smiled between them. “Dude, go write your speech, we’ll be ready in a couple minutes. Okay?”

Ben sighed. He left the room muttering.

***

When they walked into the teacher’s lounge together, there was a warm welcome. Platters of succulent food drifted around the room on their own, and Ben’s record player crackled out a tune from the corner. Little flames glowed brightly in jars floating above their heads, casting a warm light over the place. Professor Binns snoozed in his armchair by the fireplace. Out the window, Poe could see the orange blaze of sunset. 

A slipshod, plain banner hung along one wall that read, POE & FINN ENGAGED/ END OF EXAMS CELEBRATION.

As Poe looked at it, Ben stepped beside him. “That was my handiwork,” he bragged, and Poe laughed. Ben looked at him. “What? It says exactly what it’s supposed to say.”

Poe’s laughter resided slightly. “Yep. Good job, buddy,” he hiccuped.

Ben cracked a smile. “There’s butterbeer in that keg, firewhisky in that barrel, gin and rum and wine and all that shit.” He thought for a moment. “Oh, and water from the tap.”

“Best best man a guy could ask for.”

Ben stiffened as Snap Wexley, Rey’s replacement, came over to greet them. Ben hurried over to the barrel of firewhisky, pouring a small amount into a glass and downing it instantly. Wexley stared after him dejectedly.

McGonagall drew herself up and tapped on her wineglass. The conversation died down.

“I know we’re all excited about the end of term, and Dameron and Finn’s engagement. However,” she said, “I’ll remind you that we are still to act as though we are in our place of work. The students have not gone home yet. Be professional.”

The staff all nodded. Ben poured himself another drink. McGonagall relaxed from speech mode and conversation resumed.

After awhile, when everyone had had a few drinks (Ben had had several) and was chatting freely, Poe tapped his glass lightly. Heads turned in his direction.

“Thanks for coming, everybody—I know the end of term party is pretty routine, but thanks for letting me and Finn hijack it and turn it into our engagement party.” A few people smiled. “I’m sorry my old teammates from the Cannons couldn’t make it; most of them owe me money, and most of them are dirt cheap, so I don’t expect to see them around this castle ever again.” There was a chuckle among the staff. Poe took a breath. “Uh, I’ve been in love with Finn for a very long time.” Finn blushed and took a sip of his drink, the corners of his mouth turning up. Poe’s eyes twinkled. “Um… y’know, I think of myself as a pretty brave person, but when it came to telling Finn what he meant to me… it’s embarrassing how long that took. And I think the reason it took so long, was because I knew pretty early on that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I knew he mattered. More than anything else. And I didn’t wanna do it wrong. So I wanna thank Finn for being patient and, um, not giving up on me. Even when he probably should’ve.” Poe smiled and raised his glass. The rest of the staff followed his lead. “And I also wanna thank Madam Pomfrey—uh, who provided me the drugs which gave me the courage to finally tell Finn how I felt. And also, that Bludger that knocked me outa the sky. Without it, I would never have gotten the drugs.” He raised his glass again. The staff chuckled and did the same. Poe smiled and sat down next to Finn as the murmur of conversation resumed, pulling him close and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Finn’s smile didn’t seem quite right.

“Buddy, what’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I just wish Rey were here.”

Poe nodded slowly. “I do too. Her speech would have been way better than mine.”

Finn smiled slightly. He looked at Poe. “What do you think she’s doing?”

Poe sighed. “I have no idea, Finn. No idea,” he said truthfully. “I’m sorry.”

“I keep waiting for her to escape. I keep expecting her to come back.”

“I’m sure she has a good reason for staying. Whatever she’s doing, I bet she’s trying to bring them down.”

“Yeah,” Finn agreed, although he didn’t sound too reassured. He was quiet for a moment. “I’m gonna get another drink.”

Poe nodded, watching him walk away.

“Three guesses as to which gift is from me,” Neville said, sitting in the seat next to Poe.

Poe glanced at the modest pile of gifts on a table in the corner. One of them was a small cactus that appeared to be breathing. Poe chuckled.

“It produces a great sunblock,” Neville explained. “And you only need to water it once every eleven years.”

“That’s great,” Poe smiled. “Thanks, Longbottom.”

“You and Finn are coming back next year, right?”

He knit his eyebrows. “Of course, why?”

“Well, I heard about Ben,” Neville explained, and Poe frowned.

“What about him?”

Neville’s eyes widened. “Well, I heard—I heard he wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t what?”

Neville looked at him carefully. “Coming back next year.”

“Ben?” he asked. _“Solo?”_ he clarified.

Neville nodded. “I’m sorry, I—I just assumed he would have told you.”

“Yeah. Me too,” Poe said, staring at Ben from across the room, who now had three fingers of firewhisky in his glass and seemed deep in conversation with Professor Flitwick. Neville offered a hasty excuse about needing something to eat and ducked away.

Finn returned with a quaint gin and tonic in his hand, sipping it delicately. His gaze followed Poe’s. He raised his eyebrows at Ben’s drink. “He’s not fucking around.”

Poe shook his head absently. “Did you know he’s quitting?”

Finn looked at him. “Are you serious?”

He nodded.

Finn turned back to Ben. “Can he even do that? I thought he had to stay with you.”

Poe shrugged. “Maybe Leia changed her mind?”

“Maybe he expects you to come with him.”

He looked at Finn for a moment. Before he could say anything, Ben tapped his glass roughly to get everyone’s attention. Poe’s eyes widened. The glass was already empty.

The room quieted. Everyone’s eyes were on Ben. He looked back at them for a few moments. “Uh, I just found out about an hour ago that I have to give a s…speech.” He swallowed. “I’m Poe’s best man.” A few people clapped. Ben nodded. Poe could tell he was speaking slowly so he wouldn’t slur his words. “I’ve been Poe’s best friend for a long time. There was a time when I, uh, wasn’t myself. And Poe was really the only person who helped me. He’s just, uh… a good friend. We’ve been through a lot together.” He looked out over the staff’s faces. “Finn’s lucky to have him. And he’s lucky to have Finn. So, um…” Ben raised his empty glass. “That’s my speech.”

There was a polite smattering of applause as Ben sat next to Poe. Poe looked at him.

“Good speech,” Finn said.

“Thank you.”

“It may have been a bit impersonal,” Poe amended.

Ben shook his head. “Saving the good stories for the wedding.”

Poe smiled swiftly. “Can’t wait.” He hesitated a couple seconds. “You’re quitting?”

Ben frowned. “I was hoping to tell you myself.”

Poe took a breath to say something, but Snap Wexley was approaching them again. He sat down on Finn’s other side, smiling at Ben. Ben sat straighter in his chair, lips a thin line.

“Hey, man,” Snap started. “Nice speech.”

Ben nodded stiffly.

“I’m, uh, sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner,” he said. “You probably think I’m a dick.”

Ben hesitated. He shook his head.

Snap smiled. “Truth is, I was a little scared when you came back and Lockwood left. I thought I was next,” he chuckled. “Where were you again?”

“Took some time off. For my health.”

Wexley nodded. “You and the Transfiguration teacher before me, you were a thing, right?”

Poe wasn’t sure, but it seemed like Ben stopped breathing.

“I heard she was pretty hot—how’d ya mess that up?”

“I’m going to get a drink,” Ben said lowly, making to stand up and swaying slightly.

“Well, I gotta say, man, I’m glad you came back and not her—otherwise I’d be out of a job,” Wexley laughed. Poe glanced between him and Ben.

Ben stood motionless.

Poe stood up quickly, clapping Ben on the back. He smiled broadly at Snap and waved for Finn to follow them away. “Let’s get you outa here, buddy.”

They opened the door to the hallway and faltered.

One of the Resistance fighters on patrol was about to knock on the door. She stared at them, fist aloft, eyes wide.

Poe knit his eyebrows. “What is it, Brady?”

Slowly, her hand lowered to her side. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as though she’d sprinted here.

Poe raised his voice. “What’s wrong, Brady?”

“Sir, it’s… the First Order.”

Poe’s stomach dropped.

“The First Order is here.”


	55. Perspective

Finn’s ears rang. His muscles tightened.

He watched the Resistance fighter for a moment, expecting—praying—for her to say she was kidding.

She was not.

Beside him, Poe took a step back. Then he stumbled into a sprint to look out the window of the staff lounge. Finn followed him numbly. Behind them, Ben was frozen in the doorway. The party had ground to a halt.

It was dark out now, but there were distant, vague shapes on the horizon. Finn’s breaths came shorter.

The fear that had lived under his skin for nine years was awake again.

_They’ll find me. They’ll kill me._

Poe turned around. Finn kept staring out the window. Distantly, he heard Poe start to give orders.

“How many?”

“I don’t know, sir.”

“Assume it’s all of them. Send word to Organa for backup. Now.”

Slowly, Finn turned around. All eyes were on Poe. He clumsily reached for Poe’s hand. Poe absently squeezed his fingers and his thumb traced along the back of Finn’s hand, but he looked as focused as ever.

“Find every single student. Heads of Houses, go to your common rooms. Everyone else, search the castle for anyone out of bed. Bring them all to the Slytherin Common Room.” Poe looked at Ben, still in the doorway. “Ben, go to the place we agreed on. Don’t come out for anything.”

Ben nodded ever so slightly and stumbled into the corridor.

“Finn, make sure he gets there safely,” Poe muttered.

Finn blinked. He slowly let go of Poe’s hand and went after Ben. Poe’s voice got quieter as he made it further down the hall.

“Everyone meet in the Entrance Hall when you’re finished. Wexley, you and Longbottom stay with the kids…”

For how loud Finn’s heart was beating, the corridor was eerily quiet.

Ben shuffled along, close to the wall, hand trailing along the stone. Finn watched him silently.

Ben looked back at him with a strange expression. “Do you think she’s here?”

Finn’s heart skipped. “I don’t know. I kind of hope she isn’t.”

Ben nodded. “I can’t feel her.”

Finn frowned. He didn’t know what that meant.

Ben’s foot caught on the edge of a jutted out brick and he landed roughly on his hands and knees. “Fuck,” he breathed, staring at the floor. “Fuck. I’m… I shouldn’t have…”

Finn helped him up, then slung his arm over his shoulders. “It’s fine, Ben. You’re fine.”

They turned down a darkened hallway.

“She killed those spies,” Ben mumbled. “It was her.”

“I know.”

It was quiet for a few minutes. Ben leaned on him heavily. Finn’s breath became labored as they went up a staircase.

“‘M’ sorry,” Ben said quietly.

Finn looked up at him. “For what?”

“I fucked… I fucked you up.”

“Ben, what are you talking about?” Finn’s voice was low.

“I’m glad you got out.”

Finn led them down another dark corridor. He didn’t know what to say.

“How did you do it, Finn?”

Finn sighed. “Do what.”

“You never… they never got you. You’re really brave.”

Finn almost laughed. “No. I’m not.”

Ben nodded. “You are. When I went in, I never thought I would be able to… y’know. But I did it. Because I felt like I had to. And then I did it even when I didn’t have to. And Rey,” he said softly. “They got her. But they never got you.”

Finn looked at him for a long time. “I-I…” he stuttered. “It’s not like I ever said no. I never stood up for anyone in my fucking life.”

“You stood up for all of them when you escaped.”

Finn wiped his nose with his sleeve. “We’re here.” They stopped in front of the gargoyle. “Fig Newton.”

The statue moved aside and the staircase took them up to the ornate doors to McGonagall’s office. Finn pushed them open and they both paused when they saw who was inside.

Ben stared. “Mom?”

***

“Benjamin, are you drunk?”

Ben’s face turned to stone. He took his arm from around Finn’s shoulders. “What the hell are you doing here.”

Organa blinked. “I came as soon as I heard.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

Finn shifted from one foot to the other. Organa seemed to notice him for the first time. “Finn, how are you?”

Finn glanced between them. “Fine, ma’am.”

“That’s good. And Poe?”

“He’s good.”

“Minerva tells me you’re engaged. Congratulations.”

Finn cracked a smile. “Thank you, ma’am.”

Ben held up his hands. “Mother. Why are you here.”

“I am not going to leave my only son here alone while there is a battle raging outside,” Organa snapped. “I’m not leaving, Ben. I’m not leaving you.”

Ben swallowed. He sat in one of the spindly chairs at McGonagall’s desk and took off his jacket roughly, leaving a wrinkled, plain, white tee shirt underneath. He looked oddly young.

Finn took a few slow steps back. “I’m going to… meet back with Poe. Will you two be… okay?”

A distant explosion pressed on their ears. Finn’s heart began to pound.

Organa nodded. “We’ll be okay, Finn. Thank you.”

***

Rose led the group of Ravenclaw students she’d found in the Restricted Section of the library through the halls. They followed her silently, not daring to say a word.

As she turned down corridor after corridor, the only thing she could think about was Paige. Paige always knew exactly what to do. Exactly what to say.

Paige was a really good hugger.

_I could use a hug right now, Paige._

Her hand drifted absently to her necklace and she rubbed her thumb along it gently.

“Ms. Tico?”

She blinked. “Yeah?”

“Are we gonna be okay?”

She looked back at them seriously. “Listen to me. I’m not going to let them get to you. Do you understand me?”

They nodded, wide-eyed.

“I have been running from them my entire life,” she said. “I am done running. I’ve had enough.” She started walking again.

In the distance, she heard dozens of footsteps.

She stopped, holding out her arm to warn the students. She took out her wand and peeked around the corner, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw who it was.

“Rose,” Neville called in a whisper. “You find anyone?” Behind him was the entire Gryffindor House.

She nodded, leading her Ravenclaws into the corridor and merging their groups.

“Professor, where are we going again?” a tall Gryffindor asked.

Neville rolled his eyes. “I’m not telling you again, Doyle. Someone else talk to him.”

A few students quietly told Barry Doyle where they were going.

_“Slytherin?”_ he said, too loudly.

The students all shushed him.

“You pick tonight of all nights to be obnoxious again, Banana?” A seventh year girl hissed.

The nickname served to shut him up.

In the distance, they heard a resounding _BOOM._ It seemed to shake the castle to its foundations.

“They’re trying to get in,” Rose murmured. “Everyone, we need to hurry. Come on,” she said. The group picked up their pace. “We’re almost there. We’ll be okay.”

Another explosion sounded from far away.

Next to Rose, Neville adjusted his collar. “This is just like before.”

She didn’t want to think about that.

“Sir, seventh years should be allowed to fight,” a tall seventh year boy said loudly. “We’re adults. We’re done with school.” The rest of the seventh years made noises of agreement.

To Rose’s horror, Neville seemed to consider it.

“You’re not going to fight,” Rose replied firmly. “You’re too young. You don’t have enough experience.”

Neville frowned.

“You can’t tell us what to do anymore!”

Neville spoke quietly. “Rose, I fought in the last war when I was seventeen. So did Harry. So did everyone else.”

“I am not going to recruit these kids into an army,” Rose seethed.

Neville scoffed. “You’re not recruiting them. They’re volunteering. They should be able to fight if they want.”

Behind them, the seventh years nodded.

“We want to fight!” one of them yelled.

“Sixth years too!”

“None of you is going to fight!” Rose yelled. “You don’t know what you’re saying!”

They met Flitwick and the rest of the Ravenclaw students. The kids she’d found in the library broke off from the Gryffindors and ran to hug their friends.

_I could really use a hug right now, Paige._

They began to descend into the dungeons. In front of them, the Hufflepuff kids were filing into the Slytherin Common Room. She narrowed her eyes as she spotted a group of seventh years, many of whom towered over her, walk the opposite way through the crowd to join the troops.

“NO!” she bellowed.

Everyone stopped.

Neville swiveled around. He looked at Rose exasperatedly. “I was an adult! _They’re_ adults! If they want to fight, let them!”

At the top of the stairs, Finn came into view.

“I was _eleven!_ Is that old enough, Neville? Was I an adult?!” Rose’s breath came hard and fast.

Neville faltered.

Finn was next to her in an instant. “What’s going on?”

Neville turned to him. “The seventh years want to fight. I think we should let them.”

Finn stared. “Absolutely not.”

Neville ran a hand through his hair. “You’re both being ridiculous! They’re seventeen! They’re of legal age.”

“When I was seventeen, I was scraping Kylo Ren’s victims off the floor,” Finn replied venomously. Neville’s eyes widened. The remaining students in the corridor murmured. “These kids are not going to go through that.”

“But they’re not joining the First Order,” Neville argued. “They’re fighting them!”

“They’re exactly what the First Order wants!” Rose shot back. “If they’re not murdered, they’ll be taken and _recruited,_ Neville.” Rose took a deep breath. “You shouldn’t be guarding them,” she said firmly. “You’re going to get them killed.”

Neville took a step back, incredulous.

“Go and fight, Neville. You’re old enough.”

***

Finally, when all the students were safely in the Slytherin dungeon, Wexley and Rose inside with them, Finn returned to the packed Entrance Hall. Hundreds of Resistance troops, along with the rest of the staff, were watching Poe speak.

“Even with all of you here, we’re outnumbered. The enchantments are going to hold them back for awhile, but not forever. Our best strategy is to fight from the shadows. Attack, then run. Set up traps on their way across the grounds so we can even the playing field a little.” Poe looked out over all of them seriously. Everyone there hung on his every word. “These people do not fight. They do not show mercy. They kill. Every single one of you is a hero just for being here tonight. Look out for each other. Don’t be stupid. Got it?”

Everyone nodded. Finn couldn’t help the swell of pride in his chest as he watched Poe speak.

Another explosion sounded, closer this time. It made Finn’s hair stand up.

“They broke one of the barriers,” he murmured.

Poe cleared his throat. “Operators, connect your wands. I want Three Five with me. We’re laying traps. Everyone else, focus on reinforcing the barriers.”

Finn watched as everyone sprang into action, fear waking up again inside him.

Suddenly, Poe’s hand was on his shoulder. “You coming, Private?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really excited to post this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you thought!


	56. It’s A Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, tragic news: my computer died. Like, _died_ died. I’ve said kaddish for it and everything. May its memory bring only blessings.
> 
> As a result, I lost all my thoughts and musings on this story so I’ve had to rebuild all the stuff I was thinking. It’s taken me awhile to get everything in order and I am publishing this from my phone. It has been a rough coupla weeks.
> 
> Since I’m using my phone, I apologize for any typos I may have missed. I am writing this story in my Notes app right now. Like the CAVEMEN used to do.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one! We’re gettin into the thick of it.
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Finn’s feet took him over the uneven ground, surrounded by a flank of silent Resistance soldiers. They kept low, about two hundred of them, moving west toward the mountains—toward the enemy. In between explosions, the night was still and quiet, as if the air itself were waiting to see what would happen.

“Second Squad, head south for the lake. First Squad, north. Whomping Willow,” Poe commanded, pointing in the respective directions. The troops separated. It may have just been the moonlight, but Finn thought Poe’s face looked a little pale. He moved slightly slower than the rest and his breath seemed a little labored.

Finn slowed down, falling in step beside him.

“Finn, you should stay in formation,” Poe told him, but Finn ignored the command.

“Are you okay?”

Poe nodded. His hand drifted to his side and pressed down slightly, as though he were holding something in place. “Fine. Go back to your spot. Don’t worry about me.”

Finn drew closer. “Poe, maybe you should head back inside. Communicate from there.”

“Go back to your spot, Finn.” The look in Poe’s eyes said, _That’s an order._ Finn looked at him for a moment, searching, but Poe wore a hard expression. Finn sighed and jogged ahead to where he was supposed to be.

Out here, the fallout from the explosions took the air out of Finn’s lungs. Each one was punctuated by bright lights from the other side of the barrier, growing more vivid with each attack.

Poe gave the signal and they drew closer to the decaying barrier, beginning to dig great pits in the ground and fill them with traps: enchanted water that pulled its victims into its depths, dancing flames, devil’s snare, venomous tentacula.

Finn was right next to the barrier now; his nerves felt like open flames. He pointed his wand at the ground and a huge chunk of earth came out; he began working on a new trap.

The next explosion made him dizzy. It made his ears ring. He blinked slowly, swaying on his feet, and through what looked like a thin, cloudy film, the last enchantment protecting the grounds, Finn could see real First Order troops. The spells sailed over their heads and bombarded the barrier protecting him.

Finn frowned. The troops on the front line weren’t attacking. It seemed that they were just standing there. They weren’t even wearing helmets. He squinted and his eyes met a soldier’s.

He stilled.

He stared. 

His eyes went wide.

“They’re kids,” he murmured, taking a step back. He turned to the rest of the battalion. “They’re—they’re just kids! Stop the traps!” They were staring at him now. He began to run, zigzagging to avoid the pits, and almost knocked Poe over with his momentum.

“Finn—Jesus, what’s wrong, buddy?”

Finn grabbed his shoulders. “Poe, the front line—they’re kids. I don’t even think they’re armed,” he panted, and Poe tilted to look behind him. “They’re just kids, Poe. They’re Muggle-borns.”

Poe knit his eyebrows. “How do you know?”

“I just saw Marnie Green.”

***

Rey sat in the officers’ tent, perched in the mountains behind the First Order troops. Her eyes were closed; her breathing was steady. Her feet were planted on the ground. She could feel the explosions through the soles of her boots. One particular blast made her eyes spring open; her fingertips prickled as they rested on her lap.

She looked out at the troops below sending curse after curse at the thinning protections around the school. As if through a fog, she could see Resistance troops on the other side, although she couldn’t see what exactly they were doing.

Hux stepped beside her, following her line of sight.

“Do you think they’ve seen them yet?” He asked with a smirk.

Rey said nothing.

Hux narrowed his eyes. “The enchantments are almost broken. It’s time for you to go.”

***

Poe’s eyes widened. “You’re sure?”

Finn nodded.

Poe looked at the ground, deep in thought. Silent.

Finn blinked. “Poe, we need to stop. We need to save them.”

Poe rubbed the scars on his neck absently. “It’s a trap, Finn.”

“Wh-what?”

“It’s a trap. They want us to let our guard down. They want us to try and save them.”

Finn balked. “Poe... _who the fuck cares?_ We need to save those kids!”

“I know,” Poe agreed, meeting his eyes and taking his shoulders firmly. “I know, Finn. But we need to be smart. We can’t just drop everything. We need a plan.”

***

Rey’s feet whispered over the terrain as if she were floating, descending the mountain quickly and silently. Her hood hung low over her face, keeping her in perpetual shadow from the moonlight. The fog around the school was growing clearer, but she frowned at the sight; she didn’t see Resistance troops on the other side anymore. Where had they gone?

She was closer to the Stormtroopers now, looking out over a sea of white helmets. She skirted around the back of her army, keeping her head low. If any troopers saw her, they didn’t show it. They knew better than to say hello.

Rey kept walking, further and further away from the Stormtroopers, approaching a section of the barrier unpopulated on either side. Out of curiosity, she reached out for the barrier, the thin film swirling in a layer around the school. The tendrils of fog greeted her fingers and she hissed as her skin began to burn. She withdrew her hand and stared at the angry red blisters; her other hand drifted to the scar on her cheek.

She looked up at the barrier, an arching dome encasing the grounds of the school; on the other side of it, in the distance, was the Whomping Willow.

Movement caught her eye. On the ground, in a wide berth around the tree, were several dozen Rebels. Crouching low. Lying in wait for something.

They faced south, toward the First Order army.

Rey watched them intensely.

Had they seen the Muggle-borns? Had they seen Marnie? What were they doing so far away?

Rey looked at the enchantment again; she was wasting time. She needed to move.

She held up her hand and closed her eyes, concentrating. She took a deep breath. Her fingers began to tingle and she readied to destroy the last enchantment protecting Hogwarts.

She didn’t need to.

It fell on its own.


	57. The Coat Hanger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Let me know whatcha think, as always. I love reading comments so much!
> 
> It means a lot to me that you're still reading. Thank you!

Leia sat with her eyes closed, listening to the distant explosions outside, which had been growing louder for what felt like hours now. The familiar whirring of the odd instruments in Minerva’s office whispered in the background. Not a word had been spoken since Finn left. She could feel Ben glaring at her, his frustration at the silence building.

She never could tell who Ben got his temper from. She figured it was both of them; the explosiveness of Han mixed with her own cold calculation. That might have been why he’d made such a formidable Dark wizard. Because of them. Because of her.

Finally, Ben spoke.

“Mom, why are you sitting on the floor?” His voice was as cold as ever.

She opened her eyes. “I thought sitting next to you would make you uncomfortable. And sitting in Minerva’s chair would give the impression that I’m here to give you orders. So here I am,” she said calmly.

Her tone seemed to make him angrier. “I thought you would be able to tell from Han that I didn’t want to see you.”

“I could tell.”

“But you’re here,” he pressed. “You just showed up thinking I needed you. I don’t. You never fucking—” He sighed. Took a breath. “You never listen.”

Another explosion rocked the atmosphere.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered. “You should be with Kaydel. You should be doing your job.”

“Kaydel’s with the rest of the soldiers. And I’m not leaving you alone, Ben,” she replied gently.

The look he gave her was sharp, shrewd. “Why not?”

Leia sighed. “Don’t do that.”

“No, Mom, tell me why you’re really here.” He said it casually, but there was an undercurrent of something else there. “You don’t want me to be alone because you still don’t trust me.”

“Of course I trust you, Ben,” she sighed.

The anger slowly faded from his face, replaced gradually with exhaustion. “I don’t even trust myself, Mom,” he said quietly.

She held his gaze. It was quiet for awhile. “I lost you for five years, Ben. And when I got you back, I sent you here.” She closed her eyes. Opened them again. “I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I thought you would be happy here. Or, at least, safe.” She pursed her lips. “And before I knew it, another five years were gone. I had you back in my life, and I ruined it. I’ve missed so much.”

He stared at his hands clasped in his lap. “When I got back, all I wanted was to see you. Did you know that?” He glanced up and a reluctant, short-lived smile graced his features for a moment. “I just wanted to be your son again. And seeing you was the first time... I felt like I might be okay. And then I told you I didn’t want to fight anymore, and it felt like… the next day, I was here. I think you’ve been fighting this war for so long, you don’t know what to do with someone who can’t.” 

She suddenly felt very old. Very tired. “I think you’re right.”

Another distant explosion. Neither of them even flinched.

“Ben, I’m proud to be your mother. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.”

He fell silent for a while, a stunned expression on his face. “No, you’ve never told me that,” he murmured eventually. It was quiet again for a long time. Ben straightened slightly in his chair. “Where’s Dad?” he asked in a casual tone.

“Your father is on base in New York.”

A crease appeared between his eyebrows. “I haven’t seen him since I got back.”

“He’s been… busy,” she tried. Ben met her eyes and she sighed. “You know how he is, Ben. He’s not good with this sort of thing.”

“What, the ‘being a dad’ sort of thing?”

“He loves you,” she said. Ben scoffed. “He does,” she insisted.

“Loving your kid doesn’t make you a good parent.”

“I know,” Leia conceded. “I think your dad loves more than just about anyone, he just... doesn’t know how.”

Ben rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Wish he would learn.”

Leia observed him quietly. “How do you feel?” she asked.

“What?” He knit his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Um, normal. Mostly. I think it’s worn off.”

“Do you need some water?”

He cracked a smile. “I’m fine, Mom.”

Another explosion, closer this time.

“I was thinking about quitting,” he murmured.

She frowned. “Quitting what? Hogwarts?”

He nodded. “I dunno. It doesn’t really feel like home anymore.”

“What does?” she asked gently.

Just then, an explosion unlike the others took the air out of the room. They both scrambled to their feet and ran to the window.

“They got in,” Leia breathed. “It’s starting.”

Beside her, Ben was silent. Motionless.

She looked at him. “Ben? Are you okay?”

He scanned the darkened grounds. “She’s here.”

***

“What the bloody hell was that!”

Dust fell from the ceiling and a few students yelped. Rose was still stationed by the door, fingers wrapped tightly around her wand, and the student closest to her subconsciously took hold of her jacket sleeve.

“It’s okay, everyone, we’re safe down here,” Snap announced loudly. He bounced on the balls of his feet, hands placed tensely on his hips.

The room was packed; students were standing shoulder to shoulder, glaring pointedly at the few who had been lucky enough to claim the sofas and armchairs. The students sitting down were looking anywhere but at their peers, pretending not to see them and failing miserably.

“Ms. Tico, we’ve been standing forever. It’s not fair that they get to sit down,” a sixth year Ravenclaw whined.

“We got here first!” a Hufflepuff on the arm of a sofa argued.

“We should be able to sit, since it’s _our_ common room,” a Slytherin interjected. The rest of the Slytherins murmured in agreement.

Rose glanced at Snap and he met her eyes sardonically.

“Folks, this isn’t high on my list of worries,” Rose answered. “But it has been a while. If the students sitting down want to give someone else a turn, I encourage it.”

Arguments broke out all over the room and Rose closed her eyes with a sigh. She peered at the ceiling and wondered what was happening up there. What Finn and Poe were up to. Whether they were safe.

A few of the sitting students stood up reluctantly and gave their spots to the more demanding standers. Snap was saying something about the importance of compromise and teamwork.

Rose noticed that she was biting her fingernails and tucked her hand into her pocket. Then her toe started to tap rapidly on the ground. She sighed, loosening her shoulders and rolling her neck.

“Ms. Tico, they’re probably starting to fight,” a Hufflepuff seventh year ventured. “Are you sure we can’t—”

He fell silent at the look on her face. “I’m not going to tell you again. No student is leaving this room.”

Several more seventh years began to argue with her yet again, but everyone fell silent at the sound of a knock on the door.

“Black adder,” came the voice of whoever was on the other side. Rose frowned.

The door opened, and Rose looked down at the intruder. Her eyes widened.

“Tzipora?”

The girl didn’t waste time; she helped another girl through the passage into the common room. Rose stepped back to give them space. Behind her, the students were nearly climbing on top of one another to get a look at the two girls. Rose focused on the shorter girl; stringy blonde hair hung loose around her shoulders. Her skin was stretched too tightly over her face. But Rose recognized her as Marnie Green.

“Are you two okay?” Rose rushed, kneeling down to look Marnie in the eyes. Marnie made no indication that she’d heard her, avoiding her gaze and staying silent.

“We’re fine,” Tzipora answered after some hesitation. “She needs to rest. There are more coming,” she added to the room at large. “You need to make room.”

The rest of the students began to shuffle backwards, packing themselves even tighter into the space.

“Where’s Connor?” a first year Hufflepuff boy called from the back of the room. “Is he with you?”

Marnie stared into the distance. Tzipora took on a hard expression that didn’t meet her eyes. “Connor is dead.”

Murmurs of surprise, yells of anger, cries of shock. A flash of something— guilt, anger, sadness— passed briefly over Tzipora’s face. Rose’s hand drifted to her own mouth.

The room fell into a stunned silence.

“How… How did you two know where we were?” Rose asked quietly, attempting to brush Marnie’s hair out of her face. Marnie flinched and took a step back.

“Don’t touch her,” Tzipora warned. Her own grip on Marnie’s shoulders remained firm. Rose apologized profusely but Tzipora didn’t seem interested. “We didn’t know. I snuck over with the Muggle-borns so me and Marnie could escape and we ran into Professor Longbottom on the grounds. He brought us here.”

Rose glanced behind them, noticing Neville for the first time. He hung back, reluctant to enter the room. He met Rose’s eyes and jerked his head. Then he looked at Snap and repeated the motion.

“Everybody stay quiet, stay calm,” Rose said; as she made her way out of the common room, she noticed the students on the sofas giving up their seats for the new arrivals. It made her smile, however briefly.

The door swung shut and Rose and Snap waited for Neville to speak; she could hear dozens of people approaching in the distance— soldiers yelling to one another, children crying and screaming.

“They had the Muggle-borns on the front lines,” Neville said quietly.

_“What?”_ Rose hissed. Snap looked shocked. Neville nodded grimly.

“We had to change the plan. Half our fighting power is out right now, saving the kids. Bringing them here. The rest are keeping the Stormtroopers occupied.” Neville’s face was impassive. “There aren’t enough of us to keep them busy for long. Some of the… some of the soldiers are already down.”

“Who?” Rose pressed. “Who’s down?”

Resistance soldiers started to stream down the stairs, Muggle-borns either nestled in their arms or walking alongside them, holding their hands.

Neville shrugged helplessly. “I need to get back. But you lot need to get ready. Those kids need help. They’re… they’re fucked up. You saw Marnie,” he said in a hushed tone. “Good luck,” he finished softly, then turned and ran back down the hallway, against the current of Rebels and children. Rose scanned the crowd and her heart sank; she didn’t see Finn or Poe anywhere.

Snap opened the entrance and ducked in; Rose heard him telling the students to make room. She began to direct traffic; the children who were walking seemed responsive to her orders, but the children in the arms of the soldiers were more like Marnie, catatonic.

“I want the oldest students closest to the door,” Rose yelled to the Hogwarts students, a Muggle-born clinging to her neck. “Anyone who can carry a kid.”

A burly Slytherin fifth year hustled up to her and took the boy out of her arms gently, bringing him back into the common room. Snap returned with another and this time, a sixth year Ravenclaw girl took the child.

This went on for a long time. Rose lost count of how many there were.

Finally, she spotted Finn. He had two kids in his arms and two on his back, a pained expression on his face. She and Snap rushed up and took the two in his arms, easing the pain a little. He jogged after them, the two on his back bouncing with each step. When all four children were in the common room, Finn gave Rose and Snap a tired wave and sprinted back to join the battle again, not pausing to chat. Rose called after him, wishing him luck, before returning to work.

After a few more minutes, Poe appeared, two kids in his arms. Rose frowned at the look on his face.

“Poe, you okay?” she tried, taking one of the kids from his arms and watching him carefully. His eyes were lidded. He looked pale. His skin was slick with sweat.

“Fine,” he breathed. There was a whistle in his lungs. “I’m fine. Just take the kids. I gotta go.” He passed the other child in his arms to a waiting Snap. His hand immediately went to his side, pressing down firmly.

“You look awful. You should take a break,” she pressed, reaching up to feel his forehead.

He leaned away from her touch. Without a word, he turned and made his way back down the corridor and up the stairs.

Rose stared after him, a knot forming in her stomach.

***

Ben stood stiffly, still staring out the window. Leia rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Rey? Ben, Rey’s here?”

He nodded numbly. “I have to…” his gaze jumped around the room. “I have to find her. I…”

“Ben, you made the decision not to leave this room.”

“This is my only chance. She’s— she’s— she’s slipping. I can find her. I can find her.”

“Ben, honey, slow down,” Leia soothed. “What do you mean, she’s slipping?”

“She—” He glanced at her. “I don’t know,” he amended. “But she’s here. And she’s— she’s not— she can still— I can find her,” he stumbled. Sudden tears wet his cheeks and he made no effort to wipe them away. Leia’s eyes widened.

“Ben… you’re in no condition to—”

“Leia!”

Leia stopped. She frowned. She turned slowly. “Han?”

Her ex-husband stood across the room, gripping an old coat hanger.

“They’re attacking the bases,” he panted. “They’re attacking everything.”


End file.
